you know that trope where it’s princess + knight, but they’ve both been captured by the bad guys and the princess is now gripped by the jaw by the villain, receiving a thin cut to her cheek while remaining completely still with a defiant look in her eyes even as a droplet of blood begins to trickle out of the wound, all while 3 people AT THE VERY LEAST need to have their hands locked on the knight because he’s thrashing around like a wild animal, trying so so so desperately, violently, to get to her?
situationship fratkuna tells his friends how you're always so needy for his attention. . . but you know better & now so does he ❤︎
pleading, offering nights of hot sex, and grovelling at your feet is a new low. even for sukuna.
but you're reeeal petty.
"baby, y'know i wasn't— fuck, I wasn't bein' serious. . ."
sukuna groans, deep in chest, dragging his lips up to your shin then to your knee until he finally settles his cheek against the soft skin of your thigh. he nuzzles his nose into you, inhaling your scent like an addict.
if any of his frat brothers see where he is now, on his knees with his fingers wrapped loosely around your ankles to keep you from pushing him away, he'd never hear the end of it.
"you think i'm too clingy, kuna?"
the question sounds innocent enough, however, with the way you're peering down at him from the edge of your bed in nothing but a bra and some little lace panties is anything but innocent.
"nah, baby, course not." sukuna's palms glide down the backs of your calves, massaging the muscles coaxingly.
your foot nudges his chubbing thickness in his boxers and he pants hotly, sinking his blunt nails into the backs of your calves almost pathetically.
and he was the one calling you clingy?
sukuna swallows thickly, adam's apple bobbing in his throat as he forces the words from his lips.
𝐓𝐎𝐉𝐈 was massive beneath you, all corded muscle and old scars that stood out like pale ropes in the gloom. your hands were braced on his shoulders, your hips moving in a slow, grinding rhythm that made him let out a low, continuous groan.
“fuck… that’s it,” he rumbled, his voice a gravelly scrape that held decades of smoke and grit. his hands, rough and enormous, spanned your waist, guiding you, urging you to take more of him. “use me. i ain’t gonna break.”
you leaned forward, your lips brushing the shell of his ear. “you’re so big,” you whispered, feeling him twitch inside you at the words. “so strong. y-you could crush me…”
a dark, pleased sound vibrated in his chest. “i could,” he agreed, his fingers tightening almost imperceptibly. “but i like you, so i won’t.” his hips gave a shallow thrust up, burying him to the hilt, and you gasped. “your turn. do your worst, sweetheart.”
there was a challenge there, an invitation you’d been circling all night. you’d seen the way his eyes tracked your hands, the faint, almost hopeful tension in his jaw when your grip tightened. you were wary. he was older, his body a map of hard use, and the thought of truly hurting him felt dangerous.
but the want in his eyes was undeniable.
tentatively, you dragged your nails down the thick column of his neck. not hard. just a scratch.
his reaction was instantaneous. his whole body seized, a sharp, punched-out “ah!” escaping his lips. his eyes, which had been half-lidded with pleasure, flew open, locking onto yours with an intensity that stole your breath. not pain. hunger.
“again,” he demanded, his voice gone ragged. “harder. c’mon, don’t fuckin’ tease me.”
emboldened, you did it again, digging in this time, leaving four stark red lines in your wake. he threw his head back against the pillow, a guttural moan tearing from his throat. his hips stuttered, losing their rhythm. “yes— f-fuck, just like that—!”
“you like that?” you breathed, riding him harder, spurred on by his reaction.
“love it,” he grunted, his hands sliding up to grip your hips hard enough to make you wince. “gimme more. mark me up. wanna feel it tomorrow.”
it unlocked something in you. you scratched down his chest, over the dense muscle and the web of old, silvery scars. you bit his shoulder, not a love bite, but a real, sinking clamp of your teeth. he cried out, a raw, broken sound, and his control shattered. his hands left your hips to fist in the sheets, his knuckles white, as he surrendered completely to the sensations, his body arching under yours.
“shitshitshit— ah, fuck—!” he chanted, each scratch, each bite pulling another desperate, punched-out noise from him. his head thrashed against the pillow. “harder— hurt me—”
“god, look at you.” you moaned, riding him frantically now, your own pleasure coiling tight, fed by his utter wreckage. “you’re begging for it, for me—”
“i am, i am,” he gasped, his eyes wild, pupils blown black in the dim light. his hands, which had been fisted in the sheets, flew up to grip your wrists, not to stop you, but to guide your nails deeper into his skin. “wanna be yours. wanna— w-wanna— just— ruin me.”
the raw plea, the submission from a man built of nothing but hard edges and defiance, was the most potent thing you’d ever felt. you leaned down, sinking your teeth into the thick muscle where his neck met his shoulder, biting down until you tasted the faintest hint of copper.
you raked your nails down his sides, hard, and he came with a shout that was half-sob, his big body convulsing violently beneath you, his release triggering your own. you collapsed onto his heaving chest, both of you slick with sweat and breathing in ragged unison.
for a long time, the only sound was the frantic beat of his heart under your ear. slowly, one of his heavy arms came up to wrap around your back, his hand splaying possessively between your shoulder blades.
his other hand came up, fingers tracing lightly over the fresh scratches on his chest. a slow, deeply satisfied smile spread across his face, softening the harsh lines of it.
“good girl,” he murmured, the words a low rumble you felt more than heard. he pressed a rough, dry kiss to the top of your head. “knew you had it in you.”
The twins! There’s nerdjo 🤭and then there’s fratjo too ig, I was really excited when i saw nerdjo trending so I grabbed the opportunity to draw him hehe
your now ex-boyfriend sukuna decides to flaunt his new girlfriend around the latest frat function, your hot best friend's take it upon themselves to show him you're completely unbothered the night after the break up... || my response to all the dumb gojo twin drama @sweethearticism this is for you my girl
to say you were fuming would be a terrible, towering, tragic understatement.
your asshole of an ex, ryomen sukuna, (whom you had only just broken up with, by the way) was making a big show and dance of flaunting his new girl in the middle of a party you now seriously regretted going to.
the theme was black-out, but the short raven dress, nor the pretty onyx heels you adorned, did anything to boost your confidence. especially not when faced with this display.
his big hands flew all over her skin as they danced and laughed together, those ringed fingers digging into her hips, not yours…
my god, it's been a week! could he have some class?
as you're seething from the kitchen with a drink in hand, contemplating stomping over and pouring it all over his fat, pink head, you're interrupted by not one, but two sets of hands smoothing over the back of your exposed shoulders.
you shiver in place, then whip your head around only to be met by two pairs of crystal blue eyes sliding up and down your pretty body.
"you're all dolled up, what's the occasion?" sato, the nerdier twin, smiles.
to the right, toru butts in, giving his fratty two cents. "holy fuck." he whistles. "you look sexy, [name]. nice to see you showing that body off instead of hiding it away because of your crazy boyfriend suku—"
"—shut up." you scold, pressing a manicured nail against toru's plump lips. "i don't wanna hear that name tonight." you sigh, the tension in your shoulders dissipating slightly as you lean against the counter, looking up into both of he boys' eyes.
you'd been good friends with the twins ever since first year, although for a good two weeks, you lowkey thought they were the same guy.
you were in sato's lab and toru's math lecture, and it just so happened that you'd sat next to both of them in their respective classes. you'd just assumed he liked to switch up his style.
on mondays in the lab, he obviously liked to dress a little nerdier, with thick-rimmed glasses and graphic game tees hanging off his bulk. then, in maths, you'd assumed he decided to dress trendier to impress the multitudes of friends he hung with at the back of the hall.
the fact that they were, in fact, different people, only dawned on you when you saw them together at a party three weeks after meeting them. that was definitely an awkward conversation..
nevertheless, you'd gotten closer and closer as the years dragged on, sharing inside jokes and lighthearted banter other guys could only wish they had with you.
that was, until, you started dating sukuna.
he hated the twins. to be honest, they might have been a contributing factor to the inevitable break up (not undermining his disgusting mistreatment of you).
but now that you were free from the tatted man's year-long curse, the boys saw it as the perfect opportunity to weasel their way into your heart and get their best friend back.
"y'know, standing here getting all angry over it isn't gonna make it go away," sato states, leaning against the counter space to your left while toru mimics his motion on your right, both of them caging you between them.
"mhm, and acting like you care only feeds his fatass ego. come party with us, baby. we'll show you a good time." toru flirts, placing his palm over the back of your hand that rests on the bench.
you think on it. i mean, you're already a little bit tipsy, already a-lotta-bit upset. what was the harm in having a little fun?
you huff out a sigh, then let a small smile slip by. "mm, i guess.."
"perfect!" they say simultaneously.
you end up being dragged across the room to the beer pong tables, watching a few games play out amongst the competitive frat bros while the twins take turns holding you against them in some way, shape, or form.
sato would have your delicate hand weaved through his arm, then toru would get antsy and throw his bicep over your shoulder. it was an exhausting back and forth, to be honest.
but when the table clears out, toru is embarrassingly quick to claim the next game. “kay! we’re running teams,” he announces, clapping obnoxiously to get attention from onlookers. “th' winner plays on.”
a few people gather around, eager to see how this pans out. toru was pretty well known for being a monster at beer pong.
sato takes your wrist and pulls you over to the array of lined-up solo cups, propping you up at the opposite end to toru. his chest presses against your back, pushing you up against the edge of the table. on the other side, his brother paces back and forth ready to go.
"i'll help you out if you need," the nerdier twin suggests from behind you.
you glance back at his righteous expression. “oh yeah? are you actually good at this?”
his chin dips close to your ear. “i’m good at everything that involves angles and positions. y'know, the whole physics thing."
you snort. “that was the most virgin thing you’ve ever said, holy fuck."
toru cackles out a laugh from across the table, but sato squeezes your hips softly in warning. you did kinda miss how possessive he got before your life was ruined by sukuna, you are suddenly pleasantly aware of how boxed in you are, with this cocky geek behind you and his himbo brother ready to destroy you from across the table. yikes. or yay, however you decide to see it.
"you can do this, hun. i believe in you." toru winks, and you can only flush in response, taking your first shot.
after a few goes, it becomes very obvious that the beer pong gods have not blessed you, let alone touched you with their heavenly hand. you miss almost every shot.
toru groans after about the third time. “c'mon, baby. that was just tragic.”
“shut up,” you snap, and sato chuckles from his spot behind you.
"maybe bend your knees more?" he suggests with a smirk, pulling your hips back until your butt meets his crotch.
“don’t tell her to bend anything,” toru shoots back, and you flush before squirming out of sato's grip.
by the third game, you're slightly getting the hang of things. you haven't missed in a while, you're reaching flow state.
from their respective positions, the twins exchange a look, then peer out into the sea of people while you're distracted taking your turn, trying to see if they can spot sukuna gawking.
and, bingo. he is.
he’s near the dusty leather couch on the far right wall with his big arm slung over that girl’s shoulder. she’s laughing and talking into his neck all flirtily. it makes them both sick to their stomachs, but they notice how he barely reacts..? he used to react to you when you did that.
surely if they could see how badly he'd fucked up by losing you, he could too, right? they could only hope, because that would make their revenge scheme that much sweeter.
this clearly gets toru feeling some type of way, because he's got that special look of lust on his face that he only gets when showing other assholes that he is, in fact, better than them.
“hey,” he says suddenly, stepping closer to you while sato grabs the ball from a missed cup. “if i win this round, you owe me something, yeah?"
“oh my god,” you groan. “what.”
he tilts his head, blue eyes bright and oh so cocky. “a kiss.”
you roll your eyes. “you’re such a child.”
“nuh uh. not just any kiss,” he continues, ignoring you. “a good one. y'know, with lots of tongue.” he wiggles his eyebrows playfully, but the thought of pushing up against some wall and kissing you senseless in front of your ex has him feeling anything but playful.
a couple guys at the table howl in laughter, and toru eats it up with a taunting smile.
you don’t notice that sukuna has his eye keen on you, but the gods must of , because something in your heart, call it divine intervention, tells you to say yes.
“m'kay,” you say, lifting your chin. “but you actually have to win, y'know. no cheating or anything."
toru grins like you just handed him the keys to a car he’s been eyeing for years. “watch me.”
he doesn't miss a single shot that round.
not one.
he’s utterly ridiculous about it too, bouncing the ball off the table in an overly exaggerated fashion, blowing on it before he throws, winking at you after every cup dunks with a plonk. by the time the last one drops into the water, the table is chanting his name and you are flushed from more than just the alcohol.
“pay up,” he says immediately, stepping around the table. his cock's actively throbbing with anticipation.
by this point you're laughing and definitely tipsy enough that your thoughts aren't quite lining up properly. "mhmm." you sigh, pacing toward him with sato in tow.
he lifts your chin to stare you straight in the eye, then takes note of the bashfulness in your expression. “c’mon,” he murmurs. “don’t go shy on me now.”
as you smile shyly and inch in closer to seal the deal, sato suddenly pulls your shoulder back to stop you.
"what the hell, man?" toru protests, hands thrown up.
but sato, ever the observer, leans into his twin's ear to whisper something under his breath.
you try to make out what they're saying, but the frank ocean floating through the air was making that increasingly difficult. you watch as toru's once irritated expression morphs into a big grin, and you gulp.
"toji! c'mere." he shouts over the room toward the kitchen, where toji's manning the expensive alcohol. the buff boy sighs before pushing off the bench, stalking over to the twins.
"what d' you assholes want?"
then, three minutes later, the boys are dragging you back to the kitchen as toji stands on a nearby table. "body shots!" he announces to the nearby crowd, and the reaction is exactly what the twins wanted.
oh.
everyone's circling around the kitchen table, very eager for a little spice. the two boys gently guide you towards the crowd, keeping you close as they watch the people flock. toji lifts both hands for quiet, grinning when the noise barely dips.
“alright, listen up,” he calls out, pointing at the cleared table. “two people will come up. rock, paper, scissors, then the loser lays back right here.” he slaps the surface. “th' winner takes a shot from their neck.”
the crowd roars at that like a bunch of horny slags.
“first pair?” toji barks.
shoko and yuki, like the fine ass lesbians they are, push through to the front of the crowd with pretty smiles shrugging off their jackets, their cheeks flushed pink with whatever they'd been jointly sculling.
toji makes a big song and dance of them playing fairly, then the sea of people erupt when shoko throws scissors, and yuki, paper.
"oh no, i lost." yuki fake pouts, climbing up onto the table without shame, propping herself back on her elbows, and tipping her head to the side to bare her slender neck.
shoko smiles sweetly as she leans over her girl, rolling her shoulders once like she’s preparing for surgery, you couldn't deny that this was very attractive.
toji pours carefully into the hollowed out skin of yuki’s collarbone, the liquor catching in the dip of her skin. a few drops spill down into the cleavage of her breasts, and someone in the crowd groans at the sight. promptly followed by a middle finger thrown over shoko's shoulder.
the brunette doesn’t mess around, she bends down and takes the shot in one gulp, her hands braced beside yuki’s shoulder. the room goes mental with people howling and stomping as she draws it out by sucking seductively at her neck.
yuki grabs at shoko’s hair, laughing, and the cheering only gets louder when shoko finally stands up wiping her mouth with the back of her hand.
you’re clapping with everyone else all tipsy with your thoughts slightly out of order.
but something keeps snagging at your mental.
toru never claimed his kiss, did he?
he won fair and square. he could have taken it right there in front of everyone, but instead, he let sato pull you away and gossip about starting this game up with toji.
your eyes drift between them now, watching the way they stand shoulder to shoulder, murmuring to each other with big grins while the next few volunteers shout to take their turn.
toji waves them off after another quick round. “alright, alright. next pair!”
but your brain clicks onto their mischievous looks a second too late.
because now the boys' hands are pushing at your waist then at your back as they steer you forward through the crowd.
sato's got a playful grip on your arm as he guides you toward the table lightly. conversations flatten as people notice the three of you stepping up to the table, and someone whistles when they get a proper look at you under the kitchen light. someone else nudges a friend and points, already stirring things up. "she's a looker." they exclaim.
toji clocks it and chuckles, he’s just been handed the best play toy in the house, after all. sukuna's cute little ex. now, as much as he liked the guy, even an asshole like toji knew ryomen needed a little wake up call, and he was more than happy to help those idiot twins show him up when they'd asked earlier.
“alright,” he calls out, waving his cup in the air, “we got a new round.”
you watch as the people push closer and become more intrigued, more commotion than before. normally this was done with two people, not three, so everyone's two cents was stacking up until there were dollars of noise filling the room.
sukuna’s head whips over from his spot on the outskirts, and his cocky laughter dies. he freezes so stiffly at the sight of you about to 'volunteer' it’s almost funny, his brain needs a second to catch up to what he’s seeing.
you. here. between the twins of all people?
your chest thumps with adrenaline, but you force yourself to keep your eyes from switching to that disgusting pest.
sato steps right in front of you for a second, his big, broad frame blocking your sight so you face him instead of the man burning a hole into you from across the kitchen, while toru laughs from your other side. "aww look who's watching, let's give him a show, yeah?"
two of sato’s fingers brush your chin, pushing so you're looking up at him with that beautiful expression. “trust us,” he smiles quietly so that only you and toru can hear it. “we’ll be gentle with you, sweetheart. promise.”
toru smiles, winking at you before quickly kissing your forehead.
"i'm assuming you're both throwing to see who takes the shot off her?" toji asks, and the twins nod eagerly in agreement.
toji shakes his head before barking out, “okay then, rock, paper, scissors."
the chant picks up around you, everyone watching as sato and toru hold out their hands, they throw at the same time, and.. they tie.
the crowd react accordingly, and they go again.
another tie.
toru laughs, “fuck it. we both win.”
a swell of noise piles up with people hollering and leaning in to see what happens next. neither twin looks bothered. in fact, they look like they planned it from the beginning with matching smirks slipping across their faces as they turn to you. yeah, they definitely wanted this. both of them on you like some reverse harem bs.
“come here,” sato teases.
they guide you toward the cleared section of the table and you lean back as they direct, hands braced behind you against the surface. you feel so exposed like this with your collarbones tipped toward the ceiling waiting for the liquor.
“tilt your chin up,” toru mutters leaning close so only you can hear him. “js' relax.”
toji trapses towards you with the 1.5L of absolut vodka. you smile when you notice he's being gentler with you than he was with the others, pouring ever so carefully into the hollow of one collarbone, then the other. the chilled liquor makes you jolt, but the twins steady you with their calming palms at your waist.
they both grin at the sight of the alcohol sitting there ready for them to drink. they have to bite their lips in unison to distract from the throbbing hard-ons in both of their pants. shit, you just look so pretty laid out all sweet and ready for them.
the nerdier twin slips his glasses off and shoves them into his jean pocket. sato leans down to your level first, and god if he didn't take his time about it. i mean, sukuna is watching after all. he needed this to be a spectacle.
he gives you the filthiest look before dipping down, and sucking the liquid from your chest. you gasp as he does so, the feeling of his tongue against your skin sends your hand flying into his riddled white locs.
the people are losing it, because sato never does this sort of thing. he’s usually acting better than everyone in the library or turning his nose up at jocks in the quad, not taking body shots off of hot girls in crowded kitchens at parties like these.
as sato's halfway through his very public little display, toru decides he's done waiting and that he'd like to join in on all the fun.
with his pretty eyes flicking up once to make sure sukuna is still staring, the playboy bends down to your other collarbone and drinks from you too, far, far slower than necessary. his big hand sliding from your waist to your hip to keep you in place.
sukuna looks absolutely fucking murderous.
he watches it all play out with the most feral, pathetic, jealous look on his once smug face.
and to add insult to injury, the twins go further.
they don’t pull off if you when they're done, oh no. sato’s hands push you down when you try to sit up, you giggle in reply while torus mouth sucks higher up your neck than necessary after the liquor is gone.
you did owe him a kiss, after all, and they made sure to make a big show of it.
sukuna sees nothing but red, fiery fury, and the twins know he’s watching.
they lift their heads so horribly slow, sato wiping the corner of his mouth with his thumb while toru lets his tongue drag across his lower lip.
they look at you first, making sure you’re okay. hm, flushed as hell, but fine. they think in unison.
then, they both turn their heads,
and their eyes lock with sukuna’s.
and they give him the biggest, cockiest, shit eating smirks they'd ever given anyone in their entire lives.
ours now. they mouth.
A/N: i'm sorry i haven't posted in like a week and a half ik i suck throw tomatoes at meuhhhhh
wc: 17k || art creds: @/winterrbluess @/su2kuna || 18+
frat!sukuna x shy!nerd!reader
A/N lowk this fic is much more toned down compared to what i usually post but fuck it we ball it's cute
summary ! sukuna doesn't give a shit about chemistry, that is until the big red 8% on his last test threatens to get him kicked out of his frat. desperate, he turns to the only person who can save him: you, the adorable, shy girl who aces every quiz. you agree to help, but only if he helps you get the attention of your hallway crush, his best friend, toji. what starts as a deal between you slowly turns into a spiral of love and jealousy. (18+, fluff, slight toji x reader (?), no angst for once omg go me)
the big red number stares back at him from the top of the paper like a brand burned into his pride. 8%.
sukuna exhales through his nose, the sound rough, annoyed. the paper crumples in his hand before he tosses it onto the desk. he leans back in his chair, the metal legs creaking under his weight as his jaw works.
normally, he wouldn’t give a damn about a grade. it’s not like chemistry was ever something he cared about. but this time, it’s different. one more fail and he’s out. the frat has rules, grades too low and you’re done. and he knows exactly what’ll happen if that happens.
tojis smug laugh. satoru’s endless teasing. the guys calling him “brain-dead” for weeks. no more parties. no more sorority hoes. no more lazy afternoons drinking on the porch with his friends.
he runs a hand down his face, dragging his fingers over the faint scar under his eye and the sharp tatted lines on his cut face. he can’t let that happen.
at the front of the room, their professor is rambling about averages and assessment weightings, something about the next major project. sukuna tunes back in when he hears the words “sixty percent” and “partner work.” that catches his attention.
the next gruelling assessment is a two-month long research investigation worth sixty percent of their final grade.
he was on the verge of strangling himself to death or jumping out of the top story window when he realised.
that’s it.
that’s his way out. he just needs a smart partner who can carry his hopeless ass.
sukuna’s eyes sweep across the room, scanning for anyone who looks like they know what the hell they’re doing. most of the people he usually talks to in class are as useless as he is, too busy flirting or sleeping through lectures.
but then his gaze catches on someone sitting right up the front.
you.
the quiet girl with the tidy notes and the neat handwriting, the one who always answers when the professor asks a question no one else dares to.
you’re sitting there now, head slightly tilted as you jot something down, your pen gliding across the page with that easy confidence of someone who actually understands this shit.
you’ve always sat alone, tucked near the window. you never talk during lectures unless you have to, and even then your voice is small, hesitant. you wear oversized sweaters, keep your hair pinned up, and avoid eye contact with anyone who looks remotely like they belong to his world.
still, he’s noticed you before. everyone has. it’s hard not to. you’re the kind of girl that seems untouchable, not because you’re trying to be, but because you’re so far removed from everything he knows. soft, focused, real sweet.
and right now, you look like salvation.
he pushes up from his seat, ignoring the curious glances from a few classmates as he moves down the aisle. his tall frame blocks the light for a second when he stops beside your desk. you glance up, startled, your pen pausing mid-sentence.
"yo, my names sukuna. and you?"
"uh, hi? it's y/n." he smirks at your shy response, but continues.
“you’re like, a chem genius, right?” his tone is low, rough with disinterest, though his eyes linger on you a little too long.
you blink up at him, hesitant. “oh, um… i guess? why?”
“i need a partner, like, real bad,” he says, dropping the failed exam onto your desk with a dull slap. the red ink almost glows. “i'm gonna be honest, i completely fucked myself with this last exam. i can’t afford to fail again.”
you stare at the paper, then at him. up close, he’s intimidating. messy pink hair, dark eyes sharp and unreadable, tattoos trailing up his arms, his face, and peeking out from under his shirt collar.
he looks nothing like someone who’d ever ask for help, especially from you, and the fact that he’s doing it now makes your mind reel.
“i- look, don't take this the wrong way, but... theres a lot of people in this class,” you manage softly. “why pick me?”
he shrugs, leaning one hand on the desk beside your notes. “because you actually know what you’re doing. and i’m not looking to get stuck with some idiot who’ll drag me down, i'm already so fucking cooked."
you hesitate, glancing away. you’ve never really talked to him before. actually, you’ve barely even noticed him beyond the times you’ve seen him walking across campus with toji. that’s usually when your stomach does that stupid fluttering thing. watching toji laugh, his arm slung lazily around sukuna’s shoulders, both of them looking like they own the place.
it’s strange seeing one of them standing here now, asking you for help.
you fidget with your pen. “that's fine, sure. but… if we’re partners, wed have to split the workload.”
"yeah,” he says. “i can pull my weight, don't stress it, sweetheart. mostly just need someone to keep me from bombing it.”
it’s almost funny. he’s trying to sound casual, but something about the way he’s watching you feels uncharacteristically careful. like he’s actually waiting for your answer rather than being the overbearing dick he usually is.
maybe it’s because you’re cute. or maybe it’s because he knows you hold his fate in your small, nervous hands.
you chew your lip for a moment, then nod. “yeah, okay. i’ll help you out.”
his mouth tilts in a grin that’s half smug, half genuine relief. “good. 'preciate it, babe.”
you look down instantly, pretending to organize your papers so he doesn’t see the way your face warms. you weren't used to such casual name calling.
he drags a chair over from the next row and drops into it beside you, leaning back like he’s been sitting there all semester.
the professor’s voice fades into the background again as you stare straight ahead, trying to focus on anything but the fact that sukuna ryomen, the most notorious guy in beta tau, is now your project partner.
a few minutes pass in silence. the lecture drags on, your notes filling another page. but your mind’s racing the whole time. sukuna, meanwhile, can’t stop sneaking glances at you from the corner of his eye.
he hadn’t expected you to actually agree. and he definitely hadn’t expected to find himself curious about you. you’re so… different. not the kind of girl who shows up to parties. not someone who flirts back when he smirks at her. just quiet and sweet, head buried in your work, the type that shouldn’t even be in his orbit.
and yet here you are.
when the professor dismisses the class, people start packing up. you hesitate, fingers tightening around your pen. then, before you can talk yourself out of it, you turn to him.
