“My high school crush”
I guess you can say I’ve evolved into a man. I never gave it thought when I entered the league at 20 years old. A kid from Oklahoma, entering the bright lights of Los Angeles. Yeah, a kid. I feel like after a couple of nights of swapping tongues with groupies and exchanging neck kisses with low self esteem models, I’ve realized my selfish acts have affected the ones around me. If my ex having a baby that has my DNA wasn’t enough of a wake up call then Rosa’s forgiveness had to be. (Although becoming a father definitely woke me up). It felt like as if just yesterday I had met Rosa and her thick, long, wavy hair. Brown eyes and thick thighs. Golden soft brown skin I covered with my kisses. Her smile and personality couldn’t compare to not one of those groupies or models that came and left. Without trying, Rosa made me happy. I left her when I declared for the NBA and she refused to come to LA with me. Mostly: I refused to commit to a long distance relationship. Kissing her lips again felt like the first time in high school when she made the first move in art room. I liked Rosa. A lot. But she had gone through bad breakup with her ex and I was shy to ask her to be my girlfriend. But I lured her to the art closet where my intention was to just talk to her but SHE leaned in. Her red, round, lips leaned into mine. I gently touched her waist and bended my knees as I was too tall for her small body to kiss. Rosa’s arms hung around my neck, and her lips slowly curved to a tiny smile as our tongues collapsed together. If that moment wasn’t enough to drill my adrenalin, the art teacher caught us eating each others faces. A week of detention we served and although it didn’t sit well with my parents, I continued to see Rosa throughout the rest of high school. They came around to Rosa in college when we couldn’t serve detention for PDA. I also remember Rosa dropping hints to me about how she wasn’t looking for a relationship. I caught her hints and was disappointed. But her lips came around and soon we were inseparable. I looked forward to the weekends where Id go over to her house when her dad was at work and we’d have sex to our favorite songs. Afterwards we did our homework but I couldn’t concentrate with her. Ever.
Rosa wouldn’t allow me to put a tittle on us. It felt as if she was my girlfriend, though. We’d tell each other everything: our childhoods, past relationships, a future, college, love, our perspective on drugs, sex, money, religion… It was as if she was my soul mate at 17. I then accidentally told her I loved her. Rosa cut all contact off with me immediately. I apologized but Rosa replied “don’t be. It’s mutual and that’s why I ran”. I didn’t know how to respond and I guess it was because I was scared too. I thought Olivia (my first girlfriend) was my first love but Rosa made me realize, my perspective of love was completely wrong. Absolutely wrong. Months after I left, after I saw palm trees up close, I dug my feet into sand and salt water kissed my toes. After I had a couple of drinks with a couple of guys with diamond watches that were worth more than my home back in Oklahoma. After I bought a couple of girls drink at a bar and introduced them to my new home. After I broke my new silk bed sheets in with number of different girls. After I learned that the only way for me to deal with the loss of Rosa was to sleep with numeral girls, Rosa decided to text me “I love you” and I couldn’t reply because I wasn’t sure what love was anymore.
