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@avoiceofcompassion
My friends, I am revived and renewed and ready to mingle LOL
I know my 'blog' is like so broken but I play Cole so.... ffffffff!! I feel like this would totally be a tumblr page he set up, trying hard as he might. Like me.
Really my rules are simple. Don't be a jerk, etc. I don't feel like typing them.
I also have a Millions Knives side blog if you're wondering why I followed you lol
@knifeinthenight
Tahirah nodded. "Thanks, Cole." She watched him drift into the shadow, before she went up the stairs, to the very top.
She stared at the door for a moment, determined to make this go well. It had to! Everyone liked treats, right?
Well, it was now or never. Tahirah knocked on the door, intent on completing the mission meant to bring joy and cookies to those who needed them most.
"Special delivery~!" She called. Maybe that would make Sera interested in approaching the door. "There's a cookie for you!"
"A cookie?" Sera lifted the upper half of her body just enough to be able to see the closed door, as though she would be able to discern the truest purpose behind the unexpected visit through the fibers of the wood it was made from.
"Do you know how weird that sounds!! How SUSPICIOUS. There's a cookie for you......." She leapt from her spot at the ledge and tore the door open. She acknowledged the stranger standing before her, leaaaaaaning off to one side toward that pool of shadow where the Spirit hunkered down.
" stop. bein’, creepy!! " He was weird, nothing would change that. "I'll take the cookie." She swiped it out of the strangers hand and ----
BAM
went the door, slamming shut.
@adeadlysong
Cole was a strange one indeed, as Bernard had put it. Of course, Maara had heard that about herself on a number of occasions. Perhaps that was one of the reasons she found herself feeling oddly protective of him.
Snapped out of her train of thought when Varric entered the room, she gave him a warm smile and acknowledged him with a nod. Of course, when he turned to her with that particular sort of request, she found herself worrying.
“Oh no, that sounds ominous coming from you,” she chuckled, only somewhat joking. Taking a bowl of stew from Bernard, she glanced back at Cole for a moment, wondering if he had picked out a loaf of bread quite yet.
“Is this something we can discuss in present company, or is this something we need to find a private space for?” she asked, her brow slightly furrowed. “Cole was hurt earlier and I’m a little reluctant to leave him at the moment. Somebody needs to keep an eye on him.”
Varric took a healthy scoop of the stew to taste, shaking his head and grimacing so good. "This tastes like socks that have been dragged through the Mire!"
Bernard laughed loudly enough for the glass in the dishes he used to serve ratted with their own added vibrations. "My best batch yet~ I'll save you another helping, compliments not needed."
Varric grinned, taking another satisfying chomp. Apparently it wasn't disgusting enough not to indulge in a couple of whole bowls~ It was obvious the two of them went through that same song and dance multiple times. No one around them seemed overly concerned by the proclamation of the steps 'fine' taste. In fact, they continued eating, minding their business.
"Nah, here's fine. Actually, it's the kid I wanted to talk to you about. So it wouldn't necessarily be a bad thing if he hears."
He might, or might not. Cole was impossible to predict at the best of times, let alone the questionable ones.
"There was quite a rabble in the courtyard earlier. Had to soothe a few people's bruised egos." He took another large bite of the sock stew. "Apparently he walked up to someone and just.... punched him in the nose." His brows rose. "Granted, there are quite a few people here I'd like to do that too, quite a few hundred if we're being honest with each other now, that seems..... not right, doesn't it."
|| continued from @avoiceofcompassion
It'd been a simple question, really— though, admittedly, one he'd already forgotten. The young spirit-boy seemed to tolerate his presence the best— aside from the Inquisitor herself, and her apostate companion— so it was with Cole the old Sentinel remained… even when he asked the oddest questions. Myndilon looked down at the young man, silvery brows flicking up. He laid a gentle hand on the lad's shoulder, and offered him a small smile.
"I like to believe," he said, gaze turning to the mountains beyond Skyhold's walls, "that they find each other eventually. Perhaps not with us, or those we know, but somewhere out in the world. Besides, can you imagine how large your head would have to be, to be able to match every question with every answer?" He gave a hearty laugh. "You would fall over!" He gave a soft hum. "Not even Mythal herself knew all— that is why she had friends, and family." He dipped his head. "And that is why you have your friends." He pulled a small pipe from a pocket of his armor, squinting as he looked into the chamber. Good— a little elfroot remained. With a quick spell, it began to smoke. The ancient Sentinel brought it to his lips, and puffed on it for a moment.
