Snippets of my mind @awokehuman - Tumblr Blog

The effortless way of life is best

Do not believe the story that the only way you can become wealthy or successful is by the sweat on your brow

“Your potential, the absolute best you’re capable of—that’s the metric to measure yourself against. Your standards are. Winning is not enough. People can get lucky and win. People can be assholes and win. Anyone can win. But not everyone is the best possible version of themselves.”— Ryan Holiday, The Obstacle Is the Way: The Timeless Art of Turning Trials into Triumph

Play your own game. Not every one is playing the same game with the same rules. Love and enjoy the process. Because when you reach to the top..what now?

it doesn’t really feel like anything at all.

Currencies of life

We often view currency as money. However, there are many forms of currencies that we overlook like time, energy, focus and attention. These are currencies of life. Every $ that we earn is a trade off for another form of life currency. If you are in a job with toxic work environment that drains your energy, you are essentially trading money currency for lots of energy currency.

Money itself is a neutral currency, a number in your bank account, a piece of paper. You don’t want money, you want the feeling that money can bring to you, freedom, security, admiration etc.

You might think you want money to buy an expensive car, a fancy watch and a huge house. What you want is respect and admiration and you think having expensive stuff will bring it.

We can all view currencies beyond money. The next time you want to accept a job offer, or start a new business, ask yourself what are the other currencies gains you are getting out it?

Keep your emotions in check

The way you’re feeling… is it because of something that’s going on around you? Or are you simply feeling something and there’s a situation? - Seth Godin

Seth Godin put an interesting perspective of ‘because’ vs. ‘and’.

“I’m feeling stressed and overwhelmed because there are ten people waiting for a table at the restaurant and we’re falling behind.” vs. “I’m overwhelmed and there’s a line.”

Nothing is good or bad, but thinking makes it so.

Understand that the feeling is inside you. You are responsible for the feeling, not the the company you work for, your boss, your clients or your friends.

It’s not the line that’s causing the stress. It’s your interpretation of the line.

Similarly, a person who offered his sit to a pregnant lady on the train might be a nice person in that situation but you later find out that he is also a notorious criminal on the run. Nothing and no one is inherently good or bad, its all your interpretation of the situation.

Anything that you own, owns you.

The mindset of giving is a sign of abundance, owning is the opposite of it.

Owning creates a mental attachment to the thing, which creates a layer of separation between you and others.

Thinking that you own something or someone, symbolises lack.

Imagine going to the beach and having the entire stretch of sand to play with. But you decide that you need to own the sand, so you start shovelling the sand into your bag and because you are afraid that someone will steal the bag of sand, you now have to carry the heavy bag, restricting your movement. All these - just to ‘own’ the sand, giving up the entire stretch of beach.

Putting this into perspective, if you have money and are afraid of losing it, then you are actually creating a mental prison for yourself that is cutting you off from actual freedom.

Same for relationships, if you think you own your partner, then you are putting yourself in the mindset of lack.

You don’t own anything or anyone. Everything we own is taking some amount of space in our mental world and causing us to feel tense. We believe that we are losing something that is part of us instead of being in a space where the things/people in our life are free to come and go.

Life becomes easier when we understand that nothing is ever ours forever.

Commitment

The rule of skateboarding is pretty simple, you need to want to land the trick. How badly you want to land it will determine how committed you are to keep your feet on on the board midway. If you decide to opt out, do it from the start. Mid way opting out often leads to the worse injuries.

One of the scariest thing to do when doing anything on a skateboard is to half-commit. It is almost guaranteed that you will injure yourself more badly when you bail mid way through a trick than to fall after you fully commit to it.

I would consider skateboarding more a more mentally challenging sports than a physical one. Each trick consist a different set of mental barriers you have to go through to commit to it.

One perfect example is the Drop In. Putting the tail of your skateboard on the coping. You want your back wheel hanging down over the edge of the ramp. Hold your skateboard there with your back foot, your front wheels will be out hanging in the air, and your board will be cocked up slightly.

