Keeping alive

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2022 summer fave art

I've been quite slow with learning about new art in the past few years (probably coincides with moving out of one of the biggest capitals in the world) but here's a few i've enjoyed in the past few months:

No Master Territories - exhibition

Films seen amongst many other great ones:

Soft fiction (1979) Directed by Chick Strand - was blown away by honest sharing of female survival and power. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dn07G7yJ4dU

Prowling By Night (1990), Gwendolyn- animated stories of sex workers being harrased by acab

The Weak Woman (1967) dir. Helena Amiradżibi - a Polish documantary film, a bit absurd, a bit surrealist about the life of women in soviet union where you have to combine both being an amazing wife and mother and a dedicated worker. not saying capitalist didn't do the same

2. Flame (2018) dir Sami van Ingen

wonderful visuals from a nearly destroyed film

3. Prism (2021) dir Rosine Mfetgo Mbakam An van Dienderen Éléonore Yaméogo

such an intersting look at how camera is/was racialized

4. Alicja Kwade

awesome coneptual art to do with time, perspective, shapes etc

5. Navel Seakamela

Love their bold beautiful paintings!

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Post apocalyptic nuclear films

Not directly related to my soma explorations, but these films definitely make me body feel a lot of sensations and emotions, so here is a list of amazing ones - to be updated:

1. Dead Man's Letters (1986)

Very Russian, dark, deep, philosophical - saw it in a cinema completely not expecting anything and left my with my soul broken and full of awe at the same time.

2. Threads (1984)

Incredibly well paced, documentary style fiction, kept me glued to the screen - it both shocked and calmed me down realising that no one really wants a nuclear war because oh boy it would suck for everyone.

Threads 1984 : Free Download, Borrow, and Streaming : Internet Archive

Important movie about nukes

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Soma Journey 11 - Somatic Sex Education

I ended my 2021 (difficult, but great year overall) with enrolling onto a somatic sex education course. This is a big part of my journey into becoming true to what i am and how i want to be in the world.

I have lots of intimacy issues. I have lots questions about eros. I am highly sexual. I am queer. I am still lost. I am kinky. I am almost everything i want to be, but i feel disconnected. And in the past few years i've been kinda getting down to the bottom of things - which to be fair just open up a whole other load of 'bottoms'. (mmmm pun not intended?) Movement therapy, soma has been my main guide - or should i say, my body has been my guide, following advice from other guides.

So the reason i decided to study somatic sex education is because of all those things above. Realising that i want to work in this area felt like coming home. Although I have to admit, i had to fight shame to truly admit it. me! who has no shame and is so independent! This partly to do with seeing some people's reactions when i told them about it, it had a bigger impact on me than i expected and made me realise i need to be careful when sharing this information. (hence sharing on tumblr and all my anonymous tumblr friends!)

Lastly, i am doing this course not just to heal myself, but i feel like i can help guide others. I live in a place where sex is shameful (i guess where isn't it...), abuse is happening all around and homophobia is thriving and i want to help fight that. I can't wait even though i'm shit scared.

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Soma Journey 10 - fun and play

“Man plays only when he is in the full sense of the word a man, and he is only wholly a Man when he is playing.” Schiller, On the Aesthetic Education of Man

How appropriate that for my 10th post about my soma journey I'm writing about fun and play. It's like an anniversary :D This is one of the most important parts of life for me, maybe because I had neglected that previously, or still see it being neglected amongst people in my country and around. We urgently need more fun! More play! More joy! Sufferring is not a means to an end. You're not a sinner for wanting to enjoy life, and unfortunately people will most likely not appreciate you more if you suffer/work hard/do everything for everyone, but leave no time for play. I believe that one of the fastest ways to connect back to our bodies and sense of happiness/fullfillment is through joy and pleasure. Which is why I want to call myself a pleasure activist and talk about it to people.

