burn my shadow

adelaide tolkein 23 years old crownsville bartender/aspiring writer

[ledger-heath]

CLOSER (2004) dir. Mike Nichols

[atolkein]

“I don’t like being compared to a fucking Barbie doll.”

“Take it as a fucking compliment.” Adelaide could feel her body looking for a fight. That’s how she knew the alcohol hadn’t bode well with her tonight. She went to walk past the other, bashing into her shoulder as she headed back towards the bar.

[atolkein]

“If I’m being brutally honest, I come here too often. I normally just chill in the back and make fun of the sloppy drunk idiots. At least I can say I hold my booze well,” they replied with a roll of their eyes. They nodded at the mention of working there. “Yeah, I remember seeing you. Would it be rude if I say that you’re much nicer to look at than the male bartenders?” When Adelaide pointed out the lighter was hers, Kris flushed. “Fuck, force of habit. I mean. Good, it’s mine now,” they chuckled and dropped the handshake. “Although, I can give you my number and we can make visiting arrangements to see the lighter,” they joked.

“I guess that’s why I haven’t seen you. I never venture to the back. I like to be the main event.” Adelaide clicked her tongue and leaned back against the brick wall. “To be honest though, and don’t tell anyone I told you this, I often end up drinking on the job so each shift is a bit of a blur.” She rose an eyebrow at their next words. “Not at all rude. I’d actually agree with you. I would much prefer to look at myself than the sleazes that work in there. There hasn’t been a single one that hasn’t not tried to get into my pants.” Addie pulled a face of disgust and shook her head. “Don’t get me wrong I like the D every once in a while but I have standards.” She took another drag and looked at the sky; it looked exactly the same as it did when she was standing out along five minutes ago. “It’s cool. I have a collection of them. You’re lucky it’s not one of my good ones.” She turned her head to look back at them, a small smirk on her face. “I think I’m good with never seeing the lighter again but I wouldn’t be opposed to you giving me your number.”

[atolkein]

“Funny thing is Emily and I hung out with him in Primary. I can place him, but I don’t remember his name. Ems is my twin and even when it was easy to tell us apart, guys still got us confused. They still get us confused even though we’re older and in two different countries.” She laughed a bit. “How was your jog?” She asked noticing the other’s attire.

“I feel that.” Adelaide gave a small shrug. “I remember everyone’s faces but always forget their names. Doesn’t matter if it was years ago in school or yesterday. Shit, I can’t even remember my high school best friends name now.” This was true. Adelaide had never been very good with names. “That’s fucked. Maybe he has some weird twin fantasy going on with you two and just likes to pretend that he thinks your the other.” Addie looked down at her outfit. “Shit.” She tugged at her top that stuck too close to her stomach for her liking. “I don’t usually jog. I hate running or jogging or any type of movement to be honest.”

[atolkein]

Making himself comfortable again he smiled  “ I guess it’s our bodies way of telling us we need to eat something to soak up all the alcohol we have been drinking” He replied honestly as he he looks at her

“Wow,” Adelaide breathed a small chuckle. “That is SUCH a man answer. Always gotta feel like you’re educating us women or some shit.” She shook her head a little. “Why does every question have to be answered so seriously and honestly with you guys?”

[atolkein]

“Like. pun wise? I’m gonna need some more context.”

“Obviously pun wise. Unless you wanna be a basic boring bitch?”

[lanndelrey-deactivated20160719]

[atolkein]

“No problem. But thanks, I’ll definitely take you up on that. I definitely shouldn’t smoke as I do but,” Kris shrugged their shoulders and gave a small laugh. Taking the lighter, they ran their thumb over and pressed down. Their tan face illuminated in the blaze as they lit the end of their cigarette and inhaled deeply. They pocketed their lighter and slowly exhaled the smoke. “Adelaide,” they repeated. Sticking out a hand for a shake, they continued, “Encantada de conocerte.“

Adelaide held the cigarette to her lips, taking a long drag and giving the other a quick eyeing up. “You come here often?” That sounded like some bad pick-up line, so she continued with little pause. “I work here too but I don’t recall ever seeing your face. And I definetely would have remembered.” She rose her eyebrows as they pocketed her lighter. “Don’t worry, I have a vast collection of lighters at home. Was gonna let you keep that one anyway.” She took her hand with her free one and held it with a firm grip.

[gaywomen]

Kristen Stewart for Vanity Fair (2019)

[atolkein]

“Oh come on, you have got to be kidding me.” He groaned, repeatedly turning the key over in his car, desperately hoping the engine would start. It was late at night and he was finally done work, looking forward to a warm shower, glass of whiskey, and a swift bedtime. He had worked for ten hours and couldn’t even take a break because of a continuous stream of clients. “Shit.” Nate grunted, the car still not starting. Thankfully he had jumper cables in the backseat.

Grabbing them and hopping out onto the sidewalk, he noticed a car across the parking lot with the lights on. He was thankful someone else was around and could come to his rescue. “Hey!” He yelled out, jogging across the parking lot and catching up to the car before it could drive away. “I’m sorry to bother you,” He began, showing the cables. “My battery is dead… Do you think you could give me a boost?”