When you put your front foot on the board, stomp it down with all your weight until your front wheels hit the ramp, and lean into it. Put all of yourself into the ramp - you can't hold anything back.

There is no actual technique involve in dropping in, you just have to commit fully and trust that your skateboard will make this work. In short - it’s all in the mind. The scariest part is the hesitation when you are at the top of the ramp. You just have to go for it.

We can apply the same mindset to whatever that we do in life. The hardest part is the hesitation when you are standing at the ‘edge’, once you decide to go for it, do not give yourself the option to bail midway, it leads to needless risk.

“Do or do not, there is no try."

3 quotes that should always be at the back of your mind.

If this isn’t nice, I don’t know what is

Notice when you are happy, and exclaim or murmur or think at some point, ‘If this isn’t nice, I don’t know what is.’

If you are like me growing up in a reasonably comfortable environment, we are often desensitised to the little joys in life.

Try saying this every time you come across something that brings you the slightest joy. Drinking an ice cold coffee on a warm day, driving to work while listening to your favourite song etc.

There are many studies that concluded that showing gratitude brings more into our lives.

What do I actually want to be doing right now?

Often we find ourselves going through live without really thinking, and then before we know it, we have been scrolling through instagram for an hour and we’re feeling terrible about ourselves.

By repeating this throughout the day, allows us to be more intentional about how we are spending our time.

I was aimlessly scrolling through my email inbox before writing this post, I caught myself in this mindless habitual action and asked myself ‘What do I actually want to be doing right now?’ - I wanted to write a new blog post, so here I am.

But if you want to be scrolling through instagram after asking yourself that question, continue scrolling. You are intentional about where your time is going.

This quote reminds us that what we do with our time is entirely within our own control.

Is what I’m doing right now in line with that idea of an ideal life?

Take a few minutes and think about what kind of life you want to have.

Plan an ideal day or week. Think back on some of your best days that were also productive. What happened during them? What makes them stand out?

Mine looks something like this:

- Skateboarding

- Meeting new people

- 8 hours of sleep

- Reading/Listening to books

- Teaching

Instead of getting a job and then trying to get a good life out of it, create your idea of a good life now and find work that supports it. The type of work you do needs to fit that image of your ideal life. The other way around, the way most people do it, is a recipe for unhappiness.

You don’t have to lose for someone else to win.

Wealth abundance is possible.

Many people seem to believe that wealth is a fixed pie, then the more slices the rich get, the fewer are left over for the poor. (i.e. If I gain $50 dollars, you lose $50)

Fixed Pie Fallacy: The belief that there exists a finite amount of wealth in the world. It is one of the most pervasive myths in the world today.

Elon Musk getting richer will not make you any poorer.

Your friend getting a pay increment doesn’t make you any poorer.

What we have to understand here is that money is not wealth. There is a fixed amount of money available but wealth is infinite. You restoring an old bicycle, creates wealth and you then sell it to someone else. What was once valued at $10 is now sold for $100.

When you look at it this way, you wonder why anyone would think there was a fixed pie in the first place.

Everyone can win.

Time to stop playing the Prestige Bingo

It’s Friday..again.

I used to spent all week looking forward to each Friday. I was literally living for Fridays. I was waking up up every day after more than 8 hours of sleep completely exhausted - muddling through each day in my ‘good’ tech job. Work was great but I was also super frustrated and not even being close to my ideal self.

I sat alone and put some thoughts as to why I was feeling so lost despite the number of ‘success’ I have achieved in my 20s. I realised that I was basing success of extrinsic factors - my career, my pay, all the big purchases I have made, schools etc.

I was living the life I thought I wanted. I graduated from University, I had a prestigious tech job, bought a house and a car, basically I had a clear path to a successful life–one where I wouldn’t have to worry about money or future career options. I call this the ‘Prestige Bingo’.

I had nothing deep down driving me if you pull me away from my identity at work.

I assessed and reframed my values and priorities in life.

Reframing #1: How much money do I really need?

