Reverse Tad Strange

 ((Sideblog is Constadtine)) 

[averagejoeblogs]

Seems like a lot of shit went down on this blog.

Swear it wasn’t any of me though....wish I had a boyfriend that cute, but ✨that’s just a dream✨

[averagejoeblogs]

I AIN’T FEELIN’ TOO COMFORTABLE ON THIS HERE SITE.

[averagejoeblogs]

Are you okay?

WHY ARE THERE PAGES AND PAGES OF ‘ME’ POSTIN SHIT?

WHAT IS THIS BLOG??

I DON’T UNDERSTAND WHAT’S HAPPENING HERE. 

[averagejoeblogs]

Okay okay okay okay okay okay

So there I am

Just minding my own business

And I think to myself, I do: Joe, get yourself a Tumblr! All the cool kids are doing it! You’re a cool kid!

So I sign up for the url AverageJoeblogs and it’s taken?? I mean: sure alright that sounds legit. But then for shits and giggles I guess the password and I’m right???

I thought it was legit just a glitch but I was able to POST something and yikes.

And the person that had thing blog before sure does talk a hefty load like me. 

Am I in some sorta Twilight Zone here?? Jesus Christ I better not be. I am going to break so many fucking fancy ass plates if I am.

[averagejoeblogs]

O o f

[averagejoeblogs]

True romance is spending the night with you significant other screaming at Hallmark Channel’s heterosexual bullshit and I think that is beautiful.

[blendinblandinsblog]

It really is.

I mean, really, would it kill them to at least pair the lead off with her best “gal-pal” instead, just once?

[averagejoeblogs]

Oooohohoho apparently so!! We gays are just the scum of the earth, aint we??

[averagejoeblogs]

True romance is spending the night with you significant other screaming at Hallmark Channel’s heterosexual bullshit and I think that is beautiful.

[averagejoeblogs]

Happy anniversary, honey! 😚 And, uh, happy Thanksgiving, too. - Blendin

asdfghjklImissedouranniversaryfuckfuckfuckfuckuuuhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhHHHHcanIbuyyerloveback??

@blendinblandinsblog

[blendinblandinsblog]

!!!!!!!!!!!

YouneverlostitbutIwouldn’tmindafewkissesmaybe

[averagejoeblogs]

OkayjustcomeonoverandIwillpayyoubackinfullandwecancelebratetheanniversarytonightmyLordIamsorry

[averagejoeblogs]

Happy anniversary, honey! 😚 And, uh, happy Thanksgiving, too. - Blendin

asdfghjklImissedouranniversaryfuckfuckfuckfuckuuuhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhHHHHcanIbuyyerloveback??

@blendinblandinsblog

[blendinblandinsblog]

I know you guys like to complain about Christmas songs this time of year, but when are you all going to realize that the true evil of Christmas is Hallmark Channel’s “original” movie marathons centered around Christmas?

[averagejoeblogs]

OKAY FUCK HALLMARK, FIRST OFF FUCK HALLMARK AND THEIR WHITE ASS SELVES AND RECYCLING THE SAME GARBAGE PLOT FOR EVERY SINGLE FUCKING MOVIE GOD DAMN SONS OF BITCHES WHAT THE FUCK “Oh I am but a successful white business woman that has a great chance at a promotion, but only if I visit this quaint little hick town where I’ll fall in love with a scruffy lumberjack who is much more attractive than my still handsome, but peculiarly so, fiance who cares more about money than me and- heck- I’m going to realize over the course of the next six minutes that having my dream job and being content with what I have is fucking awful because WHAT’S THE POINT UNLESS I SACRIFICE EVERYTHING FOR A MAAaaaAAANNN??” AND SOMETIMES THE GIRL WILL BE SINGLE AND JUST FINE AND GET A REALLY LOVELY JOB POSITION IN PARIS SHE WON’T TAKE BECAUSE OOooOO HAHAHAHAHA THAT SCRUFFY HANDSOME PAINTER DAD AND HIS STUPID BOWL CUT SON WILL GUILT TRIP HER INTO STAYING AND GIVE UP EVERYTHING FOR THESE NUTCASES WHO SHE JUST MET LIKE A WEEK OR TWO AGO?? JUUUSSTT GIVE UP EVERYTHING FOR HIM, SWEETHEART. JUST LET IT ALL GO FOR THE STRAIGHT HUNK OF CHEESE THAT IS A PHOTOCOPY OF EVERY OTHER GODDAMN HALLMARK LOVE INTEREST SEDUCING YOU WITH HIS WRY GRIN AND QUIRKY PARENTS WHO ALWAYS GIVE YOU THAT KNOWING GRIN. AND IT’S ALWAYS. WHITE. STRAIGHT. CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE. MIDDLE AGED.COUPLES. LIKE I SAW ONE MOVIE WHERE THEY MAKE THE MAIN CHARACTER AN OLDER WOMAN BUT SHE WAS STILL?? WHITE?? AND STRAIGHT??? HOW HARD IS IT TO CAST OOONNEE BLACK MAIN CHARACTER?? OR LOVE INTEREST?? OR MAKE THEM GAY!! MAKE THEM GAY, SHANNON. IT AIN’T 1866 NO MORE PEOPLE ARE GAY AND WOULD REALLY BE FUCKING PLEASED AS PUNCH TO HAVE SOME FORM OF REPRESENTATION. JUST!!!! GOD!!! HALLMARK NEEDS TO TAKE AAAAALLL OF ITS LITTLE HOLLY JOLLY CHRISTMAS CARDS AND SHOVE THEM UP THEIR ASS!!!

