I don’t even remember the last time I posted, or what it was about. Probably I have been through a lot of things since then.
In sum, fall was a really rough time in my life. I was having doubts about my major, had just gotten a job and had no idea what I was doing, was trying to figure out my new responsibilities as a Jazzercise instructor, and was being pursued (HARDCORE) by this guy named David that I didn’t really know if I had feelings for or not.
The one thing that pulled me through? My best friend Nick.
Nick is the best guy friend that a girl could ask for. I honestly don’t know what I would have done without him. We spent 40+ hours each week working side-by-side. He saw me through two failed relationships. He talked me through so many pity parties. He gave me so much life advice when I was feeling doubts. Frankly, it’s a wonder that he could put up with me at all.
As much as I tried to deny it, I ended up having more than just friendly feelings towards Nick. The problem? He has a girlfriend, and she’s a super nice girl. I wouldn’t want to do anything to hurt either of them, but the feelings I had were strong and undeniable. The other day, I decided to just tell him. It wasn’t bad. It wasn’t good, either. I knew going in that I wouldn’t come out happy, but I had to be honest with him. He took it so well. He didn’t hate me, he didn’t make me feel like an idiot (even though I was pretty much pooping my pants). Basically, he told me that my timing sucked.
I think I feel good about telling him. It makes me feel strong, and I was glad to finally be honest with him. I don’t know if anything will change. At least now he knows. Whatever is supposed to happen will happen, and that could be getting over him and finding someone else. It just seems to me that he is here for a reason.
David came into and out of my life because he was the catalyst for me breaking up with Tyler. Even though I knew things with Tyler weren’t going to work out in the end, I don’t think I would have had as much of a reason to break up with him had it not been for David showing me that there were guys out there who had way more in common with me.
Nick has been there through everything. He’s my go-to guy. I remember seeing this quote when I was “with” David. It was something Bill Murray said about before marrying someone, travel the world with them and then see how you feel. Even though I was kind of trying to be with David, and I didn’t have a thing for Nick yet, I remember that all I could think of was Nick. We have been across the nation, even to London. Our job expects a lot from us, yet we get along so well still. There is no other person that I think I could do that with and not get irritated at all. He can read the back of my head. It all seems significant.
I don’t want to frame things, even though it’s hard not to. Maybe Nick is just in my life right now because I need someone; I need a friend. And not that I should overlook his friendship, either. He is the most caring guy that I’ve ever met. He’s incredibly valuable, thoughtful, caring. Everyone who has ever been around the two of us has told me “it’s evident that he really cares about you”. I don’t want to ignore all he has done as my friend. I just want to be more than that.
So there you have it. End rant. We’ll see what happens. Maybe that’ll be me getting over Nick and finding someone else. Maybe Nick will realize he has feelings for me, too. Who knows? The possibilities are endless.















