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November

I’m supposed to visit my little angel today but something happened so I have to postponed it. No worries my baby, mommy will visit you before your dad’s birthday. It’s been 4 months my love and I still can’t forget the happiness you brought to us and the pain that is still here. My heart feels so heavy knowing that you should be here in my tummy, growing just like other little angels. And yet, you are there in heaven guiding and protecting us. I love you so much my baby angel ♥

fayerytalexx-deactivated2024060

People keep asking if you’re okay, where you at and telling you how they missed you. Well, I used to talk to everyone and even respond with I’m fine like I am. but right now I just don’t feel like responding and I don’t. If I do, it may take ages. Ok, I talk only to one or two people daily but that’s it. I don’t know anymore.

perrfectly

May 3, 2019 when I first found out that I am pregnant. Inulit ko yung pt the next day to make sure na positive talaga. Sabi kasi nila, pinaka accurate daw yung first urine in the morning. So I did. And then ayan, 2 lines, positive talaga. I was really shocked and I don’t know what to feel although trying naman talaga kami ng boyfriend ko na magka baby for the past months. And ito na nga, binigay na ni Lord. Confusing pa nga eh kasi mga 1st week and 2nd week of April nag PT pa ako kasi delayed na yung period ko, pero negative naman yung result kaya hinayaan ko na. Yung cramps na nafefeel ko medyo disturbing na sya. Hindi pa ako nagkakaron pero halos every day yung cramps so natakot ako. My friends told me to consult sa OB, baka daw kasi may something na like cyst or whatever. But I was too stubborn and lazy para pumunta sa doctor. And then May 3, 2019, a supposed to be an ordinary day for me napansin kong parang may stain na sobrang konti lang and medyo brownish sa undies ko. Naisip ko, spotting to ah? But I’m not sure. May lakad pa naman kami ng family ko that time, maglulunch kasi paalis na din ang tatay ko. I managed to sneak out while I’m wih my family sa mall para makabili ng PT. Iniisip ko that time, try ko na lang ulit to and kapag nag negative magpapa check na talaga ko sa doctor. So ayan, I’m pregnant. Buntis. May baby na sa loob ng tummy ko.

Paul is the happiest nung nalaman nya. That time nasa isang event sya para mag host nung sinabi ko sakanya na positive yung result. Hindi daw sya mapakali, sobrang saya nya na gusto nya ng umuwi at puntahan ako. I am also happy sa reaction nya. This is his dream. This is what he wanted from the start, to have his own family and be a father to his own child.

A week after, I have to check again with my OB. You know, the usual follow up check ups. Nagpa ultrasound ako ulit and we found out that our baby has no heartbeat yet. Alarming sya kasi dapat meron na. Sinabihan kami ni Doc na possible na may problema. Na pwedeng hindi matuloy ang pregnancy because of some factors. My feeling that time? Para akong sinaksak ng sampung beses. Baka nga hindi lang 10x. Sobrang sakit, nakakakaba. Paano na baby namin? Mawawala na lang ba sya ng ganon? My OB gave us another week to repeat the ultrasound and see kung may development or may heartbeat na. Nanghina kami pareho ni Paul. Kitang kita ko at never ko makakalimutan kung paano sya umiyak ng umiyak sa result ng check up. Ako? Nakatulala. Pinipigilan kong umiyak pero naluluha na ako. Ayoko kasing maging mahina para kay Paul. Kung sya ang weak that time, kailangan ko maging strong para sakanya. Para saming tatlo ng munti naming anghel. Pero akala ko lang kaya ko magpaka strong. Pagkauwi namin sa bahay, parang bigla akong nanghina. Bumagsak ang katawan ko sa kama at dun na lumabas lahat ng emosyon na pinigilan ko. Umiyak ako ng umiyak. Ang sakit sakit ng puso ko, parang dinudurog. Mixed emotions. Natatakot ako at the same time para akong namamatay. Masakit. Sobrang sakit. Iniisip ko nga, saan ako nagkulang? Saan ako nagkamali? Hindi ko alam kung ano pang dapat kong maramdaman. Basta ang alam ko, nauubos ako.

May 25, 2019. The day of my ultrasound (again) to check if may development na and kung may heart beat na. A night before that, sobra kaming nagpray ni Paul na sana meron ng heart beat. Na sana okay si baby and hindi sya mawala. But the unfortunate news came to us, wala pa ding heart beat. Hindi na develop si baby. Wala na pala kaming hihintayin. In short, miscarriage. Unlike the other day, mas tinanggap namin ng maayos ni Paul. Wala ng iyakan. Wala ng dramahan. Sabi nga nila look at the brighter side of life. Inisip namin, baka hindi pa to para samin. Baka nga may mas better na plano pa. Ganun naman talaga, life goes on. I know naman my little angel wanted to see this world. But maybe she (yes, naniniwala kasi ako na dapat girl sya) was not yet ready, or kami.

