Bad Dad Jokes

Dad Jokes and Stupid Puns

[baddadjokez]

My wife is threatening to leave me for never putting the toilet seat down.

Quite honestly, I’m getting a little tired of carrying it around anyway.

[baddadjokez]

4 men were sitting in a boat about to smoke a pack of cigarettes when they realized they did not have something to light their cigarettes with.

So, they threw one cigarette off their boat and the boat became one cigarette lighter

[baddadjokez]

How do you pronounce this word: data or data?

I think it's data.

[baddadjokez]

I didn't pay my exorcist bill on time.

They repossessed me.

[baddadjokez]

What do you call a mysterious condiment

saucepicous

[baddadjokez]

Guys I found out what the past tense of remove is!

[removed]

[baddadjokez]

Why did the chicken go to the gym?

To work on his pecks

[baddadjokez]

my husband's always giving me the cold shoulder

Wish he would choose a different cut of meat for once

[baddadjokez]

Last night while my wife was asleep I decided to write algebraic terms all over her.

You should have seen the expression on her face.

[baddadjokez]

A man loses three fingers in a work accident. He goes to the Emergency room and asks the doctor... "Will I be able to drive with this hand?". The doctor replies...

"Maybe. But I wouldn't count on it."

[baddadjokez]

What is mightier than the sword?

The pen is

[baddadjokez]

Who delivers a cat's mail?

The USPSPSPSPS

[baddadjokez]

They played The Twist. I did the twist. They played Macarena. I did Macarena. They played Come On Eileen.

I got kicked out for that one.

[baddadjokez]

I tried to win a suntan contest.

All I got was bronze.

[baddadjokez]

A snake walks into a bar

The bartender says, "How did you do that?"

[baddadjokez]

Whats the best thing about only having your right arm and right leg?

You’ve got nothing left to lose.

[baddadjokez]

I accidentally swallowed a lot of Scrabble tiles.

My next trip to the bathroom could spell disaster