Nothing‘s gonns hurt you baby- S. R
Touch starved reader x touch starved Simon, who hated the idea of physical touch
Warnings/ Tw: MDNI! Mentions of abuse, ComicCanon Simon Riley, mentions if scars, suicidal thoughts, mentions of death, brief hints of Simon’s SA experience, Panic attack, bullying, Trauma bonding- ish, angsty, hurt, comfort at the end
A/n: Listened to Ethel Cain and thought about my life when i wrote this, so everyone is suffering i guess😞
When Tommy and his family were murdered, Simon had lost it completely, he was tortured mentally and psychologically on deployments, he went crazy. He became Ghost and you kept haunting that ghost the moment he saw you. Everywhere he went he looked for you, until one day you kept glancing back at him in a bookstore. Did Ghost read? Occasionally on deployments, at the base, did he need a book right now? Absolutely not.
He couldn’t figure out if you were intrigued by the mask or shitless scared. He decided that you were intrigued when you walked up to him and asked him a silly question about which book you should get, catching the giant soldier off guard.
You didn’t know why you walked up to him, or why you had asked which book you should get, but you were thankful that you did, because now this giant soldier and stranger was your boyfriend. It was a rocky start because Ghost- Simon carried his battle wounds everywhere with him, he didn’t know how to not be Ghost anymore and how to be Simon. But he was willing to reflect and not change, but develop so he continued his therapy, it wasn’t always comfortable, but comfort was a luxury to Simon, a luxury that he never really got to experience. Not throughout his childhood, teenage years or his adult life. The coldness was reflected in his barely lived in apartment, in the way he treated himself, but deep inside he wanted to unlearn it, he hated it. Simon craved to be held, that someone kissed each scar and told him that everything will be okay, that he is safe. He would never admit it though, because at the same time the idea of someone touching him and looking at him digusted him.
Noticing Simon wasn’t that hard, he was tall and broad and he had a balaclava the second time you saw him, you barely remember the first time, but what made you see him was that familiar look in his eyes. Mentally he was far away, dissociated and you‘re familiar with that feeling, hell you felt disconnected with your mind and body since you were a child, the daily abuse and cruelty from everyone around you making you want to disappear.
You were intrigued by him and kept feeling his eyes on you, so nervously you had walked up to him and asked him the silliest question that came to your mind, catching him off guard. You have no idea how it happened, but somehow you gave him your number and he texted you, short and brief, but in a military precision and maybe awkward way.
Slowly texting turned into phone calls when he was deployed, then you met up for a date in a pub. It was comfortable because it wasn’t quiet, there were noises and people and the lights made you feel cozy. You liked orange and dimmed lights and Simon noticed the way your eyes glimmered and the way goosebumps spread all over your skin.
The next day he bought an orange light for his apartment in case you came over one day. The idea of you being comfortable in his space made him feel excited, at the same time he was unsure about someone else being in his space.
"Hey, I’m back from deployment, thought tht‘ maybe y‘ wanna know," he called you, desperate to hear your soft voice. "Yeah? 'M really glad that you’re back," you told him flustered over the phone. His heartbeat quickened and he ended the call without another word, leaving you startled and confused, if you had said something wrong. He texted you after that, that he had missed you. He felt guilty for treating you like that and scoffed at himself before driving to your place and properly apologising, without explaining himself though.
There were days were you barely texted him, where he kept checking his phone, or weeks where he didn’t text due to deployment. You kept wondering if he really liked you, would he find you repulsive if he would get to know you further? What would he say about the scars on your body, about your body and you. Is it possible to love you?
You wanted to talk to him and open up to him. You desperately wanted him to open up to you slowly, because you were falling for him. You saw the way he wanted to open up, the way his lips tugged into a small smile when he talked about his team, especially his bestfriend Johnny.
On a rainy and gloomy friday afternoon he had invited you over to his place, mainly because he wanted you to get comfortable here. So now you were in his car after getting ready the whole day, shaving and shower and makeup and stuff. You were wearing some flared jeans and a dark purple babydoll top, your favourite. "Are you comfortable with me?," you ask him, turning your head to look at him as he drove through to his place. He stayed quiet for a second and swallowed hard before nodding. "I do and I want to show you, love." He comes to a halt infront of his apartment and turns the car off, before rubbing his eyes, a heavy lump in his throat.
"Do you- should we go inside or?," you ask hesitantly, swallowing hard. He reaches out and intertwines your hands in a desperate attempt to collect himself. "Yeah, okay,“ he nods and quickly gets out to open your door and cover you from the rain. Once you’re upstairs infront of his apartment he hesitates and opens the door, leading you inside.
You look around his apartment, taking the barely lived space in. There are no pictures, no decorations, just the needed furniture, a lamp and a few books.
