genre/warnings. childhood friends to lovers, slow burn, fluff and angst
summary.
in which kinich learns the value of all things: lives, friendship, and, of course, you. or, in which kinich realizes that you are the only priceless thing in this world.
author's note. the absolute final chapter of turnfire, a retelling of chapter 9, "best left unsaid", from kinich's pov. i think this chapter is when everything really starts to unravel for him, because for the entire second half of the fic he's really contending with wanting to choose reader but having already committed himself to the war. thank you once again for reading and for everything thus far! reblogs/interaction are highly appreciated!
Kinich fears that the day that you meet again, you will not recognize his face.
The thought haunts him in the form of recurring nightmares and unsettling daydreams. He awakens abruptly sometimes, one hand clutching at his chest and your name slipping off his tongue. It unexpectedly distracts him during jobs sometimes, the mere passing notion leaving his chest tight.
It's not that he fears you're any differentโeven if you were, he's not sure it would matter. There is likely nothing in this material world that could change his feelings for you.
But he is different now, and he's unsure if that would change anything for you.
Chief Wayna, with a pitying look in his eyes, never questions the exact circumstances through which the two of you went your separate ways, and Kinich is not exactly eager to share regardless. He can feel the stares of all the villagers every time he walks through the Scions of the Canopy, their eyes pausing at his side, as if sensing something missing.
They're not wrong, he thinksโthe void that you'd left in his life had been insurmountable. Even as he devotes himself to preparing for Mavuika's plan, he wonders about you in the night. Ajaw is snoring softly next to him, and the stars wink in the distant sky.
And still, he hopes that you are looking up at the same moon.
/
"Kin?"
The sound of your voice wounds him, then sews him up all at once. His mind is racingโthough the outside chatter has long since dulled to white noise, he can't seem to focus on one thing in particular.
You're beautifulโdevastatingly so. He's always thought that, but he'd forgotten just how much it affected him; it nearly shatters him on the spot. There's a pressure building in his chest, and he wants to call it surprise, but it feels like something more chaotic.
The mere sight of you threatens to lay waste to all of his convictionsโhis commitment to Mavuika's plan, to this Ancient Name. His fist tightens at his side, and he has to make an intentional effort to release the tension in his shoulders.
Mualani nudges at his shoulder, as if sensing his unease.
"Do you two know each other?"
There is no way that Mualani could know the extent to which you are woven into his very DNA, inlaid in his heartbeat. He'd been intentional in concealing that part of himself, in forcing himself unto this prophecy and this Ancient Name. He'd torn himself apart to ensure as much.
So although he wants to say that you're the most important person in his life, his reason to fight, all he says is:
"We're from the same tribe, yeah."
The words don't taste right on his tongue, so he forces them out quickly.
He doesn't miss the twitch at the corner of your lip. You correct the act, but your smile is so strained that it looks painful. Kinich forces himself to look away, unable to contend with the apparent disappointment in your stare.
"Oh, well, it's nice to meet you! I'm Mualani!"
Mualani is greeting you with the enthusiasm that he should've had, would've had, if not for everything else. If not for you, then for Natlan, Kinich has committed himself to something for larger than either one of you.
He hates himself for leaving that look on your faceโyour features are twisted with distress, and years ago, he would've done anything to resolve your worries. Even now, he would, but he isn't sure how to do so when he remains the root cause.
But a sick part of him feels relieved, in a way. Relieved that he still has some sort of meaning to you, that his presence still holds some significance in your life. It's proof that everything that had transpired between you had not been a lie, nor something unmemorableโit was real, every moment.
Even until the moment you had left.
"How dare you leave me behind to babysit your stupid friends, servant?! You can't just go doing whatever you want all the time!"
Kinich's breath sticks in his throatโout of all the times for Ajaw to appear, this would have to be one of the worst. Annoying as he is, Ajaw had been the last witness of your relationship. No one else could know the extent of it except for him.
You have a similar jolt to your shoulders upon hearing the familiar voice, and Kinich can't manage a word before Ajaw floats up to his side, already laden with more complaints.
