"and the universe said i love rpf because i am rpf"
Very past 21+, they/them, keeping this seperate from my main shipping, at least for now. Grian/Gem currently eating up my brain, Gemtho and smallidarity never far away. Icon by thattallqueerbassist
Hi it's RPF, Hi it's probably going to NSFW, Hello I was legally on both ao3 and tumblr when they started. They/them and I don't have a name to go by here. Or an icon. Or blog title. Suggestions welcome.
I think I have the funniest blog name on tumblr and I'm shocked no one else had it.
AO3: AtTheDevilsSacrament
While I talk about and like various hermits I'm an empires and traffic girlie (gender neutral). I don't know why it feels important to not mislead people that I am not a "hermitcraft fan" just someone who pops in to ship people, but there you go.
Asks are open and go ahead and say stuff. I'm not really into infidelity (Grew up too Catholic to enjoy shame much and uhhhh personal history makes the concept kinda not fun times). I'm a big fan of polyamory and default to that in fic (and life, I've always been poly).
As of this posting I have one rpf fic up but there will be a little 500 word one up within a week. it's called "A Little Bird Told Me" and it's Gem and Grian accidentally falling in love while she supports him through his divorce. It's soft and sweet and introspective and it fades to black. It hits a lot of my writing strengths and I'm really proud of it.
Gonna be a great weekend for the incredibly tiny oli/pearl fandom over here
(all of oli/gem/pearl is excellent for me but this is the obscure one here. I don't need anyone else to care, I just need their genuinely heartfelt conversation at the end of the HC s10 end of season stream)
(it's a still image with random music but i think the music hasn't saved? ah well)
imagine being ethos lab at your stupid ass fucking desk stupid fucking mouse pad from a defunct 90s tech store rotting from the inside out stupid kleenex box stupid sideways mouse bitch in the goddamn canadian wilderness on your dead decrepit amish farmland nobody around for miles except the occasional car crash lights all off monitor at 30 brightness illuminating your face opening a screenshot of your wild life episode one recording in ms paint and very carefully zooming in and cropping it to perfectly centre frame the minecraft avatar of the man you have been in a back and forth gay ass faux relationship for a decade the man who has said before he would read fanfiction of you both romantically the man who has called you his boyfriend so that everyone can see he is the focus HE is the focal point of the episode he is the call he is the main attraction and btw this matches his thumbnail perfectly did you even know that? did you see his thumbnail because you see all his videos and choose to mirror it purposefully or are you so linked in all you do it just happened . saving that image uploading it to youtube (WHICH YOU NEVER DO) and hitting publish and then just leaving your desk and going to bed alone like it means nothing and if you close your eyes the monitor burn into the back of your retina shows you his ghost
I wrote 5k words in one day of Bdubs not understanding that Joel is trying to fuck him in Seattle
I got maybe half way through. I know all the emotions and a lot of the sex, but I'm not going to get it up on ao3 unless i have some reason to believe there's people lurking around ao3 looking for joel/bdubs rpf. So instead, if you want to read it, here you go. I have literally not even reread when I wrote once.
"Untitled Charity Event Joel/Bdubs RPF"
No one has ever confused Bdubs as much as Joel. Not when he didn’t understand that his wife was hitting on him when they were young (so young, so clueless), not all the times Etho has been… confusing. Because in his heart, Bdubs knows Etho doesn’t mean anything, that Etho won’t even tell him his *name* or show him his *face*. Etho likes having fun, and he makes Bdubs feel happy, most of the time, and while obviously he would want more, that’s a silly fantasy he would never speak aloud. (Except to his wife, he tells her everything and she is always so sweet and kind, but that hardly counts. He could never keep anything from Nicole, would never even want to.)
Joel, however, was baffling. Bdubs was increasingly feeling insane about the situation. Nicole laughed fondly and said she really couldn’t tell and she hoped he “had fun” on the trip. Bdubs spluttered and said that was insane, it was all insane, and she shrugged.