I was working towards the kind of ambition that is seen as a path to success in today’s world - getting paid well, working my way up in big corporations, purchasing big ticketed items.

“ Once I make $X a year, I’ll be happy” used to be something I tell myself all the time.

But I came to realised that it’s not a game that I can win.

You adjust. You and your friends all make a little more so no one questions it when our friend orders the $60 bottle of wine at dinner to split evenly. Suddenly $250,000 seems like the right number. Then “I’ll finally have enough.”

The better job, more stuff or more money. This makes us feel crappy and gives us the sense that we never have enough.

The default path taught me that a six-figure salary was success, but with my new expectations, I realised my real dream was a modest salary and the freedom to do whatever I want on a Tuesday afternoon.

Reframing #2: What it means to live a good life?

We live in a time where we have a belief that much of meaning, dignity and identity can be unlocked through work. We are still living under the illusion that winning the prestige bingo is the only path to live a good life. Are successful people the ones with the most money or highest rank?

We are operating under the assumption that two weeks of vacation a year is adequate and that “work-life balance” is a worthy goal. This mindset starts with the assumption that work is the most important thing and you need to be some sort of productivity ninja that carves out meaningful time for health, love, relationships and fun. - Paul Millerd

My definition of a good life now goes beyond the companies benefits and paid time off. I use to plan my life and time around my work, eg. I will only meet my friends if I can leave on time, I can only go on a holiday when I find someone to cover me at work.

I operate under the assumption that workplaces are the source of all dignity, meaning and energy. Like the planets that revolve around the sun. I use to think of work as the sun, everything else revolves around it.

We thrive in different environments and have different definition of good life, we should focus on living a good life on your terms and then find work to do that fits into that. Instead of finding work and try to find make a good life out of it.

Reframing #3: Your mind will operate from a place of safety. Not excellence.

It’s easy to default to goals such as ‘make more money’ or ‘get a promotion’, if we don’t put some thoughts into some inner soul searching. In short, “having no ambition beyond wanting to make money.”

We have an inherent drive towards safety in the sense of not being harmed, which leads us to staying in sub-optimal jobs, waiting for the next bonus to arrive. But when we default to a comfort zone, we may feel unsafe any time we step outside of it, when really we’re safe, just uncomfortable.

The riskiest thing you can do is play it safe. - Seth Godin

Re-frame risk - The risk of continuing to do something that didn’t make me happy and getting to 65 and looking back and go oh my god, I wasted my life. That is risk, that is danger.

I asked myself do I want to do this for the rest of my life? The answer was no. If I don’t want to do it for the rest of my life, I don’t want to do it today.

After all, life is today on repeat.

The value of delight

Since the start of working from home, I always thought it would be nice to work from the cafe across my house. 4 months past and I did not visit. What have been stopping me from going over is that I do not want to pay $8 for a cup of ice chocolate. Today, I was feeling lethargic and unproductive at home, so I finally decide to cycle over and spend the afternoon there...it was great. I sat by the corner of the cafe thinking - all these while, I have been stuck working in my bedroom just because I wanted to save $8?

I call this The Value of Delight, it’s the idea that spending extra money to get a more delightful experience can be ‘worth it’ if it encourages us to do more of the thing we want to do or improve your life as a result.

Working in a nice environment while enjoying a cup of ice chocolate, put in me in a better mood for the rest of the day. Totally worth $8!

I also paid $10 for a car wash yesterday, it is such a delight to come back to a sparkling car, which I would have procrastinate for the next weeks, if I were to attempt to wash it myself.

I got a kindle last year, and the number of books I have consumed double as compared to my ‘pre kindle’ days. Just because it is so easy to purchase a book on the spot and have it readily available on my Kindle.

I paid $200 for a new bicycle recently, it encourages me to cycle to places that I want to go instead of driving. Therefore, increasing my activity and fitness level overtime.

Even taking an afternoon nap today, seems like an absurdly unproductive thing to do. But the ‘unproductive’ 1.5 hours kept me energised for the rest of the day, as a result, I did more than I wanted to accomplished after that.

