just another girl.

avdotya rudy. 23. blunt conversations, no explanations.

[jordamntate-blog]

“I hate that you and Jordyn broke up. I’d tell her to force you into being my fan and going to my concerts, but now I can’t stop you from bullying me. The stuff that happened in the first movies won’t happen anymore. Boom, problem solved. Disappointed that she didn’t even use good pick-up lines. Would have expected more from her. You really value her opinion, huh? Look, if you want to get cat, you’re the only one who needs to approve of your decision. Nah, I’ve always thought you’re making a way bigger deal out of it than it is. I said the best cookies I ever made, not that the cookies are the best that you’ve ever had. And I haven’t?”

[avdotyarudy-blog]

❛  well, sorry for your loss. i’ll make sure she hears how disappointed you are. still, no fucking clue what’s happening ever. superhero movies are lost on me. honestly, even if she used good pick up lines, i would’ve hated it. i was busy trying to cum and she just wouldn’t stop talking. i guess i do, yeah, i mean she’s been a pretty important part of my life. that’s a nice thought and all, but i’m a human fuckin’ disaster, i think i need other people’s opinions. so you’re going to make me shitty cookies and just shrug and smile? nice, but i’ll have to pass. oh, come on, name one awesome thing you’ve done for me.  ❜

[jordamntate-blog]

“You mean you wouldn’t be my fan too? I don’t think they’re that confusing, to be honest. That’s unfair and I won’t stand for it. I’m glad she has a private life and all, but I deserve one too. Yeah, well, I don’t care, the next time I tried to have sex I couldn’t do it because I could hear her laughing in my head and I won’t forgive her for that. What the fuck are you even going on about? Unless she says getting a cat is a stupid idea. It’s funny that you say that because it’s what you used to say yet here we are. I’m gonna bake you the best cookies I ever baked, but just to make sure…if they aren’t up to your standards, I’m still higher than my parents, right?”

[avdotyarudy-blog]

❛  never, i couldn’t, too cool to listen to music made by a nerd like you. they’re too fuckin’ confusing. i guess i get that, she did try to tell me bad pick up lines while we were fucking, once, and kept laughing after every line. pretty distracting, really, when all you’re trying to do is get off. if she says it’s a stupid idea, i wouldn’t be getting anyone to help me, so that doesn’t make a huge difference. yet here we are? you’re making it sound like i’m shit faced right now, fuck off. you’re a tate, i don’t trust that you’re not going to burn your apartment down trying to bake cookies. eh, i don't know, your parents have done some great things for me.   ❜

[jordamntate-blog]

“Fuck you, you know I’d have more than three fans if I’m signed to a record label. Besides, Jordyn would support me too so that’d be at least four people. I don’t think you could turn it off whenever you want to. Isn’t that why Professor X takes drugs in Days of Future Past or something like that? Yeah, right like she would let my private life stay private. She literally sat me down after the first time I had sex and made me spill every detail and then laughed about me when I said I wasn’t sure what I was doing. Do you prefer almost sister? Whatever, your loss. If you don’t want my help, you’re not going to get it. Not as long as it’s still funny to me. I’m hurt.”

[avdotyarudy-blog]

❛  right, right, sorry. four fans. dude, fuckin’, those movies are so confusing, i don’t ever know what the fuck is happening in them. well, i guess your private life has to suffer while her’s thrives. you pulled the short end of the stick, you know, popping out of the womb after her. in her defense, hearing about people’s first times is hilarious, and you know it. what’s with the bummer “shoulda, woulda, coulda” kind of nicknames i’m getting? it’s totally unfair, totally homophobic, that’s what it is. fine, then i’ll just get jordyn to help me. the drinking thing shouldn’t be funny, i could stop any time i want. bake me some nice cookies and maybe i’ll rethink your place on the tate totem pole.   ❜

[jordamntate-blog]

“At least my fans will appreciate it. Guess the label won’t trust me with important then. Is useful woth the prize of losing your mind? The power would be mostly counterproductive. But why would she not want me to know? That’s the part that I don’t get. Are you not an ex? If you tell her I said that, she’ll know I asked you about it. In that case I won’t do any of those things because I don’t trust you not to use me and then pretend there was nothing you could do about it. Is this like you saying you should stop drinking? Hey, you haven’t spend more time with m e lately.”

