“Breathe me like you’re drowning.”
— a.y.
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@b3witchedxx
“Breathe me like you’re drowning.”
— a.y.
What are your memories?
I want to fall into you.
to fall, again and again and again
until there is no more left of me standing.
i woke up thinking about you today, i rolled over and checked my phone, as if there might be a text waiting for me, hoping against reason that there would be, but there wasn’t. i knew there wouldn’t be, but i can’t seem to be rid of this foolish hope that one of these days you’ll wake up and realize you made a mistake when you chose her. i keep waiting for you to love me, after all this time, after everything we’ve been through, i’m still waiting for you.
I still search for you in everyone.
― 𝚖𝚒𝚜𝚜𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚑𝚞𝚛𝚝𝚜 𝚜𝚘 𝚏𝚞𝚌𝚔𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚋𝚊𝚍𝚕𝚢 // 𝟾 𝚊.𝚖. 𝚝𝚑𝚘𝚞𝚐𝚑𝚝𝚜
the truth is that i know. i know we had our chance and we came t h i s c l o s e to love, but you didn’t care as much as i did. i know that i gave my all and it wasn’t enough, and a few months doesn’t change anything. i know that when you broke up with her it had nothing to do with me. i know that our time came and went. i know that nothing i do now can change your mind. i know that any hope i feel is misplaced and misguided. i know holding on to you is wrong and it will only end in more heartache.
but i can’t let you go. no one ever made me feel the way you did, no one ever accepted me the way you did, no one ever understood me the way you did. even though i know how stupid it is to hold on to something that i’ve already lost, i can’t let you go. you bring so much light to my life, you keep me sane when i feel crazy, you calm me down when the anxiety sets my head spinning. with you i forget my fears, my reservations, my insecurities. forgive me for not wanting to lose you.
I don’t want to fall back into it.
The lull.
The false sense of security.
The way I was.
The way I always
Inevitably
Gave in
To you.
Not this time.
Not this time.
- it echoes in my mind
10/31/15
yall know the fuck time of year it is
"Shut the fuck up, Brendon Boyd Urie." Ryan teases as he gently shoves Brendon's shoulder. "All I'm saying is that the board doesn't lie." Brendon smirks slyly and raises an eyebrow at Ryan, who glares in return. "Not here. Not now. Maybe later though, kid." Ryan winks and starts laughing. Brendon pouts big, "Why not here?" Ryan leans over and pecks Brendon's lips before replying, "Because we're in Spence's room, with a ouija board! Doesn't that unsettle you at all?" Brendon just smirks and chimes "Nope!" "Bren. No. Later." Ryan gently rubs his hand up and down Brendon's back a couple times before standing up. "I'm going to get a drink and some papers, want anything while I'm up?" "A shot glass and some RedBerry Vodka, if you would." Brendon, who is clearly already drunk, giggles, staring up at Ryan. "Alright," Ryan chuckles, gazing at Brendon's intoxicated form for a minute before heading into the kitchen and grabbing a beer, the bottle of vodka, and Brendon's favorite shot glass. Its translucent red with a black skull on it. "Jon! Got any papers, man?" Ryan shouts over the music. "Yeah dude, in the drawer right beside the fridge." Jon replies in a light, slurred tone. "Thanks!" Ryan grabs the RAW rolling papers and heads back to Brendon, who is slumped over on the couch opposite of where they were sitting before. Ryan closes and locks Spencer's bedroom door. He walks over to the couch, sits Brendon up, and holds Brendon's face in one hand, staring into his eyes sternly. Releasing Brendon from his grasp he tosses the papers on Brendon's lap and pulls a dime bag out of his pocket, setting it on the night stand. "Roll up a joint. I'll smoke it while you give me head." Ryan commands. Brendon's head juts up just at the idea, as if all of the alcohol in his system was replaced with energy drink, and he subconsciously moans quickly. Ryan blushes a bright ruby colour and he fumbles with his zipper. Brendon grabs the utensils and sloppily makes a joint with way too much weed for the amount of papers, and pushes it at Ryan. Ryan laughs at how eager Brendon is before, before putting the joint in his mouth and lighting it. He lowers his jeans and underwear hurriedly. Pulling Ryan's skin-tight black jeans and plaid boxers to his ankles, Brendon grunts. He slides his fingers up the insides of Ryan's thighs, causing Ryan to shakily exhale the hit he just took. Brendon slowly puts more pressure on his fingertips digging into Ryan's thighs as he gently kisses his hipbone. Ryan pulls Brendon's face up by his neck and places the joint between his soft, wet lips. "Hit it." He says. Brendon holds the joint to his lips and takes a long hit, inhaling sharply after parting his lips slightly. Moving his hands swiftly to the base of Brendon's shirt, Ryan's breathing hitches as Brendon has put a hand on Ryan's hard-on. "Fuck baby, you're so hard, so big." Brendon toys with his fingers as Ryan finishes removing Brendon's shirt. "I need that joint." Ryan breathes out heavily, reaching for it. "Hold on a second, Ry." Brendon teases with a teasing grin. He places the joint back between his own lips and inhales as he pulls off Ryan's shirt with no struggle. Ryan hums softly as brendon hands him back the joint and places a gentle peck on his lips. Ryan arches his back, trembling, before putting the joint back in his mouth and taking a large puff. After a few seconds more of drunk-high fiddling, they're finally both completely naked, multicoloured clothes in a pile next to them. "You're so hot," Ryan says, quietly. "Want another hit before you go down?" Brendon giggles before pressing the joint to his lips and inhaling, he hands it to Ryan and makes large smoke rings around his dick before licking the tip. Ryan's sarcastic, joking face immediately turns to lust.
Sweet as candy 🍭