between the lines @barcnsy-blog - Tumblr Blog

Bellflower, broom

Bellflower - Who does your muse love?the usuals: family, friends. they still hold love for hunter, but it’s different now, knowing how he feels about their changes. lola has a special place in their heart for being the push they needed to come to terms with themselves.

Broom - How well do they take compliments?it depends on who they’re coming from. if they can tell that the words are genuine, they can do so without ease, but especially lately they’re more cautious about sincerity.

#Anonymous

Clove - Does your muse believe it’s possible for love to endure all hardships?

lately, their trust in unconditional love has been compromised. they don’t have bountiful experience to go off of, but after being hurt so badly right off the bat, they’re spurned, not wanting to involve themselves in such a vulnerable relationship again.

#tmi tuesday #answered #Anonymous

askmemenoquestions

Plant/Flower Symbolism Asks (Part II)

Based on the list on this wiki page

Bay Wreath - What is your muse’s proudest moment/accomplishment?

Begonia - Is your muse prone to ‘flights of fancy’, or are they more down-to-earth?

Bellflower - Who does your muse love?

Bells of Ireland - Is your muse lucky?

Bird’s-foot Trefoil - How far would your muse go for revenge? What level of offense warrants retaliation, in your muse’s opinion?

Bird of Paradise Flower - Does your muse have a good grasp of the bigger picture, or do they have a more narrow perspective on things?

Box - How much has your muse changed throughout their life? What sort of inner demons have they overcome?

Borage - How courageous is your muse in general? What limits do they have to their courage? Are there any situations that will give them more courage than they normally would have?

Broom - How well do they take compliments?

Bulrush - Is your muse an aggressive person? What situations might bring out more aggression in them than normal?

Bumblebee Orchid - Is your muse good at figuring out the inner workings of a machine if they take it apart?

Buttercup - Does your muse come from a wealthy family? How wealthy is your muse on their own?

Cabbage - Does your muse know how to turn a profit if given the opportunity?

Camellia Japonica - What does your muse excel at, and are they aware of/proud of these skills?

Campanula - What is your muse grateful for in life?

Canterbury Bells - Who is your muse grateful for being in their life?

Carnation - What sets your muse apart from their peers, in your opinion?

Celandine - What is your muse looking forward to? Alternately, what are some examples of events in your muse’s future that will bring them joy?

Cherry Blossom - Does your muse do well in school?

Chestnut - How important is the concept of virginity to your muse personally? Do they impose this on other people?

China Aster - Would your muse be comfortable with a polyamorous relationship?

Chrysanthemum - Who considers your muse precious to them? Are they aware of how they feel?

Coreopsis - How good is your muse at keeping a cheery attitude, and how genuine is it?

Cowslip - Does your muse usually exhibit ‘grace under pressure’?

Clove - Does your muse believe it’s possible for love to endure all hardships?

Clover - Is your muse skillful in any sort of trade? Would they be interested in one?

Columbine - Has your muse ever been cheated on?

Coriander - What are your muse’s views on one-night stands, for themselves or for others?

Crocus - Did your muse ever experience puppy love as a child?

Cypress - What is the most impactful loss that your muse has experienced?

Daffodil - Has your muse ever gotten a chance at a fresh start at life? If not, would they make one if they had the chance?

hollingsworthz‌:

he truly was having difficulties processing things. part of him felt a deep sense of shame, a cold pit of emptiness resonating in the bottom of the stomach as hunter wondered how he could have ever made yael feel the way they did. in a way, he felt guilty, and yet in the same thought felt angry he wasn’t allowed to feel the way he did. “because i was an asshole, yael,” he said, eyes burning into the ground. “i- i’m not good at this guilt thing, but i’m really feeling it now.” hands dug into his pockets reflexively, his frame stiff, tense. the concept of there being nothing wrong, nothing that could be therapy’d or medicated out of them ; it just didn’t make sense. he didn’t like change, he didn’t like change, but this wasn’t his to debate over. hunter stood silently, pondering over what he could say, yet everything seemed to ring true over what he had done that had hurt yael. “you shouldn’t have to change. not for me, not for anyone.” a reluctant sigh followed. “you’re still yael. and i have to live with that.”

if hunter hadn’t repeated himself, yael wasn’t sure if they’d believe the remorse was truly expressed, but it was there, looming in the air between them. it wasn’t a formal apology, but it was damn close, and even with it being something yael had longed for, it didn’t feel nearly as good now that it was in their hands. what sick irony to feel guilty for hunter’s turmoil. “people fear what they don't understand and hate what they can't conquer,” they recited, staring at the ground. the phrasing struck a nasty chord with yael, their face changing at once, eyebrows furrowed and throat tighter. “well i’m glad you’ll live with it.”