It all happens in near-horrific slow-motion. Kinich belatedly registers Kachina and the Traveler's additional appearance, and then Ajaw's gaze flickers to you, eyes widening in surprise before he loudly declares:
"The girlfriend again? Thought I'd seen the last of you years ago. I practically forgot you existedโ"
Even Kinich himself doesn't understand the harshness with which he swats Ajaw away. It hadn't been an unexpected thing for the dragon to say, but it was wholly unwelcome.
He's unsure how you might've described your relationshipโas friends, or roommates, or something more. But most of all, he'd never forgotten that you'd existedโthat much would be impossible. Ajaw should know as much, considering how often Kinich speaks your name in his sleep, in the quiet moments.
Something inside you seems to fracture, albeit quietly. You look entirely lost, your stare dragging over his face, searching for answers that he can't provide.
Everything fades to a distant buzz. A sense of panic wells in his chest, and every breath he takes seems to make his lungs grow tighter and tighter. It's not rightโnone of this right. Your reunion was never supposed to happen this way. He'd been a fool to think that he could control as much.
"Yeah, we used to know each other," you say, hesitant.
He only hears this vaguely, but it pierces his heart all the same. Used to. Everything about your relationship had existed in the past, in a time that no longer exists. You've probably long moved on from dreaming and hoping that the two of you would meet again, at least in the way that he had.
It would be better that wayโhe could commit himself to his fate, and you could grow in yours. Both of you have contrasting paths, and maybe your futures weren't meant to align. Despite the logical side of him knowing this could be true, Kinich can't stop the bile that rises in his throat.
Only when you break from the group, turning on your heel and disappearing into the crowd, does he finally look up again. Everyone is staring at him, mouths agape, but all he can see is you, fading into the distance.
Don't follow her. You already made up your mind.
His mind says one thing, but his body says anotherโbefore he can stop himself, he's shoving through the crowd, stare zeroed in on the back of your head. It's a habit of his, maybe, one that he's never been able to break.
Because no matter where you are, or how long it's been, he just can't seem to leave you alone.
He'd been careful enough all these years, knowing that much about himself. Ever since he'd cemented his resolve to aid in Mavuika's plan, he'd been cautious in keeping you at arm's length. Watching from afar, maybe, always ensuring your safety, but never taking that extra step to be standing in front of you again.
Because there really is nothing else on his mind when he looks at you. Not the plan, not the Abyss, not even himselfโjust you, only you, always you.
By the time he catches up to you, catching the edge of your sleeve, you've already made your way outside. Outside, the crowd has thinned solely to a few stragglers, but the two of you are largely alone.
"Wait."
He grits his teeth so hard that they sting in his jaw. You don't try too hard to break free from his grip, so he doesn't release you, not yet.
"Let go," you mumble. You're not looking at him, but he can hear the strain in your voice, like you're holding back tears.
He sighs. "It's not what you think."
"You don't know what I think."
"I do. You know I do."
Truthfully, Kinich isn't sure if that's still true. It's the culmination of his selfish desire to still be someone meaningful to you, even though he's chosen this path. If you have even the slightest hesitation, if you're still thinking of him even a little bit, then maybe this wasn't all for nothing.
You finally turn to face him, your gaze pinning him in placeโeverything about you disarms him completely. He wonders if you notice anything different about himโif he's wearing the things he's seen, the things he's experienced, on his face. He wonders if you can still see the bloodstains on his hands.
"You should go eat with everyone else," you grit out. "I'll catch up with you guys later."
He takes another step forward. "It's notโ"
A flash of ruby red catches his eye, and instantly something inside him coils tight, laced with still-hot fear.
"You have a Vision," he breathes.
His Vision had only been gained through agony, sharpness in his chest and blood filling his throatโan experience that he nearly hadn't survived. For you to have the same power, had you been through the same?
"Where did youโฆ"
He's afraid to ask. His throat is so tight that it stings and the look in your eyes is so guarded that he wants to disappear altogether. The desperation building in his chest is palpable, almost painfully so, but the more he knows about you, the less he'll be able to stop himself.