“hey… sukuna?”
he hums, eyes flicking toward you lazily. “yeah?”
you look nervous, the words almost tripping over themselves before they leave your mouth. cute. “i’ll help you pass. but… can you help me out with something too?”
his brow arches. “hmm. depends what it is.”
you take a quiet breath. “it’s about your friend. uh.. toji.”
that gets his attention. his posture stiffens a little. “what about him?”
you look down at your notebook, like it’s safer than looking at him. “i just… i think he’s really attractive. and he looks nice. i know it’s kind of stupid but i was wondering if maybe... you could help me get him to notice me.”
for a second, sukuna just stares at you.
out of all the things he expected you to say, that wasn’t it.
you, the shy little thing sitting up front, blushing and tripping over her own words, want toji fushiguro. one of the biggest assholes on campus. his best friend, sure, but a guy who barely remembers girls’ names after he sleeps with them.
he leans back slowly, biting the inside of his cheek to keep from laughing. “you’re serious?”
you nod, eyes still fixed on your notebook.
he studies you for a long moment. you’re fidgeting again, twisting your pen between your fingers, your voice so soft he almost misses it. “you don’t have to if it’s weird, i just thought… you two are close, so maybe…”
sukuna exhales through his nose. part of him wants to tell you it’s a bad idea. that toji doesn’t deserve someone like you. that you’d get hurt trying to chase a guy like that.
but he doesn’t.
instead, he tilts his head and says, “yeah, fine. i’ll help you out.”
your head snaps up, eyes wide. “huh? really?”
“yeah. but only because you’re saving my ass with this project,” he says, smirking a little. “guess we’ll call it even.”
you smile, small, bright, genuine, and something tightens in his chest.
you're so cute.
“thank you,” you say quietly.
he grins again, leaning forward to rest his elbows on his knees. “don’t mention it, honey.”
and as you pack up your notes, he watches you go, already trying to ignore the strange feeling crawling up the back of his neck.
he tells himself it’s just a deal. a trade. nothing more.
but as you disappear out the door, he can’t shake the thought that maybe, just maybe, he’s gotten himself into more trouble than he realises.
~
music blasts through the frat, heavy bass shaking the walls, bodies moving in rhythm across the living room floor. someone’s yelling over the noise, someone else is laughing too loud.
the air smells like bad beer, smoke, and sweat, the classic friday night cocktail that means beta tau is alive and wild again.
sukuna leans against the kitchen counter, red solo cup in hand, watching a game of beer pong play out in front of him. the noise is deafening, but it’s a familiar kind of chaos. toji’s across the table, grin sharp as he sinks another ping-pong ball into the last cup.
“hell yeah,” toji shouts, hands raised. “that’s another win for me, baby!”
someone hands him another drink, and he downs it in one go, slamming the cup down as the room cheers. toji fushiguro lives for this kind of night, beer, bets, and easy company. sukuna’s used to it, the routine almost comforting.
he joins the next round, barely losing after a stupid bounce, then lets himself collapse onto the sagging couch beside toji. the music’s pounding through the walls, but the corner they’re in feels quieter, almost like the noise fades around them.
toji stretches out, arm slung over the back of the couch, shirt sticking to his skin. “you’re slipping, man,” he says, smirking at sukuna. “used to be able to hold your own in beer pong.”
“fuck up,” sukuna mutters, head tipped back, eyes half-lidded. “that last shot was rigged.”
“rigged?” toji laughs, deep and unrestrained. “you’re just rusty.”
sukuna grunts, tossing his empty cup onto the coffee table. his head’s buzzing, not from the alcohol, just from thoughts, mostly the image of you, the way you looked earlier in class, keeps floating up uninvited. you sitting at the front of the room, your careful handwriting, the little way you’d fidget with your pen when you were nervous.
he doesn’t even realize he’s been quiet until toji elbows him. “yo, what’s got you zoning out?”
sukuna runs his tongue over his teeth, deciding. screw it. “you ever heard of someone named y/n?”
toji raises a brow, blinking like he didn’t catch that over the noise. “who?”
“y/n,” sukuna repeats.
toji shakes his head, lips quirking. “nah. that some new chick you’re banging?”
sukuna sputters, choking on air. “what? no. i’m not-” he cuts himself off, dragging a hand down his face. great. smooth start.
toji’s smirk widens. “come on, man. don’t get shy on me. you’re stuttering like some freshman.”
“shut up,” sukuna mutters, glaring at him. “it’s not like that.”
“then what’s it like?”
he hesitates, watching the light flicker off the beer bottles on the table. there’s no way to explain it without sounding weird. he’s not even sure why he’s bringing you up at all, except that he made a promise, and now he’s gotta start somewhere.
“she’s just… in my chem class,” he finally says. “smart as hell. the kind that actually knows what she’s doing, y’know?”
toji snorts. “so, a nerd.”
“yeah,” sukuna says, ignoring the way toji says it like it’s an insult. “but, like… cute. shy, quiet, nice, i guess.”
toji’s grin widens. “bro. you’re seriously telling me about a crush right now? what the hell happened to you?”
“it’s not a crush,” sukuna says quickly, though his voice comes out sharper than he means. “she’s just..” he stops, running a hand through his hair. “she’s helping me with chem, okay? and i told her i’d help her with something too.”
“what, she want free alcs?” toji laughs.
“no.” sukuna exhales through his nose. “she wants you.”
that earns him a pause. toji tilts his head, eyes narrowing like he’s trying to decide if he misheard. “me?”
“yeah.”
“as in… she wants to, what, date me?”
“basically.”
toji’s silent for a moment, then he breaks into a bark of laughter so loud it turns a few heads. “you’re kidding, right? some shy nerdy girl wants me?” he grins, tapping his chest. “guess she’s got good taste.”
sukuna grits his teeth. “don’t be an ass about it.”
“what? i’m not being an ass,” toji says, still smirking. “just saying, that’s not really my type, man. i like girls who can actually keep up, y’know?”
“yeah, i know,” sukuna mutters. “that’s kinda the problem.”
“problem?”
sukuna leans forward, elbows on his knees, voice dropping low. “look, she’s… she’s sweet. like, actually sweet. the kind of girl that probably still says ‘sorry’ even when someone bumps into her first. you’d break her in half.”
toji shrugs, unbothered. “then maybe she shouldn’t be into me.”
“she doesn’t even know you,” sukuna says, frustration creeping into his tone. “she just saw you around. thinks you’re… i don’t know. hot and nice.”
“ha,” toji barks out a laugh, finishing his drink. “then she’s definitely got the wrong idea.”
sukuna sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose. this was going nowhere.
he tries again, his tone careful. “i just figured maybe you could give her a chance. she’s not like the other girls you mess with. she’s…” he hesitates, searching for the right word. “different. the kind you’d actually like if you gave her five minutes.”
toji side-eyes him, clearly amused. “you trying to sell me a girlfriend or something? what’s in it for you?”
sukuna’s jaw tightens. “nothing. i told her i’d help her out, that’s all.”
toji grins, eyes glinting. “you sure about that? you sound kinda like you wanna keep her for yourself.”
sukuna’s silent for a beat, his pulse ticking faster than it should. “i don’t.”
“right. and i’m the pope.” toji laughs, leaning back. “are you high? tellin’ me about how cute and shy she is… just fuck her and move on, bro. no need for all this emotional shit.”
sukuna drags a hand down his face, groaning. “i wish i was fucking high. jesus, you’re impossible.”
the music gets louder again, another chant rising from the kitchen as someone calls for shots. toji stands, stretching, grinning down at him. “come on, man. stop thinking so hard. let’s go get wasted.”
sukuna waves him off. “nah, i’m good. go ahead.”
toji shrugs and disappears into the crowd. sukuna sinks further into the couch, head tipping back, letting the noise drown out the frustration burning in his chest.
this was going to be a nightmare.
.
the next morning, the fluorescent lights of the lecture hall feel like punishment. the air smells like stale coffee and paper, and the chatter around the room grates on his nerves. sukuna slouches into his seat, sunglasses hiding the exhaustion clinging to him.
you’re already there, of course. neat stack of papers beside your laptop, pen in hand, posture perfect. you glance up as he approaches, offering a small smile.
“morning,” you say softly.
“hey,” he mutters, sliding into the seat next to you.
the teacher doesn’t waste time, telling everyone to start working on their projects. pairs scatter across the room, some staying behind, others leaving for the library. you glance at sukuna, uncertain.
“should we…?”
“yeah, library,” he says before you can finish. “less noise.”
you nod quickly, tucking your notes under your arm as you follow him out.
the walk’s quiet. you keep close but not too close, fingers gripping the strap of your bag. sukuna glances at you once or twice as you walk, the sunlight catching the edge of your hair. there’s something weirdly calming about you, like your presence forces the chaos in his head to settle for a bit.
when you reach the campus library, you pick a small table near the back, away from the groups of whispering students. the morning light filters through tall windows, catching dust motes in the air. it’s quiet enough that every turn of a page feels loud.
you sit across from him, pulling your laptop from your bag. “um, before we start, maybe we should exchange contact info?”
he nods, pulling out his phone. “yeah. what's ya' number?”
you rattle it off, and he types it in. his phone pings a second later when you text him, and he adds your contact with a lazy swipe. then you both exchange social media.
you open your instagram to show him, but he’s already found it. your account’s small. cozy, soft colors, pictures of coffee cups, notes, and the occasional selfie that looks like you were trying not to take one.
then you look at his. thousands of followers, stories from parties, shirtless gym photos, snapshots of him and toji grinning like idiots with red cups in hand.
you blink, then smile politely. “ours are… really different.”
he huffs out a quiet laugh. “yeah. just a little.”
he doesn’t tell you that he finds it kind of adorable, how small and peaceful your corner of the internet looks compared to his chaos.
you both settle in to start discussing the project, papers spread between you. you talk about ideas, your voice growing steadier as you get into the topic. you explain concepts easily, your hands moving as you describe how you could structure the research, how to divide the work.
he listens. or tries to. mostly, he’s just watching the way you light up when you talk about something you love.
after a while, you pause, glancing at him with a small, hopeful look. “did you… talk to toji?”
he freezes for a fraction of a second, mind flashing back to last night. the laughter, the teasing, the absolute disaster of that conversation.
“yeah,” he says after a moment, forcing a smile. “i did.”
your eyes widen, curious. “what’d he say?”
he hesitates. you’re looking at him so earnestly, waiting for an answer, and he can’t bring himself to tell you that toji laughed it off, that he’d said something crude about just sleeping with you and moving on.
so he lies.
“he seemed interested,” sukuna says smoothly. “asked who you were. said you sounded cute.”
you go still for a moment, then your cheeks flush, and you duck your head. “really?”
“yeah,” he says, leaning back in his chair. “told him you were smart, nice. he said that’s rare.”
your shy smile makes his chest tighten in a way he doesn’t understand.
“that’s… really nice of you, sukuna,” you say softly. “thanks.”
he shrugs, forcing a grin. “told you i’d help.”
but as you turn back to your notes, still smiling faintly to yourself, he can’t look away. he doesn’t know what’s worse, the way lying to you actually hurts his heart, or the way part of him’s starting to wish that toji never finds out who you are.
because the thought of you smiling like that at anyone else makes his stomach twist.
~
the frat house is quieter than usual when sukuna pushes the door open.
no bass pounding through the walls, no laughter echoing down the hallway, no beer pong table clattering in the kitchen. just the faint hum of the refrigerator and the distant muffled sound of someone’s tv from another room.
it’s strange. unsettling, almost. he’s gotten used to the constant noise, the never ending roar of people that filled the house from dusk till dawn.
he kicks off his shoes at the door, shoulders rolling back as he heads for the stairs. his head still feels heavy from the long day, the faint scent of your shampoo stuck in his memory.
it’s weird? he’s been around a thousand girls, maybe more. girls who practically threw themselves at him, who laughed too loud at his jokes and leaned in too close.
but somehow, you, sitting across from him with that shy smile and your soft voice explaining inter molecular relationship, manage to stick in his head longer than any of them ever have.
his room’s dark when he steps inside, save for the light bleeding in from the street through the blinds. he tosses his keys onto the desk and falls back onto his bed, exhaling. the ceiling stares back blankly.
he doesn’t even mean to grab his phone, but his hand moves before he can think. he unlocks it, thumb hovering over instagram.
just checking something, he tells himself.
his fingers type your username into the search bar without hesitation.
your profile opens instantly.
the same cozy layout he remembered. a few new story highlights. your bio, something simple, maybe a quote or a flower emoji. his thumb scrolls down slowly, eyes following the grid of neatly arranged photos. you, a few landscapes, coffee cups, snippets of sunlight through your window, a cat that might not even be yours.
he stops when he sees a picture from about a month ago.
you’re holding a tiny puppy in your arms, your face caught mid laugh, like someone had said something funny right before snapping the picture. the puppy’s paw rests against your chest, nose tucked near your chin. in your other hand, you’re holding a paper cup of coffee, a little swirl of foam peeking through the lid.
he stares at it for longer than he should.
it’s just a photo, nothing special, but something about it hits him hard . the little details, the way your fingers hold gently under the puppy’s paw, the sunlight catching on the curve of your cheek, the way your smile looks completely unposed.
he catches himself wondering stupid things.
was that your dog? probably not. maybe a friend’s. or some random one you met at a cafe.
was the coffee yours? it looks like something you’d order, something simple. maybe vanilla, maybe something with caramel.
where was that taken? some small corner cafe? a weekend morning somewhere quiet?
he doesn’t know. and that bothers him more than it should.
his thumb hovers over the photo for a second before he double taps it. the little red heart fills in on the corner of the screen.
great. now you’re going to see that he liked a post from a month ago. real smooth.
he tosses his phone onto the bed beside him, covering his face with his hands.
“what the fuck am i doing,” he mutters.
he’s never been that guy. the one who scrolls through a girl’s profile like he’s studying for an exam. the one who cares enough to wonder what her favorite coffee order is, or if she likes dogs or cats more. he doesn’t ask those questions. he doesn’t want to ask those questions.
but he can’t stop himself.
he scrolls again, back up to your most recent post, another candid shot, you’re wearing one of those oversized sweaters you always seem to wear to class, sleeves pulled over your wrists.
you look peaceful. and sweet. and so painfully far from the world he lives in.
his throat tightens unexpectedly, he looks deeper, really looks at you.
you’re really fucking pretty.
he’d always known that. he’d noticed, sure, he’s not blind. the first day you’d agreed to work with him, he’d thought you were cute. adorable, even. but now, staring at your pictures, seeing the small glimpses of your life beyond those chemistry notes and shy smiles, he realizes it’s more than that.
you’re beautiful.
and that realization sits heavy in his chest, thick and uncomfortable.
because he knows exactly where this is supposed to go.
he still owes you. he still promised you something.
toji.
the thought of his friend’s name makes him exhale hard through his nose.
he can already picture it. if he brings you up again, toji will laugh the same way he always does. say something crude. maybe shrug and agree to meet you, just for the hell of it. and maybe you’d smile that soft, nervous smile at him, and maybe you’d fall for him harder than you already have.
and that image, that thought? makes sukuna’s jaw clench.
he shakes his head, forcing the phone screen off.
“get a grip,” he mutters, rolling onto his side.
but it’s no use. even as he closes his eyes, the image of you laughing with that puppy burns into the back of his mind.
~
two weeks pass withf lectures and late-night text exchanges about project deadlines.
you’ve met up three times since that first day at the library. each time, sukuna’s noticed small things. how you seem to relax around him more, how you’ve started teasing him lightly when he messes up an equation, how your laugh sounds quiet but genuine when he actually manages to make you smile.
and now, on the fourth meeting, he finds himself heading to the library again, trying to ignore the way his stomach feels weirdly tight.
you’re already there when he walks in.
same table. same corner near the back.
but this time, something’s different.
you’re standing by your seat, waving slightly when you see him. and in your hands, you’re holding two cups of coffee.
“hey,” you say, your voice bright and clear in a way that makes him pause.
he blinks, momentarily thrown off by how cheerful you sound. “hey,” he replies, trying to sound as casual as usual.
you hold out one of the cups toward him. “i, um, got this for you. black coffee, right?”
for a second, he just stares.
it’s stupid. it’s a coffee cup. but his mind stutters anyway.
“yeah,” he says, voice quieter than he means it to be. “yeah, that’s right.”
“i wasn’t sure how you take it,” you admit with a small laugh. “you seem like the kind of person who drinks it straight. no sugar, no milk.”
he huffs out a small laugh, taking the cup from you. “you got that right.”
“lucky guess.”
you sit down, cheeks faintly pink. he watches you for a second longer than necessary before clearing his throat and dropping into the chair across from you.
“thanks,” he says finally, lifting the cup slightly. “for the coffee.”
you smile, soft and genuine. “you’ve been helping me a lot with this, so i thought it was the least i could do.”
he wants to tell you that you’ve got it backwards, that you’re the one keeping him afloat, not the other way around, but he bites his tongue.
instead, he takes a sip, the bitter taste grounding him.
“you didn’t have to, y'know.”
“i wanted to,” you say, eyes flicking down to your notes.
and for a brief second, he feels his pulse skip.
you wanted to.
he tries to shake the feeling, pulling out his own notes. “alright, so. what’s the plan for today?”
you talk about the experiment data, what needs to be written up, the references you still have to gather. he listens, but part of him’s distracted.
it’s the way you’re talking now, louder, lighter. you’re not tripping over your words anymore. you’re not afraid to meet his eyes. the shy girl who could barely look at him two weeks ago is now smiling at him between sentences.
and fuck if that doesn’t make something twist in his chest.
as the minutes pass, the project talk starts to blur into something else. he’s the one who changes the subject first.
“so,” he says, leaning back slightly. “what’s with you and coffee? every time i see you, you’ve got one.”
you look up from your laptop, blinking. “i just like it, i guess. i go to this little place near campus almost every morning before class.”
“the one with the green sign?”
“yeah, that one.”
“figured.”
you laugh quietly. “you go there too?”
“sometimes,” he says. “after workouts. they’ve got good espresso.”
you tilt your head. “you work out every morning?”
“almost,” he says, smirking faintly. “gotta keep my sexy frat guy aura in tact.”
“oh, right,” you tease, eyes glinting a little. “wouldn’t want to disappoint your fans.”
he blinks, caught off guard. “fans?”
“your instagram,” you say, trying not to laugh. “you’ve got, like, a thousand girls following you. i saw.”
he groans, rubbing a hand over his face. “don’t remind me.”
“why?”
“because half of them don’t even go to this school,” he says, grinning a little. “they just… show up.”
you laugh, the sound soft but real, and he finds himself smiling before he can stop it.
after that, the conversation drifts. you talk about random things. your classes, your favorite kind of music, the dog from your photo (“that’s my friend’s puppy,” you explain. “he’s named mochi.”).
sukuna finds himself asking questions, more than he’s ever asked anyone before. not just because he wants to fill the silence, but because he genuinely wants to know.
you tell him about your hobbies, your part tme job at the campus bookstore, how you’re saving up for a trip after graduation.
he listens. really listens.
and for every small thing you share, he feels himself drawn in deeper.
when the session finally ends, the clock showing that two hours have slipped by without either of you noticing, you start packing up your things.
“same time next week?” you ask, glancing up.
“yeah,” he says. “same spot.”
you smile again, that soft, shy one that makes his chest ache.
and as you wave goodbye and walk out of the library, sukuna stays seated for a moment, staring at the empty chair across from him.
he should be thinking about the project. about grades. about keeping his promise to you.
but all he can think about is how the smell of coffee still lingers faintly on his fingers and how, somehow, that’s become his favorite part of the day.
~
the frat house always feels heavy on monday mornings. air thick with the smell of stale beer and cheap cologne, empty red cups scattered on tables like small grave markers from the weekend before. sukuna drags himself through the hallway, towel hanging around his neck, hair still damp from a quick shower.
toji’s already waiting in the kitchen, leaning against the counter with a protein shake in one hand and his phone in the other. he looks up when sukuna walks in, flashing that familiar cocky grin.
“yo, you down to hit the gym?”
sukuna doesn’t even hesitate. “for sure.”
mondays are brutal, but skipping a session isn’t an option. not when you’ve got someone like toji keeping score. they finish off their drinks, grab their bags, and head out.
the campus is still quiet. early morning sun stretches across the pavement, birds chirping somewhere above. their sneakers hit the concrete in sync.
“bro, did you see the game last night?” toji asks, tossing a smirk his way.
“yeah,” sukuna mutters. “you owe me twenty.”
toji groans. “bullshit. that last call was garbage.”
“still counts.”
they go back and forth for a while typical talk. girls, workouts, who pulled who at the last party. toji’s loud, animated, the kind of guy who fills silence with his own voice. sukuna listens, laughs when he should, but half his mind’s somewhere else.
they’re cutting across the main quad when he spots you.
you’re walking toward one of the lecture halls, tote bag slung over your shoulder, hair catching the light in a way that makes his breath hitch.
you’re wearing something simple. a cute shirt and nice jeans, your hands wrapped around a coffee cup, but somehow it makes you stand out more than anyone else on the path.
you don’t see him, too focused on your phone, but his chest tightens anyway.
for a second, it’s like the rest of the campus fades away.
then he remembers who’s walking beside him.
toji’s still talking about some girl he hooked up with over the weekend, words fading into the background as sukuna’s jaw tightens. he forces his eyes away, tells himself to stop being weird. this is stupid. you’re just his lab partner.
except he’s not supposed to be thinking about how good you look in the morning light. he’s supposed to be thinking about the deal.
the one with toji.
his throat feels dry as he forces himself to speak.
“hey,” he says suddenly. “you remember that girl i was talking about the other night?”
toji glances over, raising a brow. “the chem one?”
“yeah. that’s her.”
he nods toward you before he can second-guess it.
toji slows immediately, his attention shifting in your direction. you’re still walking across the path, the sunlight brushing over your face as you look up for a moment, squinting.
sukuna watches as toji literally stops in his tracks.
“no way,” toji says, eyes widening. “that’s her?”
“yeah,” sukuna mutters.
“holy shit.” toji’s grin spreads, sharp and impressed. “you didn’t tell me she was that cute.”
sukuna doesn’t respond. he just keeps walking, pretending to be unfazed, but every word toji says feels like it’s digging deeper under his skin.
“seriously, bro,” toji continues, still staring after you even as you disappear into the building. “you made her sound like some dorky little nerd. i was picturing ugly glasses, messy bun, the whole thing. but she’s, damn. she’s adorable.”
sukuna’s stomach twists. he forces a smirk, because that’s what’s expected. “yeah, she’s not bad.”
“not bad?” toji laughs, clapping a hand to his shoulder. “she’s gorgeous. you holding out on me, man?”
“nah,” sukuna says quickly. “just didn’t think you’d be into that type.”
“what type?”
“the smart, quiet type,” he says, voice flat. “thought you liked girls who could ‘keep up,’ remember?”
toji scoffs. “yeah, well, she’s too cute to pass up. shit, you should let me tag along next time you’re studying with her. see what she’s like up close.”
sukuna forces a laugh, but it comes out strained. “yeah, sure. whatever.”
inside, he’s cringing so hard he feels sick.
they head into the gym, the sound of clanging weights filling the space. he tries to focus on the burn in his muscles, the rhythm of his breathing but his thoughts won’t shut up. toji’s words keep echoing. she’s adorable. she’s gorgeous. you holding out on me?
this was what he was supposed to do. this was the plan. introduce you to toji, let things fall into place, make good on his end of the deal.
so why does it feel so wrong?
~
the next study session comes faster than he expects.
the day’s overcast, the library quiet except for the soft hush of the air conditioning. you’re already there when he walks in, sitting in your usual spot by the window, books neatly stacked, pen tapping absently against your notebook.
you look up when you hear his voice.
“hey,” he says, slipping through the aisles toward you.
your face brightens instantly, that small, warm smile tugging at your lips.
“hi,” you say, already starting to greet him.
then your voice falters.
because right behind him, towering and broad-shouldered, is toji.
your words die halfway out of your throat, eyes going wide. he’s impossible to ignore, dark hair, sharp grin, that easy confidence that radiates from him like static.
sukuna can see the exact moment you freeze. your fingers grip your pen a little too tightly, your posture going stiff.
“this is toji,” sukuna says, trying to sound casual. “he wanted to tag along today.”
“hey,” toji says smoothly, pulling up a chair without asking. “nice to meet you, y/n.”
you nod, cheeks pink. “h-hi.”
it’s awkward from the start. painfully so.
sukuna tries to start things off, opening his notebook and asking about the data you collected last week, but toji’s already jumping in with his own questions, none of them relevant.
“so,” toji leans forward, elbows on the table. “you’re really good at this chem stuff, huh? always been a little nerd?”
you laugh nervously, eyes flicking between the two of them. “i… guess so?”
“yeah, i could never,” he says, shaking his head. “i barely passed last year. too many parties, you know how it is.”
you nod politely, but the look on your face says it all, you have no idea what to say.
sukuna grits his teeth.
toji keeps going, oblivious. he talks about the last frat party, about the time he benched two hundred in front of half the football team, about some girl who texted him last night. you just sit there, smiling faintly, giving small nods and quiet hums of agreement.
it’s brutal.
every word toji says feels like a slow car crash sukuna can’t stop. he knows he should’ve expected this. this was always how toji was but now that it’s happening in front of you, he can’t stand it.
you’re sitting there, trying so hard to be polite, cheeks flushed, fingers fidgeting with your sleeve. and for the first time, sukuna hates how loud the other guy is. hates how he’s filling the space that’s always felt quiet and easy with you.
after what feels like forever, toji’s phone buzzes. he glances down, reads the message, and stands up.
“gotta head out,” he says, smirking. “good luck with your project, sweetheart. maybe i’ll swing by next time, yeah?”
before you can respond, he gives you a wink.
you freeze again, murmuring something that barely sounds like a goodbye.
he leaves, whistling under his breath, completely unaware of how painfully awkward that was.
the second he’s out of sight, sukuna exhales hard and runs a hand through his hair.
“fuck,” he mutters. “sorry about that.”
your eyes widen a little. “oh, um, it’s fine.”
“no, seriously,” he says, glancing at you. “i should’ve told you i was bringing him.”
you hesitate, then smile, shy but real. “it’s okay. i was just… nervous, i guess.”
he tilts his head. “why?”
you look down at your notes. “he’s just… kind of intense. i didn’t expect that.”
