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@auntiesocks
How do we start conversations about suicide? Watch our interview with Dr. Christine Moutier from American Foundation for Suicide Prevention as we learn more about suicide prevention, seeking help, and taking care of ourselves throughout the process.
Witches, self care is everything! Friendly reminder 😊
I needed to see this :) time to spread it to others who may need it too!
I’m going to give you the best piece of Adult Life Is Hard advice I’ve ever learned:
Talk to people when things go to shit.
I don’t just mean get it off your chest, although that’s good. I mean: Something’s wrong with your paycheck/you lost your job/you had unexpected emergency car repairs and now you’re broke so your credit card payment is late. Like, not just 15 days late. We’re talking, shit got crazy and now you’re 90 days late with compounded interest and late fees and the Minimum Payment Due is, like, $390, and you’ve got about $3.90 in your bank account. Call the credit card company.
I know it’s scary. I know you feel like you’re going to get in trouble, like you’re gong to get yelled at or scolded for not having your life together. But the credit card company isn’t your parents; they’re just interested in getting money from you. And you can’t squeeze blood from a stone or money from someone who doesn’t have any. So what you do is you call them. You explain you’re experiencing temporary financial hardships, and you’re currently unable to bring your account up to date, but you don’t want to just let it get worse. Can you maybe talk to someone about a payment plan so you can work something out? Nine times out of ten you’ll be able to negotiate something so that at least it’s not just taking a constant, giant shit on your credit score.
- Can’t pay your power bill? Call the power company.
- Can’t pay your full rent? Talk to your landlord.
- Had to go to the hospital without insurance and have giant medical bills looming in your place? Call the hospital and ask if they have someone who helps people with financial hardships. Many do.
- Got super sick and missed half a semester of class because flu/pneumonia/auto-immune problems/depressive episode? Talk to your professor. If that doesn’t help, talk to your advisor.
You may not be able to fix everything, but you’ll likely be able to make improvements. At the very least, it’s possible that they have a list of people you can contact to help you with things. (Also, don’t be afraid to google things like, “I can’t pay my power bill [state you live in]” because you’d be surprised at what turns up on Google!) But the thing is, people in these positions gain nothing if you fail. There’s no emotional satisfaction for them if your attempts at having your life together completely bite the dust. In fact, they stand to benefit if things work out for you! And chances are, they’ll be completely happy to take $20 a month from you over getting $0 a month from you, your account will be considered current because you’ve talked to them and made an agreement, you won’t get reported to a collections agency, and your credit score won’t completely tank.
Here’s some helpful tips to keep in mind:
1. Be polite. Don’t demand things; request them. Let me tell you about how customer service people hold your life in their hands and how many extra miles they’ll go for someone who is nice to them.
2. Stick to the facts, and keep them minimal unless asked for them. Chances are they’re not really interested in the details. “We had several family emergencies in a row, and now I’m having trouble making the payments” is better than “Well, two months ago my husband wrecked his bike, and then he had a reaction to the muscle relaxer they gave him, and then our dog swallowed a shoestring and we had to take him to the emergency clinic, and just last week MY car broke down, and now my account’s in the negatives and I don’t know how I’m gonna get it back out.” The person you’re talking to is aware shit happens to everyone; they don’t need the details to prove you’re somehow “worthy” of being helped. They may ask you for details at a certain point if they have to fill out any kind of request form, but let them do that.
3. Ask questions. “Is there anything we can do about X?” “Would it be possible to move my payment date to Y day instead so it’s not coming out of the same paycheck as my rent?” The answer may be “no.” That’s not a failure on your part. But a good customer service person may have an alternate solution.
Anyway! I hope that helps! Don’t just assume the answer is “no” before you’ve even begun. There is more help out there than you ever imagined.
Hey guys, this is an old post, but it’s still relevant, and I thought I’d re-up it for living in COVID times when a lot of people are losing income. Don’t be afraid to toss that in when you call to ask for help! “I’ve experienced a loss of income due to COVID-19″ is gonna be all you need to say for most places, because wow let me tell you how much this is the case. A lot of places are setting up COVID-19 specific relief policies, so this may be even easier than normal.
