Time to stop playing the Prestige Bingo
I used to spent all week looking forward to each Friday. I was literally living for Fridays. I was waking up up every day after more than 8 hours of sleep completely exhausted - muddling through each day in my ‘good’ tech job. Work was great but I was also super frustrated and not even being close to my ideal self.
I sat alone and put some thoughts as to why I was feeling so lost despite the number of ‘success’ I have achieved in my 20s. I realised that I was basing success of extrinsic factors - my career, my pay, all the big purchases I have made, schools etc.
I was living the life I thought I wanted. I graduated from University, I had a prestigious tech job, bought a house and a car, basically I had a clear path to a successful life–one where I wouldn’t have to worry about money or future career options. I call this the ‘Prestige Bingo’.
I had nothing deep down driving me if you pull me away from my identity at work.
I assessed and reframed my values and priorities in life.
Reframing #1: How much money do I really need?
I was working towards the kind of ambition that is seen as a path to success in today’s world - getting paid well, working my way up in big corporations, purchasing big ticketed items.
“ Once I make $X a year, I’ll be happy” used to be something I tell myself all the time.
But I came to realised that it’s not a game that I can win.
You adjust. You and your friends all make a little more so no one questions it when our friend orders the $60 bottle of wine at dinner to split evenly. Suddenly $250,000 seems like the right number. Then “I’ll finally have enough.”
The better job, more stuff or more money. This makes us feel crappy and gives us the sense that we never have enough.
The default path taught me that a six-figure salary was success, but with my new expectations, I realised my real dream was a modest salary and the freedom to do whatever I want on a Tuesday afternoon.
Reframing #2: What it means to live a good life?
We live in a time where we have a belief that much of meaning, dignity and identity can be unlocked through work. We are still living under the illusion that winning the prestige bingo is the only path to live a good life. Are successful people the ones with the most money or highest rank?
We are operating under the assumption that two weeks of vacation a year is adequate and that “work-life balance” is a worthy goal. This mindset starts with the assumption that work is the most important thing and you need to be some sort of productivity ninja that carves out meaningful time for health, love, relationships and fun. - Paul Millerd
My definition of a good life now goes beyond the companies benefits and paid time off. I use to plan my life and time around my work, eg. I will only meet my friends if I can leave on time, I can only go on a holiday when I find someone to cover me at work.
I operate under the assumption that workplaces are the source of all dignity, meaning and energy. Like the planets that revolve around the sun. I use to think of work as the sun, everything else revolves around it.
We thrive in different environments and have different definition of good life, we should focus on living a good life on your terms and then find work to do that fits into that. Instead of finding work and try to find make a good life out of it.
Reframing #3: Your mind will operate from a place of safety. Not excellence.
It’s easy to default to goals such as ‘make more money’ or ‘get a promotion’, if we don’t put some thoughts into some inner soul searching. In short, “having no ambition beyond wanting to make money.”
We have an inherent drive towards safety in the sense of not being harmed, which leads us to staying in sub-optimal jobs, waiting for the next bonus to arrive. But when we default to a comfort zone, we may feel unsafe any time we step outside of it, when really we’re safe, just uncomfortable.
The riskiest thing you can do is play it safe. - Seth Godin
Re-frame risk - The risk of continuing to do something that didn’t make me happy and getting to 65 and looking back and go oh my god, I wasted my life. That is risk, that is danger.
I asked myself do I want to do this for the rest of my life? The answer was no. If I don’t want to do it for the rest of my life, I don’t want to do it today.
After all, life is today on repeat.