And if you were to tell him that you suffered to gain a Vision, he's unsure that he could handle that declaration.
Because he hadn't been there. Because he'd chosen not to be there.
"Are you okay?"
The concern written over your expression only grows, and Kinich hates himself for it. He'd intended to let you go, to commit himself to the plan so that you would be safe, to keep you from worrying about him. Nothing had gone right in the end.
You have a Vision nowโthat much is an irrefutable fact.
A sudden brush of your hand has him flinching, unprepared. He pulls away without meaning to, sucking in a breath.
"Noโ"
"Sorry, Iโ"
Your expression twists further, like you're trying to make sense of everything. He wishes that he could, too; reason has long since lost him. All he can do is watch as your eyes darken, lips pressed together in a tight line.
"Well, contrary to whatever you think about me, I do have a Vision," you say. "I earned it."
He sucks in a breath. "That's notโฆ"
Arms crossed, you continue, "So do you. And Kachina. And Mualani. I'm just like anyone else." Your lip is quivering now, like you're on the absolute brink of tears. "I have to go."
And you're not incorrect. Kinich knows tons of other Vision holders, but the difference is that they aren't you. No one else is you, and that is the fact that has driven his entire life until now.
If he told you that, you might stay, he thinks as you start to walk away. If he told you everything, you definitely would. But the truth is something he can't quite offer you yet. It would be cruel to hold onto you when he can't give you everything you deserve.
"You're not just anyone."
At his words, you pause in your step.
He takes a deep, uneven breath, letting the fresh air fill his lungs slow. Every thought feels contradictory and disorganized; the mere sight of you has left him undeniably shaken. Kinich can't quite decide what the right choice is.
(He wants it to be you.)
Your voice is a mere whisper. He strains to hear it all the same.
"What?"
He's not the same man anymore. He's sure you're not the same woman either, but there's an undeniable emptiness in his chest, the weight of knowing the impending devastation. He tells himself that he's doing all of this for you, that even if he can't choose you right now, he'll choose you in the end.
(It has to be you.)
If he was smart, he would walk away. He would leave things as they are, and he would leave. But your eyes are so wide, and the air tastes like something familiar, and the sky is cloud-woven in the same way it was in that house at the foot of the cliff.
And you're here. That could never be a mistake.
"To me, you're not just anyone," he admits. Your eyes widen, and his heart jumps in his chest. "You never could be."
It takes a good man to hold on. It takes a great one to know when to let go.
Standing there, with your stare holding his, Kinich suddenly finds himself wanting to apologize to Chief Wayna.
idk what it is nowadays but i see a LOT of posts in tags that are like โwhere are all the GOOD ficsโ or like โall fics nowadays are just xyz but i want abc!!!โ or even when writers get comments/asks itll be like โim so glad i found you in the sea of shitty ficsโ or something insane like thatโฆ..
everyone starts somewhere yall. frankly we need to be encouraging MORE people to write instead if kicking them down when theyโve only just started
okay the next thing that will be posted before ANYTHING ELSE is the xiao fic that was commissioned by miss evie โฆ. i SHALL NOT write another word of anything before i finish that
genre/warnings. childhood friends to lovers, slow burn, fluff and angst
summary.
in which kinich learns the value of all things: lives, friendship, and, of course, you. or, in which kinich realizes that you are the only priceless thing in this world.
author's note. the absolute final chapter of turnfire, a retelling of chapter 9, "best left unsaid", from kinich's pov. i think this chapter is when everything really starts to unravel for him, because for the entire second half of the fic he's really contending with wanting to choose reader but having already committed himself to the war. thank you once again for reading and for everything thus far! reblogs/interaction are highly appreciated!
Kinich fears that the day that you meet again, you will not recognize his face.
The thought haunts him in the form of recurring nightmares and unsettling daydreams. He awakens abruptly sometimes, one hand clutching at his chest and your name slipping off his tongue. It unexpectedly distracts him during jobs sometimes, the mere passing notion leaving his chest tight.
It's not that he fears you're any differentโeven if you were, he's not sure it would matter. There is likely nothing in this material world that could change his feelings for you.