How could this matter? Bdubs had, well, he’d done a bit of research. He’d watched some old videos of Joel’s, mostly Empires and the Life Series, and perhaps more importantly he’d watched compilation videos on youtube. Joel flirted with other men (always men, it seemed) so much that people had *hours* of footage. He certainly wasn’t involved with Etho and he had no reason to think he was with Jimmy or anyone else. It was just queerbaiting, or gay for pay or he didn’t know the right term, he knew the difference was important but if he was never going to talk to anyone about it (besides his wife, who didn’t care) it certainly didn’t matter what the term was for Joel’s… flirting, it was flirting, and everyone seemed to enjoy it.
Bdubs liked to watch his friends’ videos while he worked. (Joel was his friend, that much was all he was sure of.) He’d watched most of Joel’s videos the previous season, and during the mini break he’d watched them all. He would love to collaborate with Joel sometime, his builds were beautiful in a way that spoke to something in Bdubs about how he wanted to create, what he wanted to show the world. This season was… more confusing, but it was early still.
This season he watched Joel’s videos as soon as possible. He told himself it was nothing, they were weird and interesting, but every time Joel mentioned him, or showed footage of them, or chat logs, Bdubs felt… confused. He tried to just live with the confusion and not interrogate it. The interactions themselves were confusing, but seeing what Joel chose to show the world was what was keeping him up at night.
Especially when Joel said he was “flustered”, said he was “blushing”. Bdubs didn’t think he was playing into it that much, and this part was even directed at him, it was for his audience. That meant it was a joke, right? If Etho’s hours overlapped with his more, or if Jimmy was on the server, or Oli, or whoever, Joel surely wouldn’t bother with Bdubs. He was amusing, for now. That was all.
But then, off camera, when he knew Joel wasn’t even recording, things… progressed. Or Bdubs thought they were, thought things were escalating. It wasn’t for the cameras… but maybe it was so Bdubs would be more flustered on camera? But that felt really manipulative, more than Bdubs thought Joel would be. He’d thought Joel was a good person, and now he was sure, after all these days together, watching him in person. Gem was right, Joel was different in person, when he wasn’t riled up by one of his friends. He was… softer, and Bdubs was working so hard not to watch him too much.
But if Joel wasn’t being manipulative off screen, then… why was he saying the things he was saying off camera, and most importantly, why did he keep *touching* him and *looking at him* and oh hell, Joel was looking at him *now*. Bdubs was completely zoned out in a corner of a party, close to the door. At parties he either put on his big charismatic blustery act, or he hung out and watched, or talked one-on-one. He wasn’t good at in-betweens there. Joel had gone off somewhere, probably with his fun friends, and Bdubs zoned out and now Joel was watching him, and Bdubs met his eyes, and Judas Priest Joel *winked*. Bdubs froze for a moment then waved awkwardly. Joel grinned, it was a grin Bdubs did not know how to decipher, not in the slightest. Joel started saying something, to someone, didn’t matter who, as he slowly turned away.
Bdubs stepped out into the hallway to catch his breath. Or something like that.
Life in the hermit-and-friends airbnb was heaven and it was hell. He knew that was overdramatic, but the extremes of it all were… extreme. He was finally meeting friends in person, he was seeing people again after ages. (He even got to meet *Cleo*.) Nicole had nearly demanded he go this time, and started talking about how they could do a DisneyLand trip after next Twitchcon, how the kids would love California. It was just as good as she’d promised it would be, it would be better. Nothing was awkward, maybe because so many of them had done trips together so many times, especially the Brits.
Nothing except with one Brit. Joel just kept *touching* him. Joel wasn’t being inappropriate by any normal standards, it wasn’t like he was groping him, he was touching his arm or tapping him on the shoulder to get his attention and standing close to him so they touched on and off naturally. Bdubs never objected, he honestly welcomed the touch, though if anyone had asked him about it he would have melted into the ground, never to be seen again.
And the looks. Nothing obviously… salacious or whatever. Mostly it was looking for what felt like too long, catching Bdubs eye when people were laughing, when Bdubs was helping him cook. (Joel was, as promised, such a good cook.) So naturally Bdubs watched Joel more, to see if he touched other people, to try and see how long he looked at other people. He was just gathering data, that was all. Data to help him sort out his Joel Problem.
