“I’m not a junkie,” he spits again, and he doesn’t care if it’s a lie. He doesn’t care if that’s what she’ll label herself, that he might belong there too if that’s the case. None of that matters because he just can’t stomach the word, an awful, stubborn refusal to believe that’s all he is. He wasn’t arrogant enough to call himself an artist, but guitarist, musician, anything other than junkie when he can feel it eating him alive from the inside out.
But the rest of it, anything else he might say, dies on his tongue. Apologies he thinks she deserves because somewhere he knows it’s not her fault. She isn’t wrong, it is bullshit, and the resentment he’s placing on her because she has more power than he can dream of isn’t anything she’s earned. A better day, he’ll just appreciate what she can do, something smug in the thought that one of his only friends is a god damned witch. It just isn’t a better day, too much pressing down on his chest until he can’t breathe with it, and his gaze falls away.
Except there’s nowhere else to go but to the scar on his arm. There are still thin, white lines etching out exactly where teeth sank into his flesh, but they stopped mattering a while ago. It’s the blackness that’s taken over, the way it spreads across his flesh in black lines, and if he can lie about it, he doesn’t think anyone will believe they’re simple tattoos now.
“’M sorry.” It’s not something he offers often, to anyone, but he does now. Even if the words mumbled quietly, half beneath his breath, it still carries too much regret. For the sharp words he offered her, for the fact that he showed her at all.
It’s accompanied by fear, a selfish kind that she’ll turn around and tell someone. He doesn’t know who, he hasn’t paid attention, and he hates that ignorance. Even worse, the thought that whatever friendship they’d tried to dig out of the wreckage of New York, it wouldn’t hold up against the proof of his cursed existence. His fingers tug at his sleeve again, dragging it back down over his arm before they both curve around his waist in some protective motion. “I don’t know what’s happening to me.”
There’s a scoff that leaves her lips as he denies what they both are again and while at any other time she’d have enough bitterness and anger to continue her argument that he was one just like she was. That they had always been tied together by their addictions and that made him exactly the same regardless of his attempts to claim otherwise. And perhaps if it was someone else she’d have had little issue in bursting their bubble but it was Eli and he was still protected from the worst of her even if he wasn’t a stranger to it.
It’s the apology that stuns her more than anything, the word sounded as strange from his lips when it’s not laced with some sort or sarcasm as it does from hers. With the words murmured she’s not sure she heard him correctly but there’s just enough in his posture to suggest that she hadn’t dreamt it.
A part of her wants to hold a grudge, to hold him responsible for the things he said and the way that the words had cut like knives and threatened to sever their friendship. Except instead she finds an odd feeling of forgiveness settling on her and it leaves her at a loss of what to say or do when she hadn’t thought that she was capable of such a thing. The last people who had slighted her had ended in her wishing for their deaths after all.
But there was none of that with Eli, only a frown on her features that was filled with both confusion and concern. So instead she just speaks softly enough so she doesn’t interrupt her train of thought as she tries to work out the marking that was curling its way under his skin. “I know.”
Magic was still too new to her for her to have any idea of whether whatever had happened was something to do with the powers she could now command. The black lines stayed etched in her mind even after he covers them over again and the witch chews her lip absentmindedly as though that will help her solve the problem at had. But it doesn’t and she admits as much. “Me neither. But we’ll figure it out.” It’s as open a declaration as he’ll get that she’s there for him. That she isn’t going anywhere and if he wants her help then he’s got it.