“yeah,” he says quietly. “he’s like that.”
the silence that follows isn’t awkward, though. it’s calm. steady.
you’re visibly more relaxed now, shoulders no longer so tight, your voice softer when you start talking again. sukuna listens, his chest loosening with every word.
you don’t mention toji again.
and he doesn’t either.
for the rest of the session, it’s just the two of you again. back to the easy rhythm he didn’t realize he’d missed until it was gone. you explain a reaction mechanism, he teases you about your handwriting, you roll your eyes and laugh.
when it’s time to leave, you pack up your things slowly, almost like you don’t want the moment to end.
“see you next week?” you ask.
“yeah,” he says, smiling faintly. “next week.”
you give a small wave, and as you walk out, sukuna watches you disappear between the shelves, that same quiet warmth settling in his chest.
he should feel relieved, he did what he was supposed to. he introduced you to toji. he followed through.
but instead, he just feels like he’s made a mistake.
because the whole walk back to the frat, the only thing running through his head isn’t how toji couldn’t shut up or how awkward the whole thing was.
it’s how your voice had softened when you told him it was fine. how your eyes met his, even for a second, and he felt that stupid little spark again.
he doesn’t know what to call it. doesn’t want to.
but deep down, he knows one thing for sure.
the next time you two meet, he’s showing up alone, keeping you to himself.
~
music pounds through sukuna's chest, pulsing out of the open doors of the sorority like a heartbeat on overdrive. laughter spills down the steps, mixed with the sharp scent of alcohol and perfume and that sticky-sweet haze that always clings to these kinds of parties.
banners hang crooked above the door, fairy lights tangled like spiderwebs. the sorority girls really went all out.
it’s a mixer. one of those invite only things, where every girl in greek row tries to get noticed by the “right” house. and sukuna’s frat, their house, was always the right one. full of grade A hotties like sukuna and toji and successful athletes like gojo and geto.
he spots toji near the entrance, already in his element. white t-shirt, chain glinting at his throat, grin carved sharp enough to cut through the noise. every few seconds, someone calls his name. girls from different sororities, guys from the rugby team, even one of the organizers waving him over.
toji was built for this. sukuna knew it. hell, everyone did.
“about time, man,” toji says when sukuna steps up beside him. “thought you’d bailed.”
“nah,” sukuna mutters. “just took my time.”
“yeah, well, tonight’s supposed to be wild. let’s make the most of it.”
they shoulder their way through the crowd, music pounding overhead, the smell of beer and sweat and too much perfume thick in the air. sticking together like usual.
a few girls call out sukuna’s name as they pass, and he just flashes that lazy grin he’s perfected, the one that says he’s not interested, but he might be later.
it’s all automatic now. the smirk, the eye contact, the way his shoulders roll when he laughs. it’s all muscle memory.
but tonight, something feels off.
maybe it’s the way every laugh sounds fake. maybe it’s the way the lights flash too bright, painting everyone in the same plastic color.
maybe it’s because all he can think about is you.
they end up in the kitchen, where the music’s still loud but not deafening. beer pong’s already set up on the long dining table, cups half-filled, ping-pong balls scattered across the sticky surface.
toji grabs a ball and grins. “let’s go. loser does a shot.”
sukuna smirks, rolling up his sleeves. “you’re on.”
they start playing, drawing a small crowd of girls who cheer and giggle at every throw. toji’s competitive as always, talking shit between shots, while sukuna plays quiet and steady. the rhythm feels familiar, the weight of the ball, the sound of it hitting the cup, the way everyone leans in to watch.
after two rounds, they’re tied. toji wins one, sukuna the other. the girls watching don’t seem to care who’s winning they’re too focused on the way the two of them look, the easy confidence that comes with knowing the room revolves around them.
and then they descend.
a blonde slides up beside toji, pressing herself against his arm. another girl, brunette this time, drapes herself over sukuna, laughter dripping from her lips like honey.
“you guys are, like, scary good at this,” she says, voice high and flirty.
“practice,” sukuna says automatically. his smirk looks real enough. it always does.
her nails trace the edge of his sleeve, and she leans closer. “bet you’re real good at other things too.”
normally, this is the part where he’d lean in, let the moment pull him under. he knows how this goes, shots, dancing, slipping upstairs when the music gets too loud. normally he'd do anything for a quick fuck.
but tonight, it doesn’t land.
he looks down at her, at the perfect makeup and glitter around her eyes, and all he can think is how different she is from you.
how you’d never lean on someone like this. how you’d never grab at someone you just met. how when you talked, you actually meant what you said.
his jaw tightens.
toji’s already got two girls around him, laughing loudly, drink in one hand, the other at someone’s waist. he looks like he’s having the time of his life. and for the first time, sukuna feels nothing but exhaustion watching it.
the brunette keeps talking something about the psych department, something about a pool party next weekend but her words fade into static.
god, he can’t stop thinking about you.
he pictures your small smile, the way you tuck your hair behind your ear when you’re nervous. the way your voice lifts just slightly when you talk about something you love. the way your eyes meet his only for a second before darting away again.
then he thinks about how you’d react if you saw this.
if you saw toji right now, grinning, drunk, hands everywhere.
you’d look crushed. maybe not outwardly, but he knows you’d feel it. he can see that tiny flicker of hurt in his head, your lips pressing together, pretending not to care.
and for some reason, that thought hits him like a punch.
you’d be heartbroken over a guy like toji. and he hates that. hates it enough that his fake smirk starts to slip.
because toji’s the one you wanted. and toji’s right there, laughing with some random girl like you never even existed.
it makes his stomach twist.
the brunette leans in closer, her perfume cloying and too strong. she presses her lips against his neck, and something cold floods through him instead of the usual heat.
he stiffens.
she pulls back, confused, maybe even offended, but he just steps away, shaking his head.
“you good?” she asks, pouting a little.
“yeah,” he mutters. “just need a smoke.”
he grabs a beer from the counter and makes his way outside.
the air’s cooler out here, cleaner. it hits his lungs in a way that almost feels like relief. he digs into his pocket, finds his pack, and lights up. the first drag burns his throat, grounding him a little. he thinks back to the time you'd seen a flash of the packet in his pocket, the look of concern plastering your cute face.
"you smoke cigarettes? y'know that pretty bad for you, sukuna..."
he sighs and takes another drag, he knew you were right, hell, he even cut down after that little statement.
inside, the party’s still raging. someone shouts, laughter echoing off the walls. he hears toji’s voice above the rest, loud and easy and so damn sure of himself.
sukuna exhales a long stream of smoke and stares out at the street.
why’s he even thinking about you like this?
you're just a girl. just a project partner. you needed his help, he needed yours. that’s all it was supposed to be.
but then he remembers how you'd smiled when he showed up on time for once, how you’d brought him that stupid cup of coffee just because you thought he’d like it. how careful you’d been, shy but trying.
and now he’s here, surrounded by everything he used to want, feeling nothing but restless.
he thinks about the library tomorrow morning.
you’d be there early. you always are. waiting at the same table, your notebook open, your pen tapping as you concentrate. you’d look up when he walks in, offer that small, quiet smile like you’re genuinely happy to see him.
the thought of showing up hungover makes his stomach knot.
he can’t let you see him like that. not reeking of beer, not bleary eyed and dead from a night he didn’t even enjoy.
he flicks the ash off his cigarette, curses under his breath.
“what the fuck am i doing?”
he looks back toward the house. the windows are glowing with golden light, silhouettes moving inside. laughter spills out again, shrill and wild.
that used to feel like home.
now it just feels loud.
he takes another drag, the ember lighting up in the dark.
this isn’t him. at least, it’s not the version of him you’ve seen. the one who actually listens, who tries, who stays sober enough to remember what you said about catalysts and reactions. the one you’ve somehow turned him into without even knowing.
he huffs out a quiet laugh, bitter and low.
you’d probably never believe it if someone told you sukuna ryomen left a mixer early because of a girl.
but here he is.
he stubs out the cigarette, tosses the butt into the gutter, and pulls his jacket tighter around him.
he steps back inside just long enough to find toji at the beer pong table, a girl perched on his lap now, and rolls his eyes.
“yo,” toji calls over. “where the hell’d you go?”
“m' heading out,” sukuna says. “got shit to do tomorrow.”
toji raises a brow. “it’s friday, man.”
“yeah. i know.”
“whatever,” toji laughs. “your loss.”
sukuna just shrugs, already turning toward the door.
the music fades behind him as he walks out again. the night air hits him, cool against his skin. campus is mostly empty now, streetlights flickering.
he lights another cigarette as he walks, the smoke curling up into the cold.
his mind won’t stop racing.
he thinks about you again, about how small you look sitting behind your laptop, about the way you focus so hard you don’t notice him staring sometimes. about how quiet the world feels when it’s just the two of you in that corner of the library.
you’d laugh if you saw him now. the guy everyone calls a monster, walking home early from a party just because he wants to look sober in front of some shy chemistry nerd.
but it’s not just that anymore.
he doesn’t want to look sober. he wants to look good for you.
he wants you to think he’s better than this. better than what everyone thinks he's like.
he blows out smoke and watches it fade into the dark.
when he gets back to the frat, the house is nearly empty—most of the guys are still at the mixer. it’s quiet for once. he climbs the stairs, every step heavy, and stops at his door.
he stares at the handle for a second before going in.
the room smells like cologne and laundry detergent. his desk’s still a mess, papers and dumbbells scattered everywhere. he drops onto the bed and stares at the ceiling, cigarette burning low between his fingers.
he should sleep. he should forget tonight.
but all he can see is you.
your smile. your voice. your eyes when they meet his and flick away just a second too fast.
“fuck,” he mutters under his breath.
he ashes the cigarette in the tray, lets his head fall back, and closes his eyes.
the thought of you lingers like smoke in his lungs. intoxicating, slow, impossible to shake.
and for the first time in a long time, the idea of tomorrow doesn’t feel like just another day. it feels like something he’s waiting for.
~
the sun crawls through the blinds too early for a saturday.
pale light drags itself across the room, landing on the mess of clothes and empty bottles scattered over the frat floor. everyone’s still passed out.
bodies everywhere. some sprawled across couches, others snoring in corners, heads tipped back with half-empty beer cans slipping from their hands.
but not sukuna.
he’s awake.
he’s the only one who doesn’t feel like he got hit by a truck. no pounding head, no sour stomach. just the faint trace of smoke on his tongue and the quiet buzz in his chest that’s been there since last night.
he sits up, rakes a hand through his hair, and exhales. the air smells like sweat and cheap vodka. he looks around at the disaster that was his frat house, sticky floors, someone’s shoe on the counter, a guy in nothing but boxers drooling into the carpet, and shakes his head.
he’s not sticking around for the aftermath.
there’s something about this morning, something clean, light, strange. he grabs his hoodie, slings his bag over his shoulder, and checks his phone. too early for most people. not too early for you.
he smiles a little at that.
when he walks into the hallway, a few guys groan from the couch.
“yo,” one of them croaks. “where the hell are you going? it’s like… eight?”
“got plans,” sukuna says, slipping on his sneakers.
“plans?” another mumbles, half-asleep. “with who?”
“no one,” sukuna says quickly. “don’t worry about it.”
he’s already halfway out the door before they can start asking more questions. the last thing he needs is toj or anyone, really catching wind of this and deciding to tag along like last time.
the air outside hits him cold and fresh. campus is quiet, only the occasional sound of birds or a bike rolling past. everything’s washed in soft gold light, the kind that makes the world look cleaner than it really is.
he starts walking.
there’s a bounce in his step that he tries to ignore. it feels stupid to feel this way. giddy. like he’s got something worth looking forward to. he tells himself it’s just because he didn’t drink last night. he’s clear-headed. alert. that’s all.
but he knows it’s a lie.
the café comes into view just down the block. it’s the one you always go to, the one with the green sign. he remembers the first time he saw you there, hunched over your laptop with a coffee that had already gone cold, scribbling in your notebook like the world might end if you looked up.
the memory makes his chest feel weird.
he pushes open the door, the little bell chiming. the barista greets him with a sleepy smile. he glances over the glass case, scanning the pastries. croissants, muffins, a few danishes. then he spots the one he remembers you ordering once, faky and soft, sugar dusted over the top.
“one of those,” he says, pointing.
the barista wraps it up neatly in paper. sukuna hands over the cash, then hesitates when she asks if he wants a drink.
he almost says yes. almost orders a sweet coffee for you.
but then he remembers.
you’ll already have one right now, you always do.
“nah,” he says, shaking his head. “js' the pastry.”
he walks out with the small paper bag in hand, a faint smile tugging at his mouth.
he feels ridiculous. it’s a fucking pastry. but somehow it feels like more than that. like he’s carrying a confession.
when the library comes into view, he spots you right away.
you’re there, in your usual spot. that back table near the window, the one you’ve claimed without ever really saying so. your coffee’s beside your laptop, steam curling up faintly. you’re biting your lip, eyes narrowed in concentration as you read through something.
and god, you’re cute.
it slaps him all over again.
the way your hair falls forward, the soft sweater you’re wearing, the tiny crease between your brows. you’re not trying to be anything. you’re just there, focused, quiet, real.
he stands there for a second, just watching.
then he remembers himself and walks over.
“g'morning,” he says.
you look up, startled, then your whole face softens when you see him. “oh, hi! you’re early.”
“yeah,” he says, dropping his bag into the chair across from you. “didn't wanna sleep in today.”
you laugh softly, brushing a strand of hair behind your ear. “fair.”
he pulls the paper bag from his hoodie pocket and slides it across the table.
he holds it out to you. “for you. figured you might want breakfast.”
you blink, startled. “wait, really?”
“yeah. it’s from that cafe you like.”
your mouth falls open slightly, and your cheeks go pink in that way he’s starting to adore. “you... remembered that?”
“guess so.”
you take the bag from him carefully, like it’s something fragile. when you peek inside and see what it is, your expression softens even more.
“oh my god,” you whisper, smiling so hard your eyes crinkle at the corners. “this is my favorite one.”
he watches, almost helpless, as you keep talking, thanking him over and over. your voice stumbles with embarrassment, your fingers fidget with the bag, and the more flustered you get, the more something warm spreads through his chest.
“you didn’t have to! really, that’s so sweet of you.”
“it’s nothing,” he says, but his voice is rougher than he means it to be. “just figured you might be hungry.” he softens.
you look down, still smiling. “thank you.”
and it hits him, how long it’s been since a girl said that to him and meant it.
you break the silence first, switching to the assignment, pulling up your notes and explaining something about the next section. he nods along, but he’s not really listening. he’s watching the way you push your hair behind your ear, the way your brows furrow when you focus.
he forces himself to pay attention. still, the moment feels easy.
you talk for a while about the project, comparing notes, trading small jokes. he feels himself relax into the rhythm of it, like it’s become a routine.
and then, without warning, you bring up toji.
you clear your throat first, eyes flicking down to your notes. “so, um... toji.”
he stills, one brow lifting, you were finally gonna talk about him since that awful run in last time. “hmm?”
“he’s… very…” you trail off, searching for the word. “loud.”
he snorts. “that’s one way to put it.”
“and, um, big. like, physically. and personality-wise. very… confident.”
he groans, dragging a hand down his face. “yeah. sorry about that. he’s… a lot. again, i didn’t mean to unleash him on you like that.” he was apologising again, so out of character for him but he couldn't help it. not with you.
“no, no,” you say quickly, shaking your head. “he’s just… different than i expected.”
“different how?”
you hesitate, chewing your lip. “i guess i thought he’d be more like you.”
the words hang between you for a second. his pulse stutters.
“like me, huh?” he says, teasing, leaning back in his chair, spread wide as he looks you up and down. “what’s that supposed to mean, hm?”
you go red instantly, trying to drag your eyes away from his man spread legs. “i just meant- you’re, um, thoughtful. more focused. not overbearing, you're nice...”
he grins. "nice, huh?"
you hide your mouth behind your hand and look off to the side. "nicer than toji, yeah."
he laughs, "that's not a very high bar to clear."
you giggled in response, letting him continue.
“so you like my type better?”
“that’s not what i said,” you mumble, covering your face with your hand again.
“didn’t have to.”
you peek at him through your fingers, and he has to bite back a laugh. your cheeks are so pink it hurts to look at you.
“you’re bullying me,” you say, your voice small.
“maybe.”
you shake your head, still smiling, and reach for your coffee. he watches the way you hold it, the delicate tilt of your wrist, the little sigh you make after a sip.
then, quieter, he asks, “so… you still interested in him? toji, i mean.”
you freeze.
“i.. uh.” your voice falters. “i guess so? i... i don’t know.”
“you don’t sound sure.”
“he’s just, not what i thought he’d be. i thought he’d be a little calmer.”
“he’s not really the type to surprise you in a good way,” sukuna says.
you smile faintly, eyes on your cup. “yeah. maybe not.”
the way you say it, soft, thoughtful, uncertain, it makes his chest ache.
you’re too sweet for this. too genuine. you deserve someone who actually listens, who doesn’t treat you like background noise. and for some reason, he hates that the person you’re hung up on is his best friend.
he sighs, rubbing his jaw.
you look up, curious. “what’s wrong?”
“nothing,” he says, forcing a smile. “just tired.”
you nod, and the two of you fall back into quiet work. it’s peaceful again, the only sounds the soft click of your keyboard and the scratching of his pen. time blurs.
when you finally close your laptop, stretching your arms, he realizes two hours have passed.
“we got a lot done,” you say, smiling.
“yeah,” he says, though he can’t remember a thing you just studied.
you start packing your things, tucking the empty pastry bag into your bag. before you can leave, you hesitate. then, shyly, you step closer and wrap one arm around him in a little side hug.
“thank you,” you murmur, voice barely above a whisper. “for breakfast. and for helping me.”
for a second, he forgets how to breathe.
you smell like coffee and sugar and something faintly floral. your hand rests briefly against his side, and he swears every nerve in his body lights up.
then you pull away, smiling up at him, oblivious to the chaos you’ve just caused.
“see you tomorrow?”
“yeah!” he says quickly, way too excited. “d-definitely.”
you wave and head out, the door swinging shut behind you.
he stands there for a full minute, still staring at the spot you’d been standing, until he realises his hands are clenched and his pulse is hammering.
he grabs his bag, mutters something under his breath, and heads outside.
the moment he’s in the open air again, he takes a deep breath, trying to steady himself.
the breeze does nothing to cool the heat crawling under his skin.
he walks fast, head down, eyes on the pavement.
every step feels heavy with restraint.
because all he can think about is how soft you felt, how small your hand was against him, how much he wanted to pull you in, bury his face in your neck, keep you there for hours.
he curses under his breath, tugging his hoodie lower, hoping it hides the problem growing in his jeans.
“get it together,” he mutters.
he tries to think about anything else the assignment, the game tomorrow, the half finished paper on his desk but his mind keeps circling back to you. your laugh. your blush. your hug.
by the time he reaches the frat, his heartbeat’s finally starting to slow, but the feeling stays. that dizzy mix of guilt and want.
he steps inside quietly, the house still a mess of hangovers, and slips upstairs to his room.
the first thing he does is sit on his bed, elbows on his knees, and let out a long, shaky exhale.
he’s in trouble.
he knows it.
because he can’t stop smiling.
~
the gym in the frat house isn’t much. it’s a dim room tucked behind the kitchen, with cracked mirrors and rusted weights, the air always heavy with the stale scent of sweat and cheap deodorant.
the guys call it a “home gym,” but it’s really just a collection of mismatched dumbbells, an old bench press, and a speaker that always buzzes when the bass hits too hard. its nothing like the fancy campus one him and toji visit, still, it works for sukuna.
he’s halfway through a set, sweat sliding down the back of his neck, when his thoughts start slipping away from the burn in his muscles and land right where they always seem to go lately.
he tries to ignore it, focusing on the motion, the rhythm, the push and pull of the bar in his hands.
but the harder he tries not to think about you, the more vivid you become. your voice, soft but steady, your shy little smiles whenever he cracks a joke, the way you always tuck your hair behind your ear when you’re trying not to blush.
it’s infuriating, how easily you creep into his head.
he exhales sharply, finishing the set with a grunt, letting the bar clang down harder than he means to. it rattles against the frame, echoing in the small room.
“fuck,” he mutters under his breath, sitting up and grabbing the towel draped over his shoulders.
he wipes his face, breathing hard, his reflection in the mirror smudged with fingerprints and dust. he looks exhausted, not just from the workout but from everything sitting in his head.
you and toji.
you and that stupid, innocent crush you’d confessed to him like it was nothing.
he leans forward, elbows on his knees, towel hanging loosely around his neck. he can’t keep fucking around pretending like this is going to work anymore.
he can’t sit through another study session with you knowing that toji knows you're into him.
toji doesn’t even remember half the girls he flirts with, so why should he get to occupy that sweet spot in your brain.
that thought alone makes his blood boil.
you’re too good for that. too damn good.
he picks up the dumbbell again, trying to lift through the frustration, but his mind keeps racing. toji’s face flashes in his mind—the obnoxiousness, his interest in you only after finding out what you looked like.
the memory makes his jaw clench.
toji doesn’t deserve to know you exist, let alone be someone you lose sleep over.
his grip tightens around the handle. he lifts again, but it feels pointless now, his muscles burning for a different reason entirely.
finally, he slams the weight down and stands up, chest heaving.
he’s done.
done thinking he can stomach this, done keeping that deal, done lying to himself.
without even thinking about it, he walks out of the gym, towel still slung over his shoulder. his feet move on instinct, carrying him through the hall, up the grand stairs, straight to toji’s room.
the door’s half-shut, light spilling from the gap, and he doesn’t bother knocking. he pushes it open, the wood hitting the wall with a dull thud.
toji’s sprawled across his bed, shirtless, scrolling through his phone. there’s a protein shake on the desk, a game controller tangled in the sheets. he looks up lazily when sukuna appears.
“yo,” he says, grinning. “you look pissed. what, satoru stealing your shirts n' shit again?”
sukuna doesn’t answer. he stands there for half a second, jaw tight, and then the words just fall out before he can stop them.
“y/n has a boyfriend,” he blurts. “so you can forget the whole crush on you thing.”
toji blinks, confused. “uhm?”
“what,” sukuna says, crossing his arms. “shes got a guy.”
toji sits up slightly, eyebrows furrowing. “who’s y/n again?”
the silence that follows is deafening.
sukuna stares at him, the vein in his temple twitching.
“are you actually deadass right now?”
toji shrugs. “bro, i talk to a lot of girls, you gotta be more specific.”
that’s it.
sukuna drags a hand down his face, muttering something that sounds halfway between a growl and a groan. he doesn’t even bother explaining. it’s not worth it.
“don't worry, man,” he snaps, spinning on his heel.
he slams the door behind him hard enough to rattle the frame.
by the time he gets back to his room, his chest is tight, the frustration boiling over into something heavier. he paces once, twice, then finally drops onto his bed, letting his head fall back against the wall.
“who’s y/n again?”
the words echo in his mind like a bad joke.
he can’t believe it. he can’t believe he ever thought this was a good idea, trying to set you up with that idiot.
it’s not even about the deal anymore. it’s about you.
because now he knows what it feels like to be around you, to hear you laugh, to see the way your eyes light up when he remembers the smallest things. he knows what it feels like to walk beside you through campus at night, the air cool and soft, your voice quiet but steady.
he likes you.
really, really likes you.
and it’s not just because you’re pretty, though god, you are. it’s because you’re kind. because you make him feel human again, in a way that nothing else ever does. because you talk to him like he’s worth something more than the reputation that follows him.
he doesn’t know when it happened, but it’s there now, and it’s not going away.
.
the weeks that follow move in a blur. the two of you keep meeting for study sessions, but they’ve shifted. so subtly that neither of you seems to notice.
you’re more relaxed now. you smile more, laugh easier. you’ve started showing up with little things for him too. chocolates, protein bars, a can of cold brew. every time, he teases you about it, but inside, he’s having a spaz out.
and every time he brings you something in return, you light up like he’s handed you the world.
you’ve started talking about more than the project. now, it’s everything. random things. favorite youtuber, weird scandals, childhood fuck ups, "yeah, i used to be one of those devious lick kids in middle school, me and gojo stole an entire sink".
sometimes, you talk so much you forget the assignment altogether, and he never stops you.
he lives for these moments.
sometimes, when you’re sitting side by side at the library, your knees brush under the table. it’s barely a touch, accidental every time, but it makes his pulse stutter.
you’ve started giving him hugs too, real ones. not just quick, polite ones, actual, full-bodied hugs that make him want to forget how to breathe. all he wants to do is bundle you up and take you back home, lock you away where no one could possibly taint that beautiful smile.
he pretends to be chill and nonchalant, but inside, he’s crashing out so hard.
one afternoon, it’s raining outside, and you show up in a damp tank top, hair slightly damp. he nearly forgets how to speak. you hand him a hot chocolate and giggle when he stares at it like he’s never seen one before.
“it’s not that weird,” you say, smiling. “i thought you might want something warm and sweet for this type of weather.”
he looks at you for a long moment trying not to stare at your see through chest, then takes the cup. “thanks,” he murmurs, and it sounds like something heavier than gratitude.
you shrug, shy but pleased, then sit down beside him, close enough that your shoulders almost touch.
when the session ends that day, he walks you home like he always does. it’s become a quiet habit between you. no one suggested it, but neither of you questions it either. you live just off campus, in a small apartment with ivy creeping up the walls, and every time you reach your door, you both hesitate.
he wants to ask if he can come inside, just once.
you always look like you might invite him, too.
but neither of you ever says it.
instead, you smile, soft and warm, and tell him goodnight. he always watches until you disappear inside, until the light flicks on and frank ocean starts softly pouring from the window.
and every time, he walks back to the frat with that same ache in his chest, the one that’s half longing and half fear.
he knows he’s in wayyy too deep.
but he can't stop.
you’ve started coming out of your shell in little bursts. you tease him now, gently. you call him out when he’s being lazy, roll your eyes when he tries to act too chill. and he eats it the fuck up. every second of it.
you’re different with him now. freer. you trust him.
and that makes everything both better and worse.
because every time you look at him with that open, honest expression, he has to remind himself of the lie he built this on, th e deal, the fake promise to get you closer to toji.
it barely comes up anymore. sometimes you mention toji in passing, usually as a joke, and you both laugh it off. it’s like neither of you really care about it anymore.
and maybe that’s the truth. maybe it stopped mattering the moment you started looking at him like that.
one evening, when the sun’s setting, you’re sitting across from him at the library, talking about nothing in particular. you’re smiling, head tilted, your voice soft. and he catches himself staring, not hearing a single word.
you stop mid way through your sentence, blinking. “what?”
he shakes his head quickly. “nothing.”
