I've just begun to live.

I am a storm. I am a wildfire. INFJ / Mothist schizoaffective disorder & PTSD fibromyalgia Empath

[amargedom]

Daily reminder!

[avitalcourse-blog]

THIS.

[amargedom]

Daily reminder!

[avitalcourse-blog]

Ouch

?

[avitalcourse-blog]

❤️

<3

[avitalcourse-blog]

PASS THE HAPPY ALONG! When you get this, reply with five things that make you happy and pass along to ten nice people. 💜💜💜

Aw thank you. I did a variation of this already, but it always helps to think of more things, especially in a time of crisis, and right now is a time of crisis for me.

1. Water. I love the feeling of water. I love being surrounded by it in the pool or being caught in the rain or drinking a cold glass of it. I love being on the ocean and listening to it hit the ground or the seashore. In fact, there’s a quote about water I particularly like by Margaret Atwood that goes,

"Water does not resist. Water flows. When you plunge your hand into it, all you feel is a caress. Water is not a solid wall, it will not stop you. But water always goes where it wants to go, and nothing in the end can stand against it. Water is patient. Dripping water wears away a stone. Remember that, my child. Remember you are half water. If you can’t go through an obstacle, go around it. Water does."

2. Books. I don’t read as much as I’d like to, but I love books. I love the weight of them. I love looking through them. I love reading them, I love touching them, and I love smelling them. There is something beautiful about libraries and particularly used bookstores that I absolutely love. I especially love finding books with annotations still in them or sentimental dedications that leave you wondering.

3. Antiques. I don’t know if “happy” is the right word here, but I love going through antique store and catching “stories” brought on by old items. I love cigar and jewelry boxes in which you open them and can still catch a trace of perfume or cologne or the smell of a person’s house; old letters, old photographs, ephemera that doesn’t mean much to anyone but two people who are long dead. These are beautiful things.

4. Acts of kindness, random or not.

5. Love. I wish I were independent. It’s a core point of my faith (Mothism), but I fear I will never be able to truly embrace it. Love is what keeps me going. My love and the love I receive from others. I can’t live without it. i just can’t.

[avitalcourse-blog]

I’m sorry I haven’t been on here in a while, everyone. I have not been well. TW

The chronic suicidality is back. Finances are really hard right now. I’m crying every day, many times a day. I’m not doing well. My boyfriend is being a great support, as great as anyone can be, but I’m breaking. So I’m really sorry I haven’t tended to this blog in a while. I guess I should come back to it and force myself to start blogging again. Maybe I can force myself back to getting better. I’ve self harmed pretty badly and I’ve been struggling a lot... aklsjf I’m just so damn tired. Anyone have any tips, it would help. thanks.

[avitalcourse-blog]

The future depends on what you do today.

Mahatma Gandhi

[sheisrecovering]

[dailyoats-deactivated20220117]

Lunch: whole grain pasta with tomato sauce, vegan parmesan, roasted cherry tomatoes and a side salad

[amargedom]

Daily reminder!

[avitalcourse-blog]

i told my boyfriend to “no matter what get me out and get me to the gym today” we went with his sister and i went on the treadmill and worked out on the machines and shot some hoops. we all did this together. it felt so good it was so good you know, in the pitfalls of depression, you forget how good things can feel. how something so simple can be the pivot in the pain. it took a lot. i slept most of the day and cried a lot and i wanted so badly to back out of going. but he held me accountable because i had asked him to because i know what is good for me now, even if i don’t want to do it. and i’m so glad i did it. i’m so glad. depression isn’t a choice. mental illness isn’t a choice. i am lucky i can make healthy decisions but it took a really long time and a lot of work to get there. 23 years of my life were spent floundering and falling and feeling that there was no way out from the chokehold of misery. but i got stronger. i’m getting stronger every day. every day i decide to go to the gym or to eat mindfully or to blog something positive or to utilize a healthy coping skill or to go out or to do all of those things instead of sulk and cry and drown in my sadness, i get stronger. i am grateful for that.

[avitalcourse-blog]

can i talk to someone please i’m scared i’m getting sick again but i don’t want to talk about that i just need distractions add me on skype vrym09[at]gmail.com thanks

[avitalcourse-blog]

you can talk to me here too i just need someone

[recovering-meg]

Thank you for being alive. Thank you for waking up this morning. Thank you for your contribution to this world. You make this world such a better place. Thank you.

[brokensmolders]

[amortizing]

!!!

[avitalcourse-blog]

can i talk to someone please i’m scared i’m getting sick again but i don’t want to talk about that i just need distractions add me on skype vrym09[at]gmail.com thanks

[rez-assured-blog]

{15/08/2016}

Been a really rough week for me but i’m determined to get through it all and push through. I hope everyone’s doing fine :) 💗

{29 days to Promos}