To my little angel, I love you so much. Hindi lang ako, pati daddy mo. Too bad you were not able to meet him. Makilala mo sana kung gaano kabuti ang puso nya. You will know how excited he is na alagaan at mahalin ka. But that’s okay, I know my dog Cookie will be there for you to play in heaven. Paki hug and kiss na lang ako sakanya anak ha? Mahal na mahal ko kayo. This is never goodbye, you will be forever in my heart. You will never be forgotten. You will be my lifetime pain. I love you my angel. Kisses from Mommy and Daddy. 👼🏻

honigimohr

i didn’t realize growing up meant dying inside but hey it’s whatever

escafeism

Brave heart,

You don’t need to.

You don’t need people’s validation to know how loved and adored you are.

You don’t need their recognition because you are already acknowledged.

You don’t need to compromise your faith just to please society.

Love, you are not made for this world and truth to be told, nobody can love you the way He does. You are the reason why He started the fight —the reason why He conquered the grave. You are the reason why heaven has been brought down.

Stop worrying too much about your reputation that you end up losing the person that He is making in you.

In His love there is no doubt.

In His love there is contentment.

In His love there is fullness of joy.

—🥀j.a

escafeism

“It’s nice to be someone’s home, soft spot and comfort zone. It’s nice knowing that no matter how clumsy and awkward you can be sometimes, someone got you. Someone is coming back to hold your hand and kiss the sadness away. At the end of the day, you are deeply loved.”

— 𝓭.𝓻.𝓷

andlifemovesonn

J P U ♥

Hi. It’s been awhile since my last entry. Medyo busy sa work (pinaka kainis na excuse ko pero tamad lang talaga 😅) kaya hindi na ako masyado naka visit sa blog. But anyway, I thought it would be nice to write something about him. His name is Paul (full name would be John Paul U.) but I prefer calling him Paul aside from our endearment, “Love” 😳. We’ve been dating for 10 months now and so far, the best relationship that I had. I know it’s too early to say that but you cannot blame me, I am the happiest when I’m with him. Alam nyo yung feeling na kahit hindi mo sya everyday kasama eh panatag yung puso mo na he will never cheat on you? (subukan nya lang din talaga kung hindi ✂ 🍆) lol. Kidding aside, I did not expect him to be someone who is matured enough to handle all the frustrations and mood swings that I have. Believe me, if you know me well, you know how hard it is to deal with my dark side.

Paul is older than me (11 years to be exact) but if you will try to know him, you will never feel that we have that kind of age gap. He has a good sense of humor. Lagi akong masaya kapag kasama sya, hindi lang dahil mahal ko sya pero sobrang benta talaga sakin ng mga silly jokes nya. One time we were in mall and bigla na lang sya nagbitaw ng sobrang nakakatawang joke. I almost forgot that we were in a public place that I laugh so hard (& super loud). Palagi syang ganun, he will joke around in such an unexpected place and time. No wonder people will stare at me for laughing that hard. Paul has a kind heart. He always try his best to be understanding and see the good in everything. Minsan naiinggit ako sakanya, napakalawak nyang mag isip. Minsan I asked him bakit hindi sya nagtatanong kung sino mga ka chat ko, kung sino mga nakakausap ko at bakit never sya nagduda sa akin. I was dumbfounded when he said, “Ayoko kasing pag isipan ka ng masama. Hindi ako ganun.” And from then, I realized that I am too lucky to have him. I already found my person. I already found him.

knightlyhoods-deactivated202404

listen……. ‘my love’ is literally the strongest and greatest pet name in existence. there is literally nothin better than somone callin you that….. especially when things are soft and quiet and they look at you with utter adoration and whisper “what’s the matter, my love??” or “i hope everything is okay with you, my love” like oh my god?? let me marry you already

desires

Visit Original Link

Cause it was us baby, way before then And we’re still together And I meant, every word I said When I said that I love you I meant That I love you forever

escafeism

I am not perfect by any means. I have a reputation for being terribly clumsy, I’m forgetful at times, ill tempered, very sarcastic by nature and occasionally weird. But loving you is something that comes very natural to me. I was able to do things that I though was impossible and I can’t seem to stop. I never liked quiet places but I really love being alone with you. I was always outgoing and friendly but I’d give up all of my free time just spend more time with you. I was never a morning person but waking up before you just to greet you a happy morning is nothing to me. Though I still hate cold mornings, I’d never let you feel alone. I’d like to make sure that every day you are reminded that I’m still here. I will always be here, choosing you as my life partner for all of my tomorrows.

𝓭.𝓻.𝓷

(via

escafeism

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