“you’re staring,” you say, cheeks pink.
“you’re imagining things, honey."
you laugh, hiding your face in your hands.
he smiles too, but there’s something behind it something he doesn’t let you see.
because in that moment, it hits him all over again, stronger than before.
he’s seriously can't do this shit any longer.
he doesn’t want to help you get to toji anymore.
he doesn’t want to stand by while you talk about someone else, even in passing.
he wants you. all of you.
the quiet smiles, the shy blushes, the little quirks he’s learned by heart.
he wants to be the one who gets to see every part of you, every version of that soft, sweet girl who’s been slowly unraveling in front of him.
and he knows, deep down, that if he ever let himself say it out loud, he’d never be able to take it back.
so he keeps it buried, just for now, as he walks you home again that night. the streetlights stretch long shadows across the pavement, and your arm brushes his once, twice, and each time, he swears of he doesn't concentrate he'll trip over his jordans.
when you reach your door, you turn to him with that same bright smile, the one that always knocks the air from his lungs.
“thanks again,” you say softly.
he nods. “anytime.”
you linger for a second, like you want to say something more, then wave goodnight and disappear inside.
he stands there for a long moment, staring at the door, listening to the faint hum of music from your apartment.
then, finally, he exhales, a small, helpless laugh slipping out.
he’s ruined. completely.
and for once in his life, he doesn’t even mind.
~
the classroom is thick with the sound of quiet chatter, chairs scraping against tile, pens clicking as people jot down reminders before leaving. the fluorescent lights flicker slightly, casting everything in a washed-out glow that makes it feel like time’s been stretched too thin. the chemistry teacher’s voice cuts through it all, cheerful but distant.
“alright, everyone, just a quick reminder that your paired assignment is due at the end of this week. make sure you’ve got everything finalized. i’ll be checking submissions on friday.”
the words hang in the air like a quiet ending bell.
you look up from your notes at the same time sukuna does, and for a moment, your eyes meet across the shared lab table. he’s already watching you, elbows resting on the counter, twirling his pen between his fingers.
he gives you this crooked half-smile, something between fond and nervous, and you return it, though yours falters just a little at the edges.
it hits both of you at once. this thing between you, this rhythm you’ve fallen into, the study sessions, the walks home, the quiet coffees before class? it’s been built around this assignment. and when the assignment ends, what happens then?
he taps his pen against his notebook, looking away first. “guess we’re almost done, huh?”
you try to sound light. “yeah… crazy how fast it went.”
but it doesn’t feel fast. it feels full. it feels like a lifetime compressed into a few short weeks, every minute threaded with something unspoken.
he hums in agreement, glancing at you again. “we should probably go over everything one more time. make sure it’s perfect.”
you nod, pretending to check the notes in front of you. “mhm, library after class?”
“yeah,” he says. “one last session.”
one last. the words make your stomach twist.
.
sukuna drops his bag on the chair across from you, stretching his arms as he sits down. his hair’s a little messy from the wind, and he smells faintly of the sexy cologne he always wears, something clean and manly that clings to his skin.
you open your laptop, trying to focus on the document in front of you. it’s almost done, just small edits, formatting, double-checking citations, but the words keep blurring. you can feel his presence across the table, solid and steady, and it’s impossible to think about chemistry when he’s right there.
he’s quieter than usual too. his knee bounces under the table, a restless rhythm, and every now and then you catch him glancing up, like he’s about to say something but decides against it.
the silence stretches between you, thick and loaded. you can’t stand it anymore.
“so…” you start, voice softer than you mean it to be.
he looks up instantly, like he’s been waiting for you to speak. “yeah?”
you open your mouth, close it again, glance at your hands. “never mind. it’s nothing.”
he frowns slightly. “come on. what is it?”
you shake your head, forcing a small smile. “seriously, it’s nothing. just focus.”
he watches you for a second longer, then sighs and leans back, crossing his arms. “fine. but you’re acting weird.”
you let out a soft laugh that sounds too nervous. “i could say the same about you.”
that gets a real smile out of him, crooked and teasing, but it fades quickly.
you both go quiet again, typing half heartedly, neither of you really working. the tension builds, unspoken and unbearable.
you can feel the words sitting on your tongue, begging to be let out. you want to tell him everything. how the crush on toji fizzled out weeks ago, how stupid it feels now, how you can’t stop thinking about him instead. how every time he looks at you, your whole chest feels like it’s about to give out.
you glance up. he’s staring at his screen, jaw tight, eyes unfocused. and somehow, you can tell he’s holding something back too.
finally, you both move at the same time.
“i have to tell you something,” you say, right as he says, “there’s something i should tell you.”
you both stop, eyes locking.
you laugh softly. “you first.”
he shakes his head. “nuh uh, you first.”
“no way,” you say, smiling now despite the nerves. “you looked like you were about to explode. go ahead.”
“ladies first,” he shoots back, that teasing lilt returning to his voice, though his eyes are still serious.
you roll your eyes, but your heart’s hammering. “fine,” you breathe.
he leans forward, forearms on the table, watching you carefully.
you swallow, your fingers twisting the edge of your sleeve. “okay. so, um… this is kind of embarrassing, but.."
you stop, take a breath, try again. “it's about toji.”
his expression flickers for a second, something unreadable crossing his face. “yeah,” he says slowly. “what about him?”
you toy with a pen to keep your hands busy. “i don’t really… feel that way anymore. about him.”
his brow lifts just slightly, his voice careful. “ts' that so?”
you nod, cheeks warm. “yeah. i mean, it was kind of silly, wasn’t it? i barely knew him. i think i just liked the idea of him. and then when you brought him to that one session, i realised he’s… kinda clapped, nothing like what i imagined.”
he lets out a small sound, something close to a laugh, but it’s quiet, almost nervous. “yeah, that sounds like him.”
you smile faintly, tracing a finger along the edge of your notebook. “the truth is, i think i was just projecting. when we started hanging out, i didn’t know you that well, and i guess i thought maybe toji was like you. you know? confident, funny, easy to talk to.” you pause, your gaze flicking up to his. “but he’s not you. not even remotely close.”
his breath catches slightly, and for a moment, he forgets how to speak.
“i don’t know,” you go on, voice softer now, almost trembling. “i kept thinking i wanted someone like toji, but… the whole time, i was really just wishing he’d be more like you, sukuna.”
you meet his eyes fully now, and the world seems to narrow around you both. “and then i realised maybe i don’t want someone like you. maybe i just, you know, want you.”
the silence that follows feels endless.
he’s staring at you, completely still. you can see the realization hit him. the tension in his shoulders easing, his expression softening in disbelief and relief all at once.
you bite your lip, instantly flustered. “that sounded so stupid, didn’t it?”
he shakes his head quickly. “no. no, not at all.”
he leans back in his chair, letting out a long, shaky exhale. it’s the biggest breath of relief you’ve ever seen someone take. he runs a hand through his hair, laughing under his breath, a sound that’s half disbelieving, half overwhelmed.
“holy shit,” he murmurs, still smiling. “you have no idea how good it is to hear that.”
you blink. “uhm, what?”
he laughs again, softer this time, his hand still pressed to the back of his neck. “that’s what i was gonna tell you. i’ve been losing my fucking mind these past few weeks because i’ve been trying so hard not to say it.”
you stare at him, your heart pounding. “say what?”
he meets your gaze again, eyes warm and honest. “that i like you. like, really like you. i’ve had this massive crush on you for a while now, and it’s been killing me trying to act normal.”
you can’t help the little laugh that escapes you, part disbelief, part giddy joy. “you’re deadass?”
he nods. “one hundred percent.”
“but… the deal,” you say quietly. “you were supposed to help me with toji.”
“yeah, about that,” he says, rubbing the back of his neck with a sheepish grin. “i kinda… just didn’t.”
you tilt your head. “uhhm, what?”
he laughs again, nervously this time. “i told him you had a boyfriend.”
your eyes widen. “you did?"
he winces. “yeah. i told him that weeks ago. i just... i couldn’t do it anymore. couldn’t keep pretending i was helping you get with him when all i wanted was to keep you all to myself.”
you blink once, twice, then cover your mouth to stifle a laugh. “you told him i had a boyfriend?”
“yep.” he grins now, a little cocky, a little embarrassed. “guess that’s me sabotaging the deal.”
you drop your hand, still smiling. “that’s so stupid.”
“i know.”
“but…” you pause, your smile turning softer. “it’s kind of sweet.”
he leans forward again, elbows on the table, eyes never leaving yours. “you’re not mad?”
“mad?” you repeat, shaking your head. “no. that’s… exactly what i wanted, actually.”
he blinks. “really?”
you nod, heart in your throat. “yeah. i didn’t want you helping me with toji. not anymore. i just didn’t know how to tell you.”
he stares at you for a long moment, the corner of his mouth twitching upward. “so what now?”
you smile. “i don’t know. maybe we just… stop pretending.”
he exhales, leaning back with a grin that could light up the whole room. “i can do that.”
for a moment, neither of you says anything. you just sit there, the quiet hum of the library around you, the sun slipping lower through the windows, painting his skin in gold.
finally, he breaks the silence, voice low. “for the record, i was terrified you were about to tell me you had a new man for real.”
you laugh softly. “no chance.”
“good,” he says, and the way he looks at you soft, sure, a little possessive, makes your pulse race.
you don’t know who moves first, but suddenly you’re both leaning across the table, closer than you’ve ever been. the distance between you shrinks until you can feel his breath on your lips, his hand brushing lightly against yours.
neither of you say anything. you don’t need to.
the moment stretches, slow and sweet, full of everything you’ve both been holding back.
~
the second you get back to your apartment, your face ignites with the kind of fire only a really nice fireplace could match, the ones in those fancy houses you see on the block.
the guy you'd been crushing on for a total of four weeks now had just told you he felt the same. and ever more, he'd been so obsessed he'd told your ex-crush you'd had a boyfriend in hopes of bagging you himself.
for a girl not used to being in the spotlight, having such a loud, well known frat guy like ryomen sukuna become vulnerable, just for you? it was like the world came crashing and burning down at your feet. he made your stomach swim with love and passion, a feeling you'd only ever gotten from receiving higher grades than everyone else, a feeling so much better than finding a new delicious pastry you couldn't help but order again.
ryomen sukuna was it. he was the kinda guy you'd been dreaming of ever since you'd started college. he was the perfect man, and he was as into you as you were him.
you settled into your living room with an adorably large smile painted on your lips, the sensation of fulfilment taking over your ever thought as you dreamt of what was to happen next.
~
the week after the submission crawls by. you think about both sukuna and the possible grade you'll both get every day. every time you pass the lab, every time you open your laptop, every time you catch sight of sukuna across the courtyard, leaning against the wall with his friends.
you can tell he’s thinking about it too. the way he catches your eye during class and offers a small, crooked smile says everything. neither of you can really stop wondering what the final mark will be, as well as what life has in store for the both of you.
friday finally rolls around, the classroom feels weird. students trickle in with tired faces and restless energy, everyone buzzing quietly with the same anticipation. the teacher walks in, holding a stack of papers in one hand and a steaming cup of coffee in the other.
she sets everything down at the front desk, claps her hands together, and gives a small, approving smile.
“alright, everyone,” she says, her tone almost teasing. “i’ve marked your projects. you’ll get the official grades through the online portal, but since i know you’re all impatient,” her gaze sweeps the room, landing briefly on you and sukuna, “i’ll let you know this much: some of you really impressed me.”
a ripple of chatter runs through the class. sukuna shoots you a look from across the room, eyebrows raised. you smile nervously and shrug.
after class, the two of you linger by the doorway, waiting for the crowd to clear out. you’re clutching your phone, refreshing the student portal again and again even though the grades still aren’t visible. sukuna leans close, peering at your screen.
“nothing yet?” he asks.
“no,” you sigh. “probably another hour.”
he tilts his head, thinking for a moment. “want to check it together later? at that little cafe with the green sign?”
you blink. “awe, my favourite. sure!”
“of course,” he says, smirking lightly. “how good am i remembering your favourite things n' shit.”
you laugh, cheeks warming. “what a man. how about we meet there at five?”
“five it is.” he gives a small wave as he heads down the hall. “see you then, partner.”
the cafe smells like roasted coffee beans and sugar, the air humming with quiet conversation and the clinking of ceramic cups. it’s early evening, and the place is wrapped in that warm, lazy glow that makes everything feel softer. the green sign outside flickers faintly through the window, the letters worn from years of weather and sunlight.
you spot him immediately sitting near the counter, wearing a black hoodie and tapping his thumb against his phone screen. his hair’s pulled back, a few loose strands falling into his eyes. he looks up the moment the door chimes, and that grin spreads across his face like it’s second nature.
“hey,” he says as you approach.
“hey,” you echo, sliding into the seat across from him.
he gestures toward the counter. “i already ordered for us. black coffee for me, that thing you like for you, and...” he grins, “...a pastry, because apparently you can’t sit in this place without one.”
you laugh softly, trying to ignore the way your heart flutters. “you know me too well, we needa' hang out less.”
“noo,” he teases, leaning back. “i'm just an observer.”
the drinks come quickly, steam curling from the cups. you take yours with both hands, staring at the little swirl of foam, trying to calm your nerves. sukuna pulls out his phone again, refreshes the student portal, and freezes.
his eyes widen. “holy shit,” he mutters.
you look up sharply. “what?”
he turns the screen toward you. there it is, your names side by side, and next to them, the number that makes your breath catch.
98%.
you stare at it for a second, then look at him, and the two of you just burst out laughing.
“oh my-” you say, grinning from ear to ear. “ninety-eight?”
he leans back in his chair, running a hand through his hair. “holy shit- holy shit! can’t believe it,” he says, half-laughing, half-sighing in disbelief. “i actually passed. i can stay in the frat. holy shit.”
you laugh again, the sound bubbling out of you uncontrollably. “i told you you’d do fine!”
he stands up suddenly, still laughing, and before you can react he pulls you into his arms. it’s a full, tight hug, so warm, so big. his chest rumbles with laughter, and you can feel how much this means to him, how much the stress and pressure have finally melted away.
“thank you,” he murmurs into your hair, his voice low, almost breathless. “thank you so much for helping me. i would’ve completely fucking tanked without you.”
you laugh against his shoulder, feeling your own face heat up. “you’re welcome,” you mumble, your words muffled by his hoodie. “you did so good, really.”
when he finally lets go, you can still feel the warmth lingering where he’d held you. he looks just as flustered, rubbing the back of his neck as he sits back down.
“sorry,” he says, half-smiling. “got a little carried away.”
“it’s fine,” you say quickly, trying not to sound as breathless as you feel. “it was… nice.”
his grin widens at that.
you both take a moment to calm down, sipping your drinks in the cozy corner. the sound of the coffee machine hums faintly in the background, and sunlight filters through the leaves outside, dappled across the table. it feels like the whole world’s slowed down just for the two of you.
“so,” he says eventually, voice softer now, “ninety-eight percent. that's so peak."
“yeah, we did that,” you reply, smiling. “you’ll probably get a compliment from the teacher next class.”
“you too,” he says. “you carried me, you're actually so clutch.”
“you helped too,” you insist. “you actually tried, sukuna. that’s what mattered.”
he chuckles, shaking his head. “yeah, but even if i hadn’t passed…” he pauses, his eyes flicking up to meet yours. “i don’t think i’d be too upset.”
you tilt your head, smiling faintly. “no?”
“nah.” he leans forward, resting his arms on the table. “because i got to spend all that time with you. and honestly? that made it worth it.”
your chest tightens, a flutter rising under your ribs. you look down quickly, pretending to focus on your coffee. “you’re just saying that.”
“i’m not,” he says firmly. “you made studying actually fun. no one’s ever done that shit before.”
you look up again, and his expression is so genuine, so open, that you forget how to breathe for a second.
“well,” you say softly, “i liked spending time with you too.”
your cups sit forgotten on the table, the croissant half-eaten, and all you can hear is the chatter of other uni kids and the soft clatter of dishes.
you stare into his eyes, and there’s a question there, unspoken but clear.
he smiles, almost shyly, a rare thing for him. “so… what now?”
you shrug lightly, but your smile mirrors his. “i don’t know. i guess we don’t have to stop hanging out just because the project’s done.”
his grin grows wider, and you can see the faintest pink dusting his ears. “good,” he says. “because i was kinda hoping you’d say that.”
he hesitates for a moment, then sits up a little straighter, as if gathering courage.
“actually,” he says, rubbing his thumb against the edge of his cup, “there’s something i wanted to ask.”
you tilt your head. “hmm? and what’s that?”
he exhales slowly, eyes locked on yours. “i know this is probably cheesy as hell, but… i’d really like to take you out. like, properly. dinner, movie, whatever you want. an actual date.”
the words sink in, soft and certain. you blink, surprised but instantly smiling, your cheeks growing hot.
“you mean… like, a date date?” you ask, teasing just a little.
he laughs under his breath. “yeah. a date date.”
you can’t help the grin that spreads across your face. “i’d love that.”
his expression softens into something that almost makes your heart ache. “yeah?”
“yeah.”
for a moment, you just sit there, both grinning like idiots. it feels unreal, like something out of a quiet, sunlit dream.
he leans back in his chair, relief washing over him in waves. “good,” he says. “i was worried you’d say no.”
you shake your head, still smiling. “never.”
the light outside shifts slowly, spilling gold through the window, painting his skin in soft warmth. he looks at you like he’s memorising the moment, the coffee, the laughter, the way you keep tucking a loose strand of hair behind your ear.
and as he sits across from you, grinning like he can’t quite believe his luck, you know that whatever comes next, it’s going to be something worth waiting for.
~
months slide by, slow but lovely. what once was a study partnership built on awkward exchanges and quiet glances has become something sooo much more. somewhere between library stops, coffee stops, and tight hugs, it shifted. you shifted. sukuna shifted. the line between school and romance blurred until it disappeared completely.
now, you’re his. officially his. and he’s yours.
the first time sukuna brings you to the frat house as his girlfriend, it feels like stepping into a completely different world. the place is loud, music spilling from bluetooth speakers, guys shouting from the kitchen about who’s out of beer, the smell of cheap cologne and pizza hanging in the air.
you pause in the doorway, clutching sukuna’s hand like it’s an anchor. he glances down at you with that little smirk that never fails to make your heart stutter.
“don’t stress it baby,” he murmurs, leaning close enough that his breath grazes your ear. “they’ll love you.”
and they do.
weather or not that's because he threatened to beat them unconscious if they made you feel uncomfortable before you came over is irrelevant.
satoru’s the first to notice you, perched on the couch with a controller in hand. he looks up mid game, grins wide, and immediately calls out, “holy shit, sukuna actually brought a girl here voluntarily?”
“shut up,” sukuna grumbles, tightening his grip on your hand. “this one’s permanent.”
that earns a chorus of oohs and whistles from the guys nearby. your face burns, but when you glance up at sukuna, he’s smiling,not his usual cocky grin, but something softer. proud.
“hey,” you mumble under your breath, “it smells so bad in here, ryo.”
he chuckles quietly. “you’ll get used to it.”
before you can even respond, toji appears from the kitchen, a beer in hand and a knowing grin on his face. “well, if it isn’t the little chem genius.”
you blink. “you… remember me?”
“of course,” toji laughs, setting his drink down and stretching out a hand. “heard you saved this idiot’s academic career.”
“hey,” sukuna cuts in, rolling his eyes. “i wasn’t that bad.”
“you had an eight percent, bro.”
the whole room bursts into laughter. sukuna just grumbles and flips toji off while you try not to giggle too loudly. it’s strange, seeing them all like this. so loud, so chaotic, so different from the quiet rhythm you’re used to, but somehow, it feels okay. you feel okay.
by the end of the night, you’re sitting between sukuna’s legs on the couch, his arms draped loosely around your waist, your back against his chest. someone puts on an old movie in the background, and the chatter slowly fades into easy quiet. for the first time, the frat doesn’t feel intimidating. it feels warm. welcoming.
satoru catches your eye from across the room, giving a thumbs up before mouthing, she’s a keeper. sukuna just smirks.
later that night, when everyone else has gone to bed and the house has fallen quiet except for the hum of the fridge and the faint creak of floorboards, sukuna presses a kiss to the top of your head.
“told you they’d love you,” he whispers.
“yeah, you were right,” you murmur, smiling softly. “they’re so nice.”
“you’re even nicer,” he says, his voice barely audible. “that’s why they love ya'.”
and you can hear the truth in his tone. you know he means it.
after that, everything starts to fall into blissful routine. you help him study, drilling formulas and reactions into his head late into the night. he’s surprisingly good at it now, his grades climbing steadily, proof that maybe he was capable all along, he just needed someone to push him in the right direction.
and in return, he helps you come out of your shell.
he brings you to tiny cafes you’ve never been to before, teaches you how to play pool (terribly, but he doesn’t care), and pulls you into spontaneous late-night walks through campus when the air is cool and the stars are bright.
sometimes, you end up sitting on the hood of his car, his jacket wrapped around your shoulders, your fingers tangled with his as he talks about everything and nothing.
he tells you things he’s never told anyone else—about his parents, about the pressure to be someone bigger, stronger, louder. about how he never really cared about anything before he met you.
“you made me start giving a shit,” he says one night, his voice low as he traces lazy circles against your palm. “about school, about the future. about being a better guy.”
you glance up at him, smiling faintly. “you're the bestest guy, kuna.”
he looks at you for a long time, his chest squeezing with the urge to squish you until you pop. then, with a soft exhale, he leans down and kisses you. gentle, slow, like the world could end and he’d still be happy just holding you against his muscular chest.
word gets around campus fast. whispers follow you sometimes. half disbelief, half awe. people don’t really understand how you ended up with him. the shy, quiet girl who sits at the front of every lecture, always polite, always prepared… dating one of the loudest, most notorious frat boys on campus.
but the thing is, neither of you care.
you’ve seen the way people look at you two when you walk hand in hand across campus, his tall frame towering beside yours. you’ve heard the murmurs, 'how long do you think it’ll last, she’s too good for him, he’ll get bored'. but then he catches your hand, presses a kiss to your knuckles, and all of it melts away.
"don't listen to those clowns."
because you know him now. the real him.
the boy who wakes up early to get your favorite pastry from the cafe before class. the one who drapes his hoodie over your shoulders when it’s too crisp. the one who never forgets to text you goodnight, even when he’s exhausted.
the one who stopped showing up to most frat partys because, as he put it, “none of it’s fun without you anyway.”
you see it in the way he’s changed. not because you asked him to, but because he wants to.
he doesn’t flirt with girls anymore. he doesn’t even seem to notice when they do. his focus is all on you. your laughter, your voice, your little quirks that no one else ever bothered to notice.
and it’s not just the big things that show it. it’s the way he always walks on the side of the road closest to the cars. the way he remembers all your orders without ever asking. the way he’ll pull you closer when you’re out together, even if it’s just to rest his big hand on your hip.
he doesn’t talk about feelings much, not directly. but in every gesture, every glance, it’s there.
you’re his world now, and everyone can see it.
his room at the frat house has changed, too. gone are the stacks of solo cups and random gym gear scattered across the floor. in their place are little pieces of you. a throw blanket you brought one day, a mug you left on his desk, your notebook tucked on the shelf next to his textbooks.
he keeps a photo of the two of you pinned on his bulletin board. it’s a candid, one of those moments you didn’t even know he was taking. a shot of you sitting cross-legged on the couch, wearing his hoodie, laughing with a half-eaten cookie in your hand. he swears it’s his favorite picture in the world.
“you look so fucking cute, and happy,” he tells you when you catch him staring at it one night.
“i am happy,” you reply softly.
“better be,” he says. “that’s all i ever want for you, y/n.”
some nights, he stays over at your apartment instead of the frat. he always claims it’s because it’s quieter, easier to focus on studying. but you both know it’s just because he sleeps better when you’re beside him.
you cook together sometimes, though “cook” might be a really shitty out of touch excuse for the disaster you two create. he burns half the things he touches, laughs through every fuck up, and still insists on taste-testing everything like he’s on master chef. you can’t stay mad when he grins at you with flour on his cheek, his dimples showing as he holds up a misshapen cookie.
“hey, we’re improvin',” he says.
“barely,” you reply, giggling.
he just leans down, presses a quick kiss to your nose, and murmurs, “yeah, but you’re still here, so i must be doing somethin' right.”
there are still parties, of course, he’s still in the frat, and sometimes showing up is expected. but it’s much different. when he does go, he stays by your side the whole night, a protective hand on your back or wrapped around your waist.
he barely drinks anymore, claiming he doesn’t need to. when people flirt or make comments, he just laughs them off and pulls you a little closer.
and when it gets late, when the music’s too loud and the air too heavy with alcohol and perfume, he’ll lean down and whisper, “wanna get out of here?”
you always nod. and the two of you slip away, walking through quiet streets until you reach your place, where everything feels calm again.
people still whisper, still wonder how it works. how a shy, soft-spoken girl could tame someone like ryomen sukuna. but you know the truth.
you didn’t tame him, you just saw him. really saw him. beneath the tattoos, the reputation, the arrogance. you saw the boy who just needed someone to care, and he saw the girl who needed someone to make her feel brave.
and together, you found something that feels a lot like forever.
months pass, the seasons shifting from late autumn to the first chill of winter. the air turns crisp, the sky pale and bright. the two of you walk through campus hand in hand, your breath forming little clouds in the cold.
“remember when we first started that project?” you ask one day, laughing softly. “you barely knew what a periodic table was.”
“hey,” he says, pretending to be offended. “i knew what it was. i just didn’t give a shit.”
“hmm, and now you’re pulling straight a’s.”
he grins. “guess i had a real good tutor. she's real sexy, too..”
you bump his shoulder lightly. “awe i bet she'd be real flattered to hear that.”
he stops walking for a moment, looking down at you with that same warm, unguarded look that still makes your stomach flip.
“you know something?” he says quietly.
“hmm?”
“i still think that fuckass project was the best thing that's ever happened to lil' ol' me.”
you smile, reaching up to fix the collar of his jacket. “yeah?”
“hell yeah,” he murmurs, leaning down until his forehead rests against yours. “because it led me to you.”
the world fades for a moment, the cold, the noise, the people around you, and it’s just him. just you.
when he kisses you, it’s slow, steady, full of all the fuzzy romantic fire that’s been culminating between you since the day he walked up to your desk with a failed test and a hidden nervous smile.
you remember that moment so clearly now, and you can’t help but think how far you’ve both come. from shy glances and awkward silences to this. a love that feels like home.
and as his hand tightens around yours, you realize something simple, something certain.
you’ve both found exactly where you’re meant to be, with each other.
