There are many things that Makoto doesn’t yet know how to approach. Regardless of how open-minded he is, not everything is tangible – he doesn’t always understand the people that surround him, no matter the effort he puts in doing so. Often times, he tries to convince himself otherwise, but the truth is never far behind. It always comes right back around, surfaces and he gets one such reminder that he doesn’t have others figured out as much, or as well as he’d wish.
Byakuya Togami is one such person, one whom he’s considered to gradually come to grasp, to unravel. Yet to each layer peeled away, to each notion that began to carry some form of contour, there was more awaiting to be uncovered; he couldn’t be contained within a limited spectrum of words. Perhaps that is where Makoto has gone wrong to begin with and, maybe, he shouldn’t try to categorize people based off of finite words, not when they are infinite in characterization.
However, it seems that no matter what Makoto is inclined to think, something is bound to happen and it usually results in him questioning his own judgment. From the moment he had been reunited with Byakuya, that has happened twice already. This is beyond confusing, especially when the pattern is set once more, only to be broken again. It’s Byakuya that builds him up, only to bring Makoto right back down again. Rinse and repeat.
The space between them might be lessened, but a rift remains there. Byakuya’s words, although they now carry gentleness in them, still cause shivers to crawl down his spine. There is more for Makoto to take in as the seconds pass; words of praise, as well as remarks and reminders towards the things that he has to work on. This recurring to and from feels more damaging than constructive and yet, the moment that the words of apology leave Byakuya’s lips, Makoto freezes. His posture shifts, arms drop limp by his sides while shoulders pull back as he straightens up. Eyes are open wide as tears start to roll down his cheeks more consistently, yet words evade him.
Perhaps… No, surely Makoto has been wrong this time around too. Erroneous judgment is all that he seems to be capable of on this evening, but there’s no point to further twist a knife into an already open wound. He’s man enough to admit that he’s misjudged Byakuya’s intentions, that this wasn’t a moment where he got chewed out for the pure sake of a reminder of how different the two of them were – no, are. The other is saying sorry to him and Makoto isn’t even brave enough to face him; he feels the icy pair of blue eyes on his back. When did he become so cowardly? This was very unlike him.
His feet shuffle, hesitance marking his movement as Makoto turned around. Fingers latch themselves at the material of his coat, attempting to curl around it, to dig into it – he’s left empty-handed then, too. Silently, he regards Byakuya, hazel eyes bearing a mix of emotions; fear and confusion are the most prominent that swirl and mix together. “I’m sorry… Y-You’ve only been trying to help and–” I’ve slapped you in the face like this. Tears are blinked away and, before another apology slips past his lips, Makoto blots from the spot. Arms outstretch themselves and against his better judgment, the moment he reaches close enough to Byakuya, his arms lock the other into a tight embrace. Whether this turns out to be a mistake or not, remains to be seen; if it ends up being another bullet he has to take, then so be it.
For the time being, he relishes in the contact between them, in the warmth that their bodies give off – it’s not cold anymore, not as it used to be. “This is very little said, compared to all that you’ve told me, but…” The tip of Makoto’s nose bumps lightly against Byakuya’s clothed chest as his forehead’s brought to rest against it, “Thank you for believing in me. I know there’s a lot that I have to fix about how I look at things, I’m trying to… ground myself to reality more, be more practical. I shouldn’t have pushed any of this onto you either, it… isn’t your mess to deal with.”
His voice is quiet, slightly shaky from the previous moments. The tears have stopped, though his cheeks remain stained wet – they are drying, slowly – and his eyes are a bit red and puffy. That’s the only reason that he’s hesitant to look up, not wanting to risk making matters worse by making guilt surface. This is one thing that Makoto knows must be done, though; facing one’s fears. So he loosens his hold around Byakuya a slight and puts some distance between the two of them while tipping his head backward to look up. There’s a small smile on his lips, but it barely stands for a few seconds before his lips part, letting out a simple but secure statement.“You’ve changed.”
How come Makoto was the one apologizing now? Byakuya narrowed his eyes as he tried to understand, but his thoughts were soon interrupted when the other hugged into him. A light blush spread across Byakuya’s cheeks as he tried to think of what to do, or what to say, but nothing coherent came to mind. In the end, Byakuya wasn’t really a people person, and situations like these only helped proving that point. If only he were an emotional person.
Byakuya decided that, for once, he could make a terrible decision too. His hand shook at first, but once it gained the resolve it needed, he placed it on the back of Makoto’s neck and pulled him back in. His own chest was used as a cushion once again for the other’s face, while Byakuya inhaled and got ready to speak. Uncertain words left his lips.
“I believe in you, because I doubted you at first.” He said, not sure if this was information the other would appreciate, but for once he decided he could speak his mind, while Makoto listened to his heart. Quite literally, so. “Didn’t I tell you this before? That if you were to make it out of the Killing School Life alive, that I would be forced to acknowledge you? I did, so don’t forget something like that.”
And now he sighed, but his voice soon continued. “People always have the tendency to lie... Maybe you don’t as much, but I have been aware of your honest behaviour and am not surprised. Your honesty is rather questionable. Do you still think it’s better to die while you believe in your friends, than to live while you distrust them? Is that what hope means to you?”
He paused, again gathering the words to speak. “What I mean to say is that I have been doubtful of you in the past, but that it led to the trust I have in you now. To doubt, is to learn more about people, and to learn more about them, is to find trust. One cannot listen to a person’s heart by listening to their words alone. Question them, suspect them... take a good look. You have to dig deeper for it. Apathy is your biggest enemy.”
By now, Byakuya wrapped his arms around Makoto and hugged him in turn, just strongly enough to keep him close. His voice was soft. “In a way... I wanted you to doubt me too.” And soon picked up again in terms of volume.
"Don’t foolishly bother yourself with the things you can’t wrap your head around. After all, you’re at my side now. If it’s grounding you need, then I am here to lead the way, and I am here for you.”
He paused. Admittedly, Byakuya was a little embarrassed by his own words and his fast racing heart, but he decided to ride this one out while wearing the poker face he had developed himself.
“I want you to understand that I am in your world again. I want you to know that I intend to stay, until we can build the hope you envisioned, or until you meet your end. Do you get it now? Do you?” A brief moment of silence.
“Tell me, Naegi.” He let go again to brush a tear from the other’s eye, albeit only briefly. “Tell me you understand I want you close again.”