"I must ask, what in my Lady's name is so urgent about your question? You are not a spirit of Curiosity, as I recall. Though, I admit, my mind is clouded."
When he fell into silence, it was usually because he was trying to understand a situation before he blurted out whatever bordered at the edge of his tongue. It didn’t always work out that way, fully dependent on how urgent the feelings bombarding him on the inside happened to be.
It was a new thing those days, his attempt of paying problems particularly careful attention and focused contemplation that it all deserved.
"... yes. I think you're right. With as many questions as there are, it must have a place to go when hearing it." And there was only so much space within the cranium! It made sense to spread out the love between people, just like any burden was better carried by two.
"I do enjoy my head the size and place where it is." If it were too heavy, it would certainly tip off the neck assigned to hold it. Which wouldn't suit the cause he was trying to become successful in.
"I don't know." It was a strange answer to an infinitely simple question, which seemed to be the trend recently. "It felt like a thing I should ask. Maybe it came from somewhere else."
They were basic principles of life totally missing from Cole's existence. What he thought he was was gradually being rewritten in new and interesting ways, but it did have the tendency to leave him foundering for a time now and again.
"I was one way and now I'm another. I'm not sure where I fit now."
Manon looks once more upon him, a ponderous expression writ upon dreamlike features. Though Cole was hardly the first spirit they'd had the pleasure of interacting with at length, he was, to be sure, a unique exception to all of the rules. Another glimmer of memory stirs behind their eyes as they recall the plight of the firstborn, and they are given to suppose therefore that Cole's plight must be fairly similar in nature. Silent for several moments, they reflect upon his words, assailed thence by a pang of envy, for they longed bitterly that others could release them as they released Cole upon walking away; but as they well know, it was the fate of those born of the waking world world to be remembered by their fellows, that the weight and physicality of word and deed might be forever embossed upon an unbroken mind. Such now, it seemed, was the doom of their people.
“ Would that they weren't. Ir abelas, Cole. People are very… recalcitrant to having what they fancy to be their innermost thoughts and feelings revealed in the open — but I think very much that if we were all like you, the world would be better for it. And yet such change cannot be forced overnight; you must become as water that wears away the rugged surface of the stone until at last you find that it has become smooth. Do you remember how I nearly sank in the mud in the Fallow Mire ? ”
They chuckle softly, blushing poignantly at the memory. “ Well, it's a bit like that — except longer and less literal, maybe. Though you long for nothing more than to escape, when you've been sinking, or carrying a burden your whole life, it can be... quite difficult to adjust to no longer having it. People need time to prepare and adjust for change — to work things though. It sounds silly, I know, and it doesn't make much sense, but such is the way of it — at least, insofar as I can tell. Sila bell'ana ma ane tel'din u. Ar avy halani na. ”
The promise they give is earnest and eternal, for Manon had never been one to regard bonds of fellowship lightly, especially where those like Cole were concerned. What they lack in their brother's stern and unbending nature they make up for with determined enthusiasm. They had never before been made to do the such hard things as they had done over the span of the past few moons, as Theron been there to protect them (whether or not they'd wished it), but now the only way he could protect them was by staying away. They missed him dearly, and yet nobody seemed to long for him as much as Cassandra did, for it was he that had been first choice to lead the Inquisition. They wonder what sort of creature they must seem in the eyes of others; what the nature of the Inquisitor truly was. Who were they indeed, beneath it all, and without Cole and Solas, would anything have remained when all was said and done?
“ Ma nuvenin, ma falon, ” they chirp, expression brightening gratefully as Cole's offer draws their mind away from treading unpleasant paths. Falon had ever been the term with which they referred to Cole. It meant 'friend' in the Elvhen tongue, and they'd begun using when first they'd sought his presence at Skyhold, for they could contrive of no better term for such a gentle, amicable soul. “ It would be quite nice to… play for a bit, I think. I do miss playing. What did you have in mind ? ”
There was a certain rhythm to conventional conversation Cole did not grasp. Could not understand, perhaps, possessing an all-important, UNSPOKEN code simply lost in the span of all the other thoughts indiscriminately passing in rapid fire succession in his mind, gone, into oblivion.