You were friends with him from birth - the boy across the street, Satoru Gojo. However, you lose touch in college, but finally you're going to the same school! You have a love letter written, but you find Satoru - the football captain - is dating the top cheerleader. And she hates you. You're the girl who doesn't really get noticed, the girl in the bleachers playing the clarinet, watching Satoru score a touchdown and kiss his girlfriend. It hurts, but you try to stay uninvolved, but you're watching the boy you knew hurt. Can the two of you have a friendship anymore, and does he feel the same way as you?
pairings - football star! gojo x band geek! reader
warnings - angst, college au, mutual pining, lost friendship, friends to lovers, reader likes girls too, lots of hurt/comfort, eventual smut - this chap - angst, messy dynamics, Shoko and Sugu lwk yearning for reader hehe, Satoru standing up, break ups, Sarah being abusive and psycho, dry humping, kissing, hints at a potential soft threesome, NOT proofread sorry - enjoyyy
Part of @indiewritesxoxo community event! based on the t swift music video
art by @/Jan on X!
<<<part two
part three
“Mmph,” that's the only sound that escapes your mouth, with Suguru Geto's hands on your waist, dragging you against his lap while his tongue swirls with yours. Your hands sink onto his long dark locks, breath caught by his movements.
Your thighs tremble on either side of his lap, his thumbs pressing and gliding underneath the swell of your breasts. Suguru exhales, his teeth nipping your lower lip, arching his hips up just enough that you feel him. Feel that bulge underneath his jeans, pressing against your pussy and making your leggings sticky and wet where your puffy lips are pressed.
“Princess,” he pulls back a bit when you tense up, taking a breath and looking at you. “I won't take anything further, yeah?”
“I just um…” You're a flustered little mess as he studies you, smiling softly.
You're precious.
If Suguru was honest with himself, he enjoys kissing you a little too much – made evident by the way his cock twitches and leaks underneath his jeans. He feels a little guilty about how much fun he's having, knowing you're the love of his best friend's life, but how can he not love kissing across your collarbones? Love your hands tugging his hair as you shyly move on him.
“I can do more,” you whisper, rolling your hips and making him moan softly. “Just when it comes to sex I wanna wait for a serious boyfriend, it sounds so silly… And we are still just talking…”
“I am good with just kissing,” he assures you with a lazy, lidded smile, kissing up your neck, your lashes fluttering shut. “Relax, we can stop any time.”
You nod and kiss Suguru again, sighing as he studies you. “Mmm, I know I can trust you. I am having a lot of fun, maybe too much.”
“Mmm. Are you?” You blush and bury your face, sighing then, he holds you for a bit as you calm your breathing down. “Do you miss Satoru?”
You pause and lean back a bit, looking down at where your hands rest on his chest. “I feel I've missed him for a couple years and just saw him, then I didn’t even really get to catch up?”
“Well yeah, how could you with her?” You nod as he runs his hand up and down your shoulder in soothing circles.
“I don't know how to explain it, how much I do miss him. Did I make the right decision?”
Suguru eases you off his lap and remembers what he's here for, brushing aside your hair. “You did what you had to, Satoru is going to have to see reason and get away from her.”
“Will he though? Will he ever be able to talk to me again?” You swipe hot, sticky tears off your face and sigh. “We are making out and I'm crying.”
“That's okay I brought it up,” Sugruru tries to remember why he's here, tugging you against his shoulder, wrapping an arm around you and tugging you close. “Don't cry Princess, he'll see reason.”
“I just haven't even had a moment to catch up or even ask about his life,” you sniffle and swipe tears off your cheeks. “I really miss do him.”
“I do too, it's as if I haven't had a lot of time even though I see him every day.” You frown at that, the thought that even close friends couldn’t actually be close with Satoru because of her.
“I am worried I hurt him, saying we couldn’t be friends anymore,” Suguru frowns at that. “He probably needs us now more than ever and I can’t put myself there, it just hurts too badly.”
“Do you feel things for him?” You look down at your hand on Suguru’s chest. “You can tell me.”
“Yes, but I don’t want you to feel like I’m thinking of him when we kiss or anything, it’s just you.” He smiles slightly, tilting your chin up.
“You’re not hopelessly in love?”
“I..” You trail off now, sighing. “Why are you asking me?”
“Curious is all, if I’ve read it all wrong,” you bite down on your lower lip to stop it from trembling. “I think he is too.”
“Oh no,” you can’t think like that, not at all, and ever hope to move on. “I definitely had a crush on him of course, I mentioned that at the dinner.”
“A crush,” you’re a cute, flushed little mess when you nod. “I see, was it just a little puppy love?”
“Um,” you can’t lie to Suguru’s face, not when he’s looking at you like he already knows. “What makes you curious?”
“Just wondering where you stand with that,” just trying to not leak precum and be a good fucking friend. Shit was hard – literally.
“Even if I was,” Suguru smiles. “It doesn’t matter because he’ll never be with me, even before Sarah was in the picture.”
“No? Don’t think so?”
“I know so,” you toy with Suguru’s collar, letting him hold you against his side. “I’m not his type, you know? The glamorous, preppy type, so beautiful and so popular, even though I don’t like her, I can admit she’s things I could never be.”
“What’s wrong with how you are?”
“A band geek who can’t dress for a date?”
Suguru frowns now. “You looked adorable on our date.”
“You’re just sweet,” you kiss him tentatively again, smiling against his mouth as he glares. “You are!”
“Mhm, I don’t think Satoru has ‘a type’ I think his parents shove shit on him more than anything,” Suguru knows damn well Satoru’s type is you. Yet with the way Satoru was going, he was terrified his friend was missing an opportunity here.
How long would you wait for his friend to get it together?
“So I’ll see you tomorrow for some studying,” Suguru says after a bit, tilting your chin up and pressing a kiss to your nose.
“Sounds good! In the morning?”
“I’ll bring coffee over.” You smile all cute and Suguru leaves before he forgets his goal – but he almost wonders if you could use two boyfriends. Even Shoko says the same thing when he reports back.
“We could just be a throuple if he doesn’t get it together,” she hands him a cigarette when they meet up. “I would get her first though.”
“You first, hmm?” She licks her lips and grins.
“Are you all talking about derailing the plan?” Utahime and Nanami come up now, Shoko and Suguru sigh. “You all know Satoru would pout forever if you did.”
“Well ultimately we can’t make them be together,” Nanami frowns when Shoko offers a cigarette. “No.”
“You love them,” he rolls his eyes. “Suguru said she was enjoying the makeout sesh, but I informed him that she liked kissing me more.”
“You kissed her?” Utahime giggles when she nods, Nanami is bright fucking red, clearing his throat. “Hot.”
“I wish I could have seen,” Suguru sighs at the thought.
“Don’t be so uncouth, Suguru,” Nanami’s ears are red, Shoko laughs, a throaty little sound, poking his chest.
“Don’t act like you wouldn’t love to see it.”
“Indeed no,” he swats her hand away. “Focus on getting her with Satoru, not on kissing her, you two.”
“Yes sir,” Suguru and Shoko say it at the same time, laughing at their poor friend Nanami, all while you’re in bed, utterly clueless.
You’re a mess, too, laying there and thinking too damn much – wondering how Satoru was, if he was okay, if she was hurting him. Just because you backed off the friendship didn’t mean you didn’t care.
You care too much.
*****
Sarah is sucking Satoru like her money depends on the shit – he supposes for her it does, the way she bobs and swallows, but he just can’t for the life of him get hard. Not when his mind is on your heartbroken face, not when everything from Sarah feels fucking hollow, when he’s devastated at the loss of his best friend, the one he’d just gotten back in his life.
He hasn’t even gotten to talk to you, to have a moment, to know how your life has been. Was your dad all right? Was your mom still being super strict on you about things? Fuck, what were you majoring in? Pursuing the music dream you loved, or did you end up with something more practical?
That’s his thoughts – your college major – when Sarah pulls up and straddles Satoru, he supposes he got hard enough, she’s trying to put it in when he halts her, frowning. “Condom.”
“I don’t have any here,” she leans forward and kisses him again. “We don’t always have to use one, right? I told you I’m on the pill.”
“Doesn’t matter, I don’t wanna risk that,” she scowls when he eases her off his lap, his cock is not even half way but it’s so big she could probably still cum, yet he sure the fuck didn’t want that.
How can he want someone who has made his life so miserable?
“You know…” She trails off now, brushing his hair back, coming to straddle him again so he feels her heat, his hands remain on the bed rather than wrapping around her waist. “My parents were asking when you were gonna make things a little more official.”
“Official how?” He raises a brow, she’s giggling behind her hand, tossing her hair to the side and then licking a trail up his neck.
“You know, pop the question, I know we’ll marry anyway for our families – but a ring on it? Ah, a huge ring too, one that everyone hates me over. Jealous bitches eyes when they see that rock? Oh Satoru I want that so bad!”
“Mhm! I wanna be the Mrs. Satoru Gojo!” Satoru’s face gives her pause. “Don’t you wanna start having kids soon? I’m gonna have em at twenty three if we start now, but if we wait-”
“I do not want children yet,” she gasps, Satoru shakes his head. “I do one day absolutely, but I want more time in college before I take over the family shit.”
“What?” He raises a brow. “Why? You’ll be a billionaire! And have me by your side at every party.”
“Sarah… it’s like you never listen to shit I say, how many times have I said I want to get my doctorate? To soak up every bit of science I can before I-”
“I don’t want to wait that long!”
“Who said shit about marriage and kids anyway?”
“You don’t want to!?” Satoru disentangles himself, shoving his boxers up as she frantically fumbles to stand. “Do you want me to go have babies with someone else then!?”
“Go for it,” she scoffs, he’s slipping on his pants and she fucking unbuckles them, his fingers itch to smack her hands off but he’d never smack a girl – even Sarah. “Don’t touch my clothes, I want to leave.”
“Fine do your dumb science shit for a year or two, okay!? God you’re just so selfish!”
“Me?” He laughs then, without humor, before scowling right down at her. “Are you fucking kidding?”
“No, you are selfish, but I love you, so I endure it all. Don’t you know I could have anyone I want?”
Satoru’s jaw sets. “Then go fucking have them.”
“Satoru!”
He’s yanking on his shirt when she’s trying to tug him down to her. “I said get off me, it’s like you don’t let me breathe.”
“Because I love-”
“Enough!” He shoves her off him, tugging on his jacket, finally stepping close to her, her breath coming quick, the tears that seem practiced slipping down her cheeks. “What’s my dream, Sarah?”
“To be my husband.”
“No,” he snorts then. “Try to form an answer.”
She rolls her eyes. “This is boring.”
“Me? I’m boring?”
“No!? Just… ugh you wanna play pro!”
“Wrong,” Satoru bends down, slipping on his boots, hands shaking as he realizes what he’s already known deep down.
Sarah is with him for the Gojo name.
“You do wanna be pro! I know you do, and god imagine being a football wife? But maybe your parents will be okay with that for a few years,” she bats her lashes, wrapping her arms around his neck. “I’ll support a few years off, before we start having babies.”
“I want to be an astrophysicist," she blinks again. “I wanna watch the damn stars, don’t you know I do that every night?”
“To be romantic with me!”
“No, I’ve done it since…” He trails off now, remembering all those nights laying on his roof next to you, when you’d sneak out your window and climb up with him, giggling all breathless.
Your eyes reflecting all the stars, glittering, so beautiful…
You loved learning everything he taught you, pointing them out yourself and feeling so proud, the memories flood his mind then, of how in those moments you made him feel more special and seen than anyone has. Satoru can hardly hold back his emotions as it rushes through his mind.
“So we peek at the stars, cool? You wanna be a broke ass scientest?”
“I want to discover new –” he pauses, she already looks bored. “I am not gonna bother to go on about it.”
“Good. I mean!?” Satoru’s walking towards the door. “Where are you going!? Not to that dumb little whore!”
“Don’t you ever fucking call her that,” Satoru turns his head and scowls, she’s laughing now, this cruel, evil sound that makes him sick. “Ever think you’re the fucking problem?”
“Me? How on earth?”
“No one likes you,” she laughs again. “Suguru hates you, Nanami, Shoko, fuck Hime hates you too. You have no friends but your minions, you’ve made sure to ruin all of mine too, now her?”
“She’s ruined everything!”
“No,” Satoru sighs now. “She just enhanced the shit I couldn’t ever admit to myself, that you only want me for what I have.”
He goes to leave and she stops him, dragging him back and trying to kiss him, only for him to grip her wrists. “Don’t leave me, do you want me with other men? Is that it?”
“Fuck who you want, i’ve heard you already do,” Sarah slaps him as hard as she can, and that’s when Satoru loses it, gripping her wrist and leaning down. “Don’t you put your goddamn hands on me.”
“I… you…” She trails off then, scowling. “You made me that mad! All you do is hurt me, won’t even be serious! Maybe you are the player everyone fucking said, huh?”
“I’m done,” he sighs, a tired sound, letting her go. “Move out of my way and let me leave, and don’t come near me again.”
“You don’t get to leave me, you’re not shit without me,” Satoru closes his eyes for a moment. “You’re popular because of me, before you were just a nerd.”
“Good,” he pushes her out of his way. “I want to be a nerd again.”
“You want that little-”
“Let me go,” she’s yanking on his arm. “You suffocate me.”
“I swear if you be with her I’ll ruin her fucking life-”
“Don’t threaten my friends,” Satoru cuts her off with a look, shrugging his shoulder out of her death grip. “We are done, go get those men you say you can get, let them fucking have you.”
“Satoru!”
“I don’t want you,” she goes to smack him again and he grips her wrist. “You won’t land another, I’m tired of your abuse, mental and now physical? Guess what, I was something before I met you – and I will be after you. I am done.”
“Please I-”
“Go fucking ruin someone else’s life,” Satoru rushes out and takes a breath, leaning his head against the door for a moment, trying to gather his thoughts.
All he wants is to see his best friend.
*****
You clutch the letter you wrote Satoru, the one you can never give him, sobbing after Suguru left. You really, really like him, but he was right – you’re hopelessly in love with Satoru Gojo, it’s just so painful to admit it to yourself, to try to not hurt Suguru or anyone in the process.
Satoru would never be yours.
Knock knock knock.
“Please, leave me alone,” you mumble, crying into the softness of your pillow, not loud enough for anyone to hear.
Knock knock knock.
“I don’t want company I’m sorry,” you shout just a bit, but the voice behind the door makes you falter.
“Please… it’s me.”
Satoru.
You don’t move for a moment, just curled in your little ball on the bed, heart racing. “Satoru?”
“I know you probably don’t want to see me,” his voice is cracking in the middle, you sit up, feeling your heart pounding out of your chest. “I know I have no right to come here, okay? I know you don’t want to be friends.”
“That’s not…”
“Please let me apologize,” you swipe at your swollen eyes, your hands trembling, sitting up and feeling your heart ache.
“It’ll make her mad at you.”
“I left,” you’re frozen in place then. “I left her and I just wanna fucking give you a goddamn hug, please. Just one.”
You rush to the door, pulling it open quickly, your heart broken when you see your best friend. Satoru was a wreck, something that doesn’t happen often – his snowy hair disheveled, those blue eyes have bags underneath them, there’s a redness to one of his cheeks.
“Toru,” your old nickname ruins him then, a tear escaping, tracing down a glittery path on that red cheek. Your thumb brushes it carefully. “What happened?”
He doesn’t answer, his eyes unreadable as he steps inside, you shut the door behind him, when he wraps his arms around you, pulling you into a hug so tight you swear your ribs creak underneath the strength. “Fuck… I’m so sorry…”
“Shh,” he buries his face in your hair, bent over and letting go, you hate how he’s crying, the boy always so bright and happy, now he’s devastated, and you can’t help but want to take the pain away. “You did nothing wrong.”
“I did,” Satoru sniffles and leans up, cupping your face, and suddenly it’s too intimate, it’s too much, the way he looks at you, the way his fingers feel on your skin, overheated from how flustered you are. “I let her ruin this friendship, ruin us. I’m so sorry, sweetheart. I am so, so sorry.”
“You didn’t,” he’s just hugging you again, your lips press his cheek. “You don’t need to apologize, you were just hurt by her. It pained me too much, to feel your pain, so I wanted to run away. I should-”
“Don’t you dare,” he tilts your chin up, swallowing and studying your precious face, seeing you’re crying right with him. “Don’t apologize for caring. For knowing me and…”
“Did she hit you?” He sighs and looks down. “I swear to god I’ll learn how to fight if she laid a hand on you.”
“Her hitting me is the least of my problem with her,” you lead him to your little couch, and he tugs you to sit on his thigh, burying his face again. “God I missed you so much.”
“I missed you too,” you get a little shaky in his hold, feeling his hard body – knowing earlier you’d been straddling Suguru, it made you question so much.
A girl who never kissed, and now has kissed two of his friends, but nothing made you feel like his lips against your neck, his pretty blue eyes when he looks up at you, but what if he got back with her? What if like the past couple of fights, Sarah did something to win him back, and you’re left hurt?
He just wanted a friend, and even this was hard, when your throat is dry, when your body reacts to him. You hug him tightly back, leaning up to press a sweet kiss to his brow, Satoru sighs. “I don’t deserve this.”
“You deserve so much,” he shakes his head, the guilt wracking through him, feeling your warmth when he tugs you closer, nuzzling your neck. “You do, deserve to discover your own galaxy, your own planets, find that earth like goldilocks one you swear is out there.”
Satoru pauses now, emotions rushing through him, taking a breath as you run your fingers through his hair. “You remember?”
“How couldn’t I? You should get to look at the stars every single night,” you catch yourself sobbing, body shaking as he holds you tightly. “You are such a sweet, good hearted person, Toru.”
“I’m not, not with what I did.”
“Yes,” you tug his face up. “You are still a good person, so what if you were… a little confused by her. I know you dated a long time, and it’s understandable you couldn’t be a friend like that to me anymore. I was never mad about that, just hurt.”
“I don’t want to ever fucking lose you again.” His words are soft but they’re deep, forehead resting on yours. “I missed you so much, sweetheart. Every moment we had together, from the first memory I have – you.”
“Oh,” you’re crying with him, when you pull back to catch a breath, getting off him and sitting on the couch, tapping your thigh. “Remember I used to play with your hair when you got upset?”
“Yeah,” Satoru leans down now, laying on his back with half his damn long legs off the arm of the couch, looking up at your face as you swipe his tears. “Do I deserve such good treatment?”
“Don’t speak this way,” you whisper, pressing a kiss on his brow, before brushing his hair back. “I’ll always be here for you.”
“But-”
“No,” you cut him off a little more firmly now, watching his eyes flutter closed, his nostrils flaring just a bit with his breaths. “Are you sure you’re really done?”
“So fucking done, I hate it took this long,” he opens his eyes again. “I haven’t even asked about Suguru and… will this upset him?”
“Oh we aren’t together just um…” You blush now. “We are talking I guess? We did kiss, though.”
“You kissed him again?” You nod, clearing your throat, his hands press into fists as he tries to calm himself. It’s irrational to be upset about this, he can have you in his life again, why be so fucking mad? “You like it?”
“Yeah,” you admit softly. “I had never kissed until this week, isn’t that crazy? I’m almost twenty two.”
“Never?” He asks, he knew you were innocent but… that much? You shake your head now. “Your first kiss was Suguru?”
“Shoko,” Satoru laughs then, swiping more tears. “What?”
“Damn, you kissed two of my best friends,” you giggle at that, he glares just a bit though. “I’m jealous.”
“Of me? No way,” he frowns then, realizing you really don’t think so, it’s a shake of your head, a set of your face. “Shoko was teaching me and Suguru… well I think he’s just being sweet to me.”
“Sweet?” He raises a brow at that, you just nod. “You don’t think that maybe they just find you beautiful? Fun? Smart?”
“I um…” You’re clearing your throat, hands just a little trembly as you work your way through his locks. “You don’t have to say all that.”
“Have to say?” You look away now, nodding.
“I know you feel bad about everything, but you don’t need to try to make me feel better, I’m okay with being me.”
“I just-”
“Shh,” you brush his hair back, yawning now, studying his face carefully in the dark room. “Stop feeling guilty about things she said to me. You didn’t do anything wrong.”
Satoru shuts his eyes again, unsure how to even tell you – that you’re beautiful, that he feels so much it hurts, rips his goddamn heart from his chest, but you’re stroking his head so good he’s sleepy. He’s comfortable on your lap, in your little dorm room, nuzzling against your tummy as he turns to his side, wrapping his arms around your waist.
Satoru Gojo has been in love with you for as long as he can remember, but tonight he crashes before he can speak, waking up and drooling on your damn pajama shorts. Your head is fallen back on the couch, snoring lightly, when he eases off you and looks at the time – three in the morning.
“Shit,” he sits and see how uncomfortable you look, before picking you up in his arms, cradling you to his chest. You blink and snuggle him, lips almost brushing his neck, as he carries you over to your bed and gently lays you down.
“Toru?” You whisper, he smiles now, brushing your hair back.
“I’m here, but I should let you-”
“No,” you sleepily grumble.
“No?”
“No leave,” he laughs softly at your sleepy request, when you tug at his hand. “Don’t leave me again.”
His soul hurts at how you say it, how you cling to him.
Fuck he hates that he hurt you.
Satoru slides into the bed next to you, letting you snuggle right up to him. “Okay,” he murmurs, kissing your hair. “I’m not going anywhere.”
*****
The bright rays of morning sunlight filter through the slats of your blinds when you wake up, an arm draped heavy across your waist, a long leg tangled with yours, pressing just between your thighs. You blink a bit, flushed when you realize you’re soaked against his bare thigh, he must have gotten into his boxers to get more comfortable.
Satoru Gojo was in your bed.
Something you would have dreamed of once, you were tucked firmly into Satoru’s warm embrace, his face buried in the crook of your neck, ass against his hard body. Your pulse races, blood rushing through your veins – entire body sensitive to his gentle movements, his breaths soft and even against your skin, making a mix of affection and desire pour.
Pour it does too – you’d gotten wet when you were on Suguru, you’ve been wet before, but you’ve never really done anything, never cum before, or done more than tease your own clit and then jerk back. It’s not like you don’t want to, you were painfully shy about that sort of thing.
Yet you’ve never felt this, the way he makes you feel, you allow yourself just a moment to drink it in, the way his scent fills your nostrils, how his soft little mumble of your name makes you ache, how perfect it feels. Not awkward or weird, it’s as if he’s always been here, holding you.
Your phone buzzes on the nightstand, over and over as if breaking the spell – you turn and lean up to try to grab it without waking him. The movement was clumsy, you just end up climbing over the tall man in your bed, trying not to put weight on him, just fucking hovering all awkward, your knee sliding over his hips as you brace a hand on his chest to reach for it.
Shit, shit, shit.
You feel him then – hard and thick underneath the black satin of his boxer briefs, as he tugs you down, earning a gasp, he’s insistently pressing against your inner thigh through the thin layer of your shorts, humming a bit in his sleep. You’re achingly wet, gasping as you flick off the phone, stirring underneath you, his eyes fluttering open.
Satoru’s eyes in the morning – god they’re beautiful, this glittering blue still hazy with sleep, but they quickly focus in on your face, before drifting down to where you were pressed intimately together, his hands slipping up your thighs ever so softly. Goosebumps rise in a trail his gaze follows, thumb brushing a little bit of slick around.
“Am I dreaming?”
“Are you…” You blush furiously, his voice is all gravelly and rough, doing more things to your needy cunt already.
“M’not,” he tilts his head, sighing. “Am I?”
“Satoru, I…” You look down and see the way you’re soaking him then, gasping out. “I’m so sorry!”
“Shh,” he shifts his hips slightly, a subtle pressure that makes you gasp out loud, the way you feel how huge he is. “It’s natural, sweetheart. Nothing to be embarrassed about.”
“Um but,” you’re shaking, thighs on either side of him pressing in. “I haven’t… Toru I’m…”
“I know you’re a virgin, I figured when you mentioned the kiss,” Satoru sighs then, looking at you underneath his snowy lashes. “I would never take anything further than you’d want.”
“I know just,” you rock your hips again, leaning low, your hair falling to one side as you move, and he lets out this little whimper. “Are you okay?”
“Am I okay,” he exhales now, he’s experienced sure, but about to bust in his boxers from a little dry humping? He halts your movements for a moment, closing his eyes and trying to gather himself. “Y-yeah I’m fine sweetheart.”
“You just broke up and I’m… I feel so…” You’re trying to get up and he halts you, just pinning you there. “Toru I’m being so disrespectful!”
“You are not, that’s the last thing you’re being,” Satoru takes several breaths, trying to keep himself together when you feel like that, when your nipples are pressed up and begging for his touch. “You’re just really wet.”
“Ugh!” You cover your face in embarrassment, Satoru gently lowers your wrists, looking at your pretty face, god he aches to be inside you, so warm, so wet – he just bets you’re the tightest fit too. Imagine your pretty face when you cum, when you squirt all over his cock, his fingers, his mouth.
“Ever touch that pretty cunt?” You suck in a breath, your pupils blown out at his question.
“No,” you admit softly. “I uh, never learned what to do.”
“No?” You shake your head and move again, making his cock twitch, a soft whine escaping his lips once more. “I could show you.”
“Show me as what, a friend?” Satoru opens his mouth to say – no, more than that, when a knock hits the door, and you fall off him and careen to the floor.
Satoru’s not proud that he laughs at it.
“Sorry, sorry,” he’s trying not to laugh when he picks you up and you glare at him. “It was cute!”
“Rude,” you shove past, and then open the door, Suguru eyes Satoru and then you curiously. “Suguru!? Shit, studying!”
“Studying?” Satoru asks, covering his cock up with a pillow, Suguru just snorts at him, seeing your flushed face and glittery eyes.
“Mhm, are you two…”
“He came over because he was upset and I uh…”
“I came over because I wanted to see her and I uh…”
Suguru sighs, looking at you two idiots, Satoru holding a pillow on his lap, you chewing your nails, glasses all askew, your shorts visibly soaked. “Are you two like… together or…”
“I uh,” you rub the back of your neck now. “He um…”
“I well,” Satoru doesn’t wanna say shit too fast and you were just liking Suguru, would he be stepping on your toes? Would you feel like a rebound if he asked so damn fast? “I guess I really, am just, I –”
“Hmm,” Suguru sets the coffees down on your side table, shutting your door and walking over to you. “Then you won’t mind if I kiss her?”
