I just posted this in Reddit r/Adulting I'm 45 and I've never done anything - never married, never had kids, no relationship lasting longer than 5 months. I tried getting into the IT field about 25 years ago it didn't pan out. All dead-end jobs since then.. I've suffered a crippling depression my whole life. My folks (mom and stepdad, I don't talk to my real dad) bought me a place to live and still are a major source of support because they recognized that the vicious abuse I suffered at the hands and words of my father was not my fault. There was emotional neglect as well which, I can imagine, comes coupled with abuse. Meds & therapy for years but the needle barely moves.
So I never had it in me to really start to do anything because I have the "what's the point?" attitude. I literally don't want anything. I just work very hard to prevent my situation from getting worse. I have a lot of trouble recognizing and feeling positive emotions that come from real experiences rather than movies or music.
I have one sibling two years older than me who suffers in similar ways but he's been a bit more successful than I have. I love him dearly and he's the main reason I'm still here. I love music, movies, and art. It's a wonderful escape for me. I've been into weightlifting for years and some other forms of physical activity. These things keep the very dark feelings at bay.
I am terribly lonely and I long for a connection with someone but I'm afraid that, whoever they are, they will not see anything to connect to.. I breathe and pay bills. For some reason I'm convinced that I am capable of love.
I really wish I had something positive to offer but I guess my answer is no. I am not starting anything over.
I'm not living
I'm just killing time
- True Love Waits by Radiohead