Of course Joel noticed, how could he not notice Bdubs watching him? Especially if Joel kept watching Bdubs as well. He must look… he must look like *something*. He watched, and Joel touched people, especially Jimmy, though some of that was “scrapping”, especially when Grian was involved. But Jimmy was Joel’s really good friend, for years, they were together in person what seemed like all the time, watching from his great home with his wonderful family that was unfortunately very, very far away from his beloved friends. And Oli, he knew Oli was Joel’s best friend for ages, he’d heard they even lived in the same *city*, he couldn’t even imagine what that would be like.
(Bdubs didn’t even know how far away his favorite minecraft friend lived, the one he had always wanted to meet more than anyone. He knew there was probably something unhealthy about how much he wanted and how little Etho gave, but thinking too hard about it could only leave him sadder than he already was about it.)
The Brits all lived their lives together, having parties and going to movies and all those normal things that normal friends got to do together. Oli and his girlfriend and Joel and Lizzie (and their baby) and Jimmy and his girlfriend and Grian and Gem and whoever went skiing in France, he’d watched Gem’s vlog and felt undeniably jealous, or envious, it didn’t matter which it just *hurt*. Nicole came in and joined him on the couch part way through, she saw, and held his hand. At dinner she made sure they all talked about how much fun he was going to have on his Seattle trip, how the kids would be watching as much as Mom let them, how many sick kids were going to get to play videogames from all the work they did.
And presents, what presents he was going to bring back. It was very very weird to leave his kids for more than a weekend, and he had brought an extra bag to bring back toys. Nicole would shake her head but not say anything.
He went on his trip and he tried not to think about who wasn’t there or how rarely he saw the people who were here. It was fun and jolly, he hadn’t noticed any real conflict, just playing around and fighting over boardgames. Everyone laughed a lot, people tried to out funny each other about everything they could.
Including innuendo, and sometimes way more than innuendo. None of the talk actually made him uncomfortable, he’d certainly said some things in his life he’d never say in public, but it was weird to see it from some aggressively PG people. Like drunk Jimmy, that was a revelation.
The milder stuff, the non-specific flirting and innuendo, the things people said on streams and in videos, he was used to all that. It was standard for so many of them, making their ridiculous careers be combining videogame skill with being “weird about each other”. Cleo had teased Bdubs for ages about how Etho was his “boyfriend” and how weird they were, plenty of people did but Cleo knew more. If he ever told Cleo that it made him die a little inside every time they’d stop immediately. He didn’t want that, because it also made him feel special, feel like his relationship with Etho was something worth noting, something important, people said Etho paid attention to him too. (And more recently Gem, and Joel, and whoever, he tried not to keep tabs on who Etho spent time with or flirted with or was weird about, whatever it was, he’d had to clear some of his youtube watch history to not get more videos about everyone being “weird” or “sus” or how Gem “shipped them”.)
With Joel, with Joel it was different, here in person and decidedly not at all on camera. But he said things to all sorts of people, and Oli especially said all kinds of things to him and Jimmy, but they all had girlfriends! Or wives! It didn’t mean anything, and Bdubs was being a freak, an absolute freak who had never even kissed a guy and had resigned himself to only ever being bisexual in theory and mostly in secret. He was the one with the problem, he was imagining Joel actually liked him as more than a casual friend to have fun with. (At least he knew for sure all the best friend talk was a joke, Oli was right there, somehow Joel being attracted to his strange creature self was more likely than being his best friend.) Bdubs had a crush, after all these days he couldn’t deny how he felt when Joel looked at him and touched him, but it was all on his side. He longed to ask someone else who was there, someone who had been watching Joel’s videos, if something was… weird. But if they said no, and knew that Bdubs had thought something so insane, he would have to disappear into the night, move his family and change his name.
So he didn’t ask anyone, just laid awake and *wondered*. He was barely sleeping, though, because of the nudges and the eye contact and physical contact and now a *wink*, the wink would be the death of him.
Or Joel’s voice would be the death of him, the way he always said “Hello, Bdubs” as if it was special, as if talking to him was somehow important, the way his voice got so *smooth*, none of that crackle when he was hysterical, he was somehow so smooth, he hated and loved the way he said “Hello, Bdubs”... which he was thinking about because Joel was there, only a foot or two in front of him, he must have just said it.
