Barzy's baby

•23• •she/her• •latina•

[jonasiegenthaler]

[thewintersoldierdisaster]

Blurb ideas: teenage Talia going to Auntie Li for boy advice. Mat overhearing and having a crisis.

Mat and Squeaks shopping for Mat's wedding band, and Squeaks going feral seeing him with a ring on THAT finger

Literally anything with Lianna and Squeaks ganging up on Mat.

Talia being obsessed with Squeaks' bling she's acquired over the years and asking Mat why he doesn't get her anything. Fast forward to Mat coming home from an “errand” with Talia's first piece of her own collection and Squeak's eye popping out b/c Mat, wtf, she's 6?!

girl, i am OBSESSED with all of these ideas so so much!!! will be answering them all in separate posts but here’s the first one: wedding band shopping 😍😍

Sometime in early January, you wake up with the realization that you absolutely need to be legally married to Mat before the baby comes in June. You nudge him awake and tell him so, earning a sleepy yawn and an easy agreement.

“I’ll marry you tomorrow, if you want,” Mat says, tugging at your hand so you’ll curl back up against his side and go back to bed. “Just say the word.”

“Not tomorrow,” you murmur, “but definitely before July. Maybe just a small thing here and then the big party then? And we can have the baby with us at the party?”

Mat nods and agrees again, “like I said, whatever you want. Look at the schedule and we can find a day or two when I don’t have a game to get everything sorted out.”

He tugs you even closer and you slot against his side easily, burying your face in his chest. Later, when you’re more awake, you’ll look at the schedule and determine that the All Star break in February is the perfect time for a small ceremony and tell Mat that his calendar is booked. He laughs and kisses the top of your head, agreeing easily even though he knows the week is free only because he hasn’t been chosen for the All Star team.

The little ceremony comes together quickly - your parents and Mat’s parents more than happy to book their flights. Liana helps you plan things, even though it’s only going to be friends and family in your living room. But she’s amazing with a check list and suddenly it’s the end of January and the only thing left on the list is to pick out wedding bands.

The day after Mat gets back from an away game, on a freezing cold day, you bundle up to head into the city and check out the situation at Mat’s private jeweler. It’s awful and cold and you feel bloated from the pregnancy, but you make an effort and get dressed up, wearing a bright orange wool coat you bought to wear to games. Mat laughs when he sees you, calls you a muppet with an affectionate smile on his face, and holds open the passenger door for you to climb in. Usually you’d take the train, but Mat’s in over protective mode, keeping you tucked against his side whenever possible and wrapping an arm around your waist so his hand can rest on the side of your stomach.

With his car safely in a parking garage and a hot chocolate clutched in your gloved hands, Mat lets you hook your arm through his as you stroll towards the storefront in the Diamond District, stopping occasionally to ooh and ahh over some of the sparkly things that catch you eye. Mat’s quiet at your side and you know he’s taking mental notes for future gifts.

Once you get to Anthony’s, Mat barges through the door with a giant grin and a loud, “brace yourselves gentlemen, I brought my girl and we’re here to spend money.”

You laugh and push his arm, greeting Anthony and the other guys that work in the shop. Anthony is very big, very bald, and has the thickest Brooklyn accent you’ve heard outside of TV. You’re pretty sure he’s in the mob. Or at the very least, connected.

“Good to see ya both,” he greets you with a huge smile. “Lemme see that diamond.”

You hold your left hand out and he takes hold of your fingers, turning your hand so the diamond catches the light.

“Looks good. You want me to throw it in the sonic while you’re here? Clean it up to a nice shine?” He offers and you nod, already wiggling the ring off your finger.

“Yes, please! The sparkle is the best part,” you laugh, taking a seat on the little stool Mat retrieved from behind the counter for you. He’s been here so often he treats it like his own living room.

“Tony, I’m making an honest woman out of her next month,” Mat grins, leaning against the counter. “We need weddings bands and pretty quickly.”

Anthony chuckles and winks at you. “Gonna lock her down before she wises up and realizes she can do better?” He’s pulling out trays of wedding bands as he teases you both, setting the velvet trays on the counter.

