[ayllebanna]

I'm not 30 I'm not 30 years old talking about being single and learning how to manage the feelings of wanting to be in a relationship. Theorising about why disappointment and hope can co-exist.

I'm not 30

[ayllebanna]

No Instant Gratification Effect This blog post is about our desire to consume or create content and discussing the motivations behind it.

No Instant Gratification Effect

[ayllebanna]

Doing Nothing

Hi hi A lot of things have happened the past few weeks one month. As usual I was totally NOT going to write or post anything again. Lots of things are really personal y’know? But I have an itch to write again so yes hello, thanks for reading the preamble. Sleepless Weeks I had some sleepless weeks this time. Two weeks in a row. I would wake up at 4-5am daily and not able to fall back…

Doing Nothing

[ayllebanna]

The past three months

It’s been a busy couple of weeks  I usually don’t know where to start—life can really move very fast and there’s no time to write down all the important highs and lows.  Should I rewind all the way back to July?   Or I give the short form of highlights.   The past three months June  Worked part time jobs   Not sustainable  Went for auditions, didn’t do very well     Was unable to sleep…

The past three months

[ayllebanna]

Sleepless nights

Do you know the feeling of not being able to sleep at night? This is the second time I’ve experienced it to such a bad degree, that till 5am I still can’t sleep (at least managed to fall asleep for 45-90mins before waking up and not being able to sleep again). This time I am in an aircon room—which is different from my normal airy room. And because I can’t sleep, all my senses are…

Sleepless nights

[ayllebanna]

I'm baaack.

Hi friends or random people on the internet I’m back. 😁 I have decided to start writing and posting again. I know, I know, I keep saying this and keep not doing it. But I just read another enneagram book and got really inspired. The enneagram reveals like deep-seated beliefs for your number And one of mine (as a type Five) is the intense need / desire for privacy. Which has ALWAYS hindered…

I'm baaack.

[ayllebanna]

Tenderhearted (May 2025)

Always lots of time to write in between… In the month of May, there were many ups and downs I graduated and started to find work I looked for some jobs in a different field, however after much deliberation and prayer, I felt much peace to continue what I studied and do freelance performing + teaching. As someone who greatly values security, it is not natural for me to choose a path with…

Tenderhearted (May 2025)

[ayllebanna]

The past four months

Sometimes I wonder what is this blog for  Is it to encourage other people, or is it just a personal blog for me to chart my highs and lows?  When I have a clearer vision, then that would direct my actions   But for now it seems to be just a personal blog  Therefore there is always a preamble in the first few lines of every post XD XD XD  A preamble that states that this blog post is a…

The past four months

[ayllebanna]

Born Again in the Spirit (Sermon Notes on Romans 6)

I’ve always wondered how did Andrew Wommack come to the conclusion that our spirit is the part that has been saved by God. That is from his teaching on Spirit, Soul and Body which is considered one of the basics in understanding our Christian identity in the Lord. But I so happened to chance upon a sermon that broke down the above teaching. Below are my notes on the verses that he quoted because…

Born Again in the Spirit (Sermon Notes on Romans 6)

[ayllebanna]

Why I want to live to God (Reflections on Romans 6)

Just had to jot this down for a quick second 8 Now if we died with Christ, we believe that we shall also live with Him, 9 knowing that Christ, having been raised from the dead, dies no more. Death no longer has dominion over Him. 10 For the death that He died, He died to sin once for all; but the life that He lives, He lives to God. (Romans 6:8-10, bold emphasis mine) Does that mean that I die…

Why I want to live to God (Reflections on Romans 6)

[ayllebanna]

2024 Wrap Up (or rather just december)

Well, it’s close to the end of the year, it seems like it’s time to think about what happened in the past year. Tbh I don’t think I’m a summary writer. I’m a crisis writer. Like I’m feeling terrible now so blah blah blah I’m not feeling terrible now. But I was feeling slightly tired. I was feeling numbed out. This December holiday period is not the best for me because I tend to focus on the…

2024 Wrap Up (or rather just december)

[ayllebanna]

Grace for the Work

A few days ago I had a strange dream. In my dream, I was a worried and burdened bridesmaid. It was a weird dream because I actually had a great time being a bridesmaid for my good friend’s wedding. I loved being a bridesmaid. So, it was strange to have a dream where I felt burdened about something I really enjoyed doing. When I woke up, I told the Lord about it and rejoiced at how much better…

Grace for the Work

[ayllebanna]

The Simple Life — Meditation

This post is about God’s simple way of meditation.

The emotional effects of my recent breakdown still lingered weeks after. Every failure and setback triggered another set of tears, not overwhelming, but still uncontrollable. My parents were concerned about the state of my mind, recognising that this could lead to depression. Initially they didn’t step in, they wanted me to realise that I could figure it out on my own. In the end, I did—I saw…

The Simple Life — Meditation

[ayllebanna]

My First Breakdown

Hey hey  A lot has happened since July. We had our first performance and I had my first mental breakdown. Yup.  So I had a breakdown which made me cry for three hours straight. I started sobbing and I couldn’t control it. I tried to contain it, and my body just kept spasming.   It was really very strange. I mean I’ve cried in the past, but not a lot, prob once every few months. And I’m known…

My First Breakdown

[ayllebanna]

The Soul of Shame (Book Reflections)

The Soul of Shame is a really good book. I have been reading this book sporadically, there’s so many headings in between chapters that I don’t know when one chapter ends so it makes it hard to read in chapters… But it’s a really eye-opening book.   Remember when I said I didn’t know if I was truly experiencing fear or shame? Well, I have found out that it is shame. Shame is the underlying…

The Soul of Shame (Book Reflections)

[ayllebanna]

Is this goodbye?

I guess everyone kinda knows that I enjoy writing and I write copiously But I kinda don’t want to post anymore. I find that my desire for blogging is changing. But it’s so funny, I still must write a goodbye post 😂😆🤣 Just to wrap things up I suppose. I was sharing my blog posts with my IG followers who were basically many of my acquaintances and friends. But I want to write more personal…

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[ayllebanna]

I surrendered my heart

For a long time, I couldn’t decide if I wanted to blog because someone said posting personal stuff online (especially if I’m going into a public-facing industry) is not good.  But I still want to blog ahaha so I shall write today without thinking too much.   I tend to overthink. I like to think that I don’t overthink anymore but it’s not true cos I overthought last night and couldn’t sleep…

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