“Oh, oh, Joel! Hey, hey, how you doing?”
He could be awkward, that was fine, that wasn’t suspicious, he could just be awkward it was *fine*, just like everything at Joel’s base was fine…
Joel chuckled and Bdubs felt like a idiot, whatever the truth was he was an idiot.
“I’m good. Lost in thought there? Did you need a party escape?” Joel asked, smoothly, making so much eye contact, that was never ever a problem online even with cameras on. Party escape, though, that was great.
“Yeah, long day, right? Loud party, I, uh, I don’t go to many parties. Thinking about, ah, maybe leaving early?”
Joel raised an eyebrow.
“Oh? Maybe I’ll head back with you, split a car?”
Alarms sounded in Bdubs’ mind, it didn’t even feel like a metaphor, his head hurt, the inside of his head was too loud.
“Oh, uh, not yet. I should, umm, go back in and give it, ah, another try?” Bdubs stammered out.
Joel shrugged. Was he indifferent to the idea? That was fine, it was an excuse to stop being alone with Joel, which he didn’t want at *all* but it felt so dangerous but that was *ridiculous*. Joel interrupted his spiral about Joel, which wasn’t even funny at this point.
“I didn’t mean to interrupt your solitude, I can head off and leave you be.”
Joel didn’t take a step away, he just turned like he was going to, but not his head, not all the way, he was *still making eye contact*.
“No! Uh, um, I mean you didn’t interrupt, I just, um, too many people. You’re fine, you’re good, I like, ah, I like being with you?” Bdubs confessed, unable to hold back.
*Red alert red alert red alert.*
Joel grinned and turned back and stepped in closer, too close, suspiciously close why was he so *close*.
“Good. I like being with you. You know we haven’t been alone, not outside the kitchen when people were always coming and going?”
Bdubs was incredibly aware of that and needed to lie, he needed to lie so badly he didn’t even like lying.
“Oh, uh, yeah?m I guess, um, guess we’ve been really busy? With, uh, everything? Everyone? All the… yeah?”
Joel nodded, smiling in a… smiling in a *way*.
“All the yeah. Indeed.”
Bdubs nodded back, foolishly, like a pupper controlled by a drunk and incompetent puppeteer. Something loud happened in the party and he flinched. (He was incredibly on edge, why wouldn’t he flinch, but Joel couldn’t know *why* that would be a *disaster*.)
Joel shook his head and, Judas Priest damn it he touched Bdubs’ elbow and he didn’t flinch at all.
“Loud bastards in there, want to walk down the hall? Get to know each other a little better?”
Bdubs nodded at this totally normal and regular thing his friend was saying. Joel took his elbow, he *took* his *elbow* and lead them down past… doors, all he knew was that they were walking past doors, once there was a window but it was dark out.
They stopped, somewhere in the building. Bdubs glanced back could still see the potted plant outside the party room, so it wasn’t *private* and that was for the best. (Why, why did it matter when they were just friends talking.) Bdubs cleared his throat and furtively checked his watch. His heart rate was 122 bpm. Could he die from talking to Joel? Probably.
Joel leaned back against the wall so Bdubs did the same, awkwardly. He knew how to talk to people, he could do this. Joel didn’t say anything so Bdubs squeaked out an attempt at small talk, or whatever they were supposed to be doing.
“So, uh, you enjoying your trip? The event? Great to, uh, raise so much money? Yeah?” Why was his voice so high, why was it going even higher at the end of each question, why was he making it all questions?
Joel chuckled softly.
“Yeah, it’s great. Favorite part has been meeting people, of course.”
Now Joel wasn’t looking at him, he was looking forward in a totally normal way, and he hated it. He felt like he was going to die if Joel didn’t look at him again.
Bdubs turned slightly towards Joel, and Joel looked over with those piercing eyes and a smile… triumphant? Did he, is this what he wanted? Did it even matter what Joel wanted when Bdubs was about to die from Joel regardless of his intentions?
Joel raised an eyebrow and asked, “Aren’t you enjoying meeting some people for the first time?”