“Too late,” you joke back, “he already baby trapped me.” You smooth your hand over your stomach, just barely showing a bump at this point. Mat rolls his eyes and tugs at your hair, making you laugh and lean back against his chest slightly.

“You two are cute,” Anthony comments, shaking his head fondly. “Let’s find you some bands.”

It’s easy to pick yours out - a thin pavè eternity band that slots perfectly against your engagement ring. Your fingers aren’t too swollen yet so it’s easy to get your normal size and since it’s one of the ones in stock, you’ll be able to go home with it.

Mat is a little pickier, trying on bands of various thickness and metal, and making your pulse race unknowingly, with how hot he looks wearing a band on that fourth finger. The black tungsten and steel bands are ugly as hell but the fact that they mark him as yours is making you wet. You shift in your seat and Mat flexes his fingers, rotating his hand to see what he likes.

You’re not about to tell him what wedding band to get, but you’re really hoping he’ll go for a classic yellow gold. And then he picks a white gold band, sliding it past his knuckles and holding it up for you to see.

“What do you think?” His eyes twinkle with excitement. “I usually wear the yellow gold chain, but Liana said mixing metals is fine.”

“Mixing metals,” you giggle. “Okay, influencer. We’ll get you a ring light for your videos.” You clamp your lips shut to muffle a squeak as Mat pokes your side.

“Terror,” he smirks, wiggling the band off his finger and back onto the tray. The yellow gold is his next option and you feel yourself get even wetter just seeing him roll the band between his fingers. Your heart does a funny little twist in your chest when he slips the band on and it slides into place, settling like it was always meant to be there.

Mat looks over at you, brows furrowed and asks, “you okay?”

A little noise had slipped out of your mouth without you even realizing and you giggle, half embarrassed.

“Yeah, I’m fine. It’s just - it looks good on you,” you shrug, trying to be non-chalant.

“Yeah?” Mat holds his hand up, palm facing him and the back of his hand facing you. “Yellow gold? Go for a classic?”

“Very much yes,” you nod, feeling like you’re in your own little bubble with Mat and the baby. He looks so good with the ring on, a bold symbol to everyone else that Mat is taken and taken by you. Tears well in your lower lash line, pregnancy hormones making you crazy. “I really like it, Mat.”

He cocks his head and wraps an arm around your shoulders, bending at the knees slightly to get to your eye level. “You okay?”

You nod and lift your chin so he’ll kiss you. “Just…” you whisper against his lips, “thinking about how that ring will feel like when your fingers are inside of me.”

A laugh startles out of Mat’s mouth and his lips turn up in a grin, his fingers finding your wrist and squeezing gently. He winks at you and straightens up, telling Anthony, “wifey likes the yellow gold, we found our winner.”

[sweetestsideofhell]

Second Hand Love

Mat Barzal x Reader

WC: 5.5k

Summary: Before you started dating Mat, he had confessed to you that he was still hung up on his previous partner. You were understanding and promised him to give him time. But at what point in your relationship is your patience allowed to wear thin and you can expect him to finally love you?

Notes: angst, strong language, lots of self doubts and insecurities, mentions of throwing up, female reader

If you ever read a football imagine with the same title and similar content, yes this was mine, I plagirised the idea from myself (lol) and somehow it is still not as good as the original.

“Hey Mat, are you listening?”

You stare at him with a questioning glance, which is only reciprocated after the sound of your voice in the calm restaurant setting has stopped. Slightly taken back, Mat blinks a few times until he notices your doe-eyed expression that still awaits an answer from him calls him out.

“I’m sorry, can you repeat that again?”

Mat does not notice the shadow that passes over your face as you quickly cover it with a thin smile and start talking about something completely unrelated to what you have previously said. 

Another date, another occurrence of Mat spacing out while you ranted about your day at work and just wanted him to listen and cheer you up a bit. This evening alone you had to remind him three times that you were here and almost beg him to show interest in you. This is supposed to be the highlight of your day - something that is supposed to leave you with a warm feeling and butterflies in your stomach, but right now, you can barely block out the feeling of disappointment as you once again spot the emptiness in his eyes.

You realise that there is no use in trying to hold a proper conversation and continue to swallow down your meal in silence, just like you did with the bitterness that lies on your tongue.

