My wishful thinking at 2am sounds like me pleading with God
Fighting the angel and the devil on my shoulders
But my heart misses you, it weeps at the past and moments we shared..how close forever was to us
While my heart pleads for your role in my life
My head reminds me of the evident, you left and as much as I want you to change
That is just wishful thinking, a man who really wanted me would
My head debates about wanting you to change for your sake and selfishly for mine, it says we shouldn’t change the people we like; rather accept them for who they are
But we could be so great together
Great if you stood by your morals and values, if you create boundaries, if you didn’t gaslight me about sacrificing your time with your friend, if you put down the bottle, great, if you followed your own rhythm of your heart, great, If you’d try
I talk to God and realize you are aware of the changes that need to be made. That you aren’t quite ready. I talk to God and ask if it’s really you for me, I ask if you need time, I ask for a peace of mind, for my anxiety to calm, for my mind to settle, to refocus on my life
Hearing your voice and your laughter, the random calls filled with boat talk and words I don’t understand.
I ask God, to get me through this and calm my heart. To lead me where my heart is cherished, where the effort is seen, where persistence meets the death of pride and he knocks at my door with flowers in his hands, and he says “I miss you. I am working on making myself better, for me, for you, for our future kids, for our family.”
But that is just wishful thinking
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turnnoffyourmind
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