[barbia84]

I like this house entrance and how they made it look prettier with all these plants.

[bestyouuniveristy]

If our identity is wrapped in struggle or suffering, feeling good will register in the body as a threat.

[ichtios]

How can i unwrap pls. Because this is about me.

[barbia84]

Is this true? Well, I sometimes feel like I'm afraid of feeling good and lucky. The ego doesn't like to let go of things it is identified with (learned that from Eckhart Tolle).

[barbia84]

Hello Tumblees, my little blog fell into winter sleep, but it has woken up. 😫

I'm editing some photos to update my Flickr stream, and so I thought "Why not update the tumblog also?".

This is a photo I took a few days ago, when a previously warm and super-sunny spring obviously played April's fools and hit us with more winter than we had in the whole winter season (snow has become less in this region).

Topic no. 1 here is of course the Ukraine war. That madness has been going on for a couple of weeks now. I listened to interviews with a war specialist to understand what led to this situation. Since the media ad political drama about big topics of the last years and all their undifferentiated reporting and opinion making I prefer to stay skeptic. To make clear: Invading a country and destroying it for reasons of gaining power and revenge is something I find utterly awful.

I hope and pray for the Ukrainian people. 🇺🇦🙏

Meanwhile, my fellow Germans pray for toilet paper (not again! 🤦‍♀️) and cooking oil. Grocery prices rise and rise, and leading politicians tell us to "freeze for peace", because suffering for the suffering or so.

I prefer working on less suffering, at least internally. Childhood trauma, ACE, childhood emotional neglect and so on have become a trend in pop psychology, at least in the US. I have a workbook about ACE (adverse childhood experiences) and there's some good information about the neurological/physiological aspects in it.

So, this is my Tumblr update. See you!

[barbia84]

I had an exhausting job interview for my professional training today. Those two people definitely knew what they were doing. 😫 Next interview tomorrow.

Sweatpants, chicken and sofa, here I come!

[barbia84]

Long walk (short hike actually) yesterday in the sunny cold. I'm having a sore throat, which started the day before, so it maybe was a little too sporty for my condition. But the weather was what I longed for and I didn't break down. 😅

I was afraid of having corona, so I went to a test station. My test was negative.

But two job interviews had to be cancelled because of my symptoms. 😔

[barbia84]

I want to get back to my “home office”! Lockdown, anyone? Today, attendants of my preparatory course went on my nerves so bad, because they behave very immature with all their dirty jokes and stupid TikTok videos they share. Two of them are over 40... And I could prepare myself at home better than there, so, yeah, home office would be amazing right now. 😘

[barbia84]

Photo tradition: The giant Christmas tree of Dortmund. And more from the city's Christmas market. 😍✨🎄

[barbia84]

And the guy who might become the new health minister said the same. Things don’t change here.

[barbia84]

Each year I say to myself “I’ll buy Christmas presents early”. But then I come to a point where I realize it’s just a couple of weeks to go until Christmas. I don’t feel like buying stuff for others (how selfish of mine 😛). The job-related rehabilitation led me to a preparatory course for a long-term professional training (I’ll go to college/vocational school again! 😣) and I feel overwhelmed. All that came together quickly. But chances seem high I’ll work at a university during my training.

Meanwhile, hate against people who don’t want to be vaccinated is growing. Disgusting things are happening.

[barbia84]

Golden sunlight on an October evening 😍

[lousydrawingsforgoodpeople]

[barbia84]

I’ve recently watched an episode of Therapy in a Nutshell’s series “How to process Your Emotions” about labeling emotions as positive and negative. This cute picture fits the topic.

I recommend Therapy in a Nutshell. It’s a YouTube channel by a psychologist and therapist with lots of professional information about psychological issues.

[barbia84]

I’m at season 5 of “Peaky Blinders” (it’s on Netflix) and really love that show. Although I criticize that the main character, an at many points heartless acting gang leader, is portrayed in a heroic manner, I didn’t want to quit watching this series. It’s a great production and offers many outstanding acting scenes (the conversations/fights between Thomas Shelby and Jewish gangster Alfie Solomons are superb!). After all, it’s (dark) entertainment, probably not very realistic, nor historically correct, but thrilling and nice to look at (besides the bloody violence that some scenes come up with).

Now on to watching episode 5.2 📺.

[wasabiri]

Imagine that today you are in a place between Canada and Russia, and suddenly, for 30 seconds, the moon in its maximum splendor appears and disappears before you. In addition, for 5 seconds, it gives rise to a total solar eclipse. Something unheard of, right.

In perigee, the proximity to the Moon shows the great speed at which we move without feeling it.

It is recorded in real time.

The moon seen from the Arctic, North Pole, between Russia and Canada, only lasts a few seconds, but it is worth it, it is a beautiful sight, it seems that it collides with the earth, but no.

[ichtios]

“It is recorded in real time.” 

What?? 🤯

[barbia84]

Never heard of this! Wow!!

[barbia84]

Throw Back Thursday:

When I dressed like Avril Lavigne

[barbia84]

I feel so shitty and need to let it out somewhere. So here we go, Tumblr:

In the last weeks I had the feeling something’s bursting out of me. Maybe something like my “true self”, the stuff that was kept under control by fear and doubt. I had several conversations with a psychologist in the work rehab I attend and he touched something inside me, because I felt truly understood for the first time. I think he even noticed a part of my personality that I didn’t know I have and also therapists didn’t seem to see. And that psychologist has been much in my head. I’d like to talk with him about his professional knowledge (psychology!😍) and all the things on my mind. I suppose there’s a “Daddy issue” thing going on (not sexually, I can’t imagine having sex with him, not even kissing, my brain blocks it 😅). My guessing about his age is he’s about 20 years older than me. He’s been so much in my thoughts and daydreamings I find it weird and disturbing.

Today we had a conversation again, which left me sad and angry afterwards (I’m still feeling like that, actually). I told him I suppose to have stronger depressed feelings and thoughts and that I’m probably a case for a mental hospital rather than deciding for a career path now, and he was kinda like “You were different before your week off, more positive. You went back to an earlier point in your life. Seems the week off wasn’t good for you” (to sum it up). To me, that doesn’t look like he took my feelings seriously. Weeks ago we came to a point where I truly believed he takes me seriously and believes me, and now it’s destroyed, again.

I wrote him an email and hope he’ll have the time tomorrow to call me and clear things up. I don’t want to start my new internship on Wednesday with that uncertainty on my mind. Already feel shitty and lost and anything.😟

Good night/day, world, it’s almost bedtime for me.

[barbia84]

This is a view tower I went into and then photographed it's inside from bottom to top. You can see the cloudy sky through the open roof. Not a photography style I prefer, but I think it looks interesting.

[barbia84]

Hey ho, just taking another break from my Excel stuff to post memes that match today’s mood well.