Shadowhunters

Heather, 22. Celebrating everything Shadowhunters. Malec will be my OTP forever. (Definitely a bit multi-fandom at times too so be warned!)

[daddariodaily]

@Nunodesalles76: @MatthewDaddario’s expression needs no explanation… Thank you to @AlbertoRosende for capturing the moment perfectly

[banelightwoodstuff]

I just had my first coffee with actual caffeine in it for a week.

So now I am on a super energy high. It feels good.

But now I am going to have to tell my counsellor I failed in cutting caffeiene out completely. Oh well. I’ll just try and reduce my intake rather than not having it all.

Because while I am having trouble sleeping, there are days where I need a caffeine filled coffee to get my day started.

[banelightwoodstuff]

It’s been three days.

I have already broken my no caffeine rule. 

Dealing with my anxiety is going so great, as you can see.

[banelightwoodstuff]

I made a mistake at work today and I can’t get it out of my head.

Then again, I suppose this is why I go to counselling.

It’s not the criticism and someone telling me I did it wrong, it’s the fact that I hate myself for making the mistake in the first place.

And it wasn’t a big deal. It was my third day working there and I don’t think I was trained in it properly, but it was still a fucking stupid thing to do and I have to try and find a way to get over it.

[banelightwoodstuff]

Been told I should stop drinking coffee/caffeine if I want my anxiety to be better.

I’ll take the anxiety, thanks.

[banelightwoodstuff]

Kinda of annoyed with myself that I even have to go to counselling in the morning.

I haven’t been in 18 months. But I let everything get on top of me again and that is so frustrating.

[banelightwoodstuff]

I regret booking an early appointment for the counsellor tomorrow.

I should have got one a little later. Then again, I did book it before I knew I would be working all weekend.

But I actually am looking forward to work, I loved it last weekend. It’ll probably still be exhausting though, because I am still not quite in the routine of it and it has been quite a while since I did 8 hours in one day let alone two in a row. 

[banelightwoodstuff]

I am pissed. Literally got told that I could have had another job, but I can’t have it because I can’t work weekends.

They took fucking days to get back to me. The other job I accepted is a weekend job mostly, with a few other shifts on top, but they got back to me the same day as my interview, they obviously did want me and didn’t give me time to commit to anything else.

I wasn’t going to risk losing both jobs. So I took the weekend one, thinking that I could do the other one during the week. Turns out no-one mentions that you can’t.

They knew that I was offered another job when I went to my interview. I told them. If they wanted me, they should have called me on Friday.

And they are telling me that I came across great and that they want me and the interview went well. I am just sitting there like fuck you, if you want me you’ll find a way to make this work.

I literally can’t. I am so pissed. I love my new job, but it isn’t enough hours. If someone had fucking mentioned earlier that I could only have the other one if I was free weekends, I wouldn’t have accepted it in the first place.

Now I love it and I don’t want to leave it. Hopefully I can pick up more shifts once I have been doing it for a while.

Otherwise, I am pretty screwed.

[banelightwoodstuff]

I think if Shadowhunters doesn’t get a Season 4, I want the final 2 hour episode to have a time jump, quite a big one. 

The timeline for the first 3 seasons is fucked and I don’t feel like a Malec wedding would feel right unless it happened a good few years into the future. 

Plus, knowing where all the characters end up will be a great thing, because we have invested so much in them and want to see them all happy and with a good life. 

[banelightwoodstuff]

Fuck, I have really done my back in at work this weekend.

All I do is sit in a booth and serve customers, but the chairs in the booth are really not comfortable. Add in to that the fact I have a bad back anyway and I don’t think I’ll be moving very much tomorrow.

[banelightwoodstuff]

My very first day I did an 8 hour shift. And it has basically killed me.

8 hours of constant Maths and working things out in my head. 

My brain is pretty much dead. 

[banelightwoodstuff]

Got my first day at my new job tomorrow and I am half nervous, half excited.

It’s going to be a long day though. An 8 hour shift for my very first one.

[banelightwoodstuff]

Now that’s over and done with, I can chill out with the World Cup on the TV and work on my dissertation.

[banelightwoodstuff]

Yeah, I have absolutely no idea how that interview went.

I have a feeling I haven’t got it. Which is okay. I can email the other job I was offered and accept that one.

[banelightwoodstuff]

Good luck with your interview! I know you'll do great!

Awh, thank you! This message is really sweet. I have 10 minutes to go.

[banelightwoodstuff]

So my great plan to not get nervous and anxious about the interview knowing I already have a job offer is failing spectacularly.

Why am I like this?

[banelightwoodstuff]

Thought it would be a good idea to treat myself to a McDonalds breakfast before my interview.

It’s not my fault the interview is being held right next to the McDonalds.