Mega Autism

I'm Autistic, aromantic and asexual, and I love cats. Age: thirties. Pronouns: she/her/hers

[autistickeely]

I was so so so happy when Mabel decided to come onto my lap for a cuddle!! It’s the first time she’s felt brave enough to do anything like this. She’s extremely nervous around people and doesn’t come out of her bed much but she has built up trust with me. I’m the first person who she has come up to for a cuddle.

I’ve talked to a lot of autistics who find it easier to connect with animals than they do humans and I am definitely the same way. Animals are so loving, they hold no judgment, they are accepting and they give you comfort. Plus loads of people say that cats are autistic! Cats act in very similar ways to us autistic people which is probably why I am connecting with Mabel as much as I am. I understand her and I let her do things in her own time. I’m definitely turning into a cat person but I still love dogs just as much! My two dogs weren’t too happy with me when I got home because I smelled of cat 😂

[aro-who-reads]

Aro book review: Elatsoe by Darcie Little Badger

I really liked this book! It's about a 17 year old Lipan Apache girl who can talk to the ghosts of animals and is trying the find the truth behind her cousin's murder.

It is set in what the blurb describes as 'an America very similar to our own' - one which has been 'shaped dramatically by the magic, monsters, knowledge, and legends of its peoples, those Indigenous and those not.' It was a really interesting setting to read about, and I loved how it connected to the story even though it wasn't what the story was mainly about.

While the main character, Ellie, is not labelled as aromantic, she is asexual, and from what she says throughout the book is non-partnering and reasonably romance-repulsed. As early as page 10, the book says 'Ellie loathed relationship talk', and the book is full of small references to her identity throughout like this that feel completely real, and solidify her identity even though it is not the focus of the book.

I definitely recommend!

[infiniteglitterfall]

Here's how tired I am right now:

I went down a rabbit hole today and found out that early sexologist Havelock Ellis, who wrote one of the first books arguing for gay rights, was ace. (The book was Sexual Inversion, 1896.)

It took a solid three hours for my brain to realize that that's actually kind of a big deal, given that bigots love to pretend they'd accept aces if only we'd always been here, fighting alongside them.

[turing-tested]

contrary to popular belief not everyone has an innate sense of internal gender or care to have one or seek a name for it, some people go their whole lives without questioning their occupation in one of two gender roles, but for some people, if pressed, they don't feel that internal sense of 'i am a woman' or 'i am a man', and in that case i feel the switch over to transgender vs cisgender relies on active identification of a gender other than the one they were assigned. if someone's like 'idk dude I just work here' then that's valid

[actuallyvady]

#i would describe my gender as not exactly 'idk dude i just work here' #more like.....when someone assumes you work somewhere that you don't #but you know how to help them so you do it anyway #my gender is wearing a red shirt at a target

These are the best tags

[littlebluecaboose]

Those are my tags! And apparently they A) pissed off a TERF and, more importantly, B) were something that resounded with a handful of people, which is nice.

[adventures-in-a-world-of-fiction]

You know how in a lot of computer games you get setup screens and you can tweak your character in lots of ways? Some people, for some games, really care about getting their character right. It’s important to them that these details fit who they want to be for the game, which might be leaving them as default or might mean changing them a bunch. But then some people just take whatever the game gives them as default and click next without really caring.

That second one is me for gender.

I sometimes describe my gender as “female by default.” I was assigned female at birth, given a female name, people identify me as female and use she/her pronouns for me. So I just shrug and go with it. I don’t feel particularly strongly female, but I don’t feel strongly about it enough to feel non-binary or agender or anything else either. My reaction is just a “meh, I guess I’ll roll with it.” I don’t care enough about my gender to bother being/presenting as/identifying as anything other than the default people usually perceive me as.

[rhube]

This is why I identify as non-binary and not trans. This is a really important aspect of being agender that isn’t captured by binary trans vs cis discourse. The way I feel about gender is constantly being erased by trying to fit me into that discourse.

There is something that BOTH trans and cis people seem to feel about gender that I. Just. Don’t.

I’d really rather not talk about gender at all with regard to myself. I don’t understand what people mean when they say they ‘feel like a woman’ or ‘feel like a man’. I’ve come to learn that they really do feel that way and it’s important to them, but it’s something I’m never gonna understand.