hollingsworthz‌:

he read. he read silently, trying to take in the words for all they were worth. sure, hunter was acting needlessly selfish, but couldn’t yael think about how this made him feel? ( spoiler alert, it didn’t matter ). even the concept of it taking a decade for yael to process their gender identity seemed foreign. as far as hunter was concerned, they were a girl, and then they weren’t ; where was the epic-scale uphill battle that this seemed to reference? but he knew it was there, somewhere, despite the hesitation in his mind pulling him back. the comment about the ward caused his nose to wrinkle reflexively, though after everything he had said, hunter knew it was only fair. even reading that he was the most important person to them caused his heart to drop ; if anything, he had always felt like another one of their friends, someone unremarkable like baaz or vijay. but that was different - the kind of different that left hunter blank-faced as he handed the phone back to yael, avoiding their eyes. “i feel like an asshole.”

how long had it been? a minute? two? it felt like a lifetime as yael sat in the most pregnant silence as hunter took in the words they’d written to him, to a false sense of his entity that they’d never planned for him to know. maybe this was the chance they’d been needing to get everything out without the chance for him to protest, and if not... well, it was too late now, wasn’t it? hunter’s expression was hard to read, more than a little nerve-wracking for someone who normally had a decent handle on his tells. if only there was anything, any inkling to what was going through his head, they told themselves it would be easier, but logic prevailing, they knew that would never be the case. there wasn’t anything simple about this. as the phone came back to yael, they simply minimized the screen, not wanting to think too deeply on the impending matter. he’s not looking at me. why won’t he look at me? it was deja vu to their first (albeit much more brief) discussion on the matter, and that was not a good thing. the self depreciation was a little unexpected, though it brought on a sick sense of satisfaction that hunter seemed to be taking some blame. “why?”

hollingsworthz‌:

“weird,” he said, his most immediate reaction to whatever conclusion they had come to. eyebrows then raised in realization, hunter quick to correct himself. “n- not, you, that, just… i don’t know. it’s different. and i don’t really get it.” not that ignorance painted himself out of bigotry in any way, but he wasn’t the best at processing that. “yeah. if it makes you happy, it shouldn’t be anyone else’s business to be upset about.” though it nearly felt like he was speaking to himself more than anyone. “is that okay? for me to read it?” not that he grasped the concept much, anyway, seeing as vijay had just always been… gay, as far as hunter was concerned, and likewise applied to miles ; he just always was, no reveals needed. regardless, he thought it was worth a shot.

Ignoring what they could of the backhanded understanding, Yael's hand hovered over the letter on the screen, swallowing softly before turning it Hunter's way.

Hunter, I don't know how I can expect you to understand in one week what's taken me over a decade, but I hope you can try. We both noticed the differences lately, but what maybe you don't know is how frustrating it's been to both of us. I would never wish on you the confusion and turmoil this has caused me, but without experiencing it first hand, you'll never know what it's like. Being nonbinary wasn't an option I thought would be fun, and if I was given the choice, I wouldn't have chosen for things to turn out this way. It isn't fair to feel so wrong in your own skin, and I thought maybe you could relate to that. Feeling things you can't control. Other people wanting to change you for them. There isn't a ward anyone could send to me, or a pill to take to change, but there shouldn't be, because despite how hard this is, nothing is wrong with me. Telling you how I feel about myself is the second scariest thing I've had to do, second only to accepting it myself. You're the most important person to me, so having you so against this is the most hurt I've ever felt. You said you loved me, but it seems to be conditional, and even though I'm willing to make a lot of compromises for you, this isn't one of them. I can't hate myself or be someone I'm not just to make you more comfortable. I'm not changing, not for you, not for anyone. It crushes me that this is the consequence of happiness, but maybe one day you'll realize it's still me. And I'm not going anywhere. Love (not conditionally), Yael

hollingsworthz‌:

“yeah, but are you really straight?” he asked, despite it being none of his business. “if you’re… not a girl, but you like guys… does that make you straight?” more hunter trying to understand yael’s situation than any form of malice, he hesitantly raised an eyebrow. “and don’t you think you’ve changed to everyone else?” eyes widened as the words left his lips ; hunter truly hadn’t intended on sounding so much like an asshole. “s- sorry. i don’t know.” then, his attention diverted to the coming out letter topic, clearing his throat in anticipation. “can i… read it?” after all that, hunter? really?