Bdubs realized he hadn’t actually responded. Like an awkward freak.
“Yeah! Yeah, it’s great, it’s awesome, I was really looking forward to it. Have been, still am, I mean, it’s now, it’s, uh, good? I, damn I’m sorry I’m so, uh, like this?”
Joel chuckled.
“Jet lag, I’m sure. It’s terrible, isn’t it? Not as bad as poor Pearl, of course, though it’s not like she has a sleep schedule, yeah? I’m glad she made it out.”
Bdubs nodded continually, feeling like a puppet again.
“Yeah, it’s, um, different seeing people in person. You can talk differently, right, not on a computer?”
*If only Etho… never mind.*
Joel nodded and he just wasn’t looking away. Bdubs couldn’t.
“It’s true, with most people. Anything you want to talk about, here in person? I’m a surprisingly good listener.”
Bdubs felt his eyes go wide. Joel kindly didn’t laugh.
“Oh, like, um, about what? I don’t, uh, I don’t have a lot of problems or anything?”
Joel smiled.
“Or things that you can’t talk to everyone about, things we might have in common?”
Bdubs blinked a lot.
“Um, yeah, is there…” Bdubs felt slightly less stupid, maybe only for a moment. “Is there anything *you* want to talk about? Joel?”
Joel smiled sofly and Bdubs melted inside.
“Well, I meant it that it would be nice to get to know you better. And some things are easier to talk about in person.”
Bdubs nodded.
“Yeah.”
“And I’ve been in person with most people here, and I don’t want to hide anything from you that other people know, now that we’re here in person.”
Bdubs nodded again. This felt different. It was nice, and like a normal conversation.
“I, yeah, Joel, I like knowing things! And I can keep my mouth shut, no matter what it looks like.”
Joel chuckled again. It was so… cute, not just attractive, this was cute. He felt so much affection for Joel and this was worse than just being horny for him, wasn’t it.
“Well, to jump to the chase, maybe it’s very, very obvious but Lizzie and I are… I’m more than just *friends* with some of my friends, if you know what I mean.”
Oh *fuck*.
“Oh, like, you and Lizzie, you’re…”
“Polyamorous, for a couple years, yeah. We used to be pretty quiet, but when it’s with mutual friends, hiding it is a little weird. Not that I generally feel like making out with people in public, or semi-public, but…”
“Wow, Joel, thank you for telling me!”
Bdubs felt genuinely touched. This really was something personal, something that needed to stay mostly private, for their careers.
Joel chuckled. He was subdued.
“Well, I knew of course you wouldn’t judge. I’m bi, too, by the way. Again, might be bloody obvious.”
“Oh, uh, yeah, I wasn’t going to assume, it’s impossible to know what’s, um, joking, and what is… maybe it’s still joking and that’s not, uh, gay stuff at all, I mean, if you—”
Joel laughed, but it was sweet.
“Yes, it did start as joking but one night Jimmy and I got quite drunk and… figured out a few things, heh. But since we’d already started the flirting we figured we could just keep it up. Seems like you’re at least a little surprised?”
“Oh, uh, yeah! I didn’t have, um, any reason to think you and Lizzie are, um, open?”
Joel nodded and looked down at one of his hands, where he was touching each finger in turn to his thumb. Bdubs worked very hard to not imagine what he might do with those hands with Jimmy…
Joel nodded.
“Plenty of reason to keep it quiet, yeah? I’m discreet, too, you know.”
Bdubs blinked a lot again. Why would Joel… why would he have *any* reason to think he was? They’d never even done anything, the only person who knew besides people back home was…
His stomach sank. Why, how, that didn’t make any sense… unless it *did*?
“Joel, um, do you, um, is there something you, uh, that…”
Suddenly Joel wasn’t leaning back on the wall at all, he was fully on his feet, and he was, he was retreating? Closing up? No, this wasn’t what he wanted *at all*.
“Don’t worry, Bdubs. Thanks for listening.” He looked back towards the party. “Do you think we should…”
“No!” Bdubs shouted, accidentally and looked down at his feet. “No, sorry, I’m just, I haven’t really, yes, I am, we are. Yeah.”