[gornwen]

It's not that I don't think about my gender, it's more I've thought about it and don't really give a shit.

[30-minute-memes]

Would be a pleasure going to THIS gender neutral bathroom

[queerdo-mcjewface]

[Image description] Photo of a young person with light skin, brown hair, and brown eyes wearing a black jacket. They are in front of a marker reading “Margaret Thatcher 1925-2013” Caption: I am at a gender neutral bathroom [End ID]

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

I know I said the December 2020 redemption arc was going to be poorly written, but Elliot Page (Juno, Umbrella Academy) just came out as transgender, so actually sometimes this fragile world can defy our expectations, and exceed our careful cautious hopes.

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

#this is a REALLY BIG FREAKING DEAL for our community ok  #holy shit do you know how many trans kids in conservation communities who don’t even understand their identities yet are going to be WATCHING this

#oh and also he’s nonbinary which is a big fucking deal  #I don’t think we’ve ever had such a big name celebrity come out as trans before?  #and certainly not an openly nonbinary one  #he uses he/they pronouns and i’m just. i think i might actually cry a bit

#I was in my twenties before i even KNEW people like me existed. i didn’t even know being me was an *option*  #fucking hell this will make an enormous difference to so many people like me who thought we were alone#  anyway i just adopted a kitten so i’m about to wake her up so we can have a discussion about this bc it’s 11pm and i need someone to talk to 

[bunjywunjy]

What animal looks like it would screm the loudest

the bare-throated bellbird is so loud that it can cause permanent damage to human hearing at close range!

and they absolutely look like it.

[peppermintquartz]

edit: i couldn’t resist

[peppermintquartz]

That felt too mild so may i present AAAAAA bird v2

[weirdoughnut]

saved as →

[intjacob]

[dollsahoy]

These are cute but misleading, because the call doesn’t go on–it’s more like one single, quick, rusty beep, only that  beep is one of the loudest sounds made by any land animal

[beetleboo]

oh i’m so glad you have a video of ‘em, I knew I had seen one before!

I have provided an updated funnypic to more accurately reflect the reality of the bird.

[mattefier-deactivated20221118]

That birb sounds RUSTY

[kipplekipple]

That bird sounds like it’s running radar

[sonofahurricane]

the thing about queer history is if you’re looking for yourself in the past as you see yourself now it’s not gonna work, or it will work but um badly and often sloppily 

my FAVORITE thing about queer history is looking to the past and seeing it doesn’t have to be like it is in my current moment. “the closet”? Historical construction that appears in the 50s. a divide between gay and lesbian identity and trans identity (ie “trans” is a distinct category from “gay”)? so fucking recent there are ALMOST DEFINITELY communities where that hasn’t happened, and there are 1000% people living who struggle with that divide because it is actually *new* to them

we *have* to be flexible–to be QUEER–with our genealogies because queer genealogy doesn’t WORK the same way genealogies do for other marginalized identities. most of us (not all of us!) don’t have queer parents who taught us how to be queer. we don’t have literal queer ancestors; and honestly even if we do, we might not recognize them on their own terms. 

is that unsatisfying? yeah it can be, if what you want is proof you had a past in this specific way. but you are a product of your present moment. things are possible now that weren’t, and things were possible then that are not now. looking to the past at its best for me is recognizing that there are different ways of being, which means we can imagine different ways for the future. they may not be modeled directly on the past, but IT DOESN’T HAVE TO BE LIKE IT IS NOW, AND HAS NOT ALWAYS BEEN. 

[millenniumfae]

Hey! I've had an asexual character for years that's part of a story I'm about to start putting into fruition. I'm not asexual but I want to represent the sexuality accurately. Any suggestions/ places I should look for ideas? Thank you.

If you’re not ace yourself, then your references should come straight from the minds and mouths of ace people. You’ll need to explore the minds of people who live that ace experience, and pay attention to what we want out of life, and also pay attention to the things we fear.