"Looks cozy," you tell him softly, glancing back at him as he avoided eye contact. You quickly took your shoes off and followed him to the couch, where you left a small distance between your bodies.
"Love-" his voice broke and you turned your body towards his, placing a comforting hand on his arm. "I lost them all, Tommy, my nephew- just- i couldn’t protect them," he breaks down and you immediately wrap your arms around him. Despite your heart dropping, you keep rubbing his back and feeling the raised scars there. "It’s okay, Si,“ you whisper hoarsely, slowly understanding why. "They took them away from me, killed them when i was on a deployment. They keep haunting me in my dreams, they’re everywhere," his voice raises desperately and he pulls away from your touch. It takes your breath away and you immediately let him go, giving him space for a second, before hesitantly reaching out for him again. "They buried me with a dead man and hung me up with a hook, they scarred me for life." He can’t stop rambling and breaking down, his mind shutting down as he feels the familiar signs of a panic attack. So do you and you gently turn his face towards yours, trying to calm him down, but your voice barely reaches him. He’s drowning in his pain that he burried so deep inside of himself, the difference is that you’re here to save him this time. "Come on, Si take a breath for me, please," you try to reach him desperately and wrap u arms around him to ground him, rubbing his back again and whispering anything into his ear.
Minutes later he’s exhausted and laying in your arms, with you running your hands through his hair and asking yourself how he even managed all of this. He’s numb and disgusted with himself that he let someone see him in this state, but you quickly shut that thought down as you see it crossing his mind. "I’m here now, i promise." You lean down and press a barely there kiss onto his forehead, making him wince. After a while he sits up properly and buries his face in his hands, shaking his head and mumbling to himself.
"I have baggage, 'lot of it, you deserve-" No," you interrupt him immediately and grabbing his hand. "You don’t get to decide what I deserve and not, i can make decisions for myself and I want you, Simon Riley. I want every part of you, Ghost included, but I also want you to want me," you swallow hard and feel your eyes burning with tears.
Without another word he takes his shirt off and shares his biggest pain with you; his scars from days and weeks long of torture, that made him avoid mirrors for a long period. He doesn’t know how to react when you start tracing every scar gently, before kissing it with his consent. "Every part of you," you whisper against his skin, before burying your face in the crook of his neck.
For the first time in his life he wasn’t disgusted with being touched and he didn’t want this to stop, I’m not leaving, not if you don’t want me to," you murmur as he slowly melts into your body and pulls you down, to lay on the couch. He pulls you into his chest tightly and starts running his hands through your hair, both of you silent and just exhausted and content being held by each other. "Don’t ever leave me, love, ever." He grabs the scratch blanket over the back of the couch and drapes it over you, before you fall asleep together.
Hours later he wakes up with a headache from his panic attack, his throat dry and he kinda felt lightheaded. You slowly open your eyes as you feel him move underneath and look up groggily. "Let me get you some water," you murmur tiredly, before standing up and nearly tripping over the small coffee table, making him snort. "Not funny, seriously?," you reply despite a stupid and sheepish grin spreading across your face. You get him a glass of water and grab some painkillers from your purse, before handing it to him and yawning. Simon makes you drink a sip first, before downing the bottle and pulling you back down with him.
"This wasn’t how i planned this," he starts softly with a sigh; "I want you to tell me about yourself too, I want to know what happened to you."
"Not right now- "Exactly now," he interrupts gently, before you give in with a sigh.
"My dad was abusive, there isn’t one day in my life where i didn’t feel like i wanted to disappear and everything to end. School was full of bullies and i just- fuck," you sigh and swallow hard. "I’m anxious as fuck all the time and I always feel like no one will ever love me. I- I have some scars too, those raised ones, just from a different cause and i hate it," you continue before sitting up. You know that he had probably felt the scars on your shoulders as you cuddled, so before you could overthink you pull you sleeve down a little and show him your biggest insecurity. Just like you did he looks at them before kissing each and everyone, smiling a little. "You know what I think? I think we are meant to be," he murmurs gently, making you tear up this time.
Both of you had endured so much pain and suffering, but life had brought you together now and you could feel comfort and peace for once.
That day changed everything for you both and Simon started carrying a reminder of you in his gloves, when he was away on a mission, always carrying you with him. He was holding on to you when he was gone, because now he had a reason to live and a reason to come back. Slowly you left some pictures in his apartment too, brought some colour not only into his space but also into his life, so did he. He always gave you his dog tags when he was away, so that you could carry a reminder of him as well, it made him feel better. "Thanks," you had mumbled, clearly flustered and he only leaned down and kissed you gently, smiling against your lips.
You had both found happiness in the end and this was only the beginning of your life together, there was so much more to experience yet.
areudirty
blakekathryn
tangentwithtanner
kianamaiart
pixelskylines
prguitarman
stormborns
