“Let’s Start Again, Then.”
Being a multicultural actress in Hollywood had its ups and downs. For starters, it allowed my nationality to have exposure. I was able to share my culture and who I was to many people. The biggest problem was getting to that point. I had moved to L.A. almost four years ago from Mexico. I had been trying relentlessly to get a role, but I had come up empty due to my look and low popularity. I knew I needed a big break. I had been working on my English and had even worked with a dialect coach to improve my American accent. I knew I would need to give up some of culture to make it, but then I hoped I would be able to use it.
Finally, I was given an opportunity. It was a new project starring Casey Affleck. I had heard about him and was looking forward to working with him. I, of course, would have to use my American accent. I felt a great deal of pressure going into the first day of filming and my nerves had even caused me to lose much of my sleep. As I waited for filming to start, I read over my script and sat patiently in my seat. I hear someone clear their throat and look up to find Casey standing above me.
I had met Casey at the script read through and had talked to him very briefly over the phone during the audition process. I had immediately found him quite attractive and was interested in getting to know him better, especially knowing what scenes we would be filming together. We had been getting along fine until after the read through. He had come over to introduce himself more formally, but he had done so entirely in Spanish. I initially had found it endearing, knowing he was probably trying to make me feel more comfortable; however, I responded back in English and let him know I would prefer that language all together. I was going to have to stay in a complete English mindset in order to guarantee a good accent and therefore a good performance. He had smiled and nodded. I smiled back thinking he understood. Then he waved goodbye and said “adiós”. I immediately felt my blood start to boil with annoyance at his flippant reply. Had I not made myself clear?
As he stood above me now, I hoped he’d be more respectful, but once again I was wrong.
“¿Cómo estás hoy (How are you doing today)?” he asks and I immediately roll my eyes. Instead of replying I return my attention back to my script. I hear him clear his throat before adding on,
“¿Hice algo mal (Did I do something wrong)?” I look up at him in frustration. He looks taken aback and that only adds to my annoyance. Does he not remember what I asked him?
“Yes, actually, you did,” I answer. Before he can respond again, I close my script and make my way to where they’re setting up the cameras. I manage to find the producer and ask him,
“Are we almost ready?” He smiles at me and nods his head.
“Just about,” he says before adding, “The accent sounds good!” I smile and thank him. The complement puts me more at ease. I wanted nothing more than to nail today. It was my first day and my interactions with my co-star weren’t helping anything. I glance behind me to see Casey making his way towards us and some of my tension returns. Luckily before anything else can happen someone shouts,
“Actors to their places, please!”
The first half of filming had gone quite well; in fact, Casey had been the one to forget his lines and cause all the redos. When exiting the set, the director had congratulated me on a strong first day and I could feel my confidence growing. As I made my way to my trailer, I heard Casey call my name. I halt in my steps and take a deep breath before turning around. I prepare myself for whatever he has to say as he approaches. When he reaches me, he appears nervous and I’m hoping he’s found it in him to apologize. He goes to say something before hesitating and I am almost ready to just walk away. He’s the one who screwed up, not me, so why should I have to suffer. After waiting for what feels like a few more minutes but is really just a few seconds, I turn around and start to walk away. Casey quickly grabs my arm and pulls me back and I yank my arm now just more annoyed. He sees he’s done something wrong and quickly says,
“I’m sorry!” he takes in another deep breath before continuing. “I just really don’t know what I did wrong.” I roll my eyes and scoff. At this point, I don’t know if he’s pulling my leg or just stupid. Hoping to just get this problem resolved or at least lessen it, I respond,
“I asked you to not speak to me in Spanish.” Casey once again just looks confused and I’ve now decided he is just stupid. He shakes his head, as if trying to clear his mind, before asking for further clarification.
“I don’t remember you saying that,” he mentions.
“I asked after the read through!” I exclaim. I’m now exasperated and tired and just want to rest before the second half of the day. Casey, however, doesn’t seem to want to give up.
“I remember you saying one thing at the read through to me and it definitely wasn’t that,” he states.
“Oh, yeah?” I question, “Then what did I say?”
“You asked if I spoke English!” Ummmm, what? I definitely would not have asked that. He’s a famous, American celebrity. I knew he spoke English. Casey now seems as equally annoyed as me and I take a moment to think back on our interactions.
“¡Hola, me llamo Casey! Eres Y/N, ¿verdad? (Hi, my name’s Casey! You’re Y/N, right?)”
“Can we talk in English?”
No, I had definitely asked for us to speak in English. Casey himself still looks confused and I wonder if he’s playing back the conversation as well. I decide to repeat the conversation to him out loud and when I get to the English part he starts to laugh.
“What?” I ask. My previous annoyance now being replaced by anger. This whole situation was ridiculous and Casey’s complete disregard to my feelings was a horrible start to my career. Would all co-stars be like this? He finally seems to notice my growing anger stops.
“I’m sorry,” he apologizes yet again. I’m starting to think apologizes won’t cut it. “It’s just that’s not what you asked.” I shake my head. My confusion now settling in and my anger only fizzling a little. I had been known to make some mistakes when speaking English. After all, it was my second language. As I begin to think about that possibility, my stomach starts to drop a little. Maybe, I had been blaming Casey for nothing.
“What did I ask, then?” I wonder cautiously. Casey had stopped laughing by now. Although his eyes still crinkled from laughter, his eyes now seemed more sincere and I prepared myself for his answer.
“You mixed up we and you,” he starts. “So, you ended up asking ‘Can you speak in English?’.” I let my face fall into my hands. Only I would make that mistake and blame someone else. Casey gently nudges my arm before saying,
“Hey, don’t worry about it. Your English has definitely improved a lot.” I smile at him for the first time today and let out a small laugh. He smiles back at me and joins in a little, testing the waters to make sure he doesn’t anger me again.
“I’m sorry for overreacting,” I apologize. “I think I let my nerves get the better of me.” He shrugs his shoulders before holding out his hand to me.
“Let’s start again, then? And in English this time?”