A few years ago, I would think twice before buying something. I would think ‘ahhh do I really need this’ or I would think twice before deciding to spend time on something that is ‘not productive’.

My stance has now changed completely - I view some spending time and money as investments with a potentially huge return, and I think my life has improved as a result.

Basically, if paying for something is helping me do something productive / useful / fun, and paying for it gives me a more delightful experience that encourages me to use it more, I can justify the spending.

How to enjoy your job

If you win the lottery today, will you quit your job?

We can have one of the three mindsets of our work. We can view our work as a job, a career or a calling.

When we view work as a “Job” - we see work as a chore and the pay check as a reward, we work because we have to. They are necessary.

When we view work as a “Career” - On top of working out of necessity, we work to advance and succeed.

When we view work as a “Calling” - We view work as an end itself. We are able to work harder and longer out of it without finding it draining.

Doesn’t matter what type of work you are currently doing, We can craft our current jobs to make them more meaningful, by simply adjusting our mindset by viewing our work as a calling.

The next time someone asked you for a living, take note of how you describe your work. It is often the story we tell ourselves.

If you are a working as a janitor in a school building. You can either focuses on the mess you must clean up everyday or believe that you are contributing to the cleaner environment for the well being of the students. You get decide how meaningful your work is.

The idea is to draw an arrow to what you do at work until you can connect something you care about, consider the benefits that you deliver and how those connect to something you value.

“It's not hard work that exhausts us the most, it's meaningless work that exhausts us most“

Choose happiness, not success.

Like many 20 something year old, I spent most of my adult life chasing after financial success and status in my tech job. The jobs that I had were great, I worked hard and was progressing much more than I set out to, I bought my first car and a house before I turn 28.

But putting financial success as the end goal is like chasing the carrot on the stick - the problem with this is, there is no end to it. I kept chasing for more thinking that I am just a few more steps away from “happiness”.

What I failed to realise is that happiness is not success.

“We think we want something, but when we get it, we realise we wanted something else.’ - Haenim Sumin

After I got my first car, the sugar rush lasted for about 3 months before I started looking out for ways to earn more money for a next newer car.

I spent all my most of my 20s working harder, getting the promotion, earning more money, I am earning good money but I dreaded Mondays, I often stay up till 2am to “compensate” for the hours that I don’t have control over during the day, I didn’t want to get out of bed most of the mornings.

With the ‘financial gains’ I was getting from the job - I was creating the perfect condition to live in, without living it.

It is not hard work that exhaust us the most, it is meaningless work.

“There are more than 30,000 kinds of jobs in the world. If you want to succeed, be more self aware of your value, interest, strengths and limitations.“ - Haenim Sumin

“Your freedom is more important than money. It is better to live the kind of life you want than to earn more and be constrained” - Haenim Sumin

While working diligently helps to achieve financial success, happiness is finding moments of joy in the process.

“Don’t do it for the end. Delight in the means too.” - Haenim Sumin

“It is important that you work hard, but don’t be enamoured of the feeling of working hard.” - Haenim Sumin

I have made it a habit to ask myself “am I happy?” at random moments throughout the day. Choose happiness, not success as your life’s goal. After all, if you are successful but aren’t happy, then what is the point?

14 quotes to read when you are feeling lost in life.

I just finished ‘nothing you don’t already know’ by Alexander den heijer.

As the book suggest, the content of the book is nothing you don’t already know. It’s filled with things we do know of, just may not necessarily actively practice or notice we are practicing. A little reminder to be more mindful and positive every day.

Here are some of my highlights for people who are uninspired and feeling lost in life:

It's not hard work that exhausts us the most, it's meaning less work that exhausts us most.

The less we have to worry about fitting in, the more we are able to stand out.

Make it crystal clear where you want to go, or you want to be, and ask yourself if you’re willing to take responsibility for it.

Find out what you want, and cut off what’s irrelevant

If you believe beyond a doubt that you are able to the thing you about to, then you are already half way there.