—

The awkwardness still lingers in the air after Mat drives you home and you have no interest in trying to solve it at all, too upset and tired about the whole day. At the same time, you hope that your silence gives Mat a sign that he may have done something that had bothered you, but you can even see in the way he is operating the car that he is completely lost in thought and has not acknowledged you once.

Eventually, the car stops in front of your car and you immediately unbuckle your seat belt and lean into him, pressing a fleeting kiss on his lips.

“See you someday,” you tell him in a neutral tone, almost as if you would say goodbye to your co-workers and not your boyfriend. Without waiting for an answer, you storm out of the vehicle, not turning around once.

However, you do deliberately walk a bit slower, with the small hope that he might go after you, but ultimately, you hear the engine roar again, leaving you with a hollowness that makes your heart feel heavy.

Usually, you would have invited him upstairs and offered him to stay because you did not want the evening to end, but at that moment, you just wanted to roll yourself in a blanket and never leave the house again.

It is not like you to run out of dates like this because after all, Mat’s schedule is tight and his free time is limited, but if a date with him makes you feel sick in your stomach and unappreciated, you see no purpose to waste your time like this.

It is also not the first time this has happened. In fact, being in a relationship with Mat feels like being in a constant spectrum of hot and cold. One day, everything goes well and you see the Mat that you have been falling in love with and you are sure that you will overcome everything and then another day comes by and you ask yourself if your love is enough to continuously deal with this feeling of never being enough.

The evening is still young and you know that dealing with your spiraling thoughts alone is not a healthy habit to have so you pick up your phone and quickly shoot Sydney a text.

Can I come over?

—

Sydney always knows that something is up with Mat whenever you ask to come over at hers and never ever did she say no to that. Nonetheless, you always feel guilty to barge into her family routine, but she just remarks how excited her kids always are to spend some extra time with their ‘aunt’.

So when you arrive at the Martins, you immediately get attacked by Winnie to whom you crouch down to give her a soft hug while Sydney greets you with Alice in her arms.

It is only Matt who seems surprised to see you here.

“I did not expect you to see you here. Didn’t Mat take you out to that Chinese place?” 

You nod in bewilderment. “Yes, how did you know?”

“He asked me for recommendations and I reminded him that you really wanted to try that one out.”

Once again, a small jab to your heart hits you. You recall feeling relieved and overjoyed when he invited you to go there as you believed that he had remembered your conversation about it.

Now it just feels even more humiliating that another man knew something better about you than your own boyfriend. “At least Sydney’s one lucky woman,” you thought to yourself.

Instead of bursting out in tears as you would like to do as this truly feels like the last straw that breaks the camel’s back, you coat your frustration with another forced smile, something you seem to have perfected over the course of this relationship.

“Yes, we went there,” you answer while concentrating on braiding Winnie’s hair. “It was great, he was just a bit tired so we called it a day.” The lie tastes bitter on your tongue, but you know if you say what you are truly feeling right now, you would just start crying and as much as you like Matt, he doesn’t need to know that his friend is making you feel unloved. In addition to that, you don’t want to destroy the children’s illusion that Mat may not only be the cool uncle they think he is.

Sydney just sideeyes you, suddenly very into the storybook that she is looking at with Alice. Obviously, you could never fool her, but even Matt does not totally look convinced. Luckily, he does not probe further and just asks Sydney if he should bring the kids to bed without her.

This however is immediately protested by Alice who wants you to read her a good night story, which makes everyone laugh and eases the tensed air in the room straight away. For the first time this day, you let out a genuine and heartfelt laugh and your heart immediately feels a bit lighter.

After you helped the Martins with the bedroom routine and read Alice the promised bedtime story, Matt bids farewell to you, leaving you and Sydney alone in the living room.

“Now tell me what really happened.” Sydney pours you a glass of wine while you rub your sleep out of your eyes.

You tell her about your failed date and the way it made you feel, which somehow leads to you ranting about your whole day - something that Mat was supposed to comfort you with cuddles and delicious food about.

Instead, you are sobbing on Sydney’s couch and wondering if you are doing something wrong and doubting if you really mean something to him.

She, of course, is giving you a bone crushing hug and telling you that everything is going to be okay even though she is not sure about that either.

