V's Baby Growing Adventures

Secondary Blog TTC starting 1/2014 Diagnosed Infertile Jan. 2015 Stubborn baby girl born June 4, 2016 Snuggly baby boy born June 26, 2018

[babymvp]

Oh yes and while vP2 is all sad and ill, my anti-vax "didn't you do research before allowing that into your children" mother offers me "baby aspirin" for him, gets annoyed when I ask to see the bottle, and then when I say nope it says not for under age 12, gets huffy and tells me "we grew up on it Just Fine." And I'm like "unless you want to sit here and wait while I Google, I'm not giving him something I don't know about against the directions on the bottle."

The shear irony. I should never take a doctor's word for it but if she had it as a child of course it's fine. (Ps she also had her vaxes as a child.)

Anyway Googled later for the heck of it and yeah it's definitely not recommended for children. 🙃

[babymvp]

My brother has had the same girlfriend for like....7 years? She's in family pics, comes to all the holidays, they live together....

She didn't come with to today's gathering but its a non-actual-holiday so I assumed she was working.

Then we get home and Hubs is like "I asked Brother where GF was and he said they broke up up a month ago."

NO ONE knew this. They live together and my other brother lives in the other half of the same house and both of them work with my dad and NO ONE says a thing. The Frick?

Anyway so I grill Brother via text and after his initial "I don't want to talk about it" I get out of him that she dumped him...and this is where my sister card should probably get revoked (though I did ask him whether I needed to go key her car or at least delete her from my Snap lol) because like............yes I love my brother....but this girl has been wanting to marry him for Years and he just...wouldn't make the leap. Just plods along all good with the status quo, pushing back their potential engagement/own house plans year after year.

We've All had talks with him like "poop or get off the pot"..."quit just stringing her along"..."show some effort"....etc.

So like....I'm kinda proud of her for being done putting up with it? 😬 She was clear she wants marriage and babies and to move along into adulthood and he kept...not. So, like yes, sorry you got dumped that does suck, I'll help you burn stuff if you need that....but also you go girl, don't keep putting up with with his lazy crap. 🤷‍♀️😬

[babymvp]

His car started.

He acknowledged that agreeing to do the services today was a bad call on his part.

We're good now. 👍

[babymvp]

Hubs is gone to church from 10-7pm today and I'm so mad. I can't even play nice with him. He dropped the "oh I have to be there for rehearsal at 10:30" bomb yesterday. Services start at 1.

"Well just come to the 5pm service then we can leave right after and go home for dinner and everything." No because then I'm sitting there managing two hangry children by myself because that's when we usually eat and they won't even eat til bedtime plus watching Muppets and I need time after they go to bed to re-wrap the stuff he spilled on yesterday which I couldn't do last night because he took all the paper down to his office to finish his wrapping "just a few things" and didn't come back up for 2 hours and I went to bed. Not that I slept because vP2 was in there by 3am kicking and snoring. And I need to stuff the stockings. So no, getting home at bedtime to start the evening won't work for me.

"Dinner will be in the crockpot so you don't even need to prep anything." Just.....prep all the sides, serving it, clean up, wrapping up advent....

So I have 9 hours of solo parenting on Christmas Eve and he's missing singing With them at church, Christmas Eve dinner, end of advent, snuggling up to watch Muppets, getting out the new Christmas jammies, setting out cookies for Santa....all of our traditions for one of the like 4 Christmases that kids are both old enough to participate and actually still believe on everything because he can't freaking say No to people when they ask him to fill in. Which they asked him AFTER he already told them he needed to take a couple months off of Volunteering because the team has no freaking boundaries and it was causing a lot of stress and strife between us because I don't appreciate phone calls during dinner because someone can't find a freaking cord or some bs life drama caused by immaturity that they somehow think is team business.

So I have to suck it up and pretend to not be so mad that I'm crying about it while faking that I have the patience to make handprint reindeer and get everybody dressed up fancy and make cocoa and be *Christmas magic.* By myself.

Also it's still freaking cold out. His stupid car probably won't even start after being parked outside there for 9 hours.

[babymvp]

And I'm mad because Hubs' family didn't do Santa so he doesn't really get the big deal and I felt like he didn't take hiding the stocking stuff seriously enough if the kids had that easy access to it. Like he's annoyed because he knows it upsets me not because of the potential ruined Christmas magic.

So just gonna be here stress-crying in the bathroom and the laundry room til I can't avoid the rest of my family anymore. 🙃

[babymvp]

Last week the very tip of my nose kept itching, which is weird, and a niggly bit in the back of my brain kept being like "this happened when preggo!" but I can't recall an actual memory and I didn't document any such thing. Anyway niggly bit was enough to make me take a preggo test (negative) and read back through what early symptoms I did document (sore boobs, smell sensitivity).