[blendinblandinsblog]

I love you.

But yeah, this is exactly what I meant! I wouldn’t have worded it quite like that, but it’s exactly that!

[averagejoeblogs]

I’M GOING TO COLLECTIVELY PUSH EVERY HALLMARK STORE OFF OF A MOUNTAIN WITH MY OWN BARE HANDS!!

And I love ya, too.

[blendinblandinsblog]

I know you guys like to complain about Christmas songs this time of year, but when are you all going to realize that the true evil of Christmas is Hallmark Channel’s “original” movie marathons centered around Christmas?

[averagejoeblogs]

OKAY FUCK HALLMARK, FIRST OFF FUCK HALLMARK AND THEIR WHITE ASS SELVES AND RECYCLING THE SAME GARBAGE PLOT FOR EVERY SINGLE FUCKING MOVIE GOD DAMN SONS OF BITCHES WHAT THE FUCK "Oh I am but a successful white business woman that has a great chance at a promotion, but only if I visit this quaint little hick town where I'll fall in love with a scruffy lumberjack who is much more attractive than my still handsome, but peculiarly so, fiance who cares more about money than me and- heck- I'm going to realize over the course of the next six minutes that having my dream job and being content with what I have is fucking awful because WHAT'S THE POINT UNLESS I SACRIFICE EVERYTHING FOR A MAAaaaAAANNN??" AND SOMETIMES THE GIRL WILL BE SINGLE AND JUST FINE AND GET A REALLY LOVELY JOB POSITION IN PARIS SHE WON'T TAKE BECAUSE OOooOO HAHAHAHAHA THAT SCRUFFY HANDSOME PAINTER DAD AND HIS STUPID BOWL CUT SON WILL GUILT TRIP HER INTO STAYING AND GIVE UP EVERYTHING FOR THESE NUTCASES WHO SHE JUST MET LIKE A WEEK OR TWO AGO?? JUUUSSTT GIVE UP EVERYTHING FOR HIM, SWEETHEART. JUST LET IT ALL GO FOR THE STRAIGHT HUNK OF CHEESE THAT IS A PHOTOCOPY OF EVERY OTHER GODDAMN HALLMARK LOVE INTEREST SEDUCING YOU WITH HIS WRY GRIN AND QUIRKY PARENTS WHO ALWAYS GIVE YOU THAT KNOWING GRIN. AND IT'S ALWAYS. WHITE. STRAIGHT. CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE. MIDDLE AGED.COUPLES. LIKE I SAW ONE MOVIE WHERE THEY MAKE THE MAIN CHARACTER AN OLDER WOMAN BUT SHE WAS STILL?? WHITE?? AND STRAIGHT??? HOW HARD IS IT TO CAST OOONNEE BLACK MAIN CHARACTER?? OR LOVE INTEREST?? OR MAKE THEM GAY!! MAKE THEM GAY, SHANNON. IT AIN'T 1866 NO MORE PEOPLE ARE GAY AND WOULD REALLY BE FUCKING PLEASED AS PUNCH TO HAVE SOME FORM OF REPRESENTATION. JUST!!!! GOD!!! HALLMARK NEEDS TO TAKE AAAAALLL OF ITS LITTLE HOLLY JOLLY CHRISTMAS CARDS AND SHOVE THEM UP THEIR ASS!!!