“My lessons.” He offered at first, not truly clarifying much of anything that might explain what exactly he meant by that statement. He rose to stand from the position he'd only just held - casually observing those far down belong - turning to face the Inquisitor instead. “To be more me. Something other than what I was. Something that is part of this world rather than a thing shuffled, silent out of sight until I’m needed.”
Was such an adventure possible? Something without boundaries, that pushed through territory that could be uncomfortable or something in between?
Cole smiled, raising his eyes through the veil of his greasy locks. “You like stories. I can tell you some while we work~"
He was full of them, mingling many of his own memories into chaos, stacked, stifling tales of adventure and glory, and something else as well.
"There's a story down there---" He gestured to the tavern below. "--- do you see it? This one saw the changing tides of the world, realizations that cut. Mentors turning against students, men against friends, combat like dizzying vertigo pulling them down, down down into the swirling abyss. It saw generations pass before the snow brought it down. Too early. It came too early, called by the anchor, the leaves not yet fled. It weighed it until branches drooped, past limitations and snap. Gone, history in splinters for someone to find. …. now it’s a table.” He frowned, folding his arms “…. that seems very odd for something that saw so much.”
Tahirah nodded in understanding. Okay, climbing was out of the question. Flying was, too, since Tahirah couldn't fly. But the set of stairs just inside the building soudned like the best strategy.
"We'll go up the stairs and knock on the door then." She stated, nodding once. "I'll follow you!"
She glanced up at Sera again, noticing how relaxed she seemed. Hopefully the knocking wouldn't irritate her - and if it did, at least the cookies were available to hopefully cheer her up. Right? Right?
"It's there. At the top of the stairs." Cole drifted into shadow, careful to remain tucked out of sight as to not spoil the surprise.
Perhaps Sera did not QUITE fit the bill of those they sought to soothe with a cookie treat, but neither should she be left OUT of the pleasure of it~
If they were going to provide those of Skyhold what they needed, potentially uncomfortable interactions MUST be had! Aside from that, did it hurt to introduce Tah-I-RAH to those she may not have been introduced to before??
Cole thought it imperative that she were, that each and every one of them had some interaction with the other if they were ever to be successful in their future endeavors.
“ just listen to my heartbeat , okay ?? ”
His eyes narrowed and he leaned, LEANED, leaned teetering closer to where her shorter frame took up space beside him. He strained his ears that stretched LISTENING for the heady thump thump thump of the beating of her heart.
"What is it saying?" What exactly was it he should be HEARING in the rhythm, that pleasing cadence he could near feel reflected in his own body. Like some deep drum that reached inside the core.
“ it’s okay to be confused . nobody has all the answers . ” from Myndilon (@roquenxnar)!
He gasped, looking every bit as disturbed at he felt on the inside. Which was quite the feat for Cole. To match the inside to the outside was frequently not possible with his mind stretching, straining and sticking to others as they passed. All the while the 'normal' human processes settled down deep in his bones to make him forget that he too now had needs that needed fulfilling.
"But----"
He blinked, frankly looking horrified. "If that's truly true, what will happen to all the questions that have not been matched with their answers! Should they be left fractured, fading, fluttering free without restraint?? Who will take the responsibility??"