Bdubs took a deep breath and steadied himself. He looked back to Joel, who looked softer again.
“Yeah, Joel, we’ve never *done* anything, but some of Nicole’s friends, they, we talked a lot and read things and it seemed like a good idea. In theory.”
Joel smiled brightly.
“Lovely jubley. Sorry if I was pushy.”
“No, I just, I didn’t expect you to, um,” not *know*, that would imply, or state, so much, “suspect?”
Joel chuckled.
“Well... I wasn’t going to say anything if you didn’t say it first, but I might have a hint that we might have some things in common.”
Unless his wife was having secret conversations with Joel, which seemed like the most unlikely thing he’d considered all trip, there was only one… vector for this information.
“Ah. You, uh. Heard something.” Bdubs heard his voice and didn’t like the tone, he sounded sullen and he didn’t want to sound like *that*.
He must have heard it, Joel obviously heard his tone because suddenly he sounded *apologetic*.
“Shit, I’m sorry, it’s not that people, ah, I had said I was, and, uh, they—”
“Hey, hey, Joel, it’s fine.” Bdubs didn’t want to face Joel and share whatever his face would betray. “I’m not ashamed, just surprised. I never said he couldn’t tell anyone, just a little surprised that he did?”
“Uh, he?” Bdubs looked up, not knowing how to read Joel’s voice. He looked… awkward?
“Yeah, I only told Etho. Did he, uh, did you hear from someone *else*?” Bdubs winced at the emphasis that went on “else”, he wasn’t actually upset. “No, sorry, I sound so—”
“No, it was Etho, ah.” Joel bit his lip. “He said that… fuck. I assumed more people knew? He didn’t say he was the only one who knew.”
Bdubs couldn’t help but laugh.
“Yeah, that sounds like Etho. He never says much himself, but he lets me talk about whatever I want. He’s…”
“A surprisingly good listener?” Joel was smiling tentatively. Bdubs chuckled.
“Yeah. Yeah. Did he say anything, um, else about…” Actually, Bdubs didn’t need to know if Etho had told Joel this part. “Yeah, I’m bi. Bisexual. Pan, uh, whatever? When people started talking about gender more, like people not being cis or whatever, I realized I… don’t actually care? It had just never seemed like a possibility, guys? And then I was married, so it wasn’t like I was *looking*, and…”
Joel nodded. He looked thoughtful, which was way better than before.
“Lizzie and I got together when we were eighteen, and I didn’t think about it until later. So, yeah. I get it.”
Bdubs smiled and damn this *did* feel good, talking about this to someone who was doing more than listening. Someone who understood, at least somewhat. He suddenly felt tired and relieved.
“Hey, wanna sit down? Just here is fine. Long day.”
Joel nodded.
“Great idea.”
Joel sat down quickly and offered a hand up to Bdubs, which seemed perfectly logical at the time. *This* was what it was all about, Joel wasn’t into him, he just knew Bdubs was closeted (but not how much) and wanted to try and make him comfortable enough to talk. (He’d never thought of himself as “closeted” but he couldn’t deny it.)
They talked, and it was easy, and only a little awkward. Bdubs would mourn his silly little crush later. They talked about being poly, about Joel’s experiences and Bdubs’ worries, they talked about their kids and the idea of talking about these things to them. Bdubs even found himself *giving parenting* advice to the guy he was embarrassingly horny for. It… wasn’t weird?
Joel kept making eye contact, though it wasn’t constant, and seemed correlated to topics. He messaged on his phone a few times, always apologizing despite Bdubs’ assurances that it was fine. He checked his phone too, just to maybe make Joel feel better. He sent some heart emojis to Nicole, who was long asleep. He’d explain all this when he had a better idea what “all this” was. And he’d gotten some sleep. Maybe he wouldn’t have time until after the event was over, but he looked forward to it. Everything made more sense when he talked to Nicole.
Etho… he probably didn’t want to talk to Etho about this, at least not when it was fresh. He realized that hadn’t told *Etho* that he was the only one who knew. He really hadn’t done very well at the whole communicating thing, no matter how much Joel said it wasn’t his fault.
They were talking about how Joel first figured out he was bisexual when Oli happened.