[averagejoeblogs]

I'm kinda curious... Have you ever had romantic feelings for anyone before you met Blendin?

FINALLY GOT MY EYES FIXED.

FUCK YEAH.

SCIENCE, BITCH.

Anyways, like…I’ve had crushes here and there, I reckon, but nothin’ like what I have with Blendin. Sweetheart of a man…he’s put up with me and my uh- ramblins and random disappearances. I love him. He’s a good fella. 

[blendinblandinsblog]

Oh, good! I was getting really worried about that. Your eyes I mean.

[averagejoeblogs]

Jesus Christ. Blendy! It’s been a nightmare!! Like- it ain’t blackness like people say, it’s NOTHING. NOTHING AT ALL.

But yeah some unicorn tears and the locks of a leprechaun made me right as rain ♥

[averagejoeblogs]

I'm kinda curious... Have you ever had romantic feelings for anyone before you met Blendin?

FINALLY GOT MY EYES FIXED.

FUCK YEAH.

SCIENCE, BITCH.

Anyways, like…I’ve had crushes here and there, I reckon, but nothin’ like what I have with Blendin. Sweetheart of a man…he’s put up with me and my uh- ramblins and random disappearances. I love him. He’s a good fella. 

[averagejoeblogs]

I AM ANGER.

[lapis-blogs]

@averagejoeblogs Here’s basically what all you couldn’t see says.

So Diego wasn’t the one who sent that one message, but he supports the person who did. I thought that Diego was the person we were fighting, but then he was like “Oh, I have nothing against you” and then started to say something about how I’m only a dollar a carrot? And something about me being found in the middle east, which is a desert?

I don’t think he fully understands that I wasn’t created on this planet and don’t know that much about Earth. Also, he says that there isn’t much water where he is, but I can find a way.

[averagejoeblogs]

OKAY

BUT WHAT THE FUCK DOES THIS ACTUALLY SAY?

[averagejoeblogs]

Congrats~! You're such a genius for choosing blindness over safety. What kind of scientist are you? ~🐝

THE KIND THAT IS PRETTIER THAN YOU’LL EVER BE, SLUT.

FIGHT ME.

[ask-diego-the-exec-deactivated2]

You know, I wasn’t the one who sent this ask in, but I have to say, I approve of anyone who questions your competence. 

[lapis-blogs]

I can think of at least three who don’t.

Also, are you the one we’re fighting? If so, okay.

[ask-diego-the-exec-deactivated2]

Oh please, I have no quarrel with you. Even if I did, I probably wouldn’t fight you, lest I do any real damage. While you’re hardly tanzanite or benitoite, I would hate to destroy something so expensive.

[lapis-blogs]

… so I have no idea what you meant by that (I’m not either of those gem types, I’m a Lapis Lazuli), but I seriously doubt you could do any damage to me. If anything, I’d be more worried about me doing damage to you.

[ask-diego-the-exec-deactivated2]

I’m aware, pequeña joya, I can infer from the way Joe and Blendin refer to you, as well as your blog name, that you personify the gemstone Lapis Lazuli. The gems I was referring to, are… oh, a step up, shall we say? Far more difficult to get. Thousands of dollars per carat. I can acquire a refined, cut lapis stone at 86.2 carats for $99.00. Oh, and with an extra $4.00 shipping price, but that doesn’t factor in, I’m sorry to say.

[lapis-blogs]

…

So now I’m totally not feeling guilty about thinking about you drowning.

[ask-diego-the-exec-deactivated2]

What, because I pointed out I can purchase your entire weight for just over a dollar a carat? That sounds more like you not being able to deal with facts, sweetheart. Regardless of who pointed it out, or even didn’t point it out, it would still be true. 

But look at it this way, you’re a gemstone. So what if there are others that are inherently worth more?

[lapis-blogs]

No, I was thinking about that before you said that. I was kind of disappointed in myself for thinking that, because you’re a human, and humans can drown.

But wow, thanks for reminding me that I literally don’t care about my place in Gem society anymore.