[avdotyarudy-blog]

❛  yeah, all your fans. all three of ‘em. your mom, your dad, and that weird dude down the street. i man, you don’t need to read everyone’s mind, so why not. i don’t know, it’s her private life, let her live. i mean, yeah, but i feel like i’m being downgraded, feel like i’m worth a better title than just “that one ex”. well, then i guess i can’t say that you will be able to tag along when i get a kitty. oh, shut up with that drinking thing. yeah, that’s because i don’t like you as much, sorry, nerd.  ❜

[jordamntate-blog]

“And my potential record label will hate me even more for it. Shit, that’d drive me insane. It’s like being able to read someone’s mind would be the worst superpower to have. I don’t how one could deal with either of those things and not want to make it stop. Don’t you think I tried asking her about it? She flat out denied seeing anyone at the moment. I may not be able to tell every time she lies, but I can tell when she’s got feelings for someone. And it’s weird she’d tell you about it considering you’re her ex and you’d automatically be biased. Please, I won’t mention that I know something to her unless you were lying about whoever it is not being trouble. If I do all those things, I want you to pinky promise me I’m allowed to tag along. I take that as a compliment. Still, you could have called or texted her. You’ve been talking a lot with her recently?”

[avdotyarudy-blog]

❛  that’s true, anything you’re supposed to keep secret will get leaked, real quick. it becomes pretty useful, though, honestly. then i guess she doesn’t want you knowing. don’t dwell on it, kid, it’s not a big deal. oh, so now i’m downgraded to just an ex? i see how it is. i’m telling her you said that. nope, can’t tell you anything, i was sworn to secrecy. i can’t promise anything, as of right now, but if you do those things, the chances will be higher, that’s all i can say. hey, i’m taking a new step in my life, getting responsibility, seems like it’s too important to just shoot off a text about. i mean, yeah, i guess. my schedule got a lot more steady, so i’ve had time to do shit, and all.  ❜

[jordamntate-blog]

“I’m blaming it on Jordyn forcing the truth out of me as a kid. She’d torture aka tickle me until I told her everything and now it’s one of those Pavlovian conditioning things, I think. But I’ll always been here brother and we’ve been through everything together. Then why is she keeping it a secret. It doesn’t make sense, AJ. What’s so different about this girl that she doesn’t even admit that she’s seeing someone? I’ll do anything you want if you tell me everything. I’ll could wash your car or do your laundry if you want. The main and most important one being that I get to play music and do something I love and hopefully touch people with it. Yeah, but if you wanted to, you could have seen her first.”

[avdotyarudy-blog]

❛  see, you might hate her for it, but your significant others’ probably love her for it. i would kill to always know when someone was lying. honestly, started to pick up the little giveaways your sister has when she lies. i don’t know, ask her about it, not me. isn’t really my place to be telling anyone, you know? here’s the deal, if you wash my car, clothes, and dishes, i’ll consider it. dude, that was the gayest thing i’ve ever heard, and that’s coming from me. nah, i’m pretty sure she’s busy right now, that’s what she told me before.  ❜

[jordamntate-blog]

“I’m blaming it on Jordyn forcing the truth out of me as a kid. She’d torture aka tickle me until I told her everything and now it’s one of those Pavlovian conditioning things, I think. But I’ll always been here brother and we’ve been through everything together. Then why is she keeping it a secret. It doesn’t make sense, AJ. What’s so different about this girl that she doesn’t even admit that she’s seeing someone? I’ll do anything you want if you tell me everything. I’ll could wash your car or do your laundry if you want. The main and most important one being that I get to play music and do something I love and hopefully touch people with it. Yeah, but if you wanted to, you could have seen her first.”