Oli happened a *lot*. Bdubs had known the general shape of Oli’s personality, but not the intensity or… quantity.
He was singing, and friendly, and didn’t actually try to take them anywhere. Joel gently encouraged Oli to go find Jimmy, or “dear sweet Jim” as Oli called him, and he headed off. They watched Oli weave back down the hall to the party and shout out for Jimmy as he rushed back into the function room, or whatever they called it.
“Hmm.” Joel sounded thoughtful. “Let’s get somewhere more private, eh?”
Joel popped up and offered Bdubs a hand. Bdubs looked up at his face and Joel was *looking* again, wasn’t he? Bdubs was instantly spiraling, even after however long they’d sat there and just been friends, just sharing and normal stuff and not being *gay*.
His hand went up and took Joel’s without any thought. What could make him *not* take Joel’s hand, regardless of how platonic it all was after all. (Like he’d always *known*, like he’d *known* Etho wasn’t when he’d confessed to him, but he had to give Etho the opportunity, just in case, to say… things he never would.)
(Reblogs got turned off on the og post but I want to keep talking about Etho's insane proportions, by which I mean enjoy your reblog tags, so I'm starting over)
1) I think Etho knows what size jeans he wears (he said 32x36 in hermitchat). He probably has a decent idea what size he *should* wear but who knows
2) I suspect there is little reason for Etho to remember his exact height, all he needs are jeans that fit and to know he can both reach tall things and bang his head on shit
3) I wouldn't be surprised if Etho doesn't know what color his own eyes are. Does he need to know what color his eyes are or how tall he is to play video games, clear snow, and sell farming equipment? No!
4) Do I think Etho would make up a jeans size? Well, like, yeah sure if it was funny, but it seems a really weird thing to get specific about and also lie. (Also I haven't watched the relevant bit)
5) I was helping my spouse shop recently with a 29 inch inseam and I just keep picturing Etho just… so high up. I've had friends who were 6'6" but it's… it's really really tall. Tiny waist. Giant Canadian.)
Cleo "Glad Etho was there...it's a secret, don't tell anyone...Etho's a good person."
(for context Cleo accidently died during nautalis race practice and Etho grabbed their stuff, just a sweet moment between two playfully abrasive people)
xB: (reading chat) “Why do I feel like xB really wants to swear but being on Her-Hermitcraft is unable to? But the swear are trying so hard to come out?” Aw, well, fuck. (Sighs) I don’t know what to say about that. (Four seconds of silence, and then he begins to giggle) I can swear if I want, I’m an adult. (He giggles harder)
Etho going to Gem to ask her about Pearl's schedule (when she's online, how long she sleeps) so he can move the snowman prank over to her, because she saved the snowman and Etho is on a Pearl-bothering kick, and then Gem knowing Pearl well enough to answer him despite how, as she admits, Pearl's sleep achedule is mysterious. Like. You're both so predictable.
We need more soulmate AUs. Even the terrible cheesy ones. ESPECIALLY the terrible cheesy ones. Gimme 100k of Grian and Gem meeting in person for the first time and suddenly being able to see in color when everything was black and white before. Or the first time they touch they form an accidental telepathic bond and can't get out of each other's heads or stop feeling each other's feelings. Or, them growing up being able to see snippets of their soulmates life in visions, and slowly coming to realise they're soulmates without ever meeting in person. Dumb fantastical shit like that. Don't make me write it myself.
I have never once in my life interested in soulmate AUs..... until this idea of online friends! Especially if meeting in person is in a group with ten of your close friends.
The ski trip set me off, I've got the sequel to "a little bird told me" in final edits, I'm doing discord formatting in ao3! This idea is a different universe cause the Etho is incredibly different.
Full transcript below the cut with a few fixed typos. [originally i said i'd do it tomorrow but I had to get my laptop to buy a novelty leopard print shirt]
Ok
Turns out etho is just so much worse than they imagined
Grian and Gen get together and this causes Gem tell etho and wind up being very brave and admitting she has a crush on him
No one's ever met Etho, no one's ever seen his face.