it wasn’t entirely out of left field, and yael couldn’t be that phased by hunter’s handle on the situation; he’d never been known as the most rational, and it was something they’d come to terms with long ago, and accepted from him, even if as of late, the behavior was at their expense. “i’m not a boy either, so i can’t be gay,” they countered. “i’m just straight, i don’t know how else to explain it.” the latter note left them without such a confident answer, knowing he wasn’t wrong. “i’ve changed to me too, but i’m happier now, and if my identity upsets anyone else, then they should really reevaluate their priorities.” the words came out braver than they actually felt, but nothing could prepare for the fear instilled in hunter’s next question. “read... my letter?” it defeated the purpose, surely, but if it could inch hunter anywhere closer to understanding, could it really hurt? slowly, they reached across hunter to scroll through the app, logging into their own account to pull up the note they hadn’t searched out since its creation.

hollingsworthz‌:

there was a moment of silence as hunter debated silently, animosity in his head battling out what he would next say to yael. them even saying i know gave hunter a looming sense of insecurity, though it wasn’t as if he was trying very hard to understand. he either did, or he didn’t, and he would settle for that. “i don’t know. i was just asking, again. i thought maybe if you weren’t a girl that meant you didn’t like guys anymore, but you don’t have to.” an immediate shake of his head followed, biting into his lip. “i- i mean be whatever i think you are. you can be whoever you want to be, yael. i’m trying to understand you.” not wanting to worsen things greater, he then directed his attention back to the app. “do you have a letter on there, or whatever?”

after the way things ended between them, yael wasn’t sure this was a type of conversation they’d ever be having with hunter, but there was no denying that it was nice to finally be able to keep such an open floor between them. they knew it wasn’t in hunter’s comfort zone, and surely he’d rather the app have been anything else - really. anything. - but they were grateful nonetheless for any attempt offered. “i still like guys,” they confirmed, offering a soft, if not nervous smile to try to reassure him that the line of questioning wasn’t as unsavory as it seemed. “nothing about me has changed, not my likes, dislikes, favorite foods, questionable grade in art history... still me.” the question wasn’t something expected, yael not even considering that hunter may inquire about their own participation, but honesty hadn’t gotten them into insult or injury thus far. “i do,” they nodded cautiously.

hollingsworthz‌:

he, truthfully, didn’t understand that well. “i’m just… not good at this,” hunter admitted, lips pursed and then set into a thin line. “i- i know bi, because miles, but…” was it a matter of not understanding, or simply not wanting to understand? hunter couldn’t tell the difference. he longed for the summer, when yael was still his perception of yael, when everything was its own comfortable familiarity, and yet he knew he could never admit it. it’s not like his feelings mattered in that regard, anyway, and he knew it. “i was just checking. i don’t know if me and baaz could take getting outnumbered by you and vijay.”

“i know.” the words were innocent; yael knew that this was as new a world for hunter as it was for them, one impossibly confusing to him, and in turn, not one he was apt to handle well. “i’m not bi,” they addressed, “what i’ve always liked hasn’t changed.” or who,for that matter, but hunter not only closed that door, but locked the deadbolt. it was a hard pill to swallow, but if it was between reverting to the friendship she carried or not having him at all, they would suffer in silence to keep him close. “vijay is still a one man team.”

53: What is the last thing you did before you went to bed last night?

“Checked some channel analytics and made it through almost half of a podcast.”

#Anonymous

hollingsworthz‌:

“so it’s meant to be like one of those, uh, l-g-b-t-whatever community things? so they can be themselves if their friends and family wouldn’t understand?” not to say he wouldn’t understand - hunter himself was trying desperately to comprehend what the hell it meant and what it meant for yael, but he was trying nonetheless. “so does that mean you’re… you know, gay too?”