There already exists ace/aro writers, and it’d go a long way to study and explore how they went approaching writing asexuality. Or not even asexuality specifically, but sexuality in general. Asexuality doesn’t just influence your sex life, it also influences everything from your relationship with your body, to your interaction with strangers in public areas, to your comprehension of consent and the word ‘no’, and beyond.

I imagine that getting into the head of an ace character while not being ace yourself can run risks of things just … not adding up. You need to search for resources that aren’t just directed at allosexual people, but also for those dedicated amongst ourselves. Since there’s this huge dearth of accessible information out there, it’s common enough that your run-of-the-mill ace is well practiced at self reflection and the ability to articulate those thoughts.

Words and concepts used in asexual communities

Asexual POC Resources

The Aphobia Masterpost

What Does Love Mean When You’re Asexual? (Using a videogame as an analogy)

Dating While Asexual

Sex While Asexual: What’s Going On?Sex Tips For The Hypersexual Ace

There’s also some stuff written by writers, for writers, about asexuality;

Aces Are Not One Flavor: A Don’t-Do List of Lazy Characterization

Love and Sex in Literature

Issues when writing an ace character

Stereotypes to avoid when writing asexual characters

Why so many stories about asexuality hurt asexual people

Writing Asexual Characters: Character-Development Questions

How to show that a character is asexual

Writing sex scenes with asexual characters

Writing Demisexual Characters (Without Invalidating Asexuality)

[keplercryptids]

i’ve been on hold at my library for a book about asexuality for a few weeks and i just read an article about some concepts in the book re: consent. and holy shit. blew my mind. i’ve NEVER read about consent in the context of a relationship with an ace and an allo that resonated so strongly with me, and as a person in such a relationship!! it’s so!!! i’m even more excited for the book now.

for anyone interested, the article is How to Negotiate Better Consent: An Asexual Perspective and the book i’m waiting for is Ace: What Asexuality Reveals About Desire, Society and the Meaning of Sex.

[keplercryptids]

god okay, just to gush about this more, the author suggests using the categories of enthusiastic, willing, unwilling and coerced consent (rather than just “enthusiastic consent” or “no means no”). i really recommend reading the whole article linked above, but what blew my mind is the distinction between enthusiastic and willing consent. it gets broken down like this:

Enthusiastic consent:

When I want you

When I don’t fear the consequences of saying yes OR saying no

When saying no means missing out on something I want

Willing consent:

When I care about you though I don’t desire you (right now)

When I’m pretty sure saying yes will have an okay result and I think maybe that I’d regret saying no

When I believe that desire may begin after I say yes

and like!!! it made me realize i may have never actually enthusiastically consented in my life, but like, that doesn’t mean i have never or cannot consent! i almost always fall into the “willing consent” framework and i’ve never seen that….validated anywhere. anyway, it’s just given me this perspective about my sexuality and consent in general and better ways to relate to my partner and!!! idk!!! thank goodness for other ace people, is what i’m saying.

[queeranarchism]

This is very useful and a lot of sex work can also be best understood as willing consent, where the indirect consequences of having sex (getting paid) are what is desired and the direct consequences (having probably-mediocre sex with someone you don’t actively desire) are not considered so negative that they outweigh the indirect consequences.

Which is a definition of consent that gives sex workers agency and sees their consent as a choice made again and again based on the pros and cons, not something that is coerced and also not something that always exists by default simply because they are sex workers.

Recognizing willing consent is probably validating for a lot of people who have consent to sex without meeting the definition of enthusiastic consent. 

[genderqueerpositivity]

(Image description: a purple background with black, white, gray, and purple dots in the top left and bottom right corners, white text in the middle of the image says "My Asexual identity cannot be separated from my Queer identity. My asexuality is queer.")

[aroloverboy]

Hey it’s ace week and you’re local ace has something to say! I’ve been out as ace for 3 years now and it’s still a big part of my identity that I’m proud of so here’s a lil something for those who need it!