Some people spend their lives trying to create the perfect conditions to live, without really living.

Aim for excellence, not perfection

Everything we don’t face today, we postpone to the future. This is how our thoughts about the future become terrifying

Now is always the right time to deal with life. Face it.

Instead of trying to get rid of unpleasant feelings, it’s more rewarding to relax while experiencing an unpleasant feeling.

We may criticise what people do, but we cannot criticise what people are. Judgment exists only in the field of doing, not in the field of being.

We rarely chase what we want. Rather, we chase what we think we deserve.

We think we’re free to do what we want, but our actions are limited by the thoughts we believe to be true.

This is the moment we realised we weren’t tired; we were just uninspired.

Do something that makes you happy, choose to be happy. Don’t wait, start today. Your life will be today..on repeat.

Best quotes from ‘Awareness’ by Anthony de Mello

I just finished this book. I highly recommend it to everyone, regardless of what stage of life you are currently in. This book has one of the most highlights on my kindle.

I am sharing the highlights here as a summary to the book.

1) People don’t really want to be cured. What they want is relief; a cure is painful.

2) We never feel grief when we lose something that we have allowed to be free, that we have never attempted to possess. Grief is a sign that I made my happiness depend on this thing or person, at least to some extent.

3) Perfect love casts out fear. Where there is love there are no demands, no expectations, no dependency. I do not demand that you make me happy, I will not feel sorry for myself; I enjoy your company immensely, but I do no cling.

4) Loneliness is not cured by human company. Loneliness is cured by contact with reality.

5) Now there’s HUMAN living for you. That’s what life is all about. That can only come from awareness. And in awareness you will understand that honor doesn’t mean a thing. It’s a social convention, that’s all. That’s why the mystics and the prophets didn’t bother one bit about it. Honor or disgrace meant nothing to them. They were living in another world, in the world of the awakened. Success or failure meant nothing to them. They had the attitude: “I’m an ass, you’re an ass, so where’s the problem?

6) Think of the last time you were angry and search for the fear behind it. What were you afraid would be taken from you? That’s where the anger comes from.

7) If I change my profession tomorrow, it’s just like changing my clothes. I am untouched. Are you your clothes? Are you your name? Are you your profession? Stop identifying with them. They come and go.

8) The first thing you need to understand is that the negative feeling is inside you. You are responsible for the negative feeling, not the other person.

9) Pleasant experience make life delightful, but they don’t lead to growth in themselves.Suffering points up an area in you where you have not yet grown, where you need to grow and be transformed and changed.

10) Illusion of thinking that by changing the exterior world, you will change. It’s like imagining that you change your handwriting by changing your pen.

11) Another illusion is that external events have the power to hurt you. They don’t. It’s you who give this power to them.

12) Attachment is a belief that without something you are not going to be happy.

13) The healthy child has no interest in persons, he is interested in things. (they do not crave for attention or praises)

14) When you’re ready to lose your life, you live it.

We are completely independent of the good or the bad opinions of others. We are not labels, expectations and emotions. You won’t need that praise, you won’t thirst after it.

I said no to a task

I always felt the need to say yes to every task that come along my way, or at least try my best to help the other person to get the task sorted out. In order to not allow anyone to ‘doubt’ my abilities or to not offend the task giver.

Today someone handed me a task that I have no idea how to go about doing it, I was thinking if I should say yes to him and figure it out, or just straight up tell him that it is not within my scope of work.

I decided for the first time in my life to reject the task completely. He wasn’t mad at me, my career didn’t die overnight and I get to focus on other tasks that I have on hand.

That is a very liberating thought - to say no.

Journey before destination

I used to say “I’ll be happy when…” I’ll be happy when I get a promotion. I’ll be happy when I graduate. I’ll be happy when I earn X amount. The list could go on forever, but guess what? I did all of those things, and I still wasn’t happy.

Happiness that is dependent on a goal is never coming.

You’ve been lied to. You’ve been told happiness happens “when” you do or have something out there. Some goal. Some thing. Before you know it, you are an unhappy 85 year old.