Adelaide had the evening off from her usual bartending duties and had decided to go for a random drive around town. It was actually one of her favourite things to do in her down time. Driving allowed her to ‘collect her thoughts’ or whatever that shit is called where you just basically think and reflect on a buch of stuff. Growing up she had never been very good with it, but once she had learned to drive and got behind the wheel, it was as if that part of her was suddenly switched on.

She had stopped in a resonably abandoned car park for a smoke break (she didn’t believe in smoke driving), and had her arm dangling out of the car window, letting the ash fall to the ground, when a guy jogged over to her. Peering out at him, she put the cigarette to her mouth, taking a drag before she gave him a response. “Do I look as if I’m in the zone to give someone a ‘boost?’

[atolkein]

Amelie sat down on a bench in the park. She had just attended her first pta meeting which went exactly how she expected. Taking a bite of her apple, the Brit didn’t even flinch when she felt someone sit near her on the bench. “Emily, I finally found you. I followed you all the way from Liverpool to be with you.” A man said standing in front of her. “I’m sorry, I don’t know you nor do I wish to know you. You followed me here for no reason.” She said and ignored the man’s presence until he went away. “Before you say I was rude to him. He couldn’t figure out I’m not Emily. If a guy can’t tell us apart, he never liked us to begin with.”

Adelaide had been on a light jog in the park when she decided to stop for a breather. She wasn’t usually the ‘exercising’ type, unless sex counted as exercise but that was debatable to some people. But she was trying out something new; mostly because she had definitely been eating too many pizzas and drinking too much beer recently. She decided to stop at the next bench she approached and low and behold, the next bench already had someone occupying it. That didn’t bother her though. There was enough room on the other end to keep that personal distance between the strangers. Pulling out her earphones, she leaned forwards and watched as the world went by for a few moments before a man approached the girl on the other side of the bench. Without making it obvious that she was evesdropping, she listened in and then after he went she turned her head with a raised eyebrow. “I was’t going to say any such thing. I probably would have been rude to him even if I did know him and I was Emily.”

[atolkein]

“Uhm, no I am not.” Lexi said, narrowing her eyes. “I’ve got a pretty short temper, so you better stop pushing my fucking buttons.”

Adelaide couldn’t help but scoff. “Honestly, I don’t know why you’re getting so worked up. I’m simply trying to make a new friend. I even gave you a nickname! I don’t just give anyone nicknames.”

[atolkein]

“Don’t get me wrong, I love a good pun. But some of these aren’t even punny.” Parker points out, reaching for another bottle of nail polish. “Like, at least make it interesting.”

"Okay, well, what would you call an orange nail polish then? Or a green one?” Adelaide rose a single eyebrow as she asked the question.

[atolkein]

Cooper laughed and nodded “ Okay cheesy pizza, fries and a shake, coming right up!” He replied as he walked off to place the order, walking back a few minutes later he handed her the shake. “ The food will be with us soon!”

Adelaide could feel her mouth watering at his words. She was suddenly ravenous. She watched as Cooper went up to order and then returned with the shakes. A smile spread wide accross her face as she took it from him. “Thanks!” She took a sip and it was heaven. “Why does everything taste so much better when drunk?”

[atolkein]

“Cool.” God, Kris never knew how to act in these kinds of situations. They cracked a small smile at the thumbs up. “Me? Yeah, I’m fine. Gonna take a lot more than a stranger bumping into me to take me down. Oh, uh, sure.” Opening up the pack, they took one out for themselves and one out for the brunette. “I’m Kris. They/them pronouns,” they introduced as they held out the cigarette.

“Thanks.” Adelaide took the cigarette from the other. “I’ve got some in my back pocket actually, so I’ll owe you later,” she gave them a wink before pulling out her lighter from her jacket pocket and lighting the cigarette, holding out the lighter to the other. “Kris. They/them.” She repeated with a nod. “Adelaide. She/her.”

[atolkein]

“Uhm, no thank you.” Lexi said, shaking her head. “I appreciate the offer, though. I think I’m going to go home and take a bubble bath and cuddle with my dog.”

“Ohhhhh, okay, I get it.” Adelaide gave the other an understanding smile. “You’re playing out the role of Barbie because that is so what Barbie would say, and do.” She couldn’t help herself, she wanted to see how far she could push the poor girl.

[atolkein]

He knew she meant well, that much was obvious.  She was having a good time, and she figured everyone else should be where she was at.  And honestly, he wanted to join her.  Emerson was starting to run out of reasons not to join her, not to get ‘fuuuuuuuucked’ as she called it.  He smiled thinly at her, holding the door open for her.  When she seemed more interested in talking to him, he let go and started to walk away, shaking his head.  He couldn’t do it.  He couldn’t go in there, and do what he did pretty much every night.  It was wrong.  “You’re right,” he said over his shoulder, shrugging as he walked slowly away.

Adelaide watched as the guy began to walk away. She had always been a good judge of character, surprisingly even more so when drunk, and she could tell that there was something off with the guy. It was as if his mouth was saying one thing, but the rest of him was saying the other. “Hey!” she called after him and jogged lightly in the direction he was walking to catch up (she had stood at the door in silence for a few seconds). “If I’m right then why are you walking away? Tonight could be...THE NIGHT! It’s still early...ish.” It was 11.30pm. “What is it they say? The world is your oyster and all that?” Addie’s skill of convincing people had never been her strongest asset, but her drunk ass was sure as heck trying.