But he is different now, and he's unsure if that would change anything for you.
Chief Wayna, with a pitying look in his eyes, never questions the exact circumstances through which the two of you went your separate ways, and Kinich is not exactly eager to share regardless. He can feel the stares of all the villagers every time he walks through the Scions of the Canopy, their eyes pausing at his side, as if sensing something missing.
They're not wrong, he thinksโthe void that you'd left in his life had been insurmountable. Even as he devotes himself to preparing for Mavuika's plan, he wonders about you in the night. Ajaw is snoring softly next to him, and the stars wink in the distant sky.
And still, he hopes that you are looking up at the same moon.
/
"Kin?"
The sound of your voice wounds him, then sews him up all at once. His mind is racingโthough the outside chatter has long since dulled to white noise, he can't seem to focus on one thing in particular.
You're beautifulโdevastatingly so. He's always thought that, but he'd forgotten just how much it affected him; it nearly shatters him on the spot. There's a pressure building in his chest, and he wants to call it surprise, but it feels like something more chaotic.
The mere sight of you threatens to lay waste to all of his convictionsโhis commitment to Mavuika's plan, to this Ancient Name. His fist tightens at his side, and he has to make an intentional effort to release the tension in his shoulders.
Mualani nudges at his shoulder, as if sensing his unease.
"Do you two know each other?"
There is no way that Mualani could know the extent to which you are woven into his very DNA, inlaid in his heartbeat. He'd been intentional in concealing that part of himself, in forcing himself unto this prophecy and this Ancient Name. He'd torn himself apart to ensure as much.
So although he wants to say that you're the most important person in his life, his reason to fight, all he says is:
"We're from the same tribe, yeah."
The words don't taste right on his tongue, so he forces them out quickly.
He doesn't miss the twitch at the corner of your lip. You correct the act, but your smile is so strained that it looks painful. Kinich forces himself to look away, unable to contend with the apparent disappointment in your stare.
"Oh, well, it's nice to meet you! I'm Mualani!"
Mualani is greeting you with the enthusiasm that he should've had, would've had, if not for everything else. If not for you, then for Natlan, Kinich has committed himself to something for larger than either one of you.
He hates himself for leaving that look on your faceโyour features are twisted with distress, and years ago, he would've done anything to resolve your worries. Even now, he would, but he isn't sure how to do so when he remains the root cause.
But a sick part of him feels relieved, in a way. Relieved that he still has some sort of meaning to you, that his presence still holds some significance in your life. It's proof that everything that had transpired between you had not been a lie, nor something unmemorableโit was real, every moment.
Even until the moment you had left.
"How dare you leave me behind to babysit your stupid friends, servant?! You can't just go doing whatever you want all the time!"
Kinich's breath sticks in his throatโout of all the times for Ajaw to appear, this would have to be one of the worst. Annoying as he is, Ajaw had been the last witness of your relationship. No one else could know the extent of it except for him.
You have a similar jolt to your shoulders upon hearing the familiar voice, and Kinich can't manage a word before Ajaw floats up to his side, already laden with more complaints.
It all happens in near-horrific slow-motion. Kinich belatedly registers Kachina and the Traveler's additional appearance, and then Ajaw's gaze flickers to you, eyes widening in surprise before he loudly declares:
"The girlfriend again? Thought I'd seen the last of you years ago. I practically forgot you existedโ"
Even Kinich himself doesn't understand the harshness with which he swats Ajaw away. It hadn't been an unexpected thing for the dragon to say, but it was wholly unwelcome.
He's unsure how you might've described your relationshipโas friends, or roommates, or something more. But most of all, he'd never forgotten that you'd existedโthat much would be impossible. Ajaw should know as much, considering how often Kinich speaks your name in his sleep, in the quiet moments.
Something inside you seems to fracture, albeit quietly. You look entirely lost, your stare dragging over his face, searching for answers that he can't provide.
Everything fades to a distant buzz. A sense of panic wells in his chest, and every breath he takes seems to make his lungs grow tighter and tighter. It's not rightโnone of this right. Your reunion was never supposed to happen this way. He'd been a fool to think that he could control as much.
