please read
barfy doc tw: (attempted) grooming, sexual topics This is a “brief” word on a rather known user in the Homestar Runner community that goes
Hello, I am the person this doc is on @barfyhere, and I want to give my response on here and spread awareness about this so people can see his perspective as well as mine so you can form your own opinions
For the first point of the document, I did realize that they might've been uncomfortable with me reblogging those sort of things, but I didn't internalize it into myself because I thought they weren't really checking it so what was the point, but I realize now that they were doing that, and I should've stopped doing it once they pointed it out to me, but l didn't, and I am sorry for that, I should've realized that it was making them uncomfortable, but I didn't process something like that I was doing could make them uncomfortable, which I should've realized because I get uncomfortable when people blog stuff relating to StrongStar, and they clearly said that they ship it for their own comfort, so I was clearly not thinking of their own boundaries, or really anyone's boundaries other than my own
The the second point, yes it is obvious that I was guilt tripping them, but I was not trying to do so intentionally, in my brain I was just trying to compliment him on his art because I liked it, but I did so in a very wrong way, you may not believe me on this and that is okay, I just want to give a perspective on why I was acting this way, and the second part of this was also very unacceptable of me, I should've never kept on pressuring them to draw things for me, they were in the right to not comply with my demands because I was being too demanding of them, but I will say that I was not intentionally trying to groom him, I just thought in my brain since he already did an art piece for me why not ask for more and more?Which I realize is a very flawed idea of thinking, it may explain my actions, but it does not excuse them at all
And for the third point, my behavior here was also unacceptable, they told their boundaries to me and I thought I was complicit with them, but when I look at these messages, I realize I was most definitely not, I thought I was being less sexual in my messages when I was talking to them at that point, and it shouldn't even have gotten to that point in the first place without their consent, but I didn't think to ask because all of my friends at the time were comfortable with sexual conversations, so then that must mean everyone is comfortable with that, which is very clearly wrong thinking, and I definitely should've stopped when they told me they were uncomfortable with it, but I didn't even fully realize the things I were saying were that sexual, that was just the way that I talked, which is a behavior that I should've realized a while ago was not right, but I didn't, and I am so sorry that I made him uncomfortable
And for the last parts, me randomly flexing to people is because I am insecure about myself, so l put myself worth into my possessions and things that I got from other people to determine my self-worth, with is not great, but trying to flex with the other people to show that I am the best at it is very egotistical of me to do, and also the point of me talking weirdly to people just in general, I should not talk to people that way, but I was in a friend group that was comfortable with that kind of talking with friends so I just thought other people were fine with it as well, which I should've very clearly learned that that is not the case and some people will be uncomfortable of it
I fucked up very badly, there is no denying that I hurt him, I hurt him very badly in ways that I didn't even realize that I did, and I am very sorry for that, my behavior was very unacceptable, and I should've realized a while ago that it was, but I didn't, I need to learn to regulate my sexual behavior and words towards other people because I am very sexual even without fully knowing, which is a problem I need to fix, and I also need to learn to actually read the words that I am saying to people and try to think of what other people would contextualize them as without just thinking about myself all the time, and just in general, I need to control my behavior better and have more social awareness of other people and have more self-control
I completely understand if you will not forgive me, I am just trying to give my own perspective on the situation and to let other people know of this, I will be taking a break from social media for awhile to try and understand my behavior and why I act this way to people that I talk to on social media in general, and to learn from it and improve as a person so I can talk to people better
i don't want to turn this into an even bigger Thing than it already is, but as someone who is friends with the victim i feel the need to say something about this response. from what i'm reading here, this response does not seem to fully address the issues at hand.
for one, this response fails to fully acknowledge all the hurt that was caused. a lot of it minimizes the pain and discomfort you gave the victim. in the second paragraph here, you compare the discomfort the victim felt over you reblogging posts that spoke negatively about artists like him to him enjoying a ship on his own time. i get being uncomfortable over a ship, there are a lot of ships i am uncomfortable with as well, but i don't think discomfort over a ship and discomfort over posts that more or less attack artists over just drawing what makes them happy are comparable.
this response also does not fully acknowledge the whole grooming thing, it is mentioned in one sentence and almost entirely glossed over despite that being the main problem here. you say you were not intentionally trying to groom him and then proceed to describe textbook manipulation tactics. you may have not known it was grooming, but that does not mean you did not mean to ask for more and more. you may not have known the exact tactics you were using, but you still disregarded his feelings to try and reach an end goal that benefited you and you alone.
for two, a lot of this response is vaguely guilt-trippy and manipulative in and of itself. much of this response is a defense and then a statement along the lines of "that was bad" or "i shouldn't have done that" or "i fucked up". usually statements like this make the person saying them into a victim of sorts, leaning into the blame so much that it makes those around them feel bad. i do not want to accuse you of anything, it can be easy to do this unintentionally, but this is a somewhat common manipulation tactic. this combined with the manipulation tactics shown in the doc definitely seems to point out a pattern, however.
and finally, this response is almost entirely excuses and intense yet mostly empty self-criticisms. the only acknowledgement of the hurt you caused is followed by either endless defenses or you almost victimizing yourself. there are few apologies and almost all of them are followed by more of this intense self-blame that doesn't really mean anything. a lot of this response is just the same sentences over and over yet slightly reworded. reading into it further shows just how little care seems to be put into the response; the more i reread this the less thought-out it seems. perhaps this is a bit harsh, but i feel it's necessary to get you to acknowledge that you did cause harm without you overly criticizing yourself in the process.
all in all, a lot of this response seems to be lacking in one way or another, and i feel it is necessary to mention this. i do not wish to make this all blow up in any way, i do not wish to start an argument, i just figured it would be good to mention some of the faults i saw with this response. thank you for reading.
Hello there, thank you for your reply
I have read your reply multiple times, and I do agree with you, I will try to respond to everything in your reply and I do sincerely apologize for all of my behavior in the past and now
I will try to acknowledge all of the pain I have caused to him in the past, I have hurt him in many different ways I didn’t even fully realize even when I was writing my first reply, and this is one of those examples, me comparing myself to him in that way was not a appropriate response, because it minimizes the pain that he felt when I was doing those things and for that I am very sorry
I will address the grooming more here, yes I was grooming him even if I didn’t know what I was doing, it was still grooming at the end of the day even if I didn’t realize it, I was doing very common manipulation and grooming tactics like asking for more even if he didn’t want to give me more, ignoring his feelings, and only focusing on my own wants, which I sincerely apologize for, I am sorry for causing you so much harm and pain with my manipulation and grooming behavior in the past
I was victimizing myself in my previous response, yes it was unintentional, but I still did it, I seem to have a pattern of self victimizing myself when I am in the wrong, which is very clearly shown here and in my post, which I also apologize for
My first reply to the document was not very thought out like you said, I just got made aware of the document about two hours before I made my first response, I was just trying to get a response out as fast as possible, while actually making it a good response was second in my mind, so it was very defensive and self victimizing because I was self deprecating myself heavily for this while in the middle of writing my first response, so it bled out into my writing a lot, which I also apologize for, I’m sorry that it wasn’t a good or clear response to the document, like you said I need to acknowledge the harm that I have done without overly criticizing myself myself
And I just want to say sorry to him, I want to genuinely apologize to you and say how sorry I am for hurting you and causing you so much pain, I have manipulated you and groomed you, even unintentionally I still did those things, which I am genuinely so sorry for, I am just so sorry for hurting you so much
