Just a Little Bit of Meghan

🌹 Welcome to My Mind 🌹

[hi-its-meg]

Sometimes I wonder if those who used me are happy, not with what they did or how they left, but if they’re just genuinely happy in life right now. I hope so.

[hi-its-meg]

Thought I’d take a minute to reintroduce myself seeing as I’ve been gone for quite some time. I’m Meghan, a 23 year old from the US who is currently a stay at home dog mom. I have a bachelors degree in psychology but haven’t quite figured out what direction I want to go in. I’m currently just taking things one day at a time and trying my best to enjoy this chapter in my life 💕

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He’s a good boy 💕

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I wish I would just feel better already. I feel so run down and exhausted, but hopefully I’m over the hump of this and I’ll start feeling better sooner rather than later 🤷🏼‍♀️

[recovering-meg]

​*TRIGGER WARNING*

I don’t know about anybody else but when I say my eating disorder has a voice I truly mean that it has a voice. Even now- a couple of years into my recovery- it still finds its ways to creep up on me when times get tough. I know better than to listen to it but that doesn’t mean it isn’t still there lying to me and feeding me false promises...

You’ll be happy. You were happy last time. You won’t look sick this time- you didn’t even look sick last time. You never got that bad. You could do better this time. You used to have so much willpower. You used to be so strong- what happened to you? You wouldn’t feel this bad if your stomach was empty. You’re a failure. Not only did you eat a meal today but you did nothing to try and get it out of your body. Take a pill. Take a handful of pills. You won’t take too many and get caught throwing them up in the shower again. You won’t lose control of your body from taking too many this time. You’ll feel better. You don’t need a social life- you need to be at home with me where we can control everything. Look at you, you miserable girl who hates every inch of herself, I can make all of this go away. I can make it all better. I can heal you. You need me.

Every single thing that voice says to me is a lie.

Recovery is not a one time decision. It is the decision to recognize these lies day in and day out and live accordingly. Listening to that voice is not how things get better; it is only how things get worse. Some days are harder than others and I still have a long fight ahead of me but at least now I know something I didn’t before choosing recovery; never listen to that voice.

[recovering-meg]

I’ve always felt that I’ve had the potential to be pretty- but that I am not, in and of itself, pretty. I have certain characteristics that people find appealing but when looking at the bigger picture the negative attributes are just too overbearing and what was appealing no longer compensates for the bad. When people see photos of me they are only seeing the best lighting to hide my acne, the tamed hair, the side where my smile doesn’t have a gap and my overbite doesn’t look as prominent, and the stance where they cannot see how my stomach hangs or how my thighs rub together. With all of that stripped away, everyone would see me for what I really am.

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Be unapologetically yourself ⛅️

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Some of my favorites from my engagement photos 💍💕

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These last few days in a nutshell 🥜

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Galaxy buns are one look that I wish I was confident enough for 🤷🏼‍♀️ maybe one day!

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I just wanna feel like myself again 🍂

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My very small accomplishment of the day 🤷🏼‍♀️ you know, people don’t like to admit it but getting yourself to shower is damn hard when you’re depressed

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I’m officially really enjoying being back at home. Finals are over, all is right in the world again ⛅️

Snapchat: meggirose

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Snapchat: meggirose

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It doesn’t matter what they send me or what they expect from me, if I want to document the journey I’m on I will in any way I choose. This is my battle with loving myself, not theirs.

Snapchat: meggirose

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Just some more selfies from Snapchat ⛅️

Snapchat: meggirose

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Today’s looks 🤷🏼‍♀️