cyansadness

a mentally ill bisexual disaster who likes writing (19) she/they

[wiserteriaoverbarefeet]

always an angel, never a god

on trinity santos being a child of immigrants, a gymnast, and the most overworked-overachieving high schooler around

TW: allusions to CSA, discussions of eating disorders

₊˚ʚ trinity can’t remember the last time she wasn’t exhausted. she’s up each morning before the sun — pulling her hair back and wiping restless sleep from tired eyes so she can make it to 7am training before school. then, she’s back in the car when school ends, changing into her leotard in the back seat.

₊˚ʚ trinity doesn’t leave the gym until it’s dark once more. dinner is dumplings from the chinese place across the street and trinity eats on the drive home. dinner is followed by a rushed shower and a night that doesn’t end until homework is complete.

₊˚ʚ most of the time, trinity’s up past midnight cramming for exams and finishing all her assignments. she works while her hair dries and ice packs sit on her knee & hip. after three years of recurrent injury, trinity’s gotten good at ignoring the way that her muscles keep trying to split themselves in two.

₊˚ʚ at school, trinity doesn’t have friends. it’s a catholic girls school where she’s the only asian kid, the only non trust-fund kid, and the only one with weird food at lunch.

₊˚ʚ trinity tells herself the other girls are dicks and that she doesn’t care what they think. she doesn’t need them, they aren’t worth anything. trinity says it so often that at times, she starts to believe it. yet she continues to spend her lunch periods in the library studying over coffee or an energy drink. and if she lets herself eat, at least she’s there alone.

₊˚ʚ in moments trinity isn’t proud of, she’ll find herself zoning out and watching the girls who come in in pairs — imagining herself in their shoes instead. she imagines being wanted for who she is, not merely who she’s moulded herself to become.

₊˚ʚ it’s a weird juxtaposition and trinity knows it. she’s always surrounded by people, wether at school, home, or in the gym. her classmates all have their cliques and in theory, trinity has her team. but everyone feels so far away. trinity knows if they weren’t stuck together for 6+ hours a day, none of them would give her a second glance.

₊˚ʚ still, she tells herself she doesn’t care. her parents are always reminding her that gymnastics isn’t about making friends — it’s about winning. it’s about getting a scholarship and going to UCLA or Cornell or some other top university. trinity isn’t sure she wants any of it (no, she knows she doesn’t want it, the thought of doing gymnastics in college makes her want to rip her hair out) but the cloud of guilt that always looms above her, threatening to pour if she turns her head, pushes her onwards.

₊˚ʚ it’s the least she can do for them, trinity knows. they’ve sacrificed everything for her. they’ve poured thousands into this sport, into her, and maybe it’s come at the expense of trinity’s life and trinity’s body but if they can manage what they have for her — she can manage for them too.

₊˚ʚ so trinity swallows the isolation. she still has her best friend and even though she’s been attending practice less and less often, at least when she does, she stands in trinity’s corner. at least she waits outside when trinity has appointments with the team doctor, the same way that trinity always does for her.

₊˚ʚ they help each other in other ways too. trinity would never admit it, but she takes her friends dieting advice. because maybe she shouldn’t be shallow enough to care about those things, but she’s got the broadest shoulders on her team and when her muscles aren’t flexed, they just look like fat.

₊˚ʚ and it’s fine because trinity knows what she’s doing. she’s in control. her coach has stopped poking her belly in and her mom finally tells her she looks pretty. trinity is disciplined and just like with all things, she is determined to be the best at this too.

[cyansadness]

so it is more or less canon that santos has struggled with disordered eating, whether it was restrictive eating habits or binging and purging, along with the canonical self harm she is actively struggling with.

now, santos would have done gymnastics at an elite level before it was a safe sport which meant that there was a level of perfection she had to achieve by any means necessary.

eating disorders in female dominated sports like gymnastics, dance, and, figure skating are unfortunately very common.

so while it is believable that it was because she needed to achieve that perfection, it was one of the only things that she could control. she could control how much food she consumed and when she would purge and she controlled all of it.

during a time when everything was out of her control (the CSA, her friends suicide and the aftermath of it all), she could control that along with the self harm