David Gaeber's article 'What’s the Point If We Can’t Have Fun?' is another inspiration. Ludic freedom eh? He questions why scientists stick to the capitalist point of view that we do everything either for survival, or gain and not just pure pleasure. He claims that maybe the play factor could explain a lot of things, like the hard problem. He also mentions an alternative school of Darwinism, popularised by the book Mutual Aid: A Factor of Evolution, by naturalist and revolutionary anarchist pamphleteer Peter Kropotkin (which i'm still reading) which claims that, in fact, the fittest are the most cooperative. As an anarchist, I enjoy playing with the idea that we can't understand everything and it might be that atoms order themselves by accident just for joy and it is the most rudimentary form of play? Who the hell knows, but let's enjoy discussing, dancing, singing, wrestling, pulling, running, you name it - and build our lives around the idea of joy, if we can.

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Soma Journey 9 - podcasts

Another list, this time of podcasts I've been listening to, to be continuously updated:

1. The Higher Practice Podcast for Optimal Mental Health

Integrative psychology podcast with some interesting research, including psychedelic therapy.

https://tunein.com/podcasts/Science-Podcasts/The-Higher-Practice-Podcast-for-Mental-Health-Prov-p1134225/

2. Finding Our Way

Finding Our Way is a podcast hosted by writer, healer, teacher, and Somatics practitioner, Prentis Hemphill. I really love them and the speakers they choose. Topics range from embodiment to social justice to personal boundaries and many more.

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/finding-our-way/id1519965068

3. Porn Wisdom

Porn can be great for our bodies, and here there's lots of info about all that. https://www.healthypornwatching.com/podcasts/

4. In Touch

loving this podcast by sex educator Ruby Rare - covers all topics from pleasure to non-monogamy.

5. Queer Healing Journeys

love this mix of presenters and topics all about empowering your queer self.

Queer Spirit Podcast - Interviews with Queer & Gay Artists, Healers & Activists

  Welcome to the Queer Spirit podcast Conversations with Artists, Healers & Activists who Enliven, Heal & Empower the LGBTQ+ Communities Hos

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Soma Journey 8 - Mind Body Therapy Summit

I'm currently watching through many lectures of the https://mindbodytherapysummit.com and absolutely loving it.

I'm only on day 3, but wanted to point out a few people:

- Dr Arielle Schwartz - Embodiment in Trauma Treatment: An Experiential Journey

This was probably the most informative lecture I've ever attended. Dr Schwartz freely and succintly shared information, for example core principals of integrated approach to healing trauma, 5 stage mode for embodiment in trauma treatment etc. She also answered questions with totaly integrity, respect and openess, which was amazing. Do check out her great YT channel with lots of vagus nerve yoga: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC5LUxnXbReV7I5cEzvb46sQ

- Dr. David Berceli - Body tremors (TRE)

This is the first time I've heard about TRE method and body tremors from scientific perspective. Dr Berceli guided us through an exercise and it was really incredible. After that, I truly felt like I have relieved my stress and actually wanted to do it more to relieve even more of it. I am now committing to do it every day for at least a week and see what happens.

-Steven C Hayes, Phd - Embodying Psychological Flexibility

Hayes created ACT - Acceptance Commitment Therapy. It is science and trial based, with lots of data to go behind it, conversely to other methods. At first it seemed like quite a wordy and intellectual approach, but in fact when I did the experiental exercises they really worked and opened me to new areas of exploration in my body. He also said my favourite quote so far (which i'm probably slightly paraphrasing): 'Brain evolved not for happiness, but for problem solving'. Yes, brain needs a lot of work to feel happiness comparing to the rest of our organism!

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I love it when choreography just fits so much with the music and the feeling of the song

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Soma journey 7 - movement and film

I love dance films, so this will be an attempt to list all of my favourite ones. However my memory is pretty awful, so this will be a post I will have to update every time a new film comes to my mind.

These are the ones that are stuck in my brain now:

1. Short film 'Beat' dir. Aneil Karia

I re-watched this short last night for then 20th time and this is what prompted me to make the list. I LOVE LOVE LOVE everything about it, and Ben Whishaw is so brilliant here - as he is everywhere (I saw him in Low gig a few years back and that doubly cemented my love for him). Also the music, cinematography and editing...Definitely a film I wish I had made.