“You know, I’m a bit biased,” Sydney tells you while handing you another tissue. “I know Mat very well and I do believe he loves you. It’s just that he loved his ex-girlfriend so much and she messed him up so badly that it took him so long to get over her.”

She looks you in the eyes and gives you a sad smile. “Before her, he used to be a no strings attached kind of guy. But when he was with her, he was just so different. When he loves, he really loves hard.”

There it is again. His ex-girlfriend. A topic that came up a lot and in the beginning, you respected. After all, you know how hard it is to let go of someone you pictured the rest of your life with. And you truly appreciated how honest Mat had been with you about her when you started dating. That he thought that she would be his forever and that he was still somewhat hung up on her and therefore, wanted to take things slowly. You had promised him to give him time.

It has been half a year since that and now the mere mention of her makes your whole body shiver because how long can slowly be? How long until your patience is allowed to wear thin and you can stop excusing that he still brings you her coffee order or sometimes just makes you feel like a cheap replacement of her?

“I’m sorry he is doing all that. But I know he cares. When he is with you, I can see how much you mean to him.” Sydney continues to hold you tight and you just nod wordlessly into her shoulder.

Normally, these words would have cheered you up and eased your mind a bit, but this time, your doubts remain with you. You truly appreciate Sydney as a friend, but somehow you believe that her judgment might be flawed since she is also close to Mat. After all, it was her who introduced you two and naturally, she wants nothing more than both of her friends to work out.

For now, you decide to cling on to these words because right now, you are not sure if your heart is ready to handle anything else.

—

A few days later you are on your way to see a game after the group chat spent hours convincing you. After your last date with Mat, you have ignored every attempt of contacting you from him that mostly consisted of asking you what is wrong, if he can get a chance to make it right and that he would love to see you at his game.

Personally, you did not want to cave in because after everything, you feel completely justified to expect more than a half-hearted apology, especially when he is not even aware why you are ignoring him. In addition to that, your confidence has been on the low ever since and you just did not feel ready to face the public and the added attention yet.

However, the girls really put in a lot of work to slowly rebuild you and eventually, you gave in since Holly Horvat and Kelsey Mayfield even came for a surprise visit at your apartment to get ready together and would not take a no as an answer.

So you find yourself in the family area, wearing a Barzal jersey and staring at the text you have sent to him.

Hi, I’m coming to the game. If you still want me to, of course.

Mat: Of course, I want you there. I miss you so much and I can’t wait to see you afterwards.

It was just a small interaction, but it still makes your heart feel a bit lighter and suddenly, you are glad that you decided to change your mind. Because you would be lying if you said that you have not missed him this whole time and maybe Sydney was right and everything will work out somehow.

The game goes well as the Islanders win against the Devils, with Mat scoring one and assisting another. During the celebrations, he searches for your face in the crowd and the bright expression with his wide smile makes your heart jump in excitement and cheer even louder while you receive several embraces from the girls.

Feeling elevated by this intense rush of joy, you go down the tunnel to wait for the players to come out. You barely notice the other WAGs greeting their partners as your eyes are fixated on the locker entrance, desperately looking out for Mat whose touch you suddenly crave so much.

When you finally spot his tall figure with his damp hair that you could make out in any crowd, the intensity of your emotions run even higher and suddenly the past few days catch up to you, filling your eyes with tears before he even has the chance to reach you.

Mat immediately takes you in his arms while you try to hide your tear-stained face by sniffing into his broad shoulder. 

“Heeey,” he coos into your ear while tightening his grip around you. “Why are you crying?”

“I don’t know,” you whimper between sobs. “I just hate when we don’t talk and I just felt so unwanted and all these doubts just came up and now I’m here and-.”

Mat interrupts your incoherent babbling by gently taking your face in his hands and silencing you with a soft kiss on your lips. A kiss that still conveys uncertainty - that barely brushes your lips and yet expresses so much emotion that could never be communicated in words.

“I’m sorry for causing all of this. It wasn’t my intention to make you feel insecure and I missed you so much when you weren’t there,” he whispers and caresses your face.

Overwhelmed by everything that is going on, you just stare into his warm gaze full of love while he tenderly rubs the tears from your cheeks away.

