Time for some honesty.
I have absolutely no idea what I'm supposed to do with my life.
I had everything - a boyfriend, a dog, a luxurious apartment, a stable 9 to 5, routines and hella money lol.
Everything fell apart almost 2 years ago and I lost everything. I finally started choosing myself after enduring so much for all my life. I almost completely started over.
Today I'm sitting on the ruins of what my life was and I'm struggling to form a vision of my life that's worth living.
I'm trying. I'm trying so hard. I promise.
The world around me feels like it's collapsing while I'm sitting in a fucking teams meeting to get a new degree and hopefully a stable job again soon. But do I want a normal job?
I'm incredibly fast in adapting to new environments.. my way. People often think my way is wrong or weird. Yet I never asked for their opinion on how my system operates lol.
.. it is very hard for me to form new connections tbh. Especially in corporate settings my way of thinking is only appreciated when I can turn it into value. But I need to communicate like I've studied my language at a university - nobody cares about my limitations.
To express myself artistically became a routine I really need in my life. With mixed media I have endless possibilities and it's so much fun to just dive right into a material. It's like I choose a color and look at the canvas and it's like my own AI that's scanning the surface of where the material is going to be placed. Every movement, every breath I take between.. it's like a dance.. I love to dance. Hehe
P.S. I'm still terrified by the idea of having to take risks in order to change your life.