2. All That Jazz, dir. Bob Fosse

This is one of my teenage favourites, and it would definitely be harder to watch it right now. I especially loved the editing of the film, how they jumped from one scene to another. I was quite young when I first saw it, so I was completely blown away by the scene, where they are having a meeting, and suddenly all sound disappears except the clicking of the main character's fingers. Over-used technique now, but it worked so powefully. Great dancing, great energy, and honestly i don't like musicals, but this one is an exception.

3. Climax, dir. Gaspar Noé

It's always a hit and miss with Noe's films for me, but damn i loved Climax. So pure, so raw, so unreal and fantastic. Everything about it is perfect. If you want to feel something and get out of your comfort zone, do watch Climax.

4. Bobbi Jene, dir. Elvira Lind

I saw this documentary at a quite difficult period of my life, so this woman's search for herself and her place under the sun was like a godsend.

5. Ema, dir. Pablo Larraín

The music! Ah, it's the best thing about this movie. But also being transported to a dance community in Chile, and watching a very intense romantic relationship evolve and disolve was a really trippy experience.

6. La danseuse, dir. Stéphanie Di Giusto

This film was recommended by my dance history teacher. It (heavily) dramatizes the life of the legendary dance and inventor Loïe Fuller. I loved SOKO and the general direction of the film, however I was quite upset about the historic inaccuracy. Still if you need a bit of drama in your life and sensual love scenes, here's your chance.

7. Bombay Beach, dir. Alma Har'el

When I saw this film at a documentary festival in 2011, I wanted to tell everyone about it. The kindness, the joy, the honesty of the stories plus the dancing just made it completely magical. I was quite obsessed with it for a while, because it felt like a completely new way of storytelling, and i guess still does.

8. Exit 12: Moved by War, dir. Mohammad Gorjestani

This is an incredible short film about a war veteran, who started a dance company to help not just himself but other veterans go through their war experiences and trauma. Watching this film just proves that art therapies are powerful and should be considered seriously in every institution, including schools.

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Trudell reading Grandmother Moon

Narratively is a media company that celebrates the diversity of humanity through authentic storytelling.

John Trudell

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Soma journey 6 - dance & movement history

No to spectacle. No to virtuosity. No to transformations and magic and make-believe. No to the glamour and transcendency of the star image. No to the heroic. No to the anti-heroic. No to trash imagery. No to involvement of performer or spectator. No to style. No to camp. No to seduction of spectator by the wiles of the performer. No to eccentricity. No to moving or being moved.

Yvonne Rainer (1965)

I'm currently doing a course on dance history and it's absolutely fascinating. I have heard a lot of the 'important' names in dance sporadically throughout my life but have never had it all laid out in a coherent and chronological order. It's been fascinating to discover when specific forms of movement had appeared and how. Of course, XX century is the most interesting for me personally - partly to do with the amount of resources (films especially) available.

I wanted to highlight a few groups and people who have left an impression on me (in all honesty, there's too many to name):

1. Valeska Gert - people call her the punk movement originator. She refused to be whatever society wanted her to be and instead was completely original and outrageous in her performance work. She even simulated orgasm on stage - in like 1930s?!

2. Judson Dance Theater - a short lived but very influential collective of dancers, filmmakers, composers and others from 1962-1966 in the USA. Similar motives as Fluxus groups, they rejected glamour and spectacle and this way helped invent Post Modern dance. Yvonne Rainer's 'No Manifesto' I quoted at the top was part of it. Even though I don't neccessaily agree with all the points of it now, but the lack of authority, democratization of performance and creation is very close to my idea of how we should be creating - collectively and actively. One of my favourite filmmakers Carolee Schneemann was also part of the group and her seminal work 'Meat Joy' (1964) was certainly quite groundbreaking, considering it was also perormed in a church. Steve Paxon who helped create contact improvisation was also part of the collective.

3. Pina Bausch - I probably don't need to say much here, but there is pure genius in her works. They are so visceral and alive, each and every one of us can feel a direct connection with them. I found it most interesting when the teacher asked our group what was the most memorable thing about XX century dance, a lot of students highlighted Pina. To me this suggests that we all experience deep inner lives that are not expressed through the body, and magically we feel them indirectly through her work. She manages to forcefully capture the realness and pure existance of the movement and being. I'm off to watch Pina by Wim Wenders!