“mhm. you can write specific ones, like addressing them to your mom or boyfriend or whoever, and telling them how you feel. it’s pretty cathartic.” it was all pretty scary to delve into, but they had to give hunter credit for taking it all it stride so far. “i’m definitely not gay,” they confirmed, chuckling softly. “i think you’d have figured that out a while ago.”

livixdunne-blog

70 horrible questions ... Fuck it

01: Do you have a good relationship with your parents? 02: Who did you last say “I love you” to? 03: Do you regret anything? 04: Are you insecure? 05: What is your relationship status? 06: How do you want to die? 07: What did you last eat? 08: Played any sports? 09: Do you bite your nails? 10: When was your last physical fight? 11: Do you like someone? 12: Have you ever stayed up 48 hours? 13: Do you hate anyone at the moment? 14: Do you miss someone? 15: Have any pets? 16: How exactly are you feeling at the moment? 17: Ever made out in the bathroom? 18: Are you scared of spiders? 19: Would you go back in time if you were given the chance? 20: Where was the last place you snogged someone? 21: What are your plans for this weekend? 22: Do you want to have kids? How many? 23: Do you have piercings? How many? 24: What is/are/were your best subject(s)? 25: Do you miss anyone from your past? 26: What are you craving right now? 27: Have you ever broken someone’s heart? 28: Have you ever been cheated on? 29: Have you made a boyfriend/girlfriend cry? 30: What’s irritating you right now? 31: Does somebody love you? 32: What is your favourite color? 33: Do you have trust issues? 34: Who/what was your last dream about? 35: Who was the last person you cried in front of? 36: Do you give out second chances too easily? 37: Is it easier to forgive or forget? 38: Is this year the best year of your life? 39: How old were you when you had your first kiss? 40: Have you ever walked outside completely naked? 51: Favourite food? 52: Do you believe everything happens for a reason? 53: What is the last thing you did before you went to bed last night? 54: Is cheating ever okay? 55: Are you mean? 56: How many people have you fist fought? 57: Do you believe in true love? 58: Favourite weather? 59: Do you like the snow? 60: Do you wanna get married? 61: Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you baby? 62: What makes you happy? 63: Would you change your name? 64: Would it be hard to kiss the last person you kissed? 65: Your best friend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do? 66: Do you have a friend of the opposite sex who you can act your complete self around? 67: Who was the last person of the opposite sex you talked to? 68: Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with? 69: Do you believe in soulmates? 70: Is there anyone you would die for?

hollingsworthz‌:

“oh, no no no- i wasn’t trying to say this was that.” hands rose defensively - he worked so hard to get them to admit what they made, only to look like an asshole? oh, no. and he was never the best with keeping up with all those terms, but if the distinction mattered to yael, he’d make an effort. “i, um. so they write their letters about how they’re gay, or bi, or transgender, or something, and then they read other people’s?”

hunter was trying to learn, and yael appreciated that more than he knew. “pretty much, yeah. they write what would otherwise be their coming out letters to their parents, friends, whoever, and send them to the app instead. that way all of the people who can’t send them in real life still get everything off their chest, and when they get someone else’s letter to read, they’ll know they aren’t alone.” the conclusion was met with a soft shrug in a wayward attempt to lessen the serious air, though they were still cautious.

hollingsworthz‌:

“i know,” he was quick to intercept. “but, still. you making something like that doesn’t surprise me.” whatever the hell that meant. hunter was eager regardless, excited to support his friend no matter what their app’s purpose was. “coming out? like… g- g- …you know?”

“i’d like to think this has a little more substance than that,” they interjected, knowing how meticulous they’d been to make the app a positive harbor. although disappointed, yael wasn’t surprised by hunter’s reaction, knowing it was still a source of unsettle for him, no matter how they tried to swing it. “some users, yeah,” they answered, not making him finish his sentence. “but not everyone. some are gay, some transgender, nonbinary, everything, it’s open to everyone.”

hollingsworthz‌:

“you know i was never really one for girly gossip,” hunter said, eyebrow raising. a swift finger shut off his own phone and deposited it within the pocket of his hoodie. “but who are the letters even for, anyways? just pen pals? but… basically texting?”

“i wasn’t either,” they reminded softly, though the words were equally intended for themselves. mouth opening to speak, yael hesitated. they knew it was ridiculous to be so nervous about sharing something with hunter, but there was something in the back of their head warning them of a cold reception. “coming out letters?” they blurted, their tone questioning, treading carefully into the waters.

b-ack

hollingsworthz‌:

hunter hadn’t anticipated much upon retrieving his phone, the boy simply being happy that he could help out his dear friend. when he pressed the home button as to wake the screen, however, he couldn’t help but squint at the text on the screen. “far out?” he read aloud, questions already prominent in his mind. “space apps aren’t exactly a new thing. there’s already the nasa app, and stuff, unless you’re doing this one differently?”

if it didn’t put them in the position to have to elaborate further, hunter’s confusion might have been endearing. “it’s not... about space,” they smiled, taking the phone back to scroll through. “you know what whisper is, right? the anonymous secrets app? it’s something like that, but with... letters. you write one, and then you get one to read.”

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