Written for the ATLA Big Bang 2020!! Hosted by @atla-bigbang
Summary: "Every star in the sky is another sun somewhere out there, farther away than we could ever imagine.“
When Zuko is banished from the Fire Nation, he leaves with a ship, an impossible task, and a newfound fear of his own element. As he’s offered the chance to learn navigation by the stars and the myths that weave constellations into the sky, he has a chance too, to learn how to appreciate fire once more and how to look at the world in a different light.
Warnings: panic attacks, anxiety attacks, off-screen character death, grief, healing wounds
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Three weeks out from the Western Air Temple, twenty one days of sailing away from the islands that Zuko had always called home, he woke in a cold sweat. This wasn’t a rare occurrence these days. These nights when he’d jolt awake in his hard metal ship’s cabin, face aching, feeling like he was tearing apart at the seams from dreams of Father’s hands, of Azula’s pleased laughter as she had watched Father read the proclamation of his banishment.
Zuko had gotten used to turning toward the wall and curling into himself, where he would tremble either until he dropped back into a fitful, exhausted sleep, or the rising sun would beat him to it. Tonight something extra roiled in his stomach; maybe the fish they had eaten for dinner wasn’t agreeing with him. He levered himself out of bed and stumbled toward the door. A turn of the crank, and he was out into the dark hallway. There were no windows here to cast light on his unsteady steps, and so he continued until he hit the wall, slumped into it, and turned right.
Why don’t you make a light for yourself, firebender? The voice in his head sounded a lot like Father, and was just as demanding, just as disappointed. His stomach gave another unsteady lurch, and he had to stop for a moment and hunch over in the corridor as he fought for control over his breath. Finally, Zuko moved forward again, shuffling along with his shoulder to the wall until he came to the doorway out onto deck.
The door swinging forward was a visceral relief, as the cool night air hit his face. Zuko slipped out and let it shut quietly behind him. He didn’t even spare a thought for if any of the crew might be watching as he dashed to lean over the railing near the prow. Here the wind chilled the sweat that had collected at the edges of his bandage, and his stomach finally settled as he breathed in the scent of salt air slowly.
He felt better out here in the cool and the dark, where no one could look at him, or if they did, where he couldn’t see the looks on their faces. The stars trailed thick and bright down to the horizon to meet the water, broken here and there by the dark shape of a cloud. This was better. Looking at the stars didn’t hurt.