Satoru glares, Suguru cups your face and bends down, lips pressing against your own, you get a little weak in the knees, feeling Satoru’s angry look at the both of you, before you feel him behind you, turning your chin. Suguru’s eyes meet Satoru’s, amused expression on his face.
“What’s wrong Satoru? Can’t give her a kiss?”
“I hear you and Shoko have,” Satoru’s thumbs brush over your lips as he stands behind you so tall, Suguru against your front, Satoru on your back, your hands grip Suguru’s shirt tightly, breaths coming faster. “You leavin’ me out, sweetheart?”
“You were taken,” you whisper, when Suguru kisses down your neck, humming a bit and making your lashes flutter. “Do you want to kiss me too?”
Satoru’s answer is slamming his lips down on yours, Suguru’s smiling against your neck then, as the two men press you between them. Suguru was languid, sweet, took his time – Satoru is all tongue and teeth, moaning and letting you feel how hard he is against the small of your back, you get lost in the sensations of both of them, arching for more.
Satoru pulls back and leaves you breathless, his eyes darting to your lips, glossy from him. “How’d I do, sweetheart? Better than Suguru?”
“Should ask if you’re better than Shoko,” Suguru teases, chuckling when he kisses your lips again, sighing. “So, who is the best out of us three?”
this was NOT on the schedule yet but I had this vision eating up my brain, now to get to my damn comms lol, the angst is NOT over and Sarah is not gone, but Gojo is finally done with her yayyyyy <3
the voice was masculine, sharp, and vaguely familiar— just enough to make you freeze. your pen, previously scribbling smoothly on your paper, suddenly halted in it’s place, slowly bleeding down on the white sheet as your eyes slowly flickered up to the blank-faced pink-haired frat boy casually slumping down beside you.
what the fuck?
you would have considered pretending you didn’t hear his voice if his sharp red eyes weren’t already meeting yours, eyebrows raised just the slightest, pretty pupils just barely shifting as they slowly eyed you up and down, before his lips were tugged into a small frown.
oh, right. words.
“oh.” you mumbled, face finally tilting up enough to meet his eyes properly, almost grimacing at how quiet your own voice sounded. “…hi?”
he blinked once, twice, before he nodded towards your notebook. “did you take notes last lecture?”
you nodded, almost slowly, utterly confused on why a guy known for being untouchable to girls and ‘throwing the best punches’ was currently sitting on the bench beside you, why he was even speaking to you— and why his voice was low, almost like he was afraid to be loud. “yes?”
“can i take a picture of them? i missed last lecture.” he grunted casually, propping his elbow on the table. you ignored how his muscles flexed at the move, and how you had the unnatural thought to fucking bite them.
when his words registered, you paused. you could have sworn you saw a flash of pink hair last lecture.
whatever, why would he lie, right?
“oh.” you mumbled quietly. “um, they’re in my other notebook. i can get it tomorrow—“
you could have sworn you saw his eyes fucking sparkle, his lips twitching into a smirk he immediately forced into a frown, pulling out his phone. he slid it open, and you decided not to question why his contact’s page was already open. “no need. you can just send them to me.”
you paused, before slowly nodding, which seemed to make his badly hidden smirk widen just the slightest. he held his phone out, and you accepted it, quietly writing down your phone number before awkwardly holding it out.
he reached over, warm fingers brushing against yours, eyes half-lidded and smirk softening. you cleared your throat quietly, shifting uncomfortably under his gaze, ignoring the feeling of your cheeks heating up just the slightest. “uh, ‘m—“
“i know.” he cut you off, standing up. at your confused look, he scoffed. “we have been in the same classes for four years.”
“oh.” you mumbled. “you… noticed?”
his smirk sharpened, leaning down, his hand leaning on the table again as he leaned closer, stupidly attractive muscles on view. he was just a few inches away, pretty eyes set on yours almost intensely, trailing down your face. “i would be stupid not to, sweetheart.”
before you could even respond, he was pushing himself up and walking away, leaving you to stare at his back in pure confusion.
did he just… flirt?
you shook your head, probably seeming stupid to the small crowd of people gaping at you due to that interaction, and returned your gaze back to your notebook.
there was no way the sukuna was fucking flirting— and definitely not with you.
truly, you almost forgot about the interaction by the end of the day, hell bent on insisting it meant nothing, and that he just genuinely wanted the notes. you couldn’t be delusional— not about this.
after all, sukuna could literally choose anyone and get them— why would he flirt with you? hell, everyone knew famous models have been in his dms before— he really must have wanted these notes.
you nodded to yourself at the thought that night, fingers aimlessly scrolling through social media, sleepy eyes barely open until a notification made you freeze.
rsukuna requested to follow you.
you stared at the notification for a second, two, then breathed out. that still meant nothing, right? maybe he just lost your number.
quietly, fingers shaking just the slightest, you clicked on the account.
thousands of followers, gym photos (fuck your life, an eight pack? and why were his biceps bigger than your head?), pictures with his frat bros, but your attention was quickly falling on a much more important item.
followings: 0.
what the actual fuck?
the small ‘rsukuna has requested to follow you’ stared at you at the top, unmoving. he hadn’t even removed it yet, even with a few minutes having passed, which meant you couldn’t shrug it off as a mistake.
there was no way your university crush on four years was suddenly doing this. oh my god, did you accidentally manifest him? were the videos of ‘this initial will confess to you’ actually onto something?
you almost scoffed at the thought. no way, right? he was definitely just being polite! he definitely just deleted your number and just—
xxx-xxx-xxxx: yo, pretty. it’s sukuna.
you sucked in a sharp breath, mind stuttering and halting, unable to make up more excuses at the moment. it took a second, two, before you were quietly stumbling off bed, trying to convince yourself he was still being strictly platonic, fingers shaking as you saved his contact, then snapped pictures of the notes, and blankly sent it back to him.
he responded almost immediately.
sukuna ??????: you’re too cute for such a shitty hand writing. you should help me read it tomorrow over a coffee, my treat.
fuck. you were out of excuses.
your flushed face fell against a pillow with a quiet scream.
(a/n: i have not written in four years lol. i know he’s ooc and i do not care.)
˖ ࣪૮₍ 𝓟.𝐔𝐍𝐊 𝐍𝐄𝐑𝐃𝐉𝐎 𓂃 ⭒ is your ex boyfriend who can't stop wanting to fuck you even after you broke his heart.
⤿ ꒰ you left satoru in highschool. but after the glowup, he discovered something: revenge was fucking sweet. and he wants to get back at you for everything you've put him through. show you how much he's changed ꒱
♡ ₊˚‧ cw. college au :: smut :: m.masturbation :: f.oral :: m.oral :: fantasies :: alcohol consumption :: smoking :: shotgunning :: punk culture :: mean!toru :: so much sexual tension ꒱
˖ ࣪꒰ NERDJO ꒱ ˙˖ didn't know where it all went wrong. one moment you were his pretty, preppy girlfriend. the girl who all the guys would die for and all the chicks wanted to be— and still, you chose him. some bumbling, stumbling, awkward and anxious nerd. the next? you were bitching at him for the smallest inconvenience. it was something stupid. he doesn't even remember. he thought you were just stressed with finals. thought it would all be better then next day. but then you ignored his texts. blocked his number. dropped his sweaters off to his room. three years of highschool sweethearts— gone.
˖ ࣪꒰ NERDJO ꒱ ˙˖ cried like a baby when you left him. glasses fogged and skewed. hands trembling around a bouquet as he stood at your window, hoping you'd let him. all tears and snot and quivering lips as his croaky voice called—
“baby I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I don't know what I did, please take me back.”
you never did. never gave him the time of day. barely even batted an eye at him when you glanced out your window only to shut the curtains.
he sat on the sidewalk. crumpled bouquet in his hands and glasses shoved in hair rustled from all the gripping. shoulders shaking and sobs hiccupping. the girl of his dreams. his sweet girlfriend. gone. and he doesn't even know what he did wrong.
˖ ࣪꒰ NERDJO ꒱ ˙˖ had to talk to someone about it. the rumours were flying all around. gossip and giggles about how the nerd finally screwed up and fumbled the prettiest girl in school. it made the already awful schooling experience worse for satoru. but what really hurt him most of all was when he'd pass you in the hallway while you chatted with your group of friends. you'd lock eyes when your friends nudged you, giggled, but you'd just frown and look away. you never laughed with them. but the silence was like a blunt pencil shoved straight through his heart.
he approached suguru. his best friend who attended another highschool. crying into his arms and shoulders and slobbering up his leather jackets with all the tears. he babbled about how much he missed you. how he didn't know how to fix it.
and that's when suguru gripped his shoulders. told him, “hey man, she's not gonna take you back, y'know that right?”
satoru's throat bobbed. he cracked a sob. “then what the fuck am I gonna do?”
“try something new.”
“huh?”
“try something new. something risqué. shake up your norm a bit so you don't have to think of her.”
he contemplated suguru's words. something new didn't sound too bad. every time he looked at his textbooks he'd think of all the awkward chemistry pick up lines he'd give you. and whenever he wore his hoodies he remembered how much you loved stealing them.
yeah. suguru's right. he needed something completely new. needed to turn his whole life around. but how?
˖ ࣪꒰ NERDJO ꒱ ˙˖ got his first piercing. grief did things to him and he was desperate to distract himself. so he definitely jumped the gun a bit but hey— a tongue piercing should distract him enough, right?
he wouldn't admit that it was because this specific piercing was something you and him spoke about. when you were cradled in his arms and talking about the most random of things. he'd told you that suguru had gotten one and joked about getting one himself. he remembered the way you flinched. how you giggled and told him that you couldn't imagine your sweet boy with such a delinquent style.
he thought about your smile when the piercer pushed the needle through his tongue and tears bubbled on the corners of his eyes. when his hands shook and suguru held them tightly from the side.
this pain. it's nothing he's ever experienced. he choked a sob, his face blotched and thick, pretty white lashes damp and fluttering as he tried to hold still— but fuck. if it didn't make the dull ache in his heart better. maybe. . . he could get used to this.
˖ ࣪꒰ NERDJO ꒱ ˙˖ let suguru guide him through his journey. it started with the fashion. he barely let the piercing on his tongue heal fully before he jumped for a set of stacked lobes. then a helix once those were healed. he seemed to quite like silver now. silver piercings, chains, rings. they looked good on him.
speaking about what looked good on him— the sweater and cardigans were fine and all, but he's quite liking leather now. the rougher look suits him— that's what suguru said.
within the next year he snatched himself some dimple piercings too. and some snakebites. tried some eyeliner— that brand worked well. it was from a small business. he preferred the messier kind.
the more he hung around suguru the more he realised a few things. realised what a shitshow the world around him was. usually he'd idly listen to suguru's tirades, tell him to be careful when he pushed back against authority. now. . . he was beginning to see things for what they were once his head wasn't nose-deep in a book. shit had to be done and he was already changing so hey, why not?
he started getting more confident. more bold. trying new things out, engaging with this change that had become a lifestyle. hell, a culture. he met new people that really opened his eyes.
nerds, preps, jocks and populars— they were all just the start of a box. a box that you obediently fit into so that the people up top could get you under their boot.
and that's when he got less stiff. started using knowledge more as a weapon rather than validation, rather than it being just something he was good at. he got louder, productive. mister goody-two-shoes had become quite the rulebreaker.
˖ ࣪꒰ PUNK NERDJO ꒱ ˙˖ was more sure of himself. he had fun now. let loose. stopped caring about what other people thought or him. he went to parties at night and protests in the day. loud, proud and honestly? not thinking about you. not much, at least. he had more things to worry about. like keeping his new daith piercing clean and keeping up with his new pins made from bottle caps.
maybe he got a little carried away with the alcohol and smoking when it came down to it. but whatever. no one's perfect, that's the whole point of what he is now.
and maybe at those parties he distracted himself with other girls cause he kept seeing your eyes in his solo cup. maybe a part of him still wasn't over you— no matter how much he loved his new life.
but whatever. other girls kissed him like you did. buried their hands into his hair and tugged on it just like you did. they wrestled his tongue in the way you hadn't— grabbed his waist and buried their nails in the same way you were afraid to.
˖ ࣪꒰ PUNK NERDJO ꒱ ˙˖ kept it a secret, but he held onto your photos for as long as possible. longer than he would have liked to admit. he couldn't help it, okay? you were suddenly off the map and he couldn't find you anywhere. but when suguru caught him scrolling through his secret little folder tucked away in some special place on his phone— he called him out. told him that it was holding him back.
so, satoru finally bit the bullet. selected the folder, pressed delete. and watched all the memories pour down the drain.
he denied the small tremble in his fingers. the ache in his heart. instead he forced himself to scoff: "sayonara, bitch.”
he was starting college in a month. he didn't need this.
˖ ࣪꒰ PUNK NERDJO ꒱ ˙˖ was late for his first day of college classes. couldn't help it. he did a run around the block with suguru putting some posters up. a new stir in the political sphere called for action— and satoru was all about action.
so when he walked into that lecture hall a whole twenty minutes late? with his bag strung over his shoulder and his glasses half-fogged? he didn't care. just stepped up the stairs and found a seat at the back row. one of the only empty seats.
he plopped down, ran his tongue over one of his snakebites out of habit and picked at his peeling black nail polish as he fished out a notebook.
and that's when he saw it. manicured nails. soft hands. his heart stuttered.
no fucking way.
his gaze cut to the side to find a familiar pair staring back. wide. was that shock? or horror?
his blue eyes hardened. oh. fucking. fantastic.
you.
"sweetheart," he hummed before he could stop himself. head crooked to the side as his cold stare raked over you. you hadn't changed much in fashion. your skirts were a bit more modest. hair neater. but you were quiet.
he grinned. eyes cutting back up to you.
and then. he finally let his tongue lash.
“nice to see you again. bit of a complex course for just a pretty face like you though," he glanced at the door label: quantum physics 101. then locked his smug stare back to you.
“wouldn't you say?”
˖ ࣪꒰ PUNK NERDJO ꒱ ˙˖ went back to his dorm that day and tried to forget about it. that look in your eye. the way you hadn't even spoken to him after his little jab. what, were you still too good for him? couldn't even spare him a greeting?
he brushed it off. told himself it was pointless. he had way too many things to focus on than his ex girlfriend from highschool who broke his weak little heart back then.
he told himself he'd ignore you. but fate had other plans. the next day he was leaned up against one of the walls outside campus. just before class. cigarette between his lips and hands cupping his lighter.
that's when he felt it again. that stare.
he glanced up through his wispy bangs and caught you in the act. gawking at him as you were on your way to class. didn't you know staring was rude? then again, he shouldn't expect anything better from you.
his brows narrowed. teeth bit harder on the cig.
satoru took a deep drag. let the smoke fill his lungs in an attempt to ease the pinch in his gut. then slotted the cigarette between his fingers and drew it back. billowed a string of smoke and called out. crystal clear. rough. as he snatched his phone from his jacket pocket.
“take a fucking picture. it'll last longer.” without even looking up. you didn't deserve his eyes.
˖ ࣪꒰ PUNK NERDJO ꒱ ˙˖ ranted to suguru about you later that day. returning to his old habit of gripping and tugging at his hair out of frustration. fuck, you always brought the worse out of him. out of all the colleges you attended why'd it have to be this one? and why the hell did you keep staring at him like that?
“you know she's probably regretting it, right?” suguru piped up, looking up from his little project.
satoru stopped his pacing. glanced over his shoulder. “regretting it?”
“breaking up with you. I mean look at you now. quite the catch, y'know?”
“so what, she regrets breaking my heart and dragging my name through the mud all through highschool?”
“yup. she probably wants you bad.”
and that's when satoru decided that he had an opportunity here. to get back at you for all the shit you put him through. you were the catalyst of his very change, after all. now the object and accumulation of everything he loathed. so that's when he decided:
if you wanted him so bad now? he was gonna show you just how much he changed.
˖ ࣪꒰ PUNK NERDJO ꒱ ˙˖ started in class. what were you even doing here, in his field anyway? you weren't ever a bright stem light so why start now?
he wasn't kind. he used his intelligence like a weapon now, and unfortunately you were his new target. he'd belittle you whenever he had the chance. throw little comments that no one knew were about you— but you knew. and he adored your falters.
he pointed jabs, brutal truths. it didn't help that you were his seat partner for most of the semester.
you never snapped back anyway. just spared him a silent glance then went back to work. it irked him. you really never shook off that arrogance of yours, did you? whatever. it only made him worse.
“this is a little out of your league, right sweetheart?” he'd muse during a group project. a nickname that used to be so endearing, now just another lash of the whip that was his tongue.
“let the others handle it. you can just sit there and look pretty. maybe use your little highlighters to spiff things up, hmm?”
so what if the people in the group laughed at you? he didn't care. you sure didn't when it was him in your shoes.
˖ ࣪꒰ PUNK NERDJO ꒱ ˙˖ found out that you both signed up for the same organisation. what were you doing in the simple living org? that's not what you were about. you were all bright, and pretty and flashy— you weren't about making something out of nothing. maybe that's why he was even more frustrated when you decided to run for president. no way in hell was he gonna let someone like you be in a leadership for an organisation that held his values. so of course he signed up to run against you. yeah, he was mean. he was being a fucking dick during every meeting. but he didn't care. not when it came to you.
no matter how many times he'd catch your eyes whenever he made a statement. or when you'd huff at him. it just gave him a reason to lick his teeth and bite back.
˖ ࣪꒰ PUNK NERDJO ꒱ ˙˖ was unfortunate enough to end up behind you in the food court line. there you were, probably trying to figure out if you should have two pumps of hazelnut syrup or three. he couldn't help but roll his eyes. what was taking so long? still indecisive as ever.
he called from behind you. ordered for you since you were taking your own sweet time. he remembered your favourite drink. never could quite forget it. you probably didn't see it on the menu. silly girl.
and when you looked back with that same startled expression only to press your glossed lips together? he just huffed.
“still can't figure out what you want?” as he reached around to snatch the served drink and shove it into your hand. hopeless. you were hopeless.
˖ ࣪꒰ PUNK NERDJO ꒱ ˙˖ spotted you one day after class. talking to the professor. he hasn't caught much of the conversation. only that you were discussing something about extra credit.
maybe he jumped the gun a bit. assumed the worst because the image he'd built of you in his head told him that you were low enough to consider something like that. I mean— it made sense with recent events. how a culture change that came with aesthetics and confidence was all he needed to have your stare now when his last year of highschool was spent crying over the disgust in your gaze.
so of course, when people flooded the class and he walked his way up to the fated seat beside you, he shot you a look over his glasses. that same disgust in his eyes and a sneered smile on his pierced lips.
a hand full of rings gripped the back of your chair on the way to his. he muttered just above your ear.
“maybe show a lil more leg next time. sure it'll get people like you places.” as he patted between your shoulders and ignored your flustered surprise.
˖ ࣪꒰ PUNK NERDJO ꒱ ˙˖ noticed that you did that a lot. got flustered at almost every thing he did. whether it was invading your private space, or shooting a heated comment. you looked away. bunched your hands on your skirt and took a breath. he wasn't sure if it amused or frustrated him. seriously? was all it took a little confidence and a few changes for you to finally see him as something more than the awkward little boy who followed you around like a puppy?
whatever. it was fun to play with regardless. you were fun to play with.
˖ ࣪꒰ PUNK NERDJO ꒱ ˙˖ wasn't too impressed when the same professor seemed to enjoy playing with fate. satoru had been assigned to tutor you for the class he still wasn't sure how you got in to. he reluctantly went to your dorm with his textbooks and notes. huffed at your decor and threw a bunch of pointed comments before you both settled down to actually study.
but would you look at that— you couldn't look at him. cute little thing, weren't you?
you couldn't look him in the eye. stammered over your words when he shot you a look over the rim of his glasses and asked you if you understood. and don't think that he missed the way your thighs pressed together under the table when he clicked his tongue and called you silly for a little mishap.
he went to get a glass of water. spoke to you from the kitchen.
“y'know this would go a lot smoother if you could just pay attention.”
he couldn't help but sneak a glance at you. watched as you bristled and tried to distract yourself with highlighting your notes.
he approached as you struggled with an equation. clicked his tongue when you inevitably got the wrong answer.
“sorry, I just. . .”
“just what?”
he felt your shudder against his chest as he flushed against your back. leaning his hand over yours so that his cold rings pressed on your shaky fingers. guiding your hand holding the pen with his far larger one.
“just. . . can't focus when I'm around?” he urged your hand to write. restarting the equation. showing you just how wrong you were.
he felt your breath stuttered. heard how you cleared your throat.
oh, still such a cute thing, weren't you?
he chewed on his grin and leaned in. snakebites brushing on your burning lobe as he whispered. low, dangerous.
“do I make you nervous, sweetheart?”
he told himself to stop. but how could he with the way you shuddered when his free hand dropped and traced up your side. felt your skin beneath the tight, white button ups you always insisted on wearing.
his chuckle rumbled in a low rasp. “looks like someone changed from highschool. where's your flair, sweet thing?”
he nipped on your lobe. grinned wider as you bit back a whimper.
“wanna see how much my tongue's changed too?”
˖ ࣪꒰ PUNK NERDJO ꒱ ˙˖ didn't go any further with you. no. he wouldn't let you back in so easy. you were gonna have to work for it. he wasn't your sweet boy anymore and you weren't his sweetheart. not really.
didn't mean that he didn't go back to his dorm throbbing in his ripped pants. didn't mean that he wasn't groaning— rough and wrecked as he dropped his pants and fisted his angry, hard cock. jerking his hand all messy as a nasty shlick shlick shlick filled the room. he pictured how your whimpers would compliment it.
he couldn't even get to his bed. he just slumped against the wall with his head tossed back and his white hair tousled. glasses shoved up in it. fucking his hand and imagining your mouth.
oh, he wanted to fuck your mouth. grip your hair and rub his prince albert piercing on your tongue. how would you react to that, huh? would you whine for him? try to hump his boot?
it was embarrassing how hard he came to the thought of it. squirting thick, creamy ropes all over his jacket but still jerking his hand like a madman. eyes rolled back and jaw tight to the thought of you. to how he'd make you hold that little skirt up while you ground your panties on his mouth. were they still pink, he wondered?
fuck. the way you'd moan. how you'd grip his hair with both hands and buck so weakly once you realised how much better he'd gotten with tongue. how would your clit feel under his tongue piercing? would you think that it suited him now?
and there he was. cumming for a second time. violent and messy as he ragged a harsh breath and choked your name back down his throat. eyes fluttering and knees shaky as she squeezed filthily on his tip.
fuck. he was gonna have so much fun with you.
˖ ࣪꒰ PUNK NERDJO ꒱ ˙˖ couldn't shake the image. even as he leaned against the chain linked fence on one of the faculty rooftops. smoking away his third cigarette and thinking about you. he came here to study, and yet there you were. filling up his head as usual.
he didn't expect you to find your way up there too. with a book tucked under your arm and freezing at the stairwell when you saw him.
he spared you a small glance. huffed and looked elsewhere as you came closer.
“don't you have some classes you should be failing?”
silence.
for a second he thought you left. good. he didn't need you becoming a permanent resident in his mind after he'd spent years trying to heartlessly evict you.
until he felt your presence right beside him. your sweet perfume wrapped around him and those doe eyes that made him bite his cigarette just a bit harder.
and then. you decided to make him laugh.
“you shouldn't be smoking on campus.”
quiet. but was that an edge? was that the bitch that he knew— finally dropping the act?
a flicker in his eyes. a stir in his gut. he snapped those cold blues over to you. “oh yeah?”
long fingers gripped your jaw. dragging you forward as he took a long drag. letting the nicotine hit his lungs and he stared the real addiction dead in her eyes. your eyes.
he withdrew the cigarette.
“who's gonna stop me?”
leaned close. too close. squishing your face and yanking you closer. lips ghosting yours. smoke pouring into your mouth as he held you still.
with a dark grin and a darker glare.
“you, sweetheart?”
as he blew the smoke into your smushed lips. hand slipping down to grip your waist with the cigarette resting between his fingers. flicking some of the ash onto your doll pumps.
you didn't push him away. no. you whined. hands clawing on his jacket. so he squeezed your face harder, glared deeper.
and despite everything screaming at him to just drop it—
his lips smashed to yours. teeth and tongue meshing. because in the end? he preferred the nicotine that was your plush mouth.
preferred the little obsession you kick-started in him all over again.
summary! your best friend satoru gojo has had a massive crush on you for years, the only issue is, he's pretty slutty. all he wants is you, god, you're the only thing he cares about these days, but he's too insecure to let himself want someone as beautiful and kind as you are.. he feels like he doesn't deserve such a loving person, so he sticks to his promiscuous lifestyle until you two can't handle pretending you're not enamoured with each other anymore. (insecure gojo, angst to comfort, gojo uses sex as an escape (no explicit mentions of said sex between others), toxicity, he's a sweetheart i promise)
satoru was off-his-fucking-face drunk.
he saw you from across the room chatting it up with shiu, a well known plug around campus, and a very attractive one at that, although he hated to admit it.
he knows he probably shouldn't of felt that stab of jelousy that just radiated through his gut, he's supposed to smile, then shrug all nonchalantly, cmon. don’t be weird. she talks to people. you talk to everyone. that’s how this shit works. he thinks.
but then he clocks the way shiu leans in closer, not to the point he's feeling all up on you, but he's close enough that it really, really pisses gojo off.
so, like any good 'best friend' who was almost blackout would do, he stalked over and threw his floppy, muscular arms around your waist with a deadly glare.
"can you fuck off shiu? no one wants you around here fucking up freshman with your fucking sketchy shit." he slurred, clinging to you like a koala.
"good cussing, satoru." shiu smiles with a new cigarette hanging from his lip.
"i hate you."
"i know, buddy..." he replies, winking at you before slipping the back of smiles into his pocket, "well uh, i'll leave you two alone then?" the obviously more mature man offers, you clench your teeth and pull one of satorus arms off of your body.
"sorry, kong. we'll chat another time?"
