Babblings of a very Confused Girl

mostly sad poetry and paintings of myself

[tekehu]

The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim aka The Walking Simulator

[escuerzoresucitado]

[babblingsofaveryconfusedgirl]

I’m back again feeling like I’m the worst ugliest human in all existence. I wish I never had to look in a mirror again or a phone or anything. I archived all my selfies that are me alone because I just don’t want anyone to see my face.

[babblingsofaveryconfusedgirl]

Most days have been okay lately but today has felt like it’s lasted forever. I have that pit of dread in my chest again.

I think I’m just trying to get use to not having a person but it’s been so long that it’s making me feel useless. I don’t know who to be when I’m not someone’s girlfriend.

[babblingsofaveryconfusedgirl]

Today is okay but today is also not okay. Feeling weird in my chest. I’m feeling anxious about the future today. Just feels like I’ll never figure shit out. I’m tired of living in the camper. It’s not awful but I want my own space. A real space.

I’m feeling very unimportant. It’s a shitty feeling.

[babblingsofaveryconfusedgirl]

It’s been a year since my papa passed away. I’ve felt a bit numb today. I’ve been upset the last couple days but today has mostly been numbness. Which I think is okay. I did have a full break down about how I feel like men see and treat me. I’m big. Plus size. I feel like I watch men look past me to someone they deem worthy of respect or at least attractive. Fuckable. I know I’m not statistically attractive to most men but I know I deserve respect from anyone. I feel like men only respect women they find useful. Like their mom or their partner or their side chick. But even those women don’t always receive respect. Sometimes they are literally there for men’s needs to be met and that’s it.

I feel like I’ll never find anyone. I live in extremely Christian part of the world and I am not even in the slightest bit religious. I feel like I’m never going to fully find my people or my place. I have been going to more drag shows and I feel like I belong with those people. Among people who support and love other people without judgement.

I just feel lost right now. Alone.

[babblingsofaveryconfusedgirl]

I haven’t posted here in probably nearly a decade. I’m 28 and I’m still a very confused girl. Since I’ve been here I’ve gone through two very huge breakups. Will I use this to actually scream my thoughts into the void now? Who’s to say. I feel like I have so many unprocessed emotions that writing may help. Maybe I’ll start now. 🤷🏻‍♀️

[glassbonespaperskin]

[whereareyoupress]

[madgirlf]

this is from my book We Were Young which you can find on Amazon here. 

[written-on-polaroids]

I deserve someone who actually gives a fuck about me because I’ve spent my entire life making other people happy when all they did was leave.

10:22 pm (via written-on-polaroids)

[leahreenagoren]

A new vase

[mxxxxox]

[deeplifequotes]

Strong women still need their hands held.

dauvoire (via deeplifequotes)

[karolinakoryl]

001n01 (dec 2013)

[eggstudios]

[jamesleech]

[aquiraxuno]