Gem finds out that once upon a Time things got weird on some call and bdubs wound up getting off while talking to Etho. Neither of us have been plotting it and at first Etho thought it was just an elaborate gag but then bdubs was begging to come
Because this happens sometimes, and it's never scheduled. Bdubs always wants it, every day, but he never knows when Etho might be "in the mood"
Could be months, could be every night for a week. Etho's been told Nicole is good with it and he's going to take that at face value
Etho wants this with Gem but she's not just rolling over like Bdubs. She's a little bratty and she asks for what she wants and demands what she needs
If Etho had ever gotten off on a call with bdubs, he's never told bdubs. Gem says if Etho wants her to come, he's going to come too.
Bdubs would never even IMAGINE making a rule
Gem is of course terrified of fucking this up, but after hearing about Bdubs, she… Well I'm not sure what to call the emotion but it's a cautionary tale for sure
She won't get on video "unless he does". Bdubs gives everything up easy, she holds back so she can negotiate. She can tell he wants to see her face, and her body
So one night she's really playing it up and talking about her body and then how much she wants to… Oh shit these idiots oh my God okay.
How much she wants to see his cock and see him come for her. But managing to not trigger any "hey don't try to top me (i have control issues)" anything
And good fucking lord he just takes it literally and finds that while he still really doesn't want to show his face he'll show gem his body if it gets him hers
They both come super hard.
Gem never brings up "so, your face?" and doesn't limit what she shows
It's just "I'll do video if you do" and maybe someday he will let her see!
Gem told Etho immediately that she can't do this without telling any partner she has and Etho says yeah sure whatever
And when she asked what she was allowed to say he said whatever you want
So Grian's just dying in England hearing about every single time in detail
Eventually things progress and this feels ridiculous, idk what exactly goes on but she sends etho her address (and maybe the keypad code) and says "or send me your address and I'll go there. Or a hotel. I need you."
Something like that
Meanwhile, Bdubs knows Etho is fucking around with gem and he is doing everything he can to not go crazy. Jealousy would be so rude and inappropriate and Etho hasn't told him all the things gem gets that he doesn't. Like video, and actually talking about it outside of when it happens, and while they didn't schedule "dates" or anything she keeps his aware of her schedule and they will plan to go "mess around and do redstone in a creative world" etc
Then Etho asks if he can talk to bdubs about something personal and bdubs locks the door to his office and tries not to scream
And he's telling him that he's going to meet up with gem, probably, but he had these choice for where
Bdubs does his level best and etho decides to go visit her
Where was this even GOING.
Grian!
Etho and Gem meet and fuck and it's sweeter than either of them imagined without being sappy. Gem lets slip (which she was allowed to but wasn't playing to do, not like that) that she and grian have gotten off to talking about him.
This turns into Gem and Etho fucking while Grian can only see Gem, Grian begging Etho to be allowed to come.
This turns into Etho teasing Grian so much that Gem steps in to force boundaries, like Etho is at 100% troll and he's not going to set limits on when he does it if Grian reacts. But no, Grian doesn't mind some flirting but he doesn't want to come while streaming or group recordings or hermit meetings! Gem wants Grian to learn to set these boundaries but she's going to step in on "career endingly bad ideas)"
And that's what I've got
Etho thinks he is STRAIGHT and "just having fun with his friends" and yeah obviously it's gay for Bdubs and Grian but Etho just messing around. Etho is *straight*, Etho only likes *pussy*, comphet Etho is real and I'm disgusted.
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works
Part 2 in the series, very likely to be the last published part.
Grian and Gem are desperately in love and excited for the future. Their friends have all been supportive, but they are incredibly anxious about telling one specific person: Etho.
Maybe Etho will be happy for them, maybe Etho doesn't have a crush on Gem, maybe there's no reason to bring up how either of Gem or Grian feel about Etho, but they are sure if they don't do it all perfectly, everything will be ruined forever and there will be no way out and Etho might disappear into the woods, never to be seen again.
Thankfully, Grian's got a Timmy to talk to.
a.k.a: After a foolish prompt in "Guess the Build" sets Grian off, he turns to Jimmy to figure out what the hell to do with his deeply unexpected bisexual polyamorous anxiety.
