Pilot

Public diary he/they

[au-pilot]

Finally got my website in an update-able state again... Might not blog here much, IYKYK

Then again, the website is something I'm more keen on letting other people see, while this *thing* is just so... random. I guess there's layers to it. The website is supposed to be the most presentable outer layer of the sandwich, while the inner social medias are for the unpolished and yelling-in-the-void style sharing.

Yes pilot that's how the internet works. Go back to writing silly songs about self-condemnation.

Okay I will!

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[au-pilot]

work together we say

warning loud

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we're getting somewhere with that notion, I guess. first try with the whole co-composing thing. I bet C thinks it's-

It's okay. It's just okay, but you have a lot to work on. This is shitpost quality, Pilot, I'll just be honest. You should have let me take over more. Adding random noise to a track doesn't make it better, it has to be melodic or rhythmic in some way. You also hardly let me play the keyboard.

You kinda get lost in stacking effects over effects and don't actually think about the musicality of it. Try and take some of my humming and singing sometime, that might help, and catch yourself when you're lost in the sauce.

Here, Pilot

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I worked a little more on this and changed it up. Not close to being done but I gotta head to bed :) Figuring out some shortcuts really helped btw

[au-pilot]

Asking my therapist: Is this working?

And she's basically like: Girl, you tell me!

lol. it was a silly question

[au-pilot]

That car crash definitely had something to do with the drowsiness from my meds, but those old folks were way more in the wrong than I was. Thank goodness they claimed liability.

Oh, and thank goodness everyone was okay, of course.

[au-pilot]

We really have to take that teamwork seriously, don't we C... I gotta establish a new habit for you to take over, and I guess that starts by getting the instruments set up. You prefer to play and show up then, meanwhile I prefer to be surgical but too much of that hurts the creative process. When I don't let you take over I just make noise.

Yeah, and you could use things other than thrash leads. Have you considered letting me arrange something, and then you go through the trouble of sound designing? Uninspired sound design is just uninspired. - C

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[au-pilot]

BPD is like: I need to express myself or I'm gonna blow up, and blowing up is a form of expressing myself. THEREFORE-

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[au-pilot]

Anne, I have to ask; why are you okay with not taking it? Are you just okay with going away?

Yeah, I am. I really can't handle this. At a certain point, life just gets too overwhelming. I'd rather be asleep for years like you were. We'll take turns and I'll come back when the time is right — maybe when we get to see him in our lives every day.

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[au-pilot]

*My* old music makes me want to bash my head against a wall, but at least *his* music was nice. It was always better when we worked together.

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Yeah working together is better. I'm pretty hyped we're picking up music again after like, 8 years? I'm always humming something, and you always got mad at me when I didn't record it haha. You're way better at the technical stuff. - C

[au-pilot]

Maybe I should sample some of my dad's experimental music. It's nice of him to have been archiving his life's work on optical media. I've agreed to preserve his work on new bluray discs.

warning, second track is loud

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[au-pilot]

It'll be 38 hours by the time I finally get some sleep. It is entirely my fault. I shouldn't let my hyperfixations get the best of me like that.

[au-pilot]

Let's make it 48!

Let's not.

[au-pilot]

Let's make it 48! Oh, it's a party! I'm impressed. A little more cleaning out the trash and maybe you'll start acting like your true self. Doesn't that sound exhilarating?

... It's about time I open up Cubase.

Stop being weird M

Okay, God, that was some good sleep

[au-pilot]

It'll be 38 hours by the time I finally get some sleep. It is entirely my fault. I shouldn't let my hyperfixations get the best of me like that.

[au-pilot]

Let's make it 48!

Let's not.

[au-pilot]

It'll be 38 hours by the time I finally get some sleep. It is entirely my fault. I shouldn't let my hyperfixations get the best of me like that.

[au-pilot]

"Just take your meds"

Damn bitch you just don't realise how hard they are to take sometimes with all the symptoms

[au-pilot]

Remember when people said "I feel so much better off my meds" and you mocked them? Welcome to their shoes.

[au-pilot]

I had a dream about a Stanley Parable-like isometric sandbox where your goal was to follow the instructions of God and destroy the world in as many fun and creative ways as possible for his amusement.

Each time you died, you spawned in a hub world where God talked to you through a vending machine and you had a limited opportunity to ask for hints before he sunk into the ground.

[au-pilot]

"Just take your meds"

Damn bitch you just don't realise how hard they are to take sometimes with all the symptoms

[au-pilot]

These are the songs of someone who thrives in their incompatibility with the world at large.

I wish I didn't sympathise with this. I could choose to ignore it, but I cannot ignore my nature. No amount of medication will mute my understanding.

[au-pilot]

Nobody told me the meds make you so tired that you need caffeine just to function.

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