Good luck, stay safe, stay inside if you can, and wash your hands. <3
What’s going to make you happy right now? Is it some cake? Is it a nap? Is it calling your mom? Is it going on a drive and blasting music? Is it taking a bath? Is it reading a book?
Check in with yourself because you deserve that happiness, whatever it is.
I use this with my hospice patients a lot. Because "is there anything I can do to help?" rarely gets a response. But, "I'll be here till 6:30 and would like to do one thing to make your room more comfortable before I head out" frequently does get an answer. Often something they deem "too small to bug anyone with" like closing the blinds so there's no reflection on the tv, or repositioning their socks because the heels have wandered into the front and are uncomfortable, or they want ice cream before dinner today, or getting an extra blanket.
I also use this on myself. What's one thing I could do to make my environment more comfortable right now? Does it cure my mental illness? Hell no! Does it make me feel more in control of my feelings and the world around me? You betcha!
Art by Hector aka shitty watercolor
😭😭😭😭
SORRY FOR THE VERY PERSONAL COMIC!!
This is my half of “Unhealthy”, an essay comic double header with the lovely and talented Sarah Winifred Searle. She and I both wrote about our personal experiences as overweight ladies with eating disorders, and her story is breathtaking! You can buy a physical copy of the book here: https://topatoco.com/collections/abby-howard/products/ah-unhealthy
Or buy a digital PDF here: https://abbyhoward.itch.io/unhealthy
I figure out I had ADHD last year, but I didn’t seek an official diagnosis and medication until this year. I’m 30 years old, my school days are long behind me. I slipped through the cracks because I have predominately inattentive type and I was a quiet little girl. Having ADHD does not mean you have to be hyperactive and loud, it means you have a processing problem in your brain that doesn’t allow you to regulate your focus or emotions.
Mental health even now is still taboo to talk about. People are more open now than ever about it however and that gives me hope.
This is a profoundly personal comic and it only reflects my own experience with ADHD. It is on a spectrum with a wide range of personalities. But if my story connects with someone else and helps them, that would mean the world to me.
Honestly, I sometimes find the sheer amount of sexual/romantic/gender identities overwhelming. When I was in high school, all you ever heard about was gay, lesbian, and bi. Maybe an occasional “trans” but it was usually in front of “-vestite” (transvestite). We didn’t have all these other identities…
…and I’m not saying that was a good thing at all, because I would have loved to have heard about asexuality and especially autochorissexuality back then. Oh, that would have been SO FUCKING USEFUL.
But what I am saying is that it’s just hard for my old, withered brain to keep up sometimes. Like, I just reblogged that post about “oriented aroaces.” Whoof, that’ll take some getting used to.
BUT! I will work on doing it! Because I don’t want anyone to feel like I’m invalidating them or the various facets of their identity. I don’t want to do that. I might screw up accidentally, but if I do? Just correct me, and I’ll keep working on it, and I’ll get it, eventually.
And even if you’re not my MAJESTIC AGE, even if you’re younger (or older) and you’re having trouble with all of this?
THAT IS ALSO OKAY.
It feels like - especially on Tumblr - that you have to KNOW YOUR IDENTITY and that it is then WRITTEN IN STONE (as soon as you put it in your bio). But none of that is true.
It’s okay not to know. It’s okay not to be sure yet. It’s okay to put it in your bio… or not! It’s okay to say “I’m _____” even if you’re not really sure yet that it totally fits (that’s why I love words like “queer,” because not only does it cover a lot of bases at once, it keeps you from feeling like you’re required to specify yourself).
Remember that you don’t owe information about your sexual/romantic/gender identities to ANYONE you don’t want to give that information to (well, slight caveat: you might want to tell possible partners - in either the sexual and/or romantic senses - about that stuff).
It’s okay to realize some other “label” fits you better now. It’s okay to think, “Hey, maybe I’m not X, I’m actually Y.” It’s okay to struggle if a long-time friend who has used This Name and These Pronouns for SO LONG suddenly changes them - I’m going through that with a friend of mine I’ve had for over a decade, actually. And sometimes I mess up - over 10 years of using One Set of Pronouns is hard to change! - but I’m getting better. I mess up less often now.
You don’t have to be perfect. You don’t have to decide everything all at once. And you can change your mind on what decisions you do make.