[asthecrowrambles]

(image transcript)

it’s ace week and it’s time to be loud and proud so this is for all the aces out there those who’ve known for a while that they’re ace and those who just realized those still confused about their identities those who are in a relationship and those who aren’t, by choice or not those who are self repulsed, sex indifferent, and sex favorable those who’ve never had sex and those who have those who use microlabels those who aren’t out and those who are no matter who you are your identity is valid no matter your actions or preferences you don’t owe anyone an explanation so go and celebrate who you are! (in a safe way of course we’re still in the middle of a pandemic)

[vaelkyrie]

tbh the way corporations profit off gay ppl is super shitty and we all know it but also seein like all the pandering must be so fucking wild to the legit LGBT elders. like imagine growin up gay in like the 1940s and now theres like, gay doritos

[patroklus-in-hiding]

Okay so during my undergrad I was involved with my university’s Oral History program, and at one point I just checked out of our recorders, went to the Orlando Pride Day event, and got some interviews for our queer history archive.

And if you haven’t been, the Orlando pride event, at least recently, has become very??? Idk companies dominated, like a shit ton of companies having booths and passing out stuff with their logo in rainbow colors (including health insurance companies, which is Wild.)

So something I tried to ask everyone I interviewed was what they thought about how the pride event is so overrun by companies, and something I found super interesting was the generational divide in the answers? Bc a lot of younger queers were basically like “It’s fucking stupid, it’s a bunch of companies that don’t actually care about us and that we know don’t care about us taking a time that’s supposed to be a celebration of the queer community and instead turning it into a glorified advertising fest.” But a lot of the older people I talked to (there was one couple I talked to that was literally a part of Orlando’s very first Pride parade) talked about how like, they grew up in a time where society either pretended they didn’t exist or reviled them, like literally celebrating people dying from AIDs level of hatred. And so obviously, they were more likely to be like “Oh we love seeing all of the big booths and how many companies are here, etc”.

But idk what was cool was that it wasn’t a situation where the older individuals were like “Yeah, we’re so happy that the companies love us!” Like, they were just as aware that for basically the rest of the year, these companies don’t give a fuck about them. But it was more that the presence of the companies was this huge visual sign of how much things have changed in their lifetime. Like for them, the fact that companies felt like they should go to Pride events, and that putting rainbows and “Love is love” on everything would boost sales, was a reminder that they were excepted and even held power in ways that they literally couldn’t have imagined when they were young. And honestly they were happy that younger generations didn’t have this same view, that they were a lot more cynical and unhappy with the companies in their Pride, because it was a sign of how much better things had gotten for newer generations of the queer community? Like they didn’t have to compare everything to an impossibly low standard, they didn’t look at the world as it is today and feel fortunate just to be alive and be able to be with the person they love; they were able to look at the world and say “You know what, fuck this, we deserve better”.

Which is a super long-winded way of saying, OP you right, LGBT elders do indeed find gay doritos and oreos and everything else fucking wild

[asapscience]

Fruits and vegetables, before and after human intervention. 

Source

[trashcanbees-deactivated2019120]

We did a pretty good fucking job, Jesus Christ

[nunyabizni]

Remember this the next time you want to complain about GMO’s, we may not have done it in a lab but they still are that.

[art-angelsz-deactivated20170721]

Bananas looked like lemons wtf

[thatsmidnight]

Isn’t this more of a combination of selective breeding and GMOs? Not just GMOs?

[thespectacularspider-girl]

Yes.  But people talk about how GMO’s are “unnatural”, yet for centuries humanity has been exploiting mutations in animals and plants to produce food for themselves.

GMO’s are simply the process of inducing these mutations reliably.

People hear “Lettuce being modified with scorpion DNA” and think that we’re now eating scorpions.  But, in reality, they’re taking a tiny bit of scorpion DNA and splicing it into the plant.  Why?  So the plant will produce poison that is not harmful to humans but will deter insects, reducing the use of pesticide, which CAN be harmful to humans and the environment.

GMOs are producing rice that can survive flooding, which makes rice more reliable yields and will prevent food shortages in poor nations that rely on said crops for staple food.

GMOs are also creating spider-goat hybrids.  Why? So we can splice web production into the goat’s udders.  We’ll be able to spin huge quantities of spider silk, enough to reliably create spider silk cables and ropes, which have more tensile strength than steel.

[drewbern]

I for one am glad I live in a time where watermelons aren’t giant tomato abominations

[writingaboutmyrapists]

The issue with GMOs is that corporations like Monsanto are patenting GMOs and arresting indigenous farmers for cross pollinating with they seeds. But there is nothing dangerous about the science.