𝐇𝐔𝐑𝐓 / 𝐂𝐎𝐌𝐅𝐎𝐑𝐓 ♡ 𝐒𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐍𝐂𝐄 𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐑𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐒
change any gendered language to your needs. ♡
“ you don’t have to hide your tears from me . ” “ you’re doing great , okay ?? i mean it . ” “ you are so strong . ” “ please don’t ever give up . ” “ i will always believe in you . ” “ why do you always think you have to do everything on your own ?? ” “ it’s okay , i’m here . i’ll always be here . ” “ you’ve always been strong for me . let me return the favor . ” “ just listen to my heartbeat , okay ?? ” “ come on , take a deep breath . it’s gonna be alright . ” “ please , just hold me . ” “ you always meant the world to me . i’m sorry i let you forget that . ” “ i never stopped loving you . ” “ you’ll feel better if you talk about it . i’m here to listen . ” “ you’re so much more than the mistakes you’ve made . ” “ i forgive you . ” “ you are so fucking powerful . ” “ i’m not leaving you here . ” “ i trust you more than anyone else in this universe . ” “ it’s okay to be confused . nobody has all the answers . ” “ i’m so , so sorry . you didn’t deserve that . ” “ healing is not linear , but it’s always moving forward . ” “ you can admit that you’re hurting . it’s okay to not be okay . ” “ hold my hand ?? ” “ you are my home . ” “ no matter what anyone else says , you are so important to me . ” “ don’t worry . i’ll protect you . ” “ shh , it was just a nightmare . you’re safe . ” “ don’t talk about yourself like that . ” “ just say the word . you know i’d do anything for you . ” “ you are loved . ” “ i just need a hug . ” “ i’ll destroy anything that so much as thinks of harming you . ” “ don’t ever let anyone make you feel ashamed of who you are . ” “ you’re not alone . you’re stuck with me forever . sorry . ” “ well , hello sleeping beauty . you fell asleep on me . ” “ if you don’t take your butt back to bed , i will carry you there myself . ” “ i’m sorry to wake you up , but i really need someone to talk to . ” “ i hate seeing you like this … please , let me help . ” “ you are & always will be precious to me . ” “ i can’t believe that asshole said that to you . it’s not true , you know . ” “ you want me to punch him in the face ?? ” “ you deserve every good thing in the world . ” “ you know i always have your back . ” “ you don’t have to worry about anything , as long as i’m around . ” “ stop apologizing , okay ?? i’ve already told you i’ve forgiven you a hundred times now . ” “ don’t beat yourself up over this . be kind to yourself , it’s not your fault . ”
genuinely what the fuck am i talking about
Tahirah happily followed Cole, armed with cookies and a big smile on her face. Some would say that her cheerful smile was terrifyingly bright like the sun, depending on how one perceived her.
Tahirah looked up to see Sera, the person Cole poined out - the archer! She remembered seeing the other before, a couple of times in passing - hadn't really talked much at the time, but now this.
"Okay, we found her. But how do we reach her?" Tahirah hummed as she considered their options. "We could go inside the building, find the stairs that lead to the roof and get up there. Alternatively, I call down to her, offer her a cookie, and throw it at her and hope she catches it - but that might damage her head or the cookie, depending on how hard I throw it..."
What else could they do? "Climb up to her and offer her the cookie? Or...fly!? Wait, I can't fly, I don't have wings!"
Fancy teleportation powers maybe...?
"She doesn't like when I climb up to see her." Cole confirmed. ".... flying might be better." Though probably not.
Their goal certainly wasn't to INCREASE her irritation! It was to smooth the current stress of the day with something sweet and nice---! Although there were decidedly many within Skyhold who did not particularly ENJOY such treats, in that case, he thought it an acceptable peace offering. Most especially because it was made with care by one of their own!
"There is a set of stairs just inside that will take you up to her rooms. I would suggest knocking. I've been met with many colorful words when I tried the other way." He nodded, "I'll show you!" Not the colorful words, rather said steps!
Sera didn't appear very off kilter at all, her arms behind her head, her legs, one folded across the other, eyes closed to the world. Enjoying whatever peace they were able to grab when they could get it. Lazing about, which was one of her preferred methods of relaxation.
Practically holding her breath as Cole relayed whatever memory haunted Bernard to the rest of the room, Maara felt a slight chill. She and most of her companions had grown used to moments like this with him. Though, she couldn’t be sure how the other residents of Skyhold might react to such moments.
It shouldn’t have come as such a surprise to her that Bernard took it in stride, however. With a soft sigh of relief, Maara clapped a gentle hand on Cole’s shoulder and smiled. She wasn’t sure why Cole did what he did, but she’d come to understand that it came from a good place more often than not.
“I’ll grab us a couple bowls of stew if you’ll grab us some bread.” she said, nodding to the loaves on a table opposite the stovetop. “You’ll get to sample Bernard’s cooking and my baking.”
Glancing at one of the apprentices that had been attempting to work, while also watching them curiously, she threw them a wink.
