Confessions of Autistics

[autisticconfessions]

I just submitted a whole bunch of things to an Autism Problems blog, but I realized belatedly that most of them are more like SURVIVOR problems (apologizing a lot) or ANXIETY problems (being afraid of this or that) or heck, even ARTIST problems (trrrOUBLEEE FOCUSINGGGGG). I don't really regret submitting them, though, because I believe my experiences are all connected, for better or worse. If I wasn't autistic, I don't think I'd be as anxious, but I don't think I'd be as creative either.

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[autisticconfessions]

Sometimes friendships overwhelm me. I have great friends that love me and that have many times been there for me when I needed most, but I don't feel I do as much for them as they do for me. I really try. I love them. But sometimes my brain just can't take too much information at once, and other times I go nonverbal, and I feel like I'm letting them down. They always tell me I'm a good friend and that they love me, but I'm still afraid one day they'll need me and I won't be able to help.

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[autisticconfessions]

(1/2) I was diagnosed at a super young age, but medical records weren't as well-documented back then and the papers got lost when we moved. My mom decided to never tell me. I've spent my entire life questioning myself for being bothered by things nobody else notices and trying to suppress my traits to exist in a neurotypical society. I've read that growing up undiagnosed can have an extremely negative impact, and it has. It wasn't until I went to my first outdoor concert at 17 that I had

(2/2) a major meltdown and became physically ill from years of stress and therefore was hospitalized. Nobody could figure out what was wrong with me until my mom casually mentioned “Oh you know what, it’s probably bc you’re autistic” It was such a hard thing for me to get used to after 17 years, and my mom still won’t accept it. I’m 19 now and she likes to tell me “You’re not special, nobody enjoys loud noises” but it’s Different you don’t understand!!!

[autisticconfessions]

My parents have done a lot of good things for me but they have also done a lot of abusive things. That they don't see or admit. That I got through school and college doesn't mean I can control my autism all the time. And unlike you and the rest of the family I don't use subtext in anything I say so stop acting like I am trying to imply things when I am literally incapable of using subtext. And stop getting mad at me when I mess up because I CANNOT BE NT PASSING ALL THE TIME

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[autisticconfessions]

When I was younger, I put a lot of effort into hiding my symptoms so everyone around me thinks I'm I happy healthy person. I really regret it now though cuz I'm now the shoulder that everyone leans on for their issues and I have no one who I can talk to. Any time I've tried to start a conversation they always just pull things back to their issues. I've stopped talking to them at all now because I started to just feel annoyed with them and then feel guilty about feeling annoyed.

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[autisticconfessions]

my boyfriend is on the spectrum (diagnosed by a family doctor, not a psychiatrist) and i wanted to look into asd stuff to make sure to not make him uncomfy in anyway (make sure the places we go on dates to are quiet, and stuff like that) and going through looking at this stuff i realized that i also have it (i talked to my therapist and she agrees that im on the spectrum and im getting tested soon) and i feel bad, like im copying him or smthn?? i just dont want him to think that im copying him

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[autisticconfessions]

I'm Autistic but I'm just good e ouch with eye contact and socializing that I'm written off as ditzy or a space cadet but the Moment I say I'm Autistic there's just this wave of invalidation and I just... hate it so much. 🌸

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[autisticconfessions]

My dad makes such disgusting ablest jokes about disabled people. I tell him to stop because of my aspergers but he says it's fine because I have aspergers not autism and I'm barely autistic at all and can function normally

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[autisticconfessions]

My 8th grade math teacher was mean to me because I have aspergers and she believed aspergers and autism are fake diseases. She was a nightmare and made me feel like garbage just because I couldn't do 8th grade math which is useless anyway. If I ever see her again I'm telling her she ruined my school year and my self esteem. Fuck that bitch

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[autisticconfessions]

I have aspergers and I feel like I'm too neurotypical for the autistics and I'm too autistic for the neurotypicals. It's annoying and frustrating

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[autisticconfessions]

"This isn't aspergers, this is just laziness!" - my mom when I forgot to do chores for the day

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[autisticconfessions]

I feel like my political science teacher and my classmates don't take me serious, like I'm some whiny over sensitive naive teacher's pet brat.

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[autisticconfessions]

I have the same brand of instant rice for lunch everyday and the shop i buy them from has recently changed their supplier and now the rice is different. my family can't tell the difference but it's making it difficult for me to eat it, and it makes me sad that I'll probably never see that specific brand of rice again.

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[autisticconfessions]

My comfort object is my phone, which would be fine, but that means I'm near constantly on it. That gets a lot of judging and my parents take it away because they want me to sleep, which is valid but I really really hate being without it. Inside the house is okay-ish, but accidentally leaving it at home/forgetting to charge it so I can't take it is really stressful.

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[autisticconfessions]

Everyone in my family except my dad is supportive of me possibly being autistic, when I talk about literally any experience Im having that is different from his experience he keeps repeating "You're completely normal!" and invalidates everything. He also says "I feel like you keep coming up with new stuff to get attention" even though hes mentall ill himself. I feel like hes attaching his fear of being more than "quirky-weird" and genuinely addmitting that he has struggles that need fixing,on me

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[autisticconfessions]

When my grandpa died, I didnt sit next to his death bed like everyone else, I was upstairs and watched tv, I never had much of a relationship to him and I dont regret not being there,it would have propably emotionally scarred me. I did have a meltdown at his funeral though, everybody was so sad and I couldnt handle it. I still feel like a horrible person because of that, I wasnt sad that hes dead I was sad because everyone else was

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[autisticconfessions]

Im very close to my mom, but when one of us feels bad there is such a lack of understanding my mom says sometimes it feels like Im ripping her heart out, and after she said that she wouldnt clarify, so I still dont understand!

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