This time, it is you who initiates the kiss - first, a small peck to make sure he is real and then one that takes claim over his lips fully and reveals the desperation you have felt over the last few days. Never in your life have you been so sure about a kiss and for a moment, you forget everything around you.

Mat returns the kiss with the same force and you only break it because you feel a gentle nudge on your shoulder and followingly, catch a grinning Holly in your eye sight that brings you back to the real world.

“Everything okay again?,” Mat asks you with a soft voice and slowly puts his arm around your shoulder, making you immediately relax into it.

Still unable to speak, you just nod and put on an honest smile that he answers with one of his own and a soothing shoulder rub that makes your heart race. 

“Then let’s go home, hm?” Without letting you go, he directs you in the direction of the car park and you follow him with the sentiment that maybe everything will turn out okay.

—

To your surprise, he does not immediately bring you home, but instead, stops the vehicle in another place and tells you he wants to show you something. Confused by his secrecy, you just grab his hand and follow him like a lost puppy.

“Mat, where the hell are we going?” You recognise your surroundings as one of the many parks that Long Island offers and yet have no idea where this stroll is supposed to take you. “If you wanted to take a walk, you could have just said so.”

“You will see,” he just answers and as much as you try to get more out of him, his lips remain sealed, keeping you quite literally in the dark.

At one point, you leave the main path and turn into a less visible path. You barely believe your own eyes as you finally understand what Mat tried to imply.

Far away from the tourist spots, there is a small patch of land that almost feels untouched with a gorgeous view on the water. Only a wooden bank indicates that this place is occasionally visited by people, but overall, the nature just seems to be at full peace here. With the sunset in full display, it makes the place even more magical and your eyes widen in awe at the calmness and peacefulness of this spot.

“Mat, it’s so beautiful.” You put your hands in front of your mouth as you are still stunned by the beauty of this place. 

Finally, you look back at Mat whose mouth just curves into a warm smile, looking even more gorgeous with his dark strands of hair waving in the wind and the last rays of sun highlighting his facial features. “I told you it was going to be worth it.”

Together you take a seat on the bank and watch the sunset going down together. Barely any words are spoken, but unlike your last date, this silence feels comfortable and there is no other place where you would rather be right now. For a while, you are curled up in his arms while you can feel his large palm stroke your own in a slow manner, just enjoying each other's company.

You look up to him with sparkled eyes. “Thank you for showing me this.”

He just presses another soft kiss on your temple as an answer and for the first time in a long time, you can feel yourself relax in his presence.

—

For some reason, you just had a gut feeling that perhaps things may have been too good to be true.

After you have watched the sunset together, which you have immediately texted Holly about and sent pictures of, the tiredness of the long day takes over and after eating a quick dinner, you get yourself ready for bed in Mat’s apartment. You let Mat use the bathroom first and find him already fast asleep on his side of the bed.

Still feeling the tingling sensation of the whole day, you quietly scroll through your socials and just look at the countless photos in your gallery as you try to decide which one of these you want to post on your Instagram story.

Obviously, you have taken a few gorgeous ones from the sunset that you definitely consider, but when you see the few shots of Mat that you have secretly taken since the light just accentuated his facial features even more, you just feel tempted to share your happiness with the public.

However, the more you look through your picture folder, the more you get the feeling that you have seen a similar motive somewhere before. Sure, posting pictures of sunsets is basically the norm on social media, but something about the placement of the trees and the layout of the water rings a bell in you. And if your gut feeling is right, it is not a good sign.

Anxiously, you bite your lip as you open the Instagram app and type in a name that you should not know so well.

It is almost embarrassing how her profile immediately pops up after typing three letters, but inevitably, you just have to compare yourself to Mat’s ex-girlfriend. Mostly, it happens during one of many nights when you feel unloved or feel like he is so far away from your heart, which triggers your self-doubts and feelings of never being good enough to him.

The countless posts of her feel all too familiar. You just recognise all of them - the more recent ones, which mostly consist of mirror selfies or photo dumps of her holidays, but also the older ones from a time when she still called Mat hers. The pictures of her at UBS Arena, the group pictures together with other Islanders WAGs or selfies of her wearing Mat’s hoodies and were taken at his apartment - you have seen them more than once.

