Buring Phoenix

Waking up in a world filled with self-absorption and mis-allied connections.

[highebony]

dreaded bangs.

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[fyblackwomenart]

Artwork by  Machira

[moan-s]

[moan-s]

[awakened-sentience]

İf I'm in your mind that's okay. İf you're thinking about me, that's okay. But what you're not gonna do is call me as reassurance for your chick. That's disrespectful on many levels.

[awakened-sentience]

Letter to love.

I wanted to tell you to please let me go, I am going to ignore you now, I don't want to speak to you anymore I need time to mentally let go of you, I can't be in love with a shadow of the people we once were, I can't keep holding on to false hope that we could be together. Because of you I have found it very hard to love someone else, my love for you is so strong that it pulls me away from everything and everyone, I am going to unfollow you on my socials. I am going to delete your number and remove all our memories off my phone. Do not contact me and If I contact you, ignore it so I can feel stupid and never do it again. I can't be in a love that can't be reciprocated. It is painful and time consuming. Please let me lose you so I can get me back.

Let me go.

[awakened-sentience]

Nostalgia

Giggles, smiles, love, light, eyes filled with peace and joy, she would have been one now, but instead I'm stuck with the memory of something that could have been. I feel tired, I lay exhausted from the feelings of guilt, wishing you were here but knowing that I am stronger now. It felt as though my life imploded when I found out about you. I was a rollercoaster of emotions. I miss you and I'm sorry I didn't let you grow, no matter what the world said you were mine and I should have stood for you and with you.

[awakened-sentience]

We are not the same people anymore, there are so many what ifs, so many could haves but I want to free myself of you. Why do I find it so hard to let go. I am with someone else, you're with someone else and yet these memories haunt me. How can I let go?

[awakened-sentience]

It wasn't the end and still isn't sometimes you love someone and you think the feeling will fade but love doesn't fade away it just finds its place and locks itself there. The longer you're away from the person, the less the memories hunt you. And slowly you will grow on your own and with yourself. It takes time but everything worth it takes time.

[awakened-sentience]

Why the heck am I so upset, it's good news I should be fine but I am not. I am no longer going to have contact with him again. This is the end. It has to be, how can someone make me feel so low. My heart is crying, it is definitely the end.

[awakened-sentience]

Child of the moon, born under the sun and stars, covered and loved through pain and struggles, that tender warmth do I bathe, peace fillet thee, from thou crown down to thou root.

[awakened-sentience]

Responsible

What is responsabilty? How do you manage your time? What do you do to make yourself better? Are you too relaxed? Are you too lenient? What can you do to push yourself further? These questions circle around in my head and I stare at them blankly unsure of the answer.

[wildlifediary]

ʙʏ sᴜʜᴀᴅᴇʀʙᴇɴᴛ ᴏɴ ɪɢ

[awakened-sentience]

Tonight

Tonight you said you'd leave me, that my version of love is nonchalant and you'd rather be alone, you said you fell out of love as quickly as you got into it, you said you feel heartbroken but it's what's best for you.

You ask me a question; what does love mean to you? The moment you ask my heart skipped a beat, love to me is having a companion, a friend, a lover, a consultant and a partner, love is someone who is there for you in good and bad and makes you happy.

Love is someone that gives you joy and makes you hope for the future. I didn't think I could love again, but I fell for you and now you say that love is gone. I can't even imagine not being with you, I can only apologise for not showing you how much I loved you and I am still unable to put it in words much less the feelings.

You want to be friends. I want to be yours.

How can something so new fall apart so quickly? What is stopping me from fully committing? Why does it feel so numb in my heart?

Feelings I haven't yet registered consume me.

[awakened-sentience]

Sweet relief

I received news that I was withdrawn from the course, which meant moving away back home, I took in a breath and as I exhale I felt like the weight of the world was taken off my shoulders and felt Featherlight, all I could do was smile brightly, not feeling shame or uncertainty, I know now is the gap year I wanted and it came, it is time to take myself from this world. I feel so at peace, like all my struggles had ended.

[awakened-sentience]

JUST STOP

Why do people feel the need to think they're in control of your actions, they cuss and shout at the simplest of things, yes I hold long conversations outside of yours why is it your problem, my body and yours aren't the same. My mind is mine, it's not your business and I am not under your control.

[awakened-sentience]

Sometimes when you feel all your emotions backed up don't bury them, when you cry you release all the pent up energy and emotions that stop you from being relaxed, calm and rational, when you feel agitated do something you love, when you're angry release it whether by means of tears or by screaming, writing hell even dancing. It's good to release your demons whether female or male crying is not weakness it's a biological reaction catalysed to ease ones stress.