Hubs does Not want anymore kids. If it happens, he'll adapt mostly gracefully, but he won't try for one. I mostly don't but I was weirdly disappointed about the negative. But the financial logistics of another round of childcare would be Rough. And I have no desire to be preggo/nurse/csection/maternity leave/pump.

Anyway today my boobs are noticeably sore and I'm completely spiraling over the what-ifs again. 🙃🙃🙃🙃

With the fibroids and switching BC types....I have NO idea what part of my cycle I should be on, when I last ovulated, how many DPO I might be, nada. How this new hormone pill will impact me. Etc.

So Most Likely, the full BC had stopped ovulation and the new one-sided BC allows ovulation and it's been about two week of that, so Hopefully this is just hormone cycling weirdness and not a oopsie-baby that slipped through my changing systems. 🙃

Like the 3 month uber-period of this spring was too much and just stopping everything for a bit was needed, but at this point I would really like a regular period to clue me in on where things are at in there.

I have another test in the cabinet but I don't really wanna keep "just checking" every week either and making myself spiral. Bah.

[babymvp]

Halp my "no plan, just do" Hubs is building the kids a sandbox and it's just....not working....because there's more to it than "make square, add hinges" and I know if I go say Anything it's gonna be a whole fight cuz he's very hot and sweaty and frustrated but Lordy do I want to Say Things.

[babymvp]

So that extra-obnoxios period last 22 days. 🙃 It didn't stop til I ovulated and that was finally enough of a hormone change to snap it out of it. 🙃 For 9 days, I was losing an entire cycle's worth of blood every 3-4 hours. 🙃

Anyway so that was fun. Doctor recommended ibuprofen to slow it down (which did work) and was like "you can come in for an ultrasound since it's probably polyps [again 😩] or just ride it out and see if they resolve on their own, but it's nothing life threatening...." So I'll be waiting til summer for that nonsense because if I need a D&C to scrap them out [again] I rather be out of school.

ANYWAY so even though it's stopped at the moment, I've had just enough spotting to make me paranoid about a flash resurgence and keep being hyper aware of it which annoys me so much and I had the thought "I really need my uterus to stop being a c*nt" and then realized what I said and died laughing. Which is really the main point of this post.

[babymvp]

1 - This period is horrible and it's giving me flashbacks of month long bleeds before my polyps were discovered and removed. Quarter-sized clots, filling a cup in 2-3 hours. Just Heavy. For 4 days and counting. After a week of normal, mild period. Not having a good time. Very awkward cup management in a public restroom situation at the concert Saturday. Polyp removal required being put under and scraping everything, which was an outpatient procedure, but takes a few days recovery rest. I just...don't want to deal with that possibility.

2 - My parents went to the concert with us. We were very stressed about the covid test piece, since my parents are strongly anti, but they got their tests without too much fuss. Did Not occur to either Hubs or me to have an actual talk about my father's weaponry, as that being seriously banned at concerts has been the norm for many years. Commented he needed to leave his gun in the car, and he just shrugged....until we got to the actual venue and he realized the giant, bright orange "no weapon" signs were backed up by metal detectors and security guards. So he walked alllll the way back to the parking garage to put his gun away. Came back. Got his knives metal detected, went back Again. Then finally made it in complaining that "it was just a pocket knife - useful not like threatening" and that he felt naked, "places that ban guns are where you need one the most." 🤦‍♀️ Like........I DON'T GET IT. One of my very-left-side friends was just like "lol and they say liberals are the ones afraid of everything." And I really can't see any justification that's Not fear-based. I just don't get it. He didn't carry until a few years ago, so this isn't like something I grew up with. Weapons were for target practice bragging and admiring the shiny...not actually like...weapons. Which are not even remotely needed in a theater full of a primarily 70yo, PBS-loving audience. Blah.

[babymvp]

Period? showed up but it's So light. It's weird. Recounted and it's still "in range" of being on time for cycle 3 of this saga. I jumped the gun a bit by calling it missed last week lol. Tired the first day, but not to my "usual" degree. No cramping at all.

According to Dr. Google though, longer cycles and lighter periods are a normal perimenopause thing due to less estrogen because less egg activity which makes less uterine lining. 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️

So. Still on team "this is probably early menopause not a cyst/cancer/other horrible thing."

But so weird.

The name of this sideblog is so very outdated now. 😅 Need to change it to "v's journey of having a uterus plus random non-main ponderings" or something. 😅

[babymvp]

Welp cycle 3 also was a dud. I took a preggo test out of caution so I could drink my arbor mist freely lol. Zero preggo symptoms so the negative was expected.

But 3 cycles with no period means I can ask to get actually tested for early menopause.

