It all happened this morning. A bit of context is needed: up until around a month ago I had been using a bath lily to exfoliate whilst I showered - it’s almost identical to this. However, whilst shopping I came across this awesome exfoliating sponge, and have been using this instead for around a month, and my trusty bath lily has been neglected in the corner of my bathroom.
Okay, so this morning I hop into the shower, ready for a rub-a-dub-dubbing. I grab my exfoliating sponge and realise that it’s at the end of its life, and has lost much of its magical exfoliating abilities (sad face). But then I remember my old friend, the bath lily, discarded in the corner. Perfect. I hop out of the shower, grab the lily, not even looking at it, jump back into the shower, and get to work without a second thought. Oh, how ignorance is bliss. But then. It happens. I feel it. I look down at my lathered body. I see it. I see THEM. MASSES OF TINY BABY SPIDERS ARE CRAWLING OUT OF THE LILY, DOWN MY HANDS, OVER MY BODY, IN MY HAIR. EVERYWHERE. THIS ASSHOLE MAMA SPIDER MUST HAVE THOUGHT THAT MY LILY WAS THE OPTIMUM PLACE TO DISPENSE OF ITS TINY EVIL SPAWNS. Their tiny little legs are scuttling and moving, falling down my legs, crawling up my neck, just trying to escape. I was screaming and flailing, also trying to escape, which was pretty difficult in a slippery shower tub. There was shampoo and shower gel in my eyes, I was disorientated, crying, just waiting for my suffering to end. The more I fought, the worse it got. In the end I stood under the shower stream and sobbed for about half an hour until I was sure I was 100% safe and free from any baby Satans.
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