There’s another.. sort of saying. Let’s say it’s a saying so I can match your post at midnight, so humor me, ok? It is a very short one, too. “You are my beginning and my end” - that’s it already. Very short. Crisp. Powerful. At least to me it is. Everyone is rolling their eyes now, thinking it is so cheesy. But do they get it? I don’t think so. Perhaps I am also just living in our bubble and have no regrets.
This exact day, the 18th of July, one year ago is the day you walked up to me to tell me you don’t like small talk, so you asked me about a song that wouldn’t leave my head. That I could listen to on repeat. Let’s not talk about the intentions you had, but mine became very clear early on. It was a feeling. Something you gave me. An excitement of sorts. I liked that you approached me. You seemed fearless. Confident. That was my first impression. Let’s just say that after one year of knowing you, you have many more facets than that.
My first gut feeling didn’t fool me however. And you know how much I trust my gut. Right here? Right now? Yes, baby. My gut led me to the best thing I never saw happening for myself. Even if this love has made me soft, as you like to point out.
You turned out to be more than I would ever have suspected this could be. My first day deciding to reach out, to be part of society in a way, you walked up to me and turned my life upside down. You were my beginning. Of course, back then I didn’t know that yet. It became clear very soon, though. I wanted you. You, no one else. You didn’t believe me, naturally. You fought me, nails and teeth, pushed me away. So I had to become creative. Even if I didn’t need another reason to get to know you, it only motivated me more to do exactly that.
Did I weaponize the things you like to make you fall for me? Yes. But I am a manipulative asshole, and soon I became your asshole. The only one. Fuck every other little nickname. That’s all I want to be, because from the start, I was yours. I could tell everyone again now how we started, but they likely all had enough of that already.
Now what’s the end? It doesn’t matter. The only thing that is for certain is that when I end? It’s by your side. There is no other outcome to this. There is nothing else for me out there, there is no one I feel more comfortable with. More myself. In those quiet moments where every mask falls and it’s you and me. And even after a year, after nine months of being official, that feeling never once changed.
That’s why this post is for you at the end of this day. Only for you, @milayaprintsessa. Because you are my beginning. And you are my end. I love you.