Ultimately, you find the post you were looking for, published around a year ago and you can feel your stomach turn as the realisation hits you. Pictures of a sunset. Same location, same time, same person. Captioned with beautiful sunsets with an even more beautiful person 🤍.

Another slide reveals a wider shot, which includes the bank and shows the back of a male person that you unmistakably can identify as Mat. Without a doubt, it was the same location you have visited today.

All the bliss that you have just felt until now is immediately gone and suddenly you have the urgency to throw up as your body does not know how to react to this extreme shift of emotions or what to feel at all.

Because is it the fact that nothing about your experience was original? The fact that he brought her there first and made memories with him that you don’t know about? Or the fact that he might have thought of her while you were cuddled up in his arms and feeling like the luckiest person in the world?

In a world of being with a famous athlete, it is impossible to not compare yourself to others or their previous significant others and right now, you cannot help and wonder what she has that you don’t have.

When will it stop feeling like you are battling her lingering shadow?

Beside you, Mat is still deep asleep, not aware of your breakdown that has caused another set of fresh tears burning in your eyes. You are careful to not let out a sound as you weep into your pillow while you position yourself as far away from him as you can.

Maybe it will magically fix itself tomorrow.

Sleeping felt impossible for the whole night as your spiraling thoughts kept you awake for a long time. At some point, you had stopped trying, but also could not cry anymore as your whole energy was drained from everything that happened, leaving you in a vulnerable state that you do not even know how to recover from.

When you eventually hear the birds singing and the daylight coming through the window, you decide to quietly get up in order to not wake Mat. After everything that went down yesterday, you are not ready to face him yet. Your body just screams to run as far away from him as possible.

After quickly putting your undershirt on, completely leaving out his hoodie, you just blindly grab your belongings and run out of his apartment. You do not even know where to go or how to get home - you just know that you cannot bear his presence right now.

—

Weeks go by and you have yet to tell someone what had happened that night. Too humiliated and hurt by everything, you have decided to do what you usually do best: distancing and pretending you are fine.

In front of your friends, you pretend to be busy, telling them that you are just really stressed with work right now and therefore could not meet up with them or attend a game, but surely will see them soon. Because suddenly, you do not crave Sydney’s approval or justification anymore - suddenly, you are on your way to stop believing in anything he or his friends say.

After storming out of Mat’s apartment, you sent him a text that you had to leave early because you forgot about a meeting with your friend, totally ignoring that you had been adamant to spend his free day with him because after that he was going on a road trip. But he does not even question it which proves to you that he is completely oblivious about what happened that night. Either he truly does not know or is just good at pretending that everything is fine.

Eventually, he comes back from the road trip and surprises you with Olivia Dean tickets, which at first, causes your heart to jump because you once used to bond over a similar music taste. It immediately dies down when he casually tells you that Sydney suggested buying tickets because she saw her on your Spotify profile that she was one of your top artists.

It seems like such a small and unnecessary detail, but after six months, all you want is your boyfriend to come up with something for you on his own and not something his friends know about you or he has already created memories with another person.

But once again, you bite your tongue and tell Mat you are excited to go because what else are you supposed to do? Because at least he wants your company at all and you can hold on to the last bit of that relationship you still believe in.

The date starts seemingly normal. Before the main act comes on, you talk about ordinary stuff, do things that couples do and try to find the spark that you have been missing for a long time.

And initially, it truly works as for a short time, you see the side of him that made you fall in love with him. Right now, being with him feels uncomplicated and you fall into an easy rhythm of conversations.

Then the concert starts and during all of it, you feel the high come down again.

It happens in the beginning when Olivia Dean starts singing “So Easy (To Fall In Love)” and you observe all the couples automatically nestling closer to their partners and enjoying the soulful melodies of this song, which just captures the feeling of being in love so well.

You of course do the same, leaning into Mat’s broad body and reaching for his arms, which he accepts without hesitation and together, you slowly move along to the rhythm of the music.

It is supposed to be a magical moment - something where you both think how much you love each other - but for some reason, his touch makes you feel numb. The warmth of his hands on your skin does nothing to you. There is no sentiment of belonging or safety that accompanies you. The touch that you once craved so much now clings onto you like a foreign body.