"Yeah, we used to know each other," you say, hesitant.
He only hears this vaguely, but it pierces his heart all the same. Used to. Everything about your relationship had existed in the past, in a time that no longer exists. You've probably long moved on from dreaming and hoping that the two of you would meet again, at least in the way that he had.
It would be better that wayโhe could commit himself to his fate, and you could grow in yours. Both of you have contrasting paths, and maybe your futures weren't meant to align. Despite the logical side of him knowing this could be true, Kinich can't stop the bile that rises in his throat.
Only when you break from the group, turning on your heel and disappearing into the crowd, does he finally look up again. Everyone is staring at him, mouths agape, but all he can see is you, fading into the distance.
Don't follow her. You already made up your mind.
His mind says one thing, but his body says anotherโbefore he can stop himself, he's shoving through the crowd, stare zeroed in on the back of your head. It's a habit of his, maybe, one that he's never been able to break.
Because no matter where you are, or how long it's been, he just can't seem to leave you alone.
He'd been careful enough all these years, knowing that much about himself. Ever since he'd cemented his resolve to aid in Mavuika's plan, he'd been cautious in keeping you at arm's length. Watching from afar, maybe, always ensuring your safety, but never taking that extra step to be standing in front of you again.
Because there really is nothing else on his mind when he looks at you. Not the plan, not the Abyss, not even himselfโjust you, only you, always you.
By the time he catches up to you, catching the edge of your sleeve, you've already made your way outside. Outside, the crowd has thinned solely to a few stragglers, but the two of you are largely alone.
"Wait."
He grits his teeth so hard that they sting in his jaw. You don't try too hard to break free from his grip, so he doesn't release you, not yet.
"Let go," you mumble. You're not looking at him, but he can hear the strain in your voice, like you're holding back tears.
He sighs. "It's not what you think."
"You don't know what I think."
"I do. You know I do."
Truthfully, Kinich isn't sure if that's still true. It's the culmination of his selfish desire to still be someone meaningful to you, even though he's chosen this path. If you have even the slightest hesitation, if you're still thinking of him even a little bit, then maybe this wasn't all for nothing.
You finally turn to face him, your gaze pinning him in placeโeverything about you disarms him completely. He wonders if you notice anything different about himโif he's wearing the things he's seen, the things he's experienced, on his face. He wonders if you can still see the bloodstains on his hands.
"You should go eat with everyone else," you grit out. "I'll catch up with you guys later."
He takes another step forward. "It's notโ"
A flash of ruby red catches his eye, and instantly something inside him coils tight, laced with still-hot fear.
"You have a Vision," he breathes.
His Vision had only been gained through agony, sharpness in his chest and blood filling his throatโan experience that he nearly hadn't survived. For you to have the same power, had you been through the same?
"Where did youโฆ"
He's afraid to ask. His throat is so tight that it stings and the look in your eyes is so guarded that he wants to disappear altogether. The desperation building in his chest is palpable, almost painfully so, but the more he knows about you, the less he'll be able to stop himself.
And if you were to tell him that you suffered to gain a Vision, he's unsure that he could handle that declaration.
Because he hadn't been there. Because he'd chosen not to be there.
"Are you okay?"
The concern written over your expression only grows, and Kinich hates himself for it. He'd intended to let you go, to commit himself to the plan so that you would be safe, to keep you from worrying about him. Nothing had gone right in the end.
You have a Vision nowโthat much is an irrefutable fact.
A sudden brush of your hand has him flinching, unprepared. He pulls away without meaning to, sucking in a breath.
"Noโ"
"Sorry, Iโ"
Your expression twists further, like you're trying to make sense of everything. He wishes that he could, too; reason has long since lost him. All he can do is watch as your eyes darken, lips pressed together in a tight line.
"Well, contrary to whatever you think about me, I do have a Vision," you say. "I earned it."
He sucks in a breath. "That's notโฆ"
Arms crossed, you continue, "So do you. And Kachina. And Mualani. I'm just like anyone else." Your lip is quivering now, like you're on the absolute brink of tears. "I have to go."