"no, you won't. go away shiu." satoru quipped, the black haired man just waves with a chuckle and moves on. he knew drunk gojo wasn't to be taken to heart, after all.
good riddance, he thought. everyone knew you were his, so why wasn't shiu getting that?
he sighed, but deep down he hated that part of himself. the obsessive part that wants to pull you away while knowing full well he's never once made any sort of claim on you. he doesn't get to play guard dog when he himself is the one who's taught everyone he's nothing more but a temporary play thing for others to use.
he knows it's pathetic, but still, he couldn't help but cling to you. it was just second nature to him at this point.
once shiu's gone, you exhale curtly. this always happened. despite your and satoru's relationship being nothing more than a tight friendship, he always got disgustingly possessive when you gave your attention to others, especially men, and especially at parties.
you sigh, then pry his other lanky arm off you with a big huff, fuck, he was heavy.
“you’re being ridiculous, satoru,” you groan, yelling over the music even though he's loud enough for the both of you, “i was only asking him how his studies were going.”
“don’t care,” satoru mumbles with his cheek pressed to your smaller shoulder. “don’t like him.”
“you don’t like anyone who talks to me.”
“mhm.”
you groan softly, this has happened so many times it’s become expected at these kinds of things. you reach for his collar and tug it, steering him away from the kitchen before he can latch back on to shiu who was now talking to maki.
“come on,” you roll your eyes. “you’re piss faced.”
he laughs boisterously, a stark change from the pout he was wearing a few seconds ago. “only a bit.”
“you’re literally swaying.”
“and? i sway when i'm sober.”
you can be bothered arguing with this meat head. instead, you turn toward the stairs and brace for impact because right on cue, his hand slides into yours and he pulls you up them.
“satoru,” you hiss, but he’s already halfway up, pulling you along behind him.
“i want to go to my room,” he says bluntly. “it's too fucking loud down there.”
he keeps a tight hold of your hand all the way up the spiral stairs with his thumb brushing your knuckles over and over, a nervous little tic he did when he got overwhelmed.
people smile and shout at the both of you as you walk pass, you think you can make out sukuna yelling his name, but he ignores all of them with a scoff like the dismissive drunk he is.
the moment you’re inside his room he shuts the door with his foot and leans back against it, still holding your hand.
this is always the part that makes your heart go all soft.
satoru looked so much gentler when he was inebriated like this. physically he’s still got that massive muscular upper body, still takes up all of your personal space and all, but he seems so fragile. like he’s set down the flashy go getter version of himself everyone else sees and picked up the one he only lets you have.
“sit,” he says dragging you toward his bed.
you smile at his slightly slurred speech and sit, he drops down beside you with his long lanky knees bumping yours. he immediately scoots closer until his leg presses against your own. his hand itch's until it's touching yours, your wrist, then your fingers, lacing them together.
he was always a little touchy when drunk.
“you okay?” you ask.
“yeah,” he says with a smile, then, “you’re really good.”
you laugh and lean back on your free hand. “that wasn’t the question, silly.”
he shrugs, flopping back onto the mattress and dragging you with him so you’re both propped up against his bashed up and faded wooden headboard. he loops his strong arm under your back and around your waist, pulling you closer to his body. okay, maybe a lot touchy.
you and satoru had a special kind of thing going on.
in freshman he spotted you from across the way at a mixer, he clocked you from the other side of the room and decided, for reasons he never really explained, that you were his person now.
he stole your cup, replaced it with a fresh one, and talked your ear off until you forgot what being nervous actually felt like, he seemed like a suave man on the outside, but this guy poured straight chronically online brainrot humour into your brain for like, two hours straight?.
by the end of the night you were sitting on the curb together, sharing fries he'd door dashed to the frat laughing like you’d known each other forever.
from then on, it was just a thing. you studied together, even though he never actually studied and mostly complained. you slept over, even though you both had comfy beds of your own.
you knew his school schedule, his little moods, the signs that meant he needed to leave a party early and unwind somewhere else. he knew when you were lying about being fine and when you needed him to just sit there and not try to fix anything.
people joked about you two all the time.
geto once asked why you didn’t just date already. satoru laughed far too loud and said that’d 'ruin absolutely everything'. you giggled too, telling yourself it was better like this, that you liked having him without the risk of romantic intimacy.
but like everything, the truth always came out.
one night where the both of you were almost blackout drunk, he took you upstairs after throwing his guts up into the toilet. you laughed at him and he flipped you off back, cleaning up then pulling you into his room like a rag doll.
he held you in the middle of the floor after you'd both toppled over, and he admitted everything to you through very crappy, slurred speech.
he told you how much he loved you, how badly he wanted you all to himself, how no one else could do it for him. you admitted the same, you told him how much you needed him in your life and how you felt more loved with him that anyone else.
you kissed, it was gross and quick but it happened. your feelings were out in the open.
for that night, at least.
morning came and the previous confession felt like small tiny fragments in both of your minds, you just couldn't remember any of it fully.
you went about your little friendship like nothing had changed. from what was left in your brains, you had a semi-clear thought on it all.
oh shit, maybe she/he likes me back?
sometimes, late at night, you’d lie next to him while he talked about nothing, sometimes you thought you caught drawls of that night in how he went quiet when you mentioned another guy, or when his hand squeezed yours that little bit tighter. but then he’d joke it away, or pull back, or remind you with a grin that you were his best friend.
so you stayed quiet, and so did he.
because being close to him like this felt better than not having him at all, loving him quietly was safer than risking losing him.
you didn’t know he was doing the exact same thing, from the other side of that line, telling himself over and over that you deserved better than him and that wanting you meant destroying his favourite thing in the world, your friendship.
now, your eyes drag over his pretty face as he stares up at the celling, letting out a long sigh that smelt like hard solo.
then he starts talking.
“god, this theme sucked actual nut sacks." he announces. “it was so bad, y/n. tell them to never do it again.”
you snort. “hm? weren't you the one hyping it up last week.”
“can you be quiet? i was lying. why are you lying to me?" he was making no sense.
“i feel like that's not... a proper answer?” you shake your head like you yourself were letting it go, he wasn't sober enough to be answering things correctly.
“rude.” he turns his head to look at you. “everyone looks stupid.”
“you’re wearing bright red board shorts and no shirt."
“yeah,” he says seriously. “so fucking stupid.”
you glance at the discarded lifeguard whistle on his desk, the red plastic stark against the silky oak. “you look fine, toru.”
“nah.” he shakes his head, hair flopping into his eyes. “everyone’s dressed like baywatch rejects. i hate it.”
“you hate fun.”
“i love fun.” he squeezes your waist as to prove his point. “this just isn’t fun fun.”
“yeah? what’s fun fun then?”
his face turns and he's suddenly looking happier. gosh, these drunken mood swings.. “like... a onesie party.”
you laugh and sit a bit closer. “of course.”
“like animals,” he adds, gaining conversational momentum. “or dinosaurs. geto would be a gorilla. choso would be like, a wolf or some shit.”
“yeah? what would you be?”
he breathes out an answer before you can even finish your sentence. “a bunny.”
“oh wow, no you would not.”
“i absolutely would. i'd buy ears and everything.” he whines with a forlorn expression, oh we're sad now? perfect.
you picture it and bite your lip to keep from smiling too hard, but he notices.
“see,” he says, now smug (you seriously couldn't keep up). “way better than 'surfer sluts'.”
you look at his shorts, then back at him. “at least the name was semi-creative?”
“tch, only thing creative 'bout it.”
he rambles on, complaining about the trashy pitbull music, about how someone spilled a drink on his nice new grey decarbra's, about how the freshmen are hella annoying this year. his hands wonder as he talks, sometimes he's squeezing your fingers, sometimes drifting to your hip, sometimes tracing the line of your knee cap? he's doing it absentmindedly so you guess it was fine.
you two chat about how shitty the party was for a good half hour, circling back to old gossip and relationship dramas, laughing and spit balling for ages. you'd never tell him but you loved these moments, where he'd laugh and talk to you like you'd known him since he was born, rather than just a few years ago.
he always looked at you like you were the most precious thing in the universe, whether you'd be out on long drives in his fancy car, or over at your dorm making really crappy cupcakes, he'd always gaze at you so lovingly. the bond between two best friends, am i right? you pushed away the thought of his lips on yours.
he sobers up a tad so the conversation is semi coherent on his end.
eventually, he circles the topic back you like he always does.
“so, you talk to shiu a lot,” he says quickly, darting his eyes back and forth from your face to gage your reaction.
“you know i talk to everyone,” you reply.
“yeah, but like.. you talk to him a lot.”
you smile at his badly hidden jealousy, “he’s in my stats class, satoru. nothing more.”
“still.”
you roll your eyes. “i asked how his studies were going. that’s it.”
he hums but it sounds very unconvinced.
“you get so weird about this,” you add. “it’s not that serious, i promise.”
he shifts closer again and his forehead drops to your shoulder. “i just don’t like when guys look at you.”
“they’re going to look at me.”
“i know.” his voice drops. “i hate it.”
you bump his knee with yours. “that’s a you problem, toru.”
“rude,” he repeats, but there’s no real malice in it.
you blurt out quickly, regretting it as soon as it pours out, "you're the only guy i'm this into, satoru, don't worry." fuck why did i say that?!
gojo's heartbeat is now thumping. she means that... in a friend way, right? of course. of course she did. no biggie...
he bites his lip as his hand goes all shake dragging up and down your arms.
you sit in silence for a bit as he and you both process, listening to the muffled frank ocean seeping through the floor boards. his thumb keeps tracing your knuckles, slower than before like he’s losing steam, getting sleepy.
to satoru, his room feels so much safer because no one’s looking at him like they want to eat him alive. not in here, with you. there's no one staring, waiting for him to be alone so they can make a move. sure, he's into it, but sometimes he jsut wants this, with you.
this is the version of him that he loves, sitting. talking. hands brushing without it being a big deal.
he wonders, not for the first time, why this version never feels like it’s allowed to want things. to want things like you.
the silence is comforting, but you make the mistake of opening your mouth. you promise you were only trying to lighten the mood, and/or distract from your almost confession earlier.
“c'mon,” you say lightly, not really thinking, “you should be thriving tonight, not sulking up here in your room. i mean, this theme was basically made for you.”
he lifts his head. “uh? what’s that supposed to mean?”
you shrug. “you know, surfer sluts. pretty fitting, no?"
you don't realise, but he goes stiff at your throw away comment, his fingers pause their ministrations on yours, his grip loosening until your fingers slide apart. he sits up straighter, and his body naturally moves away. his blue gaze dropping to the floor.
he’s heard it all before. much worse than this. louder than this. laughed off in locker rooms and kitchens and group chats.
'he's a slut.'
'a manwhore.'
'gojo’s just being gojo.'
he knows deep down he's built it, with every hook up being another brick. it was easier than being the guy who wanted one girl and didn’t know how to ask without ruining everything.
but fuck, he doesn’t want you to see him like that. that’s the fucked part. he doesn’t mind anyone else thinking it. just not you.
“oh,” he says.
you tilt your head, smiling. “oh, what?”
“nothing.”
you watch as his face turns into a distant blunt pull, you can't tell if he's still going through his drunken emotional switch ups or what.
“hey,” you say. “hey, i was joking.”
“yeah,” he mutters. “i know.”
he doesn’t look at you. oh shit.
without him pressed against you, the room suddenly inflates ten fold, when did it get so cold? the space between your bodies is small but very prominent, like a missing piece to a puzzle you'd spent hours putting together.
“toru?” you try again.
he scratches at his neck, a nervous habit you’ve seen a hundred times but never really questioned. “it’s fine.”
it’s clearly not, but you don’t push. you’ve learned when to stop.
he swings his legs off the bed and leans forward, elbows on his knees. the chatter downstairs seeps up, laughter and shouting coming through the walls. he stares at nothing, his mouth moving like he’s chewing on words he doesn’t want to swallow.
“everyone thinks that,” he says eventually, “so you’re not wrong.”
you frown, then fling your own legs off of the couch and hug into his side. “hm? thinks what?”
“that i’m just… that.”
oh.. you wince to yourself and drag a hand up and down his arm for comfort, “hey.. i didn’t mean it like that.”
“i know.” he huffs a laugh lacking all the humour it usually had. “doesn’t really matter how you meant it.”
he looks down at you, “it’s true.”
you don't know how to answer, because you know it's true, too. you didn't mean to be rash, but he was a slut. this guy averaged two girls a week and bragged to almost everyone about it, why was he getting angsty now? his constant rotation was the main reason you hadn't brought up your feeling for him since that night. who sleeps with that many chicks if they really did like someone for real?
he keeps going, words pouring now that the dam’s cracked.
“i mean, look at me,” he says, gesturing at himself. “everyone here’s fucked me or wants to. it’s kind of my thing now, not that i totally mind, it's just.. not all i am.”
“i don't think that's all you are, okay? you're my bestfriend, satoru. i know you better than that.” you're trying so hard to save this sinking ship.
'bestfriend..' he echoed in his mind, a solemn smile playing at his mouth, he wanted to be so, so much more than that.
"yeah, i know you don't think that.” he shrugs, smiling softer. “you're the only opinion i really care about, anyways.”
you tap his wrist for his hand again and he lets you intertwine your fingers. his heart blips, you don't normally initiate this type of intimacy, it was always him grabbing for your hand.
"of course satoru, don't worry,” you say.
he wants to say something else but whatever it was stays lodged behind his smile, any sadness he had was long gone, he was now hyper fixated on your hand.
"i know you wanna tell me something else."
“yeah but.. forget it,” he says almost too happily.
you squeeze his hand. “c'monn, tell me.”
he shakes his head, hair falling into his eyes again. “it’s stupid.”
“you’re stupid,” you say gently.
stupidly in love with you..
~
satoru stretches and lets out a deep, throaty groan. he somehow didn't have a hangover this morning, that was surprising.
he yawns and rolls over to bury his face into the pillow, his head feels packed with cotton and gravel, but it's not necessarily throbbing.
he's halfway through another groanish yawn when he realises the blankets that are pulled over his chest, when did they get there?
he stares at the ceiling, frowning. his comforter is pulled up to his chest with the corners tucked around his shoulders in a fashion he never ever does himself because he’s lazy and tall and always hangs off the bed. someone even kicked his shoes into place on his shoe rack.
you, of course it was you.
your face floats right to the front of his mind clear as day. your pretty little laugh, your hand in his, the precious way you were looking at him when he knocked out, you looked so beautiful.
he had morning wood and the thought of you was only making it pulsate harder. you were so kind to him, you'd always been there as an anchor, no matter what. he'd crash at your place when he felt like it, he'd squeeze into bed with you and hold you against his body.
shit, your body.. he presses his boner into the bed and groans, draging a heavy hand down his face.
“fuck.”
he's loved you for years, every girl he's ever fucked was a distraction. a distraction from the fact he never felt good enough to have you, all of you, all to himself. he hated it.
he catalogs the evidence like it’s a horrible case against him and his promiscuous ways. the kind words you'd always spewed, the way you can leave him without it feeling like you're really gone..
he racks his brain for every girl who’s woken up here and slipped out before he got to learn their last names. how none of them ever did this. how none of them stayed this gentle with him.
he tells himself thats gotta mean something.
then, he reminds himself that wanting something doesn’t mean he deserves it..
as he's having a deep, 'i love my bestfriend but i'm too much of a whore to deserve her, what the fuck do i do?' crisis for the fiftieth time this month, the door slams open.
“rise and shine, whore,” sukuna bellows, stepping into the room blowing a fat cloud of sweet vapor straight into the air. “get the fuck up. house looks like a dump.”
satoru squints at him. “i hate you.”
“yeah, yeah.” sukuna hits the vape again. “come clean. you threw up in the downstairs sink.”
“that wasn’t me.”
“it was absolutely you.”
satoru rolls onto his side and curls in on himself dramatically. “fuck off.”
sukuna snorts. “get up and mop you insufferable asshole.”
he waits until the door slams shut again before forcing himself to sit up. he scratches at his neck, then glances down at himself, he's still shirtless and in these ridiculous shorts. he grabs his geek bar off the side table and takes a hit, then throws it aside and sniffs.
he grabs a pair of grey sweats off the floor along with boxers from his draw, he strips, poses nakedly in the mirror for a good ten seconds, and pulls them on, not bothering with a shirt. he comes down the stairs barefoot, every step reminding him of how much of a lightweight he is. he makes it to the bottom and, holy fuck, the house was a mess.
empty cups are everywhere, bottles spilt into the carpet, peoples sweaty clothes strewn all over the place, what a palace.
choso is sweeping loads of trash into a big rubbish bag on the floor, nanami is wiping down the counters with a pissed off look, sukuna and toji are flipping the couch back over.
geto spots him before everyone else, "there he is,” he smiles, clapping a hand on satoru’s shoulder. “you okay?”
“no.”
geto grins. “heard you were real fucked up last night.”
satoru sighs. “don’t.”
he grabs a rubbish bag and starts scooping cups off the floor, his mind keep floating back to you, over and over again. he can still feel your hand in his, he can still see the way you'd hugged into his side when he got all quiet.
that’s the last thing he remembers before everything goes black is you.
he clears his throat. “hey.”
no one looks up.
“hey,” he tries again, louder. “did anyone see y/n leave last night?”
ino looks up like hes been waiting for a question like that, “why,” he asks. “you forget where you put her?”
satoru shoots him a look. “shut up.”
“i think she left kinda early,” nanami says without looking up. “before two.”
satoru’s chest loosens just a bit. “yeah?”
“yeah,” nanami continues. “she walked out with-"
toji stood up from kneeling besides the couch,
“shiu,” he says casually, cracking open a beer he had in hand. “she went home with shiu.”
the room goes quiet for exactly a second.
satoru stops and the trash bag slips from his fingers.
“what,” he says.
toji shrugs. “saw them out front walking to his car. sure looked cozy.”
he feels his heart beat thump, his head starts to throb and his eyes feel like they want to water and spill.
“that’s not-" he laughs weakly. “that’s not funny.”
toji takes a sip. “wasn’t joking.”
geto raises an eyebrow, watching satoru a little too closely. “you sure, man?”
toji nods. “yep.”
it feels like someone socked him in his mouth, his ears ring, the house feels claustrophobic, suddenly everything's very wrong.
you wouldn’t.
would you?..
he thinks about the way you held his hand, the way you tucked him in, all 6"4 of him, the way you told him he was 'the only guys you were this into.'. maybe that never happened ? maybe it indeed was just a figure of his imagination.. fuck, maybe his whorish lifestyle had finally scared you off..
he breathes in deep. if you did sleep with him, satoru doesn’t get to be hurt. he’s the guy who taught you this was normal, that this was so right and casual.
if you chose someone else, all that means is you learned the rules from watching him doing it over and over and over again.
his chest tightens and he laughs again. “ha. wow. okay.”
ino bursts out laughing. “are you deadass?”
sukuna snorts. “c'mon bro, you hook up with mad girls. don't be pressed when she does the same.”
geto covers his mouth, he wants to laugh but he knows he shouldn't. “that’s rough, but sukuna's right, satoru.”
gojo wipes a hand down his face quickly, blaming the hangover. “yeah. hilarious.”
“guess surfer sluts really was her thing,” toji adds, smirking.
that one lands.
satoru bends down and picks up the rubbish bag again with his eyes fixed to the floor, “i’m gonna go take the trash out.”
"okay, bro."
~
now, in your defence, while you did go home with shiu, you didn't sleep with him.
you couldn't, not when you were this deep under the satoru spell.
"thanks for letting me crash here, i didn't want to disturb gojo's sleep. oh, and yuki brought higuruma over last night. didn't wanna be up until 4 listening to them fuck."
you're half dressed under the covers, wiping your eyes as he come in with a cup of coffee.
"i got you, don't worry." he smiles from the door of his room, he let you take his luxurious bed while he slept on the equally as nice couch. shiu was surprisingly rich for a collage kid, maybe all that 'sketchy shit' as satoru liked to put it, was really selling.
he brings the cup down onto the table besides your bed and flicks your nose, "just remember your promise, gotta do that last section of the assignment for me, payment for my generosity."
"mm, wouldn't dream of leaving you without proper compensation." you laugh, taking the cup and sipping gently.
he looks from one of your eyes to the other like he's appreciating your presence, then quickly looks away and spins around.
"gotta make a few runs this morning, leave whenever you feel like it, yeah?" he throws over his shoulder.
you give him a thumbs up and he nods, waving while walking out.
the morning scuffles along, you eventually pull yourself out of his beautiful bed and get dressed into whatever clothing you could find that'd fit you in his draws. there were a few women's camis aswell as sweat pants in here, oh no, did he have a girlfriend?
as if being summoned by the universe, who else but shoko walks into the house, with her own key, no less.
she locks eyes with you for a second then smiles and waves like she couldn't care less.
"sh-shoko? what the fuck?"
"hey, y/n. is shiu still here?" she was so calm you just had to pry.
"why? are you two a thing? god, i promise this isn't what it looks like, i was just at a party and he offered to-"
"hush, i don't give a shit if you fucked him, girl. he's not my man."
phew... wait- not phew! you guys didn't even do anything!
you explain to her what went down, and she, in turn, told you why she was there. turns out she and shiu were hooking up on the dl, but she only felt for him physically, so you weren't a bother to her. "yeah, we fuck and he gives me drugs, pretty sweet deal. would recommend."
"yeah, i'm so good, thanks."
after that semi-akward interaction you gathered your stuff and got the hell out of there.
shiu's place was just off campus so the walk back to your own apartment wasn't far. like you did every morning after a party, you tried to give satoru a call. only, after the third ring, the line went dead.
satoru was finishing up the last little chores around the frat when he got your call, he stared at his phone as it rung on the kitchen bench, your name in cute heart emojis flashing on the screen.
he declined.
the last thing he wanted right now was to talk to you after shiu had been apparently digging in you. no way.
"yeesh, that's harsh, man." choso commented from his spot sitting at the breakfast bar.
"it's nothing, just busy right now." satoru tries his best to sound nonchalant but it's obvious he's still very much annoyed.
"oh yeah? you stop training when she calls you, man. you're never 'too busy.'" choso makes air quotes around that last part.
satoru sighs and chucks the last of the solo cups in the recycling bin, then takes off back up the stairs.
he shuts his door far harder than he needs to and falls onto his bed.
shiu.
the name keeps coming back, no matter how hard he tries to shove it away.
he tells himself he has no right to feel like this, none. he fucks around constantly, hell, it’s practically his brand. he’s built this whole thing around being easy, wanted and available. so why does the idea of you choosing someone else make his chest feel so disgusting?
you’re your own person. you always have been. he’s never tried to cage you, never tried to tell you what to do or who to see. that’s not him and he prides himself on that.
still.
you’re supposed to be his person.
not like that, he tells himself. not in a gross way he gets to possess but in the way you always end up together. the way you fall asleep next to him without it meaning anything and somehow meaning everything at the same time.
he massages the bridge of his nose with both hands.
get over it.
get over it.
get over it.
god, he just can't. instead, he unlocks his phone and stares at your pretty contact photo, the stupid nickname. his thumb taps call before he can talk himself out of it.
it barely rings twice before you're answering all giddy.
“toru!” your voice is so bright. “oh my god, i was just about to try you again. are you hung over?”
he feels pain coil up in his tummy.
“no,” he says flatly.
on your end, you're taken back by his bluntness “oh! uh, okay.”
he winces internally at your dejected response but doesn’t soften the blow. if he does, he’ll crack, and he can’t afford that right now.
“what’s up?” you ask, still trying.
“nothing,” he replies. “just busy.”
your heart clips like it'd been hooked onto a fishing hook.
“…hey, uh, are you.. are you mad at me?”
he scoffs sharply. “why would i be mad at you.”
your voice dips. “i don’t know. you’re being kinda blunt, i guess.”
he laughs curtly. “i’m allowed to be blunt.”
“not like this,” you say quietly. “you’re never like this with me.”
that hits him in his throat. he pretends to ignore it when in reality it throws his heart for a loop, "what do you want,” he asks, it's so clipped.
you go silent for a second, clearly recalibrating. “i was wondering if you wanted to hang out later? maybe get food or something. i can come over.”
normally he’d say yes without thinking. normally he’d already be planning how fast he could ditch whatever else he had lined up.
today, though, his jealousy makes the decision for him.
“can’t,” he says. “i’ve got a girl coming over.”
the line goes very quiet.
“…oh,” you say.
gosh, he can picture your face. the sweet little drop in your eyes you try to hide. the way you probably nodded even though he can’t see you.
there’s a mean, awful part of him that hopes it stings. not because he wants to hurt you, but because he wants proof that he matters the way you matter to him.
the rest of him despises that part. hates that when things feel out of control he reaches for the only thing that’s ever numbed really it.
he doesn’t want the girl coming over. he wants you. he always does. but wanting you feels so dangerously hard in a way fucking his feelings out never does.
“right,” you add. “that's okay.”
he should stop. he should backtrack and admit to what he really wants, he wants to talk to you about shiu, why you did it when you know he hated him, why you'd sleep with that fucker of all people, get some sort of closure. instead, he keeps going, so cruel and careless.
“yeah,” he says. “don’t really feel like cancelling either. kinda want good company.”
that’s a lie. he feels like shit. but he wants it to sting, shit, he hates that he wants that.
you swallow audibly. “okay. well. have fun then.”
“always do,” he replies, too fast.
the silence is horribly awkward.
“…i know you said you're fine, but really, toru, are you good?” you ask, one last attempt.
he exhales through his nose. “yeah. don’t bother coming over tonight, okay?”
there it is. the line he knows will hit you deep.
your voice wobbles a little, “i wasn’t.”
“good,” he says. “talk later.”
and before you can respond, he hangs up.
the second the call ends, regret slams into him full force.
“fuck,” he grumbles, slamming the phone onto the bed.
he presses his palms into his eyes and groans. what the hell was that? why did he do that?
you didn’t deserve that. he’s supposed to be your best friend, not... not whatever that was.
he tells himself he’s doing you some sort of fucked up a favor. that pushing you away now is kinder than letting you see how messy he actually is when he cares.
it sounds noble until he admits the truth. he ran because staying would’ve meant being honest with you.
he sits there for ages, replaying your tone over and over until it makes him feel nauseous.
he hates this. hates how jealous he feels. hates that he can’t say anything about it without blowing everything up. hates that he took it out on you because he doesn’t know how to handle it like a normal person.
his phone vibrates, instead of checking the notification he unlocks it, opens a different app, scrolls, and sends a message he knows he’ll definitely regret later.
gojo: come over
her reply is quicker than he'd thought it be.
xxx xxx xxx: omw ;)
he drops the phone and leans back, staring at the ceiling. this is what he does. when things get too much, he drowns them out. replaces one feeling with another until it’s all numb enough to ignore.
a knock sounds at his door twenty minutes later.
he doesn’t give himself time to think it over, he opens it, steps aside, and lets the girl in. she smiles at him, then she reaches for his arm like it's her god given right.
the door clicks shut behind them.
and even as he kisses her, his mind betrays him, flashing back to your voice on the phone, so sweet, so soft and hurt.
he squeezes his eyes shut and pushes it away.
anything to not feel like this.