You are not sure if he feels the same as you do not even dare to look up to him, too scared to face the reality, but you are certain that he notices the stiffness in your moves and the way you reduce your touch towards him.

It continues with the songs that reminisce breakups and you find yourself relating to lines that you never thought you would, but when you notice tears welling up, you realise that they may hit closer to home than you would like to.

But of course you hastily wipe them away and do not let your true feelings show by dancing along to the other songs for the rest of the evening because pretending to be fine seems to become a regular thing in your life.

After the concert ends, you wait a bit until the majority of the crowd dissolves to avoid getting lost in it. Obviously, you managed to enjoy most of the concert after all, but the realisation that something has shifted in your feelings for Mat still stings.

“Great concert, huh?” Mat asks you while you observe all the people slowly walk out of the arena.

“Yeah,” you reply in a curt manner.

He does not push the conversation further and you catch yourself feeling glad about it.

“Hey Mat?” Another voice suddenly turns up.

Usually, it does not faze you when other people come up to your boyfriend because after all he is decently known. But when you spot the figure that has just addressed your boyfriend in such an intimate manner, you freeze up.

Because you have stalked her countless times on the internet, but nothing could have prepared you for the moment to see his ex-girlfriend right in front of you.

“Uh hey?” Mat sounds almost confused as if he is not sure how to react either. He constantly switches his eye contact between you and her, almost as if he is asking you for permission to talk to her.

You just shrug with your shoulders because what else are you supposed to do? You only know of her from hearsay and random Instagram posts and yet she has been living in your head since forever.

They exchange a few words, which you barely notice as you try your hardest to fixate your view on anything but them. But of course you observe the gracious way she carries herself and if you were a total stranger, you would never believe that these two are broken up or that she has ruined him.

He even gives her a small smile occasionally, and you have known him long enough that it is not one of the awkward, polite ones, but rather a genuine one that shows that he is listening to what she is telling him.

Eventually, they bid farewell to each other and he comes back to you. Finally, the majority of the crowd is now gone and you leave together to the parking place. But even though he is walking right beside you and holding your hand, he suddenly just feels far away from you.

—

“You seem quiet.” Mat throws the car keys on the counter as you enter his apartment.

“I don’t know. Long day, just tired.” You avoid any eye contact with him as you go to the kitchen to get yourself a glass of water. Right now, you are not sure if you could hold yourself together anymore so naturally, you just avoid any possibility of a conflict.

Before you could even reach the cupboard, Mat abruptly grabs your wrist, forcing you to directly face him. You shriek out of surprise as you did not predict his move at all. His grab is firm, but not menacing at all.

“Don’t lie to me.” Mat emphasises every word in a way that makes you shiver. “Is it because of her? You know we are broken up, right?”

Your eyes darken at her mention, making something in you switch. Suddenly, all the feelings you have been bottling up, just flow.

“Then fucking act like it!” You scream in a screeching tone that makes him freeze up, instantly dropping his grip on you.

You immediately see the change in expression. The shock that can be seen in his eyes, as if you caught him doing something forbidden. It just encourages your fury as you finally feel validated in your doubts.

“Why can’t you just love me the way you did her? When will I ever be enough for you?!”

Mat just shakes his head. “You are always enough. I choose you and will always do so.”

“Don’t say these things unless you really mean them!” Now it is your turn to accuse him of lying as you form your hands into a wrist. “I know you go to places with me to which you have been with her first. I know you still watch everything she does. I know you still think about her frequently. And I’m sorry that I can’t pretend to be okay with acting as her replacement anymore.”

“I swear it is not like that and…”

“You will never love me as much as you do her,” you immediately interrupt him, not giving him a chance to elaborate. “Maybe you want to, but you just can’t. You’re not over her. All this time I waited for you to.” Your voice shakes. “I gave you time, I was understanding and yet after six months, I still feel like I am competing with her shadow.”

You finally allow yourself to be honest and let your tears fall openly. Too enraged and upset by your emotions, you blindly press him against the kitchen counter, forcing him to watch your tearstained face.

You want to give him one last chance. One last chance