[cyansadness]

okay, calling all the pitt fanfic writers

i have a fic idea that i will not do justice to so i want to give it to someone

so imagine this is during langdon’s first month back and him and santos are just butting heads so robby keeps putting them on cases together so they can resolve it

one day, they get this patient with something, idc what, and with him are his two children. now, the older son is from one marriage and then he has a younger daughter who is from the second marriage (and first divorce) but she is living with them and the first wife (the son’s mother)

now there is an age gap (the son is like 20 while the girl is 16). it is so clear that they don’t like each other but are similar.

they have the same characteristics and the same dynamic as langdon and santos. for the first time, they see their dynamic from their own eyes. their mirrors.

they see these sibling fight and bicker and everything and trying to help these siblings help them kinda resolve things

i hope i make sense and that someone likes this idea

okay, thank you

[losingthegame]

garsantos confirmed only one year apart (santos 26, garcia 27)

[cyansadness]

am i aware of canon? yes

do i care? nope

long live garsantos age gap yuri

[cyansadness]

okay so obviously, we see santos and how she interacts with people. she comes on too strong and struggles to make friends. we also know that she was a professional gymnast.

what if she was homeschooled? that means more time training and in the gym and it explains why she struggles to make friends outside of a competitive environment so she resorts to what she knows. locker room talk, the kind of camaraderie that comes from being someone’s biggest competitor.

just some food for thought.

[fandomorientation]

garcia and santos being one of the most blatant ships in the pitt and still having lesser fans is CRIMINAL

[needydslur]

i just think santos has been through too much in life which is why god gave her a harem of hot doctors who are obsessed with her loserisms

[cyansadness]

[cyansadness]

trinity santos x history of man by maisie peters

[cherubinas]

if dr. yolanda garcia was a lesser woman she would crumble under the weight of her lust but she's such a bad bitch she performs surgery while thinking about fingering the intern

[cyansadness]

y’all

there’s this mel/langdon fic called pas de deux and it’s ballet dancer frank x physical therapist mel and as a former ballet dancer, it’s so scrumptious and i don’t even fuck with mel/langdon like that

i love it, it’s so good, go read it

(and if someone (maybe the same author if they’re on tumblr) wants to write something like that for garcia/santos, i will be indebted to you)

[idontevenknowhowtolife]

i want this like a cigarette (can we drag it out and never quit) (3131 words) by Idkhowtodothis Chapters: 1/2 Fandom: The Pitt (TV) Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Yolanda Garcia/Trinity Santos, Parker Ellis/Trinity Santos, Parker Ellis/Trinity Santos/Yolanda Garcia Characters: Yolanda Garcia, Trinity Santos, Parker Ellis, Michael "Robby" Robinavitch, Frank Langdon, Dennis Whitaker, Melissa "Mel" King Additional Tags: Useless Lesbians, Lesbian Trinity Santos, Married Ellis Parker and Yolanda Garcia, Tired Michael "Robby" Robinavitch, Parental Michael "Robby" Robinavitch Series: Part 1 of these people do have two hands (both can be held) Summary: one hot lesbian surgical senior resident, one hot lesbian emergency medicine senior resident, and one loser lesbian emergency medicine intern. what could go wrong? aka. married ellis and garcia where garcia texts her wife like “babe the new ED intern dropped a scalpel in my foot we HAVE to date her” and ellis goes "fuck yeah"

[cyansadness]

i love being an enabler

[cyansadness]

close enough, welcome back santana lopez

(this is about trinity santos)

[fiery-blues]

santos and garcia

[belleeebelleee]

[lesbiancreganstark]

santos could kill a puppy on screen and i’d forgive her bc she has big beautiful eyes

[noreturnz]

Santos tragedy is that she is a lesbian catnip stuck in a heteronorm (derogatory) fandom.

[stfrancisofinfidelity]

i’m never not cackling rewatching when langdon and robby are getting onto santos for her bipap mishap and oh no here comes garcia! surely she’ll have something to say! then santos has her sad little eyes and garcia shows such obvious favoritism and langdon looks so fucking peeved like he doesn’t also have his own favorite.