[wordnerdworld]

^This.

The problem isn’t the science, it’s what capitalism does with that science.

[afishtrap]

this should be in the largest letters we’ve got, plastered everywhere until it gets through people’s heads:

The problem isn’t the science, it’s what capitalism does with that science.

[sprachtraeume]

Did you just say spider goats? He said spider goats. Did you all read him talking about spider goats or am I hallucinating

[captainmaxatx]

We all just watch game theory, and already knew about that.

[aroacepagans]

So I’ve seen almost no social media promotion for it, but someone created a website where people can list/find aromantic friendly professionals like therapists and doctors. It’s a little sparse at the moment, but almost all of the information is crowdsourced, so if people know of aro-friendly professionals I encourage you to submit a recommendation! The more people add to this, the better it will be as a community resource!

[acesnyc]

This site was created just under a month ago (on September 18, 2020), which is why it might look a little empty. To echo OP above, if you know of any aro-friendly professionals, please submit a recommendation!

Also, for anyone curious, the asexual counterpart to this site exists, and it can be found here! The asexual site is also new (created around the same time as the aro one), and it could also use recommendations! 

[coolcurrybooks-deactivated20230]

Three Essays by Black Asexual Women

“Romance Is Not the Only Type of Black Love that Matters” by Sherronda J. Brown

“The bonds that Black womxn share amongst ourselves are unlike any other. It is with Black womxn that I am able to be completely and unapologetically myself. It is with Black womxn that I have been able to foster a sisterhood, kinship, and camaraderie that fulfills me and will never let me be alone.”

“As a Black Woman, Celebrating Pride This Year Has Been Hard” by Yasmin Benoit

“Now is the time to remember that queer culture wouldn’t exist without Black culture and Stonewall wouldn’t have happened without Black trans women. Even if none of that were true, it wouldn’t make our struggle any less significant to the LGBTQ+ community. All Black Lives Matter, no ifs, no buts, no justification. That includes Black trans lives, Black gay lives, Black bisexual lives, Black asexual lives, Black non-binary lives. That’s what I’m going to make some noise about, and you should too.“

“The Hardships of Being an Asexual Woman of Color” by Kimberly Steele

“I feel like growing up as a black cis female, I wasn’t given many choices with any kind of way to have a healthy relationship with sexuality. It’s almost like everyone, no matter what race they were or what religion they followed, was raised to view sex and sexual situations the same. That method didn’t work for a great number of people of color, and I feel like my relationship with sex (well, lack of a relationship to it) is part of that.”

[librarycards]

If I can add! The incredible Trudy @gradientlair wrote some excellent essays about asexuality and Black womanhood. The blog is no longer active, but is an absolutely incomparable resource not only on sexuality, but on misogynoir, a term that Trudy popularized.

Some asexuality/aromanticism related essays Trudy wrote:

Asexuality: Rethinking Romantic Orientation and Attraction Types As “Required” Identifiers

Black Womanhood, Asexuality and Agency

The Large Space That White Supremacy Occupies In Conversations About Sexuality

Asexuality ≠ Being Single, Celibate Or A “Virgin”

For Me, Sex Positivity Involves The Word “NO”

All are worth a read, a citation, and a donation if you can.

[coolcurrybooks-deactivated20230]

Awesome! Thank you.

[bananonbinary]

I wish allistic people understood that infodumping about a special interest is a lot closer to baring your soul than sharing fun facts

[bananonbinary]

Like the information itself isnt the point, its the conduit through which im trying to communicate with you. Its a love language.

[quinintheclouds]

What neurotypicals think it is: “I’m gonna ramble about this one specific thing that you’re not even interested in.”

What it actually is: “this is a thing that makes me happy, and I want to share my happiness with you because I feel comfy around you and I love you”

[lunariagold-deactivated20230802]

YES This is so exactly it. It’s trying to literally inject the entire concept and full experience of fascination and joy it generates into the other person in the hopes that they too can feel that pleasure.

[omni-rhombus]

👍

[cinn-a-mum]

🥺

[autasticanna]

Infodumping is like the autistic equivalent of an animal showing its belly because it trusts you