“I can’t take all the credit though. I made the dough this morning, but someone here had to make sure it was baked to that perfect golden-brown color.”
"Yes, Maara!" Cole agreed, more than happy to follow through with a clear, definitive task to complete. NOW it was only a matter of choosing the CORRECT loaves of bread that would suit the purpose. The soft interior, as he was told, that melted upon the tongue, and a hardened crust to be used as a utensil for digging at the stew. It was apparently an imperative feature of that sort of eating, that everything could be both used and enjoyed.
"Strange, that one." Bernard eyed Maara as he turned to retrieve two fair sized bowls to scoop the best, chunkier bits into. Leaving enough room for the luxurious broth, of COURSE. The bits were good, that was fact, but the broth made it all the richer to consume~
"Hey, don't leave me out of the fun, if we're sharing stews now." Varric scoot into the kitchens.
"Never dream of it! I already had yours prepared." Bernard presented said bowl of stew, which inexplicably HAD been prepared - and was still steaming WARM to boot! it was more than obvious that that particular song and dance occurred more than once~
"Actually, Inquisitor, I'm glad I ran into you." Varric looked over toward Cole, who was deeply vested in examining the loaves of bread on offer. ".... I'd like to have a word with you, if you please."
Tahirah smiled - and then blinked as Cole went to go get his hat...only to return with a hat that he did not usually wear.
"New hat today?" she asked as he returned, smiling. She recalled hearing that his hat was usually much bigger and floppier...maybe it was getting washed or something. Oh well.
"Now that we have baked goods ready to hand out, and you have your hat, I say we go start looking for grumpy people." A delighted hum left her after. "Cole, please, lead the way! I will follow!"
Mission at hand, Cole scurried into the cold with his partner in tow. He knew exactly where to go, because he knew exactly who to give the cookies to!
"There!" He ducked behind brush - rather a pile of litter that had near grown branches of their own it had been sitting so long. He peeked around the corner of the 'brush' toward a small balcony high above.
Sera.
“Sera doesn’t tell jokes, acting instead with a physical show. Shenanigans, people call them. A simple word of explanation, but one holding a negative connotation. She laughs, but other people don’t.” Not often. If they laughed, it was before a burst of anger carried their feet swiftly forward, trying to catch her slender form darting about out of their reach.
Those she fooled did not feel quite the same level of entertainment value from her actions. What separated 'funny' from a devious act? Was it the smile of the party involved? He could be scary with a smile on his face. He’d demonstrated that before to a party of strangers.
For their part, Manon did their best to understand him, but they recalled the lore from long ago which stated that the brethren of the air were not so easily comprehended by their siblings who had been born of flesh. They took some small comfort in the realization that not knowing things (or perhaps, accepting that one cannot know certain things) was its own form of wisdom.
“ Tel abelas, ma ane ehn ma ane, and that's hardly something you should apologize for. After all, this is all very new to you, is it not ? You're far more insightful than most — for such is your nature — and that's exactly why all of this must be so very difficult for you. Having so much insight that it's difficult to know where — or perhaps how — to apply it all... You are good, Cole, and you must never doubt that ! ”
Manon beamed at him, their smile soft and encouraging as their hands reached for his, gaze unfaltering. They hoped the physical touch might offer a measure of reassurance, or perhaps provide a grounding influence of sorts, for they recalled then and there that their mother would often worry her crafts with her hands, and when that did not satisfy, she would touch father's hands instead. The lines of his palms, she'd said, drew her back into the circles of this world. Perhaps part of them wanted to help Cole in a way that they had never truly been able to help her.
“ Interacting with people — talking to them — it's all very touch and go, isn't it ? Sometimes it's the small things that come as the falling of small stones that start an avalanche, even when all you sought to do is dig up a small piece of hidden treasure. Being a person is terribly difficult, even for those of us who fancy ourselves people ! ” Pleased as they were with their own unexpected demonstration of wit (though they knew that much of it was likely lost upon Cole), Manon tittered softly, a flush blooming in their cheeks, taking a moment to repeat their own words in their head several times.