~
now, the party a few days later is so much worse.
the theme is white out so the crowd looks like a sea of seagulls packed into this seats living room.
you're clad in a pretty little white dress with big white heels and matching accessories, pretty basic yet still jaw dropping.
you're walking past the tv when satoru comes into view, today, not only was his hair white, but his entire outfit was too.
he’s across the room near the kitchen island, leaning back against the counter with a drink in his hand and two girls pressed in real close. one of them is laughing like a hyena at something charming he said, her fingers hooked into the waistband of his jeans like she’s testing how far she can go. the other is touching his arm, tracing up his strong bicep.
he's too busy with them, he doesn't even spare you a fleeting glance.
you try not to look, you really, really do. but it’s just so difficult when that used to be your spot. when that used to be you next to him, stealing sips of his drink, talking shit about everyone else at the party like you were above it all together.
you frown, the conversations you and satoru had lately have been few and far between. he's dry as hell, and suddenly busy every time you ask to hang out.
you keep telling yourself it’s fine, it's all good. people grow apart all the time, it's collage! maybe he’s bored of being your friend. maybe you leaned too hard on a friendship that wasn’t meant to last.. and while you tell yourself it's fine, your chest twists and ticks and throbs with pain.
you step toward a couch where choso, shoko and geto are lounging around, all three of them clock your mood the second you flop beside them.
“hey, you good?” geto asks, passing you a drink.
you shake your head. “i’m okay.”
choso gives you a look. he's not gonna push but he'd like to. “you wanna sit here with us?”
“yeah,” you say quietly. “that’d be nice.”
you sit between them with your legs tucked up, watching the party happen around you like it’s something you’re not really part of anymore. your eyes keep flocking back to satoru like some sort of pathetic magnet.
you loved satoru's company. he was your favourite person on earth, you'd spend every second with him if you could, now he was pushing you away? you'd of at least liked a conversation about it. maybe a warning.
hes getting loud talking like he's the only person worth listening to in the entire room, patting girls on the ass and leaning in close to their necks to hear them properly.
every time he laughs or slings his arm around their shoulders, you feel your heart crack.
you miss him. god, you miss him so bad. not whatever this was.
choso nudges your knee gently. “c'mon, you don’t have to stay if it’s not fun.”
you shake your head again. “i don’t wanna be alone.”
he nods like he understands that more than you realise.
time drags on and an hour passes. then another. you try talking to other people, but it feels so wrong. your attention keeps snapping back to satoru.
he’s still backed against the kitchen island with a drink he hasn’t touched like, forty minutes, he's pretending bf to laugh at those girls terrible jokes, letting them sleaze all over him.
normally he’d lean into the gag. he'd flirt back and say something stupidly charming and let the night dissolve into a forgettable hook up.
but tonight it just feels so weird.
the girl on his left moves in with her mouth near his ear, saying something he pretends not to clock. her breath fans over his skin and his stomach churns, not with excitement but with this dull guilt that keeps scratching his lungs raw.
he looks at their faces and feels a light sense of absence.
he thinks about how easy it would be to disappear upstairs with one of them. how everyone would nod like yeah, that tracks. just gojo being gojo, and the thought makes him want to rip out of his own skin.
he didn’t want this shit tonight. he didn’t want these grabby hands all over him. he’s so tired of being wanted in the most bare minimum way.
he wanted you here.
eventually, after you'd stared holes through the back of satorus head, choso leans down to your ear. “you wanna go upstairs for a bit? i’m gonna smoke.”
you stumble over your words. “oh, i uh, i don’t smoke.”
“i know,” he says quickly. “you don’t have to. just… sit with me. i don’t really wanna be alone either.”
good, you really needed an escape right now.
“okay,” you say. “yeah. i’ll go with you.”
you stand together, weaving through the crowd toward the stairs. you can tell people are staring but you don’t look over your shoulder.
choso leads the way up, your shoulders brushing as he pulls out a pre roll with a smile.
across the room, satoru is midway through a sentence when he spots you. he wants to smile, its his reflex when he catches sight of you, but then he remembers he doesn’t get to do that right now, and the happy pull of his lips dies before it ever reaches his face.
you’re walking up the stairs with choso, close enough that your arms are touching. you’re leaning in to hear what he’s saying, head close to his mouth in a way satoru hasn’t had in days.
his put on smirk falls immediately.
“hey,” one of the girls says, pulling on his arm. “you listening?”
he pulls his wrist free without looking at her. “yeah. go get a drink or something.”
she frowns. “what?”
“look, just go,” he snaps.
both girls scatter away, muttering throw away curses but he really doesn’t care. he’s stalking over to where geto and shoko are now sitting with bottles to their lips.
“great,” he says bitterly, sitting down hard onto the couch. “first she’s fucking shiu and now my best friend? perfect.”
geto thinks for a second. “...what?”
shoko squints at him. “what are you talking about?"
satoru laughs bitterly, “don’t play dumb. i just saw them.”
geto follows his eyes to the stairs and sees you and choso disappearing around the corner. he sighs. “they’re going up to smoke.”
satoru scoffs. “yeah. sure, she doesn't smoke.”
“no,” shoko cuts in, annoyed. “actually sure. choso asked if she’d sit with him.”
satoru’s face drops into a deeper scowl, “since when does she hang out with him like that."
“since always?” geto replies. “they’re friends you just hog her, normally.”
satoru shakes his head. “this is bullshit.”
shoko sets her drink down with a dissatisfied groan. “you don’t get to act like this.”
he snaps his head toward her. “like what.”
“like you own her,” she says flatly. “you don’t.”
geto nods. “man, you’ve been pushing her away all week.”
“because she doesn’t want me,” satoru fires back. “she made that pretty clear.”
shoko raises an eyebrow. “did she now.”
“she went home with shiu.”
shoko’s face twists. “oh my god.”
geto leans forward. “that’s what this is about? you're ditching your best friend because she wanted to get her pussy ate?”
“what- no-,” satoru says. “you make it sound like-" he stop himself from spewing words he doesn't really mean. "it's just the fact she knows i hate that guy. that and everything else..."
shoko exhales sharply. “she didn’t fuck him.”
satoru freezes. “what.”
“she didn’t sleep with him,” shoko repeats. “she stayed the night because she didn’t wanna wake you up at the last function.”
the wave of relief that flows through him is euphoric, but it's followed closely by guilt. because despite everything you still chose him in the quiet ways. and he’d repaid that by pushing you as far away as possible.
geto turns to shoko. “oh, are you serious?"
“dead serious,” she says. “i walked in that morning. she was fully dressed and half asleep. they didn’t do shit.”
satoru feels like the floor drops out from under him and his heart is smudged into the wood.
“she told me herself,” shoko adds. “she was worried about you that morning, too. wanted to go over straight away and see if you were hung over.”
he's taken back by the revelation, satoru feels like he can't breathe.
geto runs a hand through his hair. “man…”
“also,” shoko continues, clearly not done, “she’s been really upset. you know that, right?”
satoru stares at the stairs. your face flashes in his mind. the way your voice sounded on the phone. so hurt.
“i'm gonna be honest, you’ve been acting like an asshole,” geto says gently. “and she’s been taking it like a champ. i'd of socked you in the jaw by now."
the music seems to disappear into the depths of his mind as he reels.
you didn’t fuck shiu.
you weren't up there sleeping with choso.
god, he thinks about the way he spoke to you. the way he brushed you off so calloused, the way he said he had a girl coming over and didn't brush her off for you, like he'd always done.
his stomach drops.
“oh fuck,” he whispers.
shoko watches him closely. “you're a real asshole, you know.”
he swallows. “fuck, i know.”
geto snorts.
satoru rubs a hand down his face, standing abruptly. “i need air.”
he takes off, on his way past he stops at the bottom of the stairs, staring up at them.
for the first time in days, he doesn’t feel angry.
he feels scared, typical gojo reading too deep into things and reacting rashly. he really needed to work on that.
~
"i don't know cho... this is the first time something like this has happened. i feel like he hates me or something... i just don't know what i did."
choso, bless his heart, had been listening to you pour your heart out about gojo for the past half an hour, blowing smoke out his open window. that last part caused his zooted brain to form a coherent thought.
"it's probably because you fucked shiu." he announces in uneven tones, he was more than a little gone.
you stare at choso like he’s just spoken another language.
“uhm?” you quiz.
his head falls to look at you from his spot by the window, he’s so relaxed he looks like gravity might forget about him any second now.
“yeah,” he nods, very sure of himself. “that’s gotta be it. gojo’s dramatic like that.”
your stomach drops, not in guilt, but in pure disbelief.
“i didn’t fuck shiu,” you say with a bitter taste in your mouth.
choso's neck rolls and he rubs his face, “…huh?”
“i didn’t sleep with him,” you repeat, “nothing happened. i crashed at his because i didn’t wanna wake satoru up and yuki had a guy over our place."
he processes this slowly with his face scrunching, the thought is buffering.
“okay,” he says after awhile, “but you went home with him.”
“yes,” you snap. “but that’s not the same thing.”
he hums, then shrugs. “dunno, sounds the same.”
you were gonna punch this loser.
“oh my god,” you mutter. “i have to go.”
“go where?” choso asks genuinely curious.
“i have to tell satoru,” you say grabbing your phone. “not because i did anything wrong, because i didn’t. but because he thinks i slept with someone he hates.”
choso sighs again. “you know you’re allowed to sleep with people.”
“i know that,” you say quickly. “this isn’t about that. it’s about him thinking i did it behind his back with someone he clearly can’t stand.”
choso nods like this makes sense to him, even though it absolutely does not. “okay.”
you pause at the door. “can you not tell anyone else?”
he raises two fingers in a salute. “your secret is safe with me.”
you don’t trust that for a second, but you’re already shutting his door.
you bolt down the stairs two at a time looking over the crowd. the stupid partys still bumping. you look for his pretty white hair, for his broad shoulders, but with everyone wearing the same color it became impossible.
you groan and head for the couch you left shoko and geto at.
“where’s satoru,” you breathe.
“uh. outside, i think.” geto responds surprised.
“yeah,” shoko adds. “went out front. needed air, apparently.”
you nod and make your way to the front door, the coolness of the night sweeps over your face and you notice a very tall man almost instantly.
he’s leaning against the lamp post across the street with his phone in one hand and his vape in the other.
he only vapes when he’s stressed.
stepping closer, you clock just how small this moment feels and how big it could blow up and become if you say the wrong thing.
“toru,” you say softly.
he looks up.
the second his eyes land on you, he feels his heart pulse.
“can we.. can we talk?” you ask.
he doesn’t answer, he gives you the most longing stare you'd ever seen. then, he steps forward and pulls you into his arms.
hard.
his biceps wrap around you so tight, his scrunched up face presses into your hair, his grip is stable and you want to cry at how passionate this feels.
he breathes out a shaky, “i’m sorry.”
you wrap your arms around his waist and squeeze him back.
“i’m so sorry,” he repeats. “i was a dick. i shouldn’t have been so rude. i should’ve talked to you, communication and all that shit.”
you move back to look up at him. “hey. hey, it’s okay.”
he shakes his head. “no, it’s not. i acted like a stuck up cunt. i thought you slept with shiu and i just… i lost my mind.”
you sigh. “i didn’t. i swear. nothing happened. i should of told you that.”
he nods quickly. “i know. shoko told me. i just… god. i’m sorry i made you feel so shit.”
you reach up and rub your thumb under his eye. a sweet gesture you’ve done a hundred times before. “i’m sorry you got that impression.”
he leans into your touch for half a second before catching himself. “i had no right to be mad even if you had slept with someone. i know that.”
you nod. “yeah. you didn’t. but i get it's because you thought i did it behind you back, especially with someone you really hate."
a beautiful, silent moment exists between you two before you step back, forcing a small smile. “are we all good?”
he lets out a weak laugh. “yeah, you're so good.”
“that wasn't the question, silly.” you add, gently.
after that, you'd both agreed to ditch this lame party and stay at yours for the night. yuki was at higuruma's, so the place was all yours.
at your apartment, you both shower separately then change into comfy sleep clothes. his essentials hoodie ends up on you without either of you talking about it. when you come back into your room, he’s flopped onto your bed with his big arms spread, staring at the ceiling.
“c’mere,” he says, patting the space beside him.
you smile and crawl in next to him, turning onto your side so your head rests against his chest. he adjusts automatically, one arm coming around you, fingers threading through your hair in slow, relaxing strokes.
it feels like safe, blissful warmth. like coming home.
you lie there in silence for a while, listening to his breathing even out.
then he speaks again.
“hey, uhm.. sorry for blowing you off for a chick, the other day, by the way.”
you lift your head. “huh?”
he grimaces. “i lowkey didn’t even have plans. i invited her over after i hung up. just wanted a distraction.”
your chest does a confusing little blip.
“would’ve liked to see you instead,” he adds quietly.
your heart aches and swells at the same time. you press your face back into his chest, “it’s fine.” laughs at your adorably muffled voice, then sighs. “i shouldn’t have done that.”
you shrug. “you’re allowed to see people.”
he hums. “yeah.”
you hesitate, then say it anyway. “i don’t care about the girls you hook up with. doesn't really effect our friendship, right?”
the words feel so distasteful and strange, but you push through.
he smiles a forlorn smile. "right.”
he pulls you a little closer, brushing his lips against your temple in an almost kiss. he threads a piece of your hair through his fingers like a coiled ribbon, feeling the individual stand's texture against the pads of his fingers. this was his therapy, the soothing lull of you, with him.
he can feel your soft breathing slow down as you knock out, the way you always do when you know you can trust him to stay with you.
and god, that trust truly destroys the last bit of careless arrogance he carried in him.
because just hours ago he was so sure you’d replaced him. that you’d looked at someone else and chosen them.
but you no, didn’t.
you never did that.
every girl he’s ever dragged into his bed flashes through his mind in quick, ugly snapshots like those old black and white movies.
they've got faces he can't remember, voices that sounds distorted and wrong, and their bodies look like every other persons. it's surreal.
he tells himself, not for the first time, that he never meant for it to get this bad. it all started as some quick fun. then it became a boarder line addiction, one he desperately wanted to break.. he feels sick at how it turned into something people expected from him, something he leaned into because it meant no one would ever ask him for more.
no one except you.
you wriggle around adorably in your sleep, your knee hitting his thigh, and it smacks him all over again how easy it would be to lose this bliss. how close he came. how close he kinda still is.
he’s been hiding behind it for so long. the flirting. the girls. the persona. acting like he doesn’t care.
but lying here with you? knowing you didn’t do anything wrong, knowing he almost burned the best thing in his life because he couldn’t get over his own shit, something in him finally snaps into place.
he doesn’t want to be that guy anymore.
he wants to be someone you can choose without any hesitation. someone who doesn’t make you doubt where you stand. someone who doesn’t reach for distractions the second things feel too hard for him to handle alone.
i’m gonna fix this, he thinks.
he’s not stupid enough to think it’ll be easy. habits don’t disappear overnight. insecurity doesn’t vanish just because he wants it to. but he can stop hiding behind other people. he can stop pretending he’s fine with the left over crumbs when what he wants is everything.
he wants to earn you.
not with big gestures or revolting drunk confessions he can’t really back up, but by showing up differently to what hes been doing. by choosing you the way you’ve always chosen him.
he was gonna stop. he couldn't be labeled a good for nothing playboy anymore,
~
"so bro, did you figure shit out with your girl?"
"what, you mean y/n? yeah, man. that's all sorted."
gojo was back at the frat the next day after a very messy, long night of staring at your sleeping face, (and fighting to overwhelming urge to kiss your pretty nose.) he was chatting it up with toji who had heard about the drama through shoko.
"just curious, are you two like.. a friend with bennies kinda situation? or what." he asks, shaking his banana protein powder violently in it's can to break apart the clumps.
satoru starts drumming his fingers against the kitchen bench, trying to sound nonchalant. "nah, man. she's just my friend. i've got other girls for that shit." he winces at that douchey response... hm, if he wanted to stop the slut allegations he needed to work on how he talked to guys like toji.
"yeah, and she's just fine with that?"
"i dunno, bro."
toji shakes his head and chuckles, then geto interrupts from the couch.
"ever think of like, oh, i don't know. telling her you're into her?"
gojo lets out a fake groan like he's sick of the question, not like he's obsessed over that very idea for around a year now. "can you two lay off? i'll tell her eventually."
"yeah right. you're gonna waste away your life fucking hoe's you don't even like, and she's gonna get a guy hitched. like shiu." sukuna chimes in from the stairs. fuck, was everyone coming down to clock his shit?
"fuck off with the shiu shit, they didn't do anything."
"yet."
he was seriously about to throw hands.
the chaos is interrupted when nanami walks through the large front door holding a piece of paper.
"i just got the theme for the next function." he says, holding it in the air. "it's that stupid white lies thing we did last year in june, remember that?"
oh, they remembered. everyone in white or coloured shirts with sharpie on the front spelling out a little white lie about each person. so much drama came from that, it was insane.
satoru faintly remembers sukuna's shirt saying, 'i'm not cheating on my girl.' and getting his wallet set on fire not long after said girl got to the party.
"sweet, that's easy to set up." toji commented. all satoru was thinking was how you were the first person he had to invite, his hand itching for his phone.
he smiles at your response and pockets his phone, his mind reeling with what he was gonna write on his shirt, as he taps a finger to his chin, the most big brain, amazing thought pops into his head.
god, i'm so suave.
his promise to himself was about to become really real after this party, he just hoped it didn't all go downhill..
you on the other hand, you were contemplating whether or not what you had planned for your shirt was too much. the instant you'd read his text about the theme, the idea immediately popped into your head.
being brave enough to actually go through with it? that was another story..
~
11pm saturday, the frat.
okay, you're really nervous now. you stand outside for way longer than necessary, your jumper covers the secret writing on your shirt, you can't embarrass yourself, yet.
you take a deep breath and walk into the familiar house you'd crashed at so many times.
it's still early, so only the people actually in the frat are there so far. you walk through slowly and the first one you clock is sukuna.
he’s got a beer in one hand (already? smh.), his white shirt is stretched across his muscly chest with thick black letters that read, i hate milfs.
you snort before you can stop yourself.
toji’s near the tv wiring up the music, his shirt says, i’m not a felon.
these guys weren't real, what the fuck.
shoko’s leaned against the counter nearby, one of those big chunky choofs in her hand. her shirt reads, i’m not addicted to nic.
you love her.
you pull out your phone and shoot satoru a text letting him know you've made it, you barely have time to lock your screen before arms wrap around you from behind.
big, hard, comforting arms.
gojo buries his face into the side of your neck, "there you are,” he says, pleased. “you smell good.”
the blush that covers your cheeks is embarrassing. “well, hi to you too.”
he pulls off and beams down at you, although, you can't help but see a slight hint of nerves in his eyes.
“missed you,” he laughs.
before you can overthink that, you notice that his shirt is covered by a loose flannel, hanging open but covering the writing on his chest.
he notices your eyes flick down and smirks. “don’t look yet.”
you scoff. “oh, so you’re hiding yours too.”
“maybe,” he says. “what about you?”
you tug at the strings of your jumper. “mhm.”
his eyes narrow playfully. “suspicious.”
"you love it."
he grins. “yeah. i do.”
he’s tugging you along by the hand, weaving you through the house toward the kitchen the next second.
“come onn,” he says. “it’s still early. let's pregame before it gets all sweaty and gross.”
the kitchen is devoid of people, satoru hops up onto the counter, then contemplates ad corrects himself.
“wait,” he says. “no. you sit.”
before you can argue, he lifts you and plops you on the bench, your face feels hot but you blame it on the lack of air flow.. or the way he’s standing way too close.
he pours you a drink keeping in mind you’re not trying to get wrecked tonight, then puts it beside you.
“there ya go, sweets,” he says.
“perfect.”
you sip, then notice his fingers tapping against the counter like a drum, oh yeah, he's definitely nervous.
you tilt your head, flashing him that gorgeous smile that always made him weak in the knees. "so.”
he looks at you. “so.”
you smile. “what’s your shirt say?”
...
his laugh is strangled and just a little too loud. “oh, uh. straight to the point, huh.”
“you know it."
he rubs the back of his neck. “it’s stupid.”
“uh huh.”
“and you’re gonna laugh.”
“probably.”
he squints at you. “you go first.”
you shake your head. “nope.”
“c’mon,” he whines. “you’re way braver than me.”
you giggle, heart doing that annoying thing again. “mm, absolutely not.”
he rolls his eyes, then comes up with a compromise.
“okay,” he says. “same time, then.”
you pause. “uhm?.”
“we'll both reveal it at the same time,” he continues. “y'know, like one, two, three.”
you stare at him. “c'mon.”
“you're so lame, pleasee,” he plead.
you roll your eyes. “okay, okay, fine.”
he grins, wide and oh so nervous. “really?”
“yeah,” you say, with your fingers are already curling into the fabric of your jumper. “on three.”
he nods. “okay.”
the moment stretches. neither of you moves.
“you count,” he says.
you swallow and nervously laugh. “one.”
his fingers fall into the edge of his flannel.
“two.”
your hands slide to the hem of your jumper.
“three.”
both of your fabrics lift.
his flannel drops open as you tug your jumper over your head, both of you frozen for a good minute as the truth finally, finally stares back at you.
i’m not in love with my best friend.
on both shirts.
identical. same handwriting style.
you stare at his chest.
he stares at yours.
then you both lose it.
you're both toppled over laughing at how ridiculous this was.
“no fucking way,” he gasps.
you wipe your eye, “are you kidding me.”
he steps closer, closing the space until he’s right between your knees, caging you in gently. his smile softens as he looks down at your shirt.
“wow,” he murmurs.
you feel exposed in a way that has nothing to do with fabric.
“guess we both lied,” you say quietly.
“guess so.”
his hands caress your face ever so slowly, like he’s giving you time to slap him off but you don’t.
you stare up at him with big, wide eyes. he smiles and inches toward until your noses touch.
he leans in, “can i?” he asks, quietly.
you nod smiling harder than you ever had before. “yeah.”
then, he kisses you.
it’s soft and warm, nothing like that sloppy drunk one you both pretend you forgot.
you kiss him back deeper, your fingers drift through his hair pulling him closer, and the sound he makes against your mouth is almost whiney, wrecked.
the bliss is interrupted by someone yelling from behind you.
“about fucking time,” sukuna bellows.
you break apart laughing again, foreheads still touching. satoru groans and drops his head to your shoulder.
“i’m killing him,” he mutters.
he hops you off the counter, taking your hand. “we’re leaving.”
“where.”
“my room. like, now. these assholes are not ruining my moment.”
you follow him up the stairs both of you grinning like idiots. he's pulling you softly but quick enough the moment isn't lost.
his door closes behind you. the room is dim, only lit by the lamp on his desk, nice and moody.
he doesn’t rush you and he doesn’t pounce like he did with other women. no. he reaches out and tucks a strand of your hair behind your ear, “hi,” he says, dumb and fond.
you smile. “hi.”
satoru literally can't fight this urge any longer, he pulls you into his chest and wraps his arms fully around your body. your cheek presses to his chest, right over his heart, and it’s beating oh so fast. one of his hands slides up to cradle the back of your head with his fingers threading through your hair, stroking slowly.
“i’ve wanted this for so long,” he says into your hair. “like, embarrassingly long.”
you laugh softly. “yeah?”
“yeah,” he says. “i just didn’t think i was, like, allowed to? if that makes sense”
you look up at him with a confused smile. “why wouldn’t you be?”
he swallows. his eyes flick away, then back. “because i’m kind of an asshole, if you couldn't tell.”
you knew what he meant. the women, his not so shiny reputation, his arrogance.
“you're not the only one, i didn’t say anything either.” you rub the side of his face.
he smiles into you hand, “why?”
you stop. then take a breath and decide to be brave. “because you sleep with everyone. and i thought if you wanted me, you would’ve... i don't know, stopped.”
ouch, but deserved.
“fuck,” he says quietly. “i hated that you saw me like that.”
“i mean,” you shrug weakly. “it’s kind of hard not to.”
he laughs. “yeah. fair.”
he presses his forehead to yours. “that shit was never about wanting other people, y/n. it was about not knowing what to do with wanting you.”
your head just went really fuzzy at his poetic expression.
“i made a promise to myself,” he continues. “after i realised i was gonna lose you if i didn’t get my shit together. i’m done with it. all of it. i don’t wanna be that guy anymore.”
you search his face, looking for the joke, but he's dead serious.
“i didn’t think i deserved you,” he admits. “so i kept proving myself right.”
for a moment, neither of you speak. then you reach for his hand and hook your pinky around his.
“okay,” you say. “then let’s just… talk. no more of this back and forth.”
“pinky promise.” he smiles and seals it, then leans in and kisses you again. he pulls back for a second then begins to pepper your face in sweet little pecks, making you giggle at the ticking movement.
“i’ve wanted to do this,” he says between kisses, grinning like he can’t stop himself. “just whenever. whenever i felt like it.”
you laugh, hands in his hair now, tugging him back down. “you’re so silly.”
you end up tangled on his bed, just talking. his legs are weaved through yours as he kisses your face occasionally. you tell him you'd been feeling for the past, what, two years? you tell him how the women always made you jealous, how you'd wish it were you he wanted. he spills his guts just as much. he tells you how they never meant anything, how he knew he had a problem and he was working on it, for you.
three hours of straight yap fly by.
he eventually goes really quiet and clears his throat out. “hey.”
“hmm?”
“would you wanna,” he hesitates, suddenly adorably shy, “go on an actual date with me? like. flowers. dinner. me trying really, really hard.”
you smile so hard your cheeks hurt. “yeah. i would.”
his grin is blinding, him and his stupidly perfect teeth.
“holy shit,” he laughs, pulling you close again. “i got the girl.”
you smile, then drift off wrapped up in each other, both of you finally feeling secure in your feelings for one another.
"night, toru."
"good night, sweetheart."
A/N: i'll be writing some spicy/dating headcanons for this fic !!
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