[avdotyarudy-blog]

❛  see, you might hate her for it, but your significant others’ probably love her for it. i would kill to always know when someone was lying. honestly, started to pick up the little giveaways your sister has when she lies. i don’t know, ask her about it, not me. isn’t really my place to be telling anyone, you know? here’s the deal, if you wash my car, clothes, and dishes, i’ll consider it. dude, that was the gayest thing i’ve ever heard, and that’s coming from me. nah, i’m pretty sure she’s busy right now, that’s what she told me before.  ❜

[jordamntate-blog]

“Excuse you? I’m basically Pinocchio. That’s not fair, I’m her brother. Surely I get extra points for that? Seriously, you have to tell me. Something is up, she has always told me about her lovers and her trying to keep this a secret can’t mean anything good. I’m worried she’s dating someone who is trouble. Please, I’ll be on my best behaviour if you let me come with you. Listen, it’s a great name. See, that’s the goal. Maybe someone will do that if I become famous. I meant that you asked me before her.”

[avdotyarudy-blog]

❛  actually, yeah, now that i’m thinking about it, you are a shit liar. well, i’m her, um, ex-girlfriend, so i guess i get more privilege over you. i can’t tell you, i was told not to tell anyone. she’s just keeping it quiet, let her. c’mon, jordyn’s a smart girl, she’s not going to date someone shitty, right? start proving it and then maybe i’ll let you. there, now you have even more of a reason to get famous. hate it say it, man, but you only got asked first because i saw you before i saw her.  ❜

[jordamntate-blog]

“Shut up, you know I’m very honest. That has nothing to do with the fact that lying makes me want to cry. Can’t argue with that. Why would she talk about it a lot with you and not me? You have to tell me everything you know about it. Can I pick out the cat with you? That’s be as lame as naming my kid Jordan Junior. But they won’t be named after me specifically and that makes it less cool. Anyway, I take pride in you asking me first.”

[avdotyarudy-blog]

❛  i still don’t believe you on that, if i’m being real. i don’t know, guess she still likes me better. sorry, kid, i’m sworn to secrecy. i don’t know, maybe. depends if you behave yourself beforehand. as lame as that? coming from the kid who’s older sister is named jordyn? sure, sure. then go do something cool with your life and get people to name their kids after you. didn’t really ask you first, asked my friends first.  ❜

[jordamntate-blog]

“Excuse you, I’m a honest person, thank you very much. Of course, you’ll hardly be loved anywhere as much as when you are with us. She talks to you about it? She doesn’t even tell me, but it’s not hard to notice that he’s going out a lot and more smiley than usual. Cats do have a reputation for being assholes, though. Because you love me and it would be my legacy. I’m not sure if I want to have kids, but I can’t let the name die out. In that way it’s understandable you want to ask her about it first.”

[avdotyarudy-blog]

❛  barely honest, really. i mean, i think i’ll be loved quite a lot when i’m with my own family, you know. i, uh, yeah. yeah, she talks with me about it a lot, yeah. that’s how i know. i’ll find myself a nice cat, one that wants to cuddle. well, you can get your own cat and name it after you, then. also, i’m pretty sure there will always be people in the world who are named jordan. definitely, exactly.  ❜

[jordamntate-blog]

“Please, I’m more honest than you are. Yet you love us and love holidays with us so you must be addicted to us. Come on, you’ve been spending more time with me than her ever since you two broke up. Besides, she’s, uh, going on a lot of dates recently and I still got time for you. Sorry for telling you about that. I wouldn’t say lazy per se, they know how to wrap others around their fingers and don’t have to do all the dirty work. Why do you never want to name anything Jordan? It’s bone and bane, really. Great when she defends you, but if you’re on her bad sad, you better run.”

[avdotyarudy-blog]

❛  you’re rarely more honest than me. yeah, i guess there were worse things to do on holidays. don’t worry, i'm very aware that she’s been going out a bunch. you don’t have to tip toe around me, about anything like that, you know? true, that’s fair. i’m just excited to have a little friend around. plus, now i’ll always have something to cuddle with. unless i get an asshole cat, you never know. why would i ever want to name anything jordan? seriously, why would i? oh yeah, definitely.  ❜

[jordamntate-blog]

“I’m right all the time, you just refuse to accept it. Whatever, I don’t miss you either. Hey, there can never be enough Tate in one’s life. That and you’re spending more time with me than with Jordyn so if anything you’d have to cut her off. Cats are more the type to come up to you to make you pet them instead of bringing you toys to play. Whether you get a cat or a dog doesn’t matter as long as you call them Jordan. Let’s be real, she has better arguments to use against you and better reasons to make you give up when you have better arguments.”