Which I will not be doing yet because the other outcome of the "cyst or menopause" game is potentially yet another abdominal surgery (that would be #6 for the record) and 6 weeks off work which I cannot afford.

So I will be waiting til summer unless something dramatic happens. 🤷‍♀️ But place your bets as to what you think my organs are up to in there because I sure don't know. 😅

Also, talking to Hubs, and noted that I'm Very Glad we had already decided on our own that we were Done at 2 kids, not headed for 4 like I originally planned. Because menopause or ovary-bursting cyst....either one means no more babies, and if we still wanted more babies, I would be a freaking Wreck right now instead of just mildly curious about my organs hijinks.

[babymvp]

I think I might have hit early menopause?!? I'm 35, so it's a 1 in 100 chance already plus the one ovary dealio makes it more likely, but I hadn't like...thought about that in real life.

My hormones are still cycling on schedule - PMS right on time... everything feels normal. but I've skipped my last two periods now and I am not pregnant.

I had really bad night sweats too throughout the fall.

No hot flashes or some of the other common signs, but I've also been on hormonal supports the whole time for cycle regulation and it's the same stuff you do to minimize menopause symptoms. 🤦‍♀️

Anyway apparently after 3 consecutive missed periods, you can have the doctor test your hormone levels and declare you officially in menopause, so that might happen next month.

And being that the alternative is some sort of major ovary/uterine/thyroid drama (cysts, cancers, etc.), frankly I'm cool with the menopause idea. 😅

(But only because I'm already at peace with the idea that we're done having kids or else I would be Freaking out about all of this so much right now. 😬)

[babymvp]

Secretly posting everything this week apparently but omgosh my husband got a letter in the mail on stationary with no name on the return address to our home address today from his very very ex girl-drama who he hasn't had contact with in like 15 years.

I'm assuming she's in like AA or therapy or something that was requiring "apologies for past wrongs" because it was this very flowery "apology" letter that did not Actually apologize for her behavior at all, it was like "sorry You felt this way 🤷‍♀️ but I really need you to forgive me" and just SO like immature and self-centered sounding plus just the shear egocentrism of interrupting his life with it.

He's Super mad because he wants to know who gave her his address because he like has had her blocked from everything since they last had contact and has zero interest in any discussion with her.

Just so rude. Make your peace with yourself, don't try to drag other people back into your drama. Like how desperate for attention and validation do you have to be to butt in a decade and a half later?

Anyway so that's in the trash now. 🙄🙄🙄

[babymvp]

Told my aunt today that we'll be the one hosting Thanksgiving and she's like "ok but I won't be there. Not because it's You...but I'll be in Iowa for the next 14 weeks."

Apparenlty she got fired (from the hospital) for refusing to vax and Iowa isn't requiring it so she's taking a travel job there.

I was too shocked to even get into a convo over it.

But like.........really? Refusing the shot was worth having to get a job in another state, away from her husband and family, and miss out on the entire holiday season? Plus however long after this travel gig, she still has to work Elsewhere? Are they gonna move states over it? Literally her entire family tree is here (other than my cousins but they moved away very intentionally lol).

I knew she was way down the Fox-News/Trump/Covid-is-a-hoax rabbit hole but like I was Still shocked. Like...she's former military and lifelong medical careers and literally has every single other shot ever invented already on board with no ill effects.

Like freedom to choose and all that...but the fact that she saw her options and decided refusing this shot was worth her job and being near family just blows my mind completely.

[babymvp]

Me: *flopping around on the bed dramatically having a tantrum about all things covid and having to constantly adapt and stressing*

Hubs: *flirts*

Me: Stop that, nothing about my behavior right now is a turn on.

Hubs: Everything about you is a turn on.

Me: ...that was smooth. Well done.

Hubs: 😁

[babymvp]

My baby brother came out to me last night, which is not the purpose of this post lol, that was not a surprise. But I'm real sure it's not widely known info...our other brother Might know....our parents for sure don't...and we're entering the holiday season where I'm gonna see everybody all the time and I have no ability to keep secrets. And I know outing him accidentally is bad form. So I'm just gonna be all awkward trying to keep myself filtered and they're going to call me out in it. 🙈🙈

Things have been so stressed with our parents the past year over all the politics, pandemic, etc. and I'm really not sure how gracefully they'll handle this news. 😕

[babymvp]

Got multiple texts from my mom this morning about progress on their new house. Which is my-mom-speak for trying to repair and keep contact open. Apologized for my super mature outburst-and-run-away, told them me and my brothers all want a spouse/offspring-less family meeting soon, and they were on board with that. So 🤷‍♀️ good things?

Saying nothing and then spewing emotions everywhere is just very on brand for childhood-me so I mean, not new to my parents. Got the ice broken though heh.