The older I get, the more I realise that there is no end. There is no end goal that will make me happy for the rest of life. I may feel the buzz for a short period of time when I get the new promotion or when I collect my new car, but then what? I go to bed, watch TV and go to work the next day and work towards my next ‘happy place’

Happiness and money have little to do with the specific amount of money, and everything to do with how you get it.

Most of us are stuck in this rat race, but what we fail to realise if, even if we win the rat race, we are still a rat.

I want to be a millionaire, but I am going to also enjoy the process of achieving that. The hustle, the failure, the pump etc. If I hate every day of my life on a job while trying to achieve a million dollars, even if I did achieve a million dollars, then what?

Even if I don’t become a millionaire, ok that’s a bummer, but at the very least, I enjoyed it. Isn’t that happiness?

I have heard of people who have a hundred million dollars in their banks and. complain that they don’t have work life balance. You have a hundred million dollars, you can afford to spend time with your family.

We can learn to be more conscious on the journey and enjoy everything we do, rather than thinking of it as part of a process to an end goal.

Am I moving through life happy?

This is a great question to bring me back to the present. Do I notice myself being happy most of the day? If not, why not? What am I focusing on that is making me unhappy?

Checking in with these questions several times a day can keep you on track. They’ll allow you to be happy WHILE you are on the journey instead of waiting until WHEN.

Accomplishing things beyond your imagination

I just finished reading ‘The Third Door’ by Alex Banayan - 19 year old Alex sets out on a mission to interview the biggest influencers of our era, people like Lady Gaga, Bill Gates, Jessica Alba etc. He writes about his journey on getting to those big shots, along the way he met a mentor, Elliot Bisnow, who said to him:

Bite off more than you can chew. You can figure out how to chew later

I found this piece of advise a key to accomplishing great tasks.

When an opportunity comes along, always say yes to it, regardless of your situation. Go for it and then figure out how to accomplish it along the way, the planets are never going to align perfectly. Your assurance will make those around you feel assured.

With enough determination, you will always figure out how to accomplish it along the way.

In another interview that Alex did with American poet, Maya Angelou. She bluffed her way into a job as the associate editor of the Arab Observer, by inflating her skills and experience, if she did not she would not have gotten the job as every job description she found said ‘ Prior experience required’.

But she know she could do it.

You have to know that you have certain natural skills, and that you can learn others, so you can try some things. you can try for better jobs, You can try for a higher position.

The thing is that you’re going to library late at night and cramming and planning while everybody does their thing.

The key here is to trust yourself. Believe in your ability to accomplish more than what you have ever done, this is the fastest way to progress. Don’t over think it.

When your back is against the wall, you learn what you’re capable of.

Go for it! Things will take care of itself, the universe is conspiring in our favour at all times.

How to happy with what you already have

People often think of happiness as something they will get after some sort of milestone is reached in life.

e.g. ‘I will be happy after earning a million dollars’

Here’s the truth, if you are viewing happiness like this, you will never achieve it.

Happiness is synthetic—you either create it, or you don’t.

“Do not indulge in dreams of having what you have not, but reckon up the chief of the blessings you do possess, and then thankfully remember how you would crave for them if they were not yours.” ― Marcus Aurelius, Meditations

Shortly after you bought the dream car of yours, you start looking out for a better car. You will never be as happy as when you were imagining having the item, before you had it. We might get that initial buzz. But it doesn't last.

The message here is to find happiness and joy in what you have. My favourite line to use daily is ‘If this isn’t nice, i don’t know what is.’ We live in an incredible period of era that we take most things for granted - running water, electricity, air condition etc.

The next step you step into an air conditioned room on a hot day, try saying ‘if this isn’t nice, I don’t know what is.’

Be genuinely grateful. After all, happiness comes from within and from showing gratitude to the things around us.

When things are not within your control, recognise that you can’t do anything about it anyway. All you can control is your mind and your reaction.

“You have power over your mind — not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength.” ― Marcus Aurelius, Meditations

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