the longer salem stood in front of bambi, the more he began to realize why exactly he took the route he did. it was like storm clouds receding after a storm and after so long, the sun hidden behind the darkness shined brightly down, the light unfiltered in its power and nearly blinding. that’s best how salem could compare what it was like to be in bambi’s presence. there were many who viewed unwavering kindness as a weakness, but through bambi, her aura shone bright and as a weak man, he burned from such close proximity. salem never viewed bambi developing feelings for him as a possibility when they both discussed becoming friends with benefits. it seemed illogical for someone as sweet and altruistic as her to find something … redeemable in him. something to like. someone to like. maybe he did have a habit of ruining relationships and chasing off those who had gotten close enough to see there may be a heart in his — however wilting and weathered as it may be. salem’s head felt weighed down by the race of thoughts in his mind, anchored down to this spot and he didn’t feel like running from bambi anymore. he knew why he ran. he ran because being around bambi and the friendship she offered made salem want to be better than what he was. her words have him sigh quiet and he shook his head. ❝ don’t say that. you’re more intelligent than you give yourself credit for. ❞ he murmured gently, kicking a stray pebble in his path as they continued down the street. maybe he was in over his head with this. her comment about making him uncomfortable has him abruptly stop and reaching out to stop her with a hesitant fingers wrapping around her wrist. ❝ bambi. wait. ❞ he said, chocolate hues looking over to her. he knew they had a whole lunch to get through but if he didn’t get it out of the way now then he would hold onto it and continue being the coward that he was. ❝ you don’t have to apologize — you don’t have anything to apologize for. i should be the one apologizing to you. i — i am apologizing to you. ❞ he swallowed the dryness in his throat and pushed on. the last time he apologized with genuine sincerity was to ezra by the poolside and his stomach churned just the same when it came to taking accountability for his actions. ❝ you didn’t make me uncomfortable and even if you did it doesn’t matter 'cause i’m the asshole in this scenario. you shouldn’t have to worry about sugar coating anything around me. i hurt you that night with how i handled things and from then on, and now you’re making jokes about it like i haven’t stopped talking to you for a month. part of me doesn’t want to talk about it because i’m a coward and you deserve better than that and i want to talk about it since that’s what i owe you. more of an explanation and kindness than i showed you that night. ❞ salem was out of breath by the time he finished, cheeks aflame as he stared doe eyed at bambi. ❝ unless you’d rather talk about this over chili prawns. or not at all. or if you want to slap me and walk away then that works too; i won’t mind. ❞ he said with a sudden quiet tone taking over from his volume previously.
She’d always wanted to be good to him. Long before falling into his bed with the intent to long for nothing but a quick fix. And especially after catching feelings in darkened rooms when she thought disclosing such a thought would be a good idea. There was nothing she regretted about her time with Salem except for that moment. The moment she decided to ruin everything. Maybe it did save her some pain in the end. His silence gave her the answer she didn’t want but needed to hear. There were no more disillusions about what they could never be. But she had missed him. She missed listening to him speak, and making him smile. Taking the time out of her day to make sure he was okay, and working her hardest to fix it, because more than someone who could easily be described as a storm --- quick to damage everyone in its wake without sticking around to look back at the damages, she saw someone who was hurting. And who may have needed a reminder that the world wasn’t all bad. She wondered who was turning that light on during the time they hadn’t been speaking. But it’s a train of thought that’s abruptly cut the moment he touches her. The suddenness of it throwing her off for a moment, and she had forgotten about her ramble until he finds himself apology. Apologizing for something spent the past month blaming herself for. The month she spent making excuses for him. It was overwhelming hearing him own up to something didn’t blame him for. It made her wonder maybe he had been unkind to her, but she was so focused on keeping him comfortable and making sure his feelings were okay that she refused to realize how much he’d hurt her own. The pent up hurt came in a rush, building in the corners of her eyes in the form of tears as she tried to keep them at bay. “Salem...---” she starts but her voice quickly catches, and cracks. Tears pooling over without permission. “I really missed you.” She offers as she pulls her hands back to wipe away the tears as quickly as possible. Even then trying to put his feelings about her own. “I know you don’t like me in that way, and I knew you didn’t then but I thought you would still be my friend and then...--- did me liking you change everything that much? Were you that repulsed by it?” It was a question she’d been far to afraid to ask, far too hurt. And even now the answered she could receive terrified her.