AWWMT

direct out my brain

[awinterwithmythoughts]

crush

What are you into? What do you like to do and have done to you? Are we both versatile in the bedroom? Do we have sexual chemistry? What do you think is sexy about me?

I like when the cut of your t-shirt hits right above your waistline. I like your long hair. Layered. I like when you're excited about something. I like when you're bossy. I want you to push me up against a wall. I want to sit next to you on the bus. I want to wake up to you making me coffee. I want to share clothes. I want people to be jealous of how good we fit together. I want to share you with others. I want to be tuned into your brain. I want to do a DJ set together. I want to make a film about you. I want to dance with you. I want to stroll around the park with you. I want your jaw to drop when you see me. I want you to think of me always. I want you to worship me. I want to exchange pleasure.

[awinterwithmythoughts]

crush

Your hair sits in a green plastic box on my desk

You let me cut the most off in January

That week we sat across from each other on the floor in the hotel hallway

I wanted to kiss you so bad for days

[awinterwithmythoughts]

I'm very attached to wood recently. I like wooden furniture. Exposed wood. The woods. Structures built of wood. Branches. Stumps. Combined with. chill in the air, body of water, and a small town with train connections a match is made. Total isolation is a challenge I'm up for. Volunteering in a small town, serving older people coffee, and walking along the coastline. I have to try it. Items and opportunity come fruitfully in my life. A winter with my thoughts. Recreating my life from memory into media could be a form of processing. Send out my zines, work on short film, sew, make sandwich. What hair color suits me in Halifax? Orange perhaps. Bright orange. A conversation between selves. There's much to say without words. A distant state communicates filling empty space with thoughts. I have interest in meeting elders in the community, absorbing their wisdom over a cup of diner coffee in a forgotten worn-in leather booth. I'd like to sit for hours. Nothing to bore over. Just me and the slice of apple pie my metal fork will poke at. I'll look forward to long, slow walks. In the snow. In the fog. Learning new skills. Trying new ideas. Talking care of other things. Collecting rock, shell, and bone. Fathers, buttons, fr. Relics of experience. Proof of existence. Surely there's lots I'd like to read so a nearby library of sorts is ideal. Not much is required for the good life. A postal box, pens, a store, a backpack, a chair, shoes. A nearby cemetery, church, cliff, and abandoned building or two. A bus line. A bike. Headphones and a portable CD player.

[awinterwithmythoughts]

k.d. lang has struck me with a pang of desire. A rural intermission. Act 5 in an infinite series. I feel oddly comfortable leaving. Taking a few years in Canada working service. Seeing the nature. Connected to my art. When you carry your practice with you, you're always close to home. Til my practice is solid, I'll stay. It's important to be consistent, obsessive ad produce ass much as I can. Tune into the inner voice so I am ready when it calls. Solitude breads possibility. Agitatino breeds change. Stagnancy is natural but not permanent. Just as the flow in a stream tugs your hair as you lie in the water your form should be allowed to move together intertwined as it pleases the current. To fight movement is to hurt yourself. Busting out tired cliché as if I function like some sort of prophet. The only thing I know is that I'm going to find and do what pleases me. I'm going to enjoy my life and I'm going to love everything in it.

Circle the Dark - TOPS

[awinterwithmythoughts]

What is the heartland? I won't break your heart. I think I will break a heart. Or maybe I'll never get close enough to reach for it. It's been almost 10 years. With decades (?) spanning the future. The orgasmic obsession must be dedicated to creating. Loving the process and its outcomes such that there's a false memory of their birth. I won't be hindered by the squirrel with a death wish. Just because you're willing to cross the street with 6 lanes of oncoming traffic to snatch the bread out of my hand doesn't mean you'll be adopted by the baker. I'm tolerant of being in proximity together but your cup may remain unfulfilled by my love. I might be able to convince you that less than full is acceptable, even nice on occasion. But even if I do that, I'll eventually get tired of you. The second I get peeved. I'm out. Sleeptalker - TOPS

Berlin - Köln 16.09.24