[ask-diego-the-exec-deactivated2]

Ooooh, that whole “not caring about society, casting off the chains of expectations and chasing true happiness within oneself.” That’s real cute, hermosa. It’s also a bullshit trope unfulfilled, unsuccessful people attempt to live out instead of doing anything to improve their social standing.

[lapis-blogs]

Riiight. Like going back to a society that once confused me for an enemy during a war on this planet will be any good.

Unfortunately for you, this planet is like, mostly covered with water. And I live here now.

[ask-diego-the-exec-deactivated2]

Heh.

The name of my town is literally Desert Bluffs, my dear. Not a lot of water here for you to work with, unless you’re going to drown me in cacti fluid.

Besides, what in the Smiling God’s Divine Light gives you water powers? It’s because you’re blue, isn’t it? Weird choice, given that your element is usually found in the middle east, which is, as you know, being so familiar with our planet and whatnot, oh. A desert.

[averagejoeblogs]

what does this all say?

I can’t see.

[ask-diego-the-exec-deactivated2]

You’re an idiot.

[averagejoeblogs]

What??

What does this say??

I’m just using Siri to voice-to-speech this shit all out for me!! 

Like- can whoever is typing just call me?? Ya’ll have my number, right??

[averagejoeblogs]

Congrats~! You're such a genius for choosing blindness over safety. What kind of scientist are you? ~🐝

THE KIND THAT IS PRETTIER THAN YOU’LL EVER BE, SLUT.

FIGHT ME.

[ask-diego-the-exec-deactivated2]

You know, I wasn’t the one who sent this ask in, but I have to say, I approve of anyone who questions your competence. 

[lapis-blogs]

I can think of at least three who don’t.

Also, are you the one we’re fighting? If so, okay.

[ask-diego-the-exec-deactivated2]

Oh please, I have no quarrel with you. Even if I did, I probably wouldn’t fight you, lest I do any real damage. While you’re hardly tanzanite or benitoite, I would hate to destroy something so expensive.

[lapis-blogs]

… so I have no idea what you meant by that (I’m not either of those gem types, I’m a Lapis Lazuli), but I seriously doubt you could do any damage to me. If anything, I’d be more worried about me doing damage to you.

[ask-diego-the-exec-deactivated2]

I’m aware, pequeña joya, I can infer from the way Joe and Blendin refer to you, as well as your blog name, that you personify the gemstone Lapis Lazuli. The gems I was referring to, are… oh, a step up, shall we say? Far more difficult to get. Thousands of dollars per carat. I can acquire a refined, cut lapis stone at 86.2 carats for $99.00. Oh, and with an extra $4.00 shipping price, but that doesn’t factor in, I’m sorry to say.

[lapis-blogs]

…

So now I’m totally not feeling guilty about thinking about you drowning.

[ask-diego-the-exec-deactivated2]

What, because I pointed out I can purchase your entire weight for just over a dollar a carat? That sounds more like you not being able to deal with facts, sweetheart. Regardless of who pointed it out, or even didn’t point it out, it would still be true. 

But look at it this way, you’re a gemstone. So what if there are others that are inherently worth more?

[lapis-blogs]

No, I was thinking about that before you said that. I was kind of disappointed in myself for thinking that, because you’re a human, and humans can drown.

But wow, thanks for reminding me that I literally don’t care about my place in Gem society anymore.

[ask-diego-the-exec-deactivated2]

Ooooh, that whole “not caring about society, casting off the chains of expectations and chasing true happiness within oneself.” That’s real cute, hermosa. It’s also a bullshit trope unfulfilled, unsuccessful people attempt to live out instead of doing anything to improve their social standing.

[lapis-blogs]

Riiight. Like going back to a society that once confused me for an enemy during a war on this planet will be any good.

Unfortunately for you, this planet is like, mostly covered with water. And I live here now.

[ask-diego-the-exec-deactivated2]

Heh.

The name of my town is literally Desert Bluffs, my dear. Not a lot of water here for you to work with, unless you’re going to drown me in cacti fluid.

Besides, what in the Smiling God’s Divine Light gives you water powers? It’s because you’re blue, isn’t it? Weird choice, given that your element is usually found in the middle east, which is, as you know, being so familiar with our planet and whatnot, oh. A desert.

[averagejoeblogs]

what does this all say?

I can’t see.