When I graduated college, mom created an email named from me and starting sending out my CVs to different government agencies. I remembered that for the first time in my life that I made a choice of my own, which is working in Cola-Cola, she doesn't even give up and always informed me that I have scheduled interviews here and there. It stressed me so much that I even thought that I am not where I am supposed to be and not capable of making my own decisions thus, I was forced to resign because I was lost and confused.
My mom has always been like that. Strict. Firm. Not allowed to do anything, not allowed to leave the house and rent a place of my own even if I travel for 2-3hours everyday since college until I started working. Not allowed to sleepover at a friend's house even for studies. I couldn't even talk to anyone in the house how I have been having trouble dealing with life. Eveything was pushed and forced to me like I just have to follow everything they told me. I couldn't even tell anyone how my day was. So I learned that everything I need to do, I have to do and face it alone. I don't have anyone else but me. So i didn't even know how to communicate my own feelings.
This year, I realized that I have to stop sacrificing myself for them. That I am now ready to make my own family. Funny when I already thought that I could break free, younger sister gets in the way. Everytime. And she'll always be the one who has be to prioritized. "Bagong graduate lang, intindihin mo na"; "mahirap nga naman bumyahe araw-araw, malayo ang nakuhang trabaho"; "hayaan na natin para matuto ng sarili niya" even if she's old enough to not be taken care of that much. She just graduated, but she took college for 9 years. Funny, when I was 25, I am already at my third job and overall, working for 6 years already.
Wish i got the same support back then.
I hate the she was allowed to change courses even if she's already on her 4th year in her first course thus, the 9 years in college. I was not even asked on what I wanted to do after college. Mom just started sending out my CVs like forcing me to work already. Do they even know what I want? I badly want to enter Med School but I have to help in my sister's financial needs. So the plan was put under the rug. I hate that she was allowed to study in Baguio when I was not even allowed to rent while studying in Manila even if we live in the farthest Bulacan. I even graduated with flying colors, I am recently promoted due to my own hardships. I hate that I am the one who should always have to sacrifice. I hate that even if I did all those things, I was never appreciated. I was never even asked what I was going through. I was not even asked if everything is okay. But I did everything theybwant, i did everything I could.
And yet, I am the one who always have to prove myself.
annaxmalina
2087
izzy806