“ Indeed, ” they breathed, nodding sagely. “ As you once said: it's about rolling the ball so it goes in the hole — and truly, I couldn't have phrased it better myself — but it's also about rolling the ball so that it goes into the right hole. Sometimes it's difficult to know which is the right one, and that is why I will be here for you, always. Unless, of course, something takes me out, which I don't plan on. ”
With a soft exhalation, they allowed their shoulders to relax, silverite nose ring glinting as they performed an ancient mental exercise wherein their mind gently folded in upon itself and contorting several times until at last they fancied that it was as light as it could be — technique of optimizing one's self prior to interacting with a spirit.
“ Ma nuvenin. How I envy your lightness ! And I would very much consider it a privilege to receive such a boon, even if only for a moment. Even if I've done relatively little to deserve it. ”
There was a wash of rare focus to filter through with the physical touch. It was so rare a thing people did 'round him, save Varric and Solas: a touch, gentle and freed of burden, an embrace that simplified the world and honed it in on one moment in particular. He sat very still when they reached, a stray memory from the lost boy to surface. It happened at times when the focus was on him rather than others.
"I understand." He did, to some degree, though he might not entirely know what to do with the knowledge. He could accept his nature, but evolving in a way where it did not interfere with people negatively was another battle entirely. A struggle he was happy the Inquisitor could see, acknowledge and help him through.
Together. As they said.
"They shouldn't be scared or resistant." It was a concept he was having an unbelievably hard time grasping. "They don't need to like me or even pay me any mind. They should take what I give, and recognize it is what they need. I can't make them forget, they can do that on their own. I turn and walk away, they release me, and never think of me again." He didn't need or want anything from them. Well... save for food, and sleep... and the brushing of his hair, he would otherwise meld into shadow, mortal body or no, as much as he could. If he bothered them, he wouldn't be seen.
"How will people know they can talk to me if I don't delve into the tangle of their lives? Sometimes, they're bunched tight, coiled, cold. It takes a touch, soft and gentle, to release, and the burden arises. I can read it, tell them, help them understand." It was amazing to him how blind they could be to their own feelings when it stood so obvious to him. Like a beacon, calling, conjuring.
"I will be more careful." He promised. At the very least, he could offer them that. The words of before were thoughts spoken aloud, so he too could release them from the inside to prevent stagnation, a build up of pressure that would find its release one way or another.
"Shall we go for an adventure today?" Something where they could be themselves, strictly Manon, Inquisitor not attached!
Where could she begin with this? The Inquisitor shouldn't be caught crying, but Ellana was one for wearing her heart openly on her sleeve. And this was hitting her pretty hard. She didn't expect this to happen. Then again, she didn't expect to have fallen in love with anyone as she did with him.
"Solas told me he wanted to talk. He took me to Crestwood and told me he wanted to show me what I mean to him. So he told me the truth...about my Vallaslin." Ellana couldn't help touching her bare forehead now, no longer bearing the Mythal Vallaslin anymore, recalling yet again that just like that, everything had changed. "He said they were...slave markings from Ancient Arlathan, so he offered to remove it and I agreed." She had never felt more free than in that moment. A comforting feeling had come over her, feeling as though she had been freed from shackles. Ellana couldn't explain it, but her soul felt joyful, even as she kissed him. "Everything was going right. It was nice...but then, something changed."
Again, more tears fell from her eyes, voice cracking with emotion. "He said he was distracting me from my duty. And then...he broke up with me. I don't know what I did wrong, Cole. I love him, but he's never distracted me. If anything, he inspires me to keep fighting."
"No no no, it isn't right!" His eyes shifted in rhythm with the many thoughts, the many feelings the companion at his side projected. Natural panic welling up from its plentiful supply in her gut, the tight constricting of her throat, making it feel there was forever a stone wedged somewhere deep inside that would not jar.
Pain riddled her in incessant bursts, eyes burning, her own body doing its own round of objection to the truth Solas shared. Or the 'untruth' as Cole knew it to be.
.... afraid, he was AFRAID. But he couldn't just tell the Inquisitor that! It was an invasion of privacy when he'd already invaded....
"It's wrong." Cole repeated, shaking his head. "He doesn't mean it."
They must not ever think in such negative terms, or it may attach, gaining wind, festering like a disease. Whatever contamination settled would never be purged then. What earthly body remained was left wilted, protected only by the power of what positive vibes she could give.