[avdotyarudy-blog]

❛  don’t lie to yourself, kiddo. i think there can be, i think i’ve overdosed on tate before. any holiday i went to with you guys was a lot, really. they were basically instant tate overdoses. hate to say it, but i spend more time with jordyn than you think. yeah, and they’re pretty lazy, i think that’s what i really like about them. they just want to sleep and cuddle, and that’s pretty relatable. i am not naming my cat jordan, never in a million years. yeah, that’s true. i never want to fuck with your sister when she’s upset. she’s a damn hurricane, sometimes.  ❜

[jordamntate-blog]

“I still it’s unnecessary and I’m very happy about being right. Fuck the new comlex, it’s lonely here without you. I mean I hate not being able to walk over and annoy you. Yeah, it seems like all you have to do with cats is feed them once a day. Or more. I don’t know how to take care of pets, but you can do it. You sound a bit unsure…are you afraid of my sister? Scared she’ll tell you off for making an important decision without thinking it through? ”

[avdotyarudy-blog]

❛  shut up, i hope you’re never right again. why do you think i moved? couldn’t deal with seeing you that much. there’s only so much tate a person can handle. you’ve gotta play with them, a bit, but they’re not as intense about it as dogs. and i’m trying to keep a relaxed life, you know? i’ll get a dog when i’m already too busy to own one. oh yeah, of course. who isn’t scared of your sister? it’s worse than being told off by my mom.   ❜

[jordamntate-blog]

“Remember when you said you should stop drinking? Best joke ever. I love kitty cats. If you want one, go ahead. I’m sure you’re responsible enough to take care of a cat and cats would be better than other pets ‘cause they sort of take care of themselves. Works with your job. Why do you have to ask Jordyn, though? Can’t make rational decisions without her?”

[avdotyarudy-blog]

❛  fuck you, i could’ve done it. yeah, i think it’ll be a good idea. plus, new apartment complex allows pets, so it’s not like i have to hide it. i think that’s the best part about cats, they’ll look after themselves for quite a bit. i, uh, you know. value her opinion, is all.  ❜

[avdotyarudy-blog]

❛  i was talking with a few friends last night, went out for drinks and all. anyway, i’m thinking about getting a cat. you know? apartment's kind of lonely, would be nice to have a little friend all the time. plus, i've always wanted one. but they all think it’s a good idea, so i might. what do’ya think? i’ve still got to ask jordyn, probably shouldn't get one without her input, but you know.  ❜

[jordamntate-blog]

“Now you’re making yourself sound like an alcoholic. Finally I got you to admit that I do have a sex life, though I don’t think it’s justified that you tell me to stop when you’ve told me way more detailed stories. You have to remember that most people think bisexual men don’t exist because they all deny that they’re actually gay so they might not believe you when you find me in bed with a woman. Or on your couch. I don’t know yet. Yeah, being on tour is quite exhausting and you don’t want to make that worse. Fine, but only if you run while you yell. Not sure, I just know I watched it growing up.”

[avdotyarudy-blog]

❛  how? i’m being real, it probably would be better if i stopped drinking. shut up, i take it all back. i’m older, i can do whatever i want to. please, i’ll convince them, don’t worry. well, if you ever convince your band to be serious, maybe you’ll get to go on tour. yeah, i can run and yell, don’t worry. well, go find out, then.  ❜

[jordamntate-blog]

“Nah, you’re perfectly fine. You’re to one who wanted to stop drinking. I’m so fucking glad I don’t have to learn all those basic stuff anymore. Stop with what?” Ah, they don’t know that, do they? Just gotta make sure the person I take home to your place is female and I’ll be fine. Alright, I can do that. Being on tour isn’t exactly the healthiest thing so you have to make sure you take care of yourself or you’ll pay for it. Listen, if we both run a marathon, we will be partners so you don’t get to play coach. And you never will if you never watch the show.”

[avdotyarudy-blog]

❛  probably would be good to stop drinking, with my job. stop telling my gross things about your sex life. i can tell them that, though. you have to remember, i know the majority of the police force, they’ll believe me. makes sense, i guess. please, i’m going to play coach, no matter what you say. eh, that show was 80s, wasn’t it? not really a look i was into.  ❜