The Heart Wants What It Wants
A/N: This has been in my notepad of my phone for the last three months, i wasn’t sure i would ever post this cause this isn’t the greatest thing ever. I’m posting this now, don’t be surprised if this sucks.
The day the pictures surfaced, it couldn’t have been a shittier day. Things were already going wrong and that was just the topper. To be completely embarrassed in front of a big crowd.
It’s funny cause you once knew his heart, well you thought anyway. Maybe that’s why you related to the song and video so much when it first came out.
Being in the spotlight, being with somebody who everyone speculates something about them. You had heard it all being with him. He was bad news and he would only hurt you.
Your friends had begged you to be careful, to at least go slow. Just don’t give your heart away that fast. You agreed and promised.
All the while falling fast for the boy with green eyes and such a beautiful smile. Who could speak your name and make you melt like an ice cream cone on a hot summer day.
It was being in the limelight, it came with the job. You overlooked it and went for him anyway, he was a good friend and you fell fast and hard for him.
You thought he did too, but despite it all you still wanted him. Every phone call was like oxygen to you and you thrived on that. It was a drug, needing him and wanting him.
So when those pictures came out, you took a step back from everything. It would and could mess up this career you had planned. It just was needed to take a step back and deal with this out of the spotlight.
Everyone who had dealt with heartbreak in public, they always acted out or did something stupid. It was rare someone didn’t and that they thought correctly.
So when asked to perform in front of a huge crowd for a music award show, you took it. It had been over a year since you last did anything.
The manager and the owner of the record label you were signed too, the advised you to do something and soon. You were loosing slowly and you needed to do something.
Everyone you knew would be this at show including the very man who surprisingly still owned your heart. He probably always would, despite it all.
You had asked if you could cover a song, which they all agreed too. Thankfully cause you weren’t ready to fully release one of the many heartaching songs you had wrote.
Maybe cause you weren’t ready and maybe because they included voicemails that once meant something to you. Ones that helped you fall asleep while he was touring but of course those pictures ruined these voicemails for you.
They weren’t even remotely ready and you felt like when they were released, he deserved to see the pain he caused you. The amount of hurt you suffered.
With the microphone clutched in your hand, you made your way down the hallway of the building. Someone had taken the stage introducing the next artist which was you.
You couldn’t hear much but it sounded like they were making sure to include that had been over a year since your much needed break. This performance would be a cover of a song.
You really wondered if he was even paying attention, but apart of you knew he wouldn’t. So you weren’t that worried, maybe for once you could get this done and off the stage without shedding tears.
You had paced for hours it felt like as you went up the stairs, the lights in the arena had dimmed and you took deep breaths as the music played.
The backtrack coming on of the original singer’s interview of where she went through her own breakup.
A picture coming up that had been picked by you, one of you and him holding hands. The tattoo on his hand blurred out some although he could probably tell.
You had heard gasps as it came on, your guess that a few had caught on to the song. A few more deep breaths took over as you walked to the center of the stage.
The light dimming down on to you, showcasing the all white dress. It being a symbol of starting over, feeling free and getting back to yourself.
His eyes locked to yours as you rose the microphone to your mouth and began to sing. His arm had been locked to some other girl who looked to be filled with tons of plastic surgery.
She had tattoos up and down her arms, it always had been his type to go for. Something you never were despite the many plans for tattoos.
She was a pure vixen compared to you, you were pure and had boundaries. You were like an angel and she was the bad girl out to do anything to get any man.
His eyes went to the girl, who had been whispering in his ear. He nodded and went back to yours, signs of remorse in them as you watched the few tears fall down.
As hard as you tried to look away, you couldn’t. He still had this hold and you couldn’t get away from it. So many different people had told you that, told you to get away.
You didn’t care, the advice wasn’t needed. You felt a few tears fall down as you closed your eyes shut. You looked down at the floor, letting the outro play.
The original singers i thought you were the one vocals coming over as the picture of the wings faded and broke into glass.
It being a symbol of your once innocent side gone, being damaged and gone beyond repair.
Once you looked back down into the crowd, he was gone.
The girl had stayed in her seat, anger on her face as she looked at you. You were a bit pissed that he couldn’t make it through the song but you got your statement out.
You got the silence out that you had held in for so long, maybe you choose the wrong occupation as an artist but you were never one for drama.
The crowd clapped and you bowed, just thankful for the moment you didn’t break down and held strong. You hugged a few of the friends that had been there for moral support.
They gave kind words as you headed to the dressing room, you took off the high heels and tossed them to the floor as you sat on the couch.
Saying a silent prayer and thank you, one that you never usually did. Just as you did that, the door swung open. Alex stood there, his eyes red and puffy.
He held a rose. His head down as he placed it on the table.
“I’m sorry for all the pain i caused you. I’m so sorry.”
It broke you seeing him like this. It completely hurt you. As much as you wanted to hold him and kiss him, tell him to just come home and fix things.
You couldn’t, he was only hurting cause now he lost you. He didn’t have you. He didn’t give you all of him like you did for him.
It’s all you could say through a cracked voice.
He nodded, making his way out of the room.
He slid down the wall, bringing his knees to his chest as he sobbed. All while you did the same on the couch, who were you kidding? you weren’t strong. You never had been.