And you're not incorrect. Kinich knows tons of other Vision holders, but the difference is that they aren't you. No one else is you, and that is the fact that has driven his entire life until now.
If he told you that, you might stay, he thinks as you start to walk away. If he told you everything, you definitely would. But the truth is something he can't quite offer you yet. It would be cruel to hold onto you when he can't give you everything you deserve.
"You're not just anyone."
At his words, you pause in your step.
He takes a deep, uneven breath, letting the fresh air fill his lungs slow. Every thought feels contradictory and disorganized; the mere sight of you has left him undeniably shaken. Kinich can't quite decide what the right choice is.
(He wants it to be you.)
Your voice is a mere whisper. He strains to hear it all the same.
"What?"
He's not the same man anymore. He's sure you're not the same woman either, but there's an undeniable emptiness in his chest, the weight of knowing the impending devastation. He tells himself that he's doing all of this for you, that even if he can't choose you right now, he'll choose you in the end.
(It has to be you.)
If he was smart, he would walk away. He would leave things as they are, and he would leave. But your eyes are so wide, and the air tastes like something familiar, and the sky is cloud-woven in the same way it was in that house at the foot of the cliff.
And you're here. That could never be a mistake.
"To me, you're not just anyone," he admits. Your eyes widen, and his heart jumps in his chest. "You never could be."
It takes a good man to hold on. It takes a great one to know when to let go.
Standing there, with your stare holding his, Kinich suddenly finds himself wanting to apologize to Chief Wayna.
genre/warnings. childhood friends to lovers, slow burn, fluff and angst, drabble collection, death/blood/injury, GRAPHIC DEPICTIONS OF VIOLENCE, additional warnings potentially to be added
taglist. please leave an ask to be added to the taglist!
summary.
in which kinich learns the value of all things: lives, friendship, and, of course, you.
or, in which kinich realizes that you are the only priceless thing in this world.
Hihi!! I hope you're having a wonderful day today ๐ฅน I really love your works and when I saw your ask game I was debating on shooting you an ask ๐ค
I give you Crispysweetsteenich (OC x Kinich w/ a long ass ship name) with my usual order being chocolate milktea ๐ฅน๐
hello hello! please feel free to always send an ask, even if i'm not doing an ask game <3 and i hope your day is lovely as well!
i feel like you're the kind of person who likes sad, angsty movies. a lot of people are like "omg why would i watch something that will only make me sad" but you like feeling that ~full range of human emotion~. you might find it cathartic in a way.
(kinich will watch them with you, if you ask him to. they don't make him cry, but he'll always be glancing at you and checking if YOU started crying lol).
IT LEGIT SAID SEND ME A ASK IM SO STUPID IM SORRY I SWEAR I READ HAHAHA im just the idiot who catches a summer cold ๐ anyways i volunteer as tribute
My only self ship is with kinichโฆ i feel like thats stupid obvious WE USED TO HAVE A BOBA SHOP (i miss u) and my fav thing to order was their honeydew milk tea
HAHAHA it's okay!!! all in good fun here <3
i feel like you're the type to be rather neutral. like in a situation where there's a bunch of people trying to decide on one thing, like a restaurant to eat or something, you'll defer to others before trying to argue for your own preference. you'd just rather everyone else enjoy themselves first.
(kinich won't let that go, though. if someone suggests something he knows that you don't like, he'll instantly veto it. he isn't as willing to let your preferences go).
Kazuha and then I usually order like a passion fruit tea instead of boba... With lychee jelly
(not boba but I wanted to see my assumption ๐ฃ)
ok wait this is unrelated but i count that as boba. like even if it's not tapioca LOL but maybe that's just me. maybe i'm wrong tho. ANYWAY
i feel like you're a trinket collector. like keychains and tiny figurines and cute things. or you WANT to be LOL.
(and kazuha brings you back so many cute little things and souvenirs from his travels. on the rare occasion that you're not traveling WITH him, of course. he just can't stop himself from buying every trinket that reminds him of you).