It’s called growing up human.
The most important thing is just to Be Kind. Be thoughtful and considerate, because we’re all struggling. Struggling to correctly identify ourselves, let alone everyone else around us.
Be Kind to Others, and, most of all, Be Kind To Yourself.
a brief primer for the hopeless days, pt. III:
“It all matters. That someone turns out the lamp, picks up the windblown wrapper, says hello to the invalid, pays at the unattended lot, listens to the repeated tale, folds the abandoned laundry, plays the game fairly, tells the story honestly, acknowledges help, gives credit, says good night, resists temptation, wipes the counter, waits at the yellow, makes the bed, tips the maid, remembers the illness, congratulates the victor, accepts the consequences, takes a stand, steps up, offers a hand, goes first, goes last, chooses the small portion, teaches the child, tends to the dying, comforts the grieving, removes the splinter, wipes the tear, directs the lost, touches the lonely, is the whole thing. What is most beautiful is least acknowledged. What is worth dying for is barely noticed.”
— Laura McBride, We Are Called to Rise
— Sandra Cisneros, A House of My Own
“I have a memory which I want to share with you. It’s about a secret practice of women, men, old people, children. We become aware of this practice obliquely, it’s not something we’re looking for, and very quickly we take it for granted […] Consider human lives, their every-minute, every-day lives! Their lives depend upon an agreed regularity to which each contributes. Maintaining this regularity is the forgotten practice I’m talking about. It explains the arrival of the fruit in the market each day, the lights on the street at night, the letters slipped under the front door, the matches in a match box all pointing in the same direction, music heard on the radio, smiles exchanged between strangers. The regularity has a beat, very distant, often inaudible, and at the same time similar to a heartbeat. No place for illusions here. The beat doesn’t stop solitude, it doesn’t cure pain, you can’t telephone it—it’s simply a reminder that you belong to a shared story.”
— John Berger, From A to X: A Story in Letters
— Danusha Leméris, “Small Kindnesses”
“No, somebody always needs to go first. I know this. I go first.”
— Jenny Slate, Little Weirds
“I’ve never told you this,” she said. “But there’s something about taking the cart back instead of leaving it in the parking lot. I don’t know when this came to me; it was a few years ago. There’s a difference between leaving it where you empty it and taking it back to the front of the store. It’s significant.” “Because somebody has to take them in.” “Yes. And if you know that, and you do it for that one guy, you do something else. You join the world…You move out of your isolation and become universal.”
— Andre Dubus, “Out of the Snow”, Dancing After Hours
— Ross Gay, The Book of Delights
“I’ve never managed to get used to seeing people die. That’s all I know. Yet after all—" Rieux fell silent and sat down. He felt his mouth dry. “After all—?” Tarrou prompted softly. “After all,” the doctor repeated, then hesitated again, fixing his eyes on Tarrou, “it’s something that a man of your sort can understand most likely, but, since the order of the world is shaped by death, mightn’t it be better for God if we refuse to believe in Him and struggle with all our might against death, without raising our eyes toward the heaven where He sits in silence.” Tarrou nodded. “Yes. But your victories will never be lasting; that’s all.” Rieux’s face darkened. “Yes, I know that. But it’s no reason for giving up the struggle.”
— Albert Camus, The Plague
— Charles Schulz, Peanuts, May 11, 1956
— Philip Larkin, “An Arundel Tomb”
while we’re at this “i want a gf/bf” trend, i’d like to say that it’s important to remember to please not mistake your need to fulfill years of loneliness and neglected love for a real desire to be in a relationship.
it’s risky not only for your partner to be with someone who wants them to compensate all the love they didn’t have, but it’s absolutely dangerous for you to jump into any opportunity to date and to be given affection, because you might end up dating people who will not only take advantage of you, but might hurt you as well.
having a partner and sharing affection is an amazing experience, but it’s something that takes work, time and maturity. sometimes, you’re just not ready for it yet - but that doesn’t mean you’ll never be. take a deep breath: love will come to you just in time!
whatever it is you need good luck for, i wish you good luck. tests, job, home life, social life, mental health, physical health, love life. you name it. this post is wishing you good luck on all of that.