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Valeska Gert - what a performer

"I danced all of the people that the upright citizen despised: whores, pimps, depraved souls—the ones who slipped through the cracks."

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How am I only finding out about John Prine just now?!

He ain't got laid in a month of Sundays

I caught him once and he was sniffin' my undies

He ain't too sharp but he gets things done

Drinks his beer like it's oxygen

He's my baby, and I'm his honey

Never gonna let him go

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Soma journey 5 - drumming, pulse, herbs and martial arts

Last night I watched a documentary about educator and musician Milford Graves, called Milford Graves Full Mantis (available on amazon) and the man was simply amazing. He died only a few months ago, aged 79.

Milford studied the human body and it's rhythms, mainly the pulse. I loved the story of when he randomly discovered recordings of heart rhythms, then called up fellow musicians telling them that now they have everything they need and don't need to travel to local people to learn from them anymore (he meant rhythm wise, i presume). I quote wiki: " [Milford] was astonished by the similarities between cardiac arrhythmias and Afro-Cuban drumming patterns. Beyond the simple da-DUM of the heartbeat, he heard polyrhythmic pulsations, variable duration between beats, and a whole spectrum of frequencies. All this strengthened his conviction that true rhythm isn't metronomic and that the tone of the beat is as important as its duration."

Moreover he was a herbalist, acupuncturist and martial arts teacher, creating a unique martial arts form he called Yara (according to Graves, Yara means "nimbleness" in the Yoruba language.) I only had a taste of martial arts in my teenage years, but my interest has been increasingly growing. I love the way he describes his thinking about the importance of being a holistic martial arts practitioner: "When we test the body, or we grab the body, and hit certain points and grab certain points, you’re not doing a destructive touch... You're a healing martial artist, a constructive martial artist, not a destructive martial artist... You just don't want to be somebody who learns a martial art to go out and be a bully and hurt somebody. I think that's wrong."

What inspires me most is that he not only served the community, but also created, played music, travelled and learnt from other cultures. He listened. He expressed. He's one of those people you have a nagging suspicion about - that they are from far far future and you will never really get them. There is a clip in the documentary of him drumming with a dancer in a school in Japan and it is just mindblowing. I can't find the exact clip online, but here is another one of him collaborating with a Japanese dance artist:

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Soma journey 4 - Embodied Reconnection Week and other sources

It came as a slight surprise to me, but the amount of information I find on embodiment online - free conferences, free podcasts, discussions, masterclasses - is simply massive. It's very exciting, but sometimes it might also feel a bit overwhelming, because I want to try EVERYTHING. My fomo is a real thing and when I think back about my days of working in a stressful full time job, living in a big city, going out almost every night and all the drinking, I can only thank my naive and resilient body for being able to carry all of that each day with very few pauses. Probably if you're a parent or someone handling many jobs etc, you're laughing at me now, but I'm weak, OK!

In short the below was me:

Today, I still try to do as much as possible but for better reasons than FOMO. I've also become more careful in measuring and respecting my time and have learnt to appreciate my 'rest' time. After all, embodiment teaches me to listen to my body and what it needs and when. I am slowly starting to understand and experience that lesson.

Sooooo I want to mention a few conferences/summits which have really helped me over the past year and kept me busy in a good way:

-Embodied Psychology Summit - here I heard from such amazing people as Michela Boehm, Dr Scott Lyons, Stephen W. Porges, Myra Avedon and others. I had never heard of polyvagal theory (by Porges) and never even thought of studying trauma, so it was a great intro. Also I picked up very interesting facts about our body development, and tips how to connect to myself more. Also had amazing spiritual experiences listening and practising animism and ancestral medicine with Daniel Foor , and took one of the most purely blissful/full of happiness dance classes ever with Bernadette Pleasant. I want to be like her when I 'grow up', can I please.

-Embodied Social Justice Summit- hear I heard from the amazing Camille Barton and Nkem Ndefo, amongst others. It's also organised by the same people as Embodied Psychology Summit, the Embody Lab. They also now have training for Embodied Social Justice, which I'm definitely considering once I have a bit more knowledge in general.

-The Wilds Beyond Climate Justice - not exactly an embodiment festival, but here I learnt from amazing people like Bayo Akomolafe, Alnoor Ladha, who influenced me to seek more and open the doors to the body world by thinking about how we got to where we are now, justice wise. The gathering's 'aim is to open up a space for different kinds of activities, actions, and conversations that lie beyond the dominant Western framework of climate activism and justice.' I was also 'stuck' in Malaysia at the time, so learning to think beyond Western framework was very timely for me.

-Embodied Reconnection Week - organised by Embodiment Unlimited, this event was happening whole of last week, with live sessions everyday available on facebook and zoom, mainly led by the founder Mark Walsh. I really enjoyed the experience of hearing from a single organisation which has developed their own way of working and their own methods, influenced by a range of other teachers. So you can say it was a marketing strategy for them, a way to attract people to join their courses, but the amount of useful information Mark and his colleagues shared was actually invaluable, at least for me, a newbie. So I guess, ethical marketing is kind of possible - never thought I'd write this. In short, this week I learnt quite a few simple ways how to center and why it is important. They also touched upon social centering/regulating with others and how to influence others. Most of those tips and practices, for example asking for consent, can be applied to any subject. My main takeaway was the obvious (but not consciously to me, at least) fact, that you need to teach by showing. The teacher needs to feel centered and know how to self-regulate, before they can reach out to a client.

Massive thanks to all the above organisers and teachers I had the opportunity to hear from and I can't wait to learn more.

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Did I mention Climax by Gaspar Noe is pure collective genius? His work is certainly controversial, but the raw flesh and embodiment you can feel through it is something I haven't experienced watching other films. LOVE is another one to experience (but maybe not in 3D, why why why do we have 3D again?...)

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Soma journey 3 - womxn's bodies

'I don't want to be touched all the time I raised my body up to be mine'

Head Alone - Julia Jacklin

The more I learn about my body, the more I realise the additional load she carries since I identify as a woman. Being watched, being seen too much, being too watchful. Being cat called. Being touched when you didn't expect to and didn't want to. Being scared when you're literally 1 step away from your home door. Lots more I don't need to list. How do we deal with that? Do you deal with that?

Self defence is one way and I am reading an excellent zine named exactly that. However, it makes a point that there is no one form of self defence because every situation is unique, hence the zine doesn't give you step-by-step instrunctions. Instead it shares stories, artwork and thoughts of other women. For example, one woman had finally forced herself to send a letter to her abuser and make him apologize. She also included his reply, which really wasn't satisfying but at least he did sort of apologize (and then offloaded all of his emotional problems as men like to do).

Also the zine offers some useful tips how to deal with it when your friend /partner experiences abuse. I'm certainly one of those people who prefer to think 'everything is fine, no one got hurt, let's move on' because I can't bear the thought that something might have happened to someone close to me, which is very defensive and selfish. But we continue living with that experience, so actually making space for your friend to share is very precious. I would like to create those spaces more.

Here is a link to the zine: https://archive.org/details/WomensSelf-defense2

When I was travelling, I had a support group on WhatsApp where I would share where I am staying and for how long; when I was hitchiking alone I'd share the car plate number and let my support group know when I had safely arrived. I had moments of feeling such gratefulness to these womxn around me who care, who cheer me on, who don't stop me even though they maybe don't agree me, and support me nonetheless. I felt so much safer with them.

But that's not enough. As a woman, I have accepted I won't feel completely safe anywhere, and I start noticing that in my body. How I tense at specific times, how I avoid certain looks, how I cross the street when I notice something suspicious. We can brush away those experiences temporarily, but they continue living in our bodies.

But I want to be free. I want to be free to move the way I want and not worry about being watched. I don't want to be questioning my sanity, if my 'paranoia' is reasonable or no. I want to offer an honest big smile to passersby and know they will interpret the smile the way it is and not as an invitation to follow me, for example. And I want this for all womxn. It's quite hard when something is out of your control, which again leads me to the topic of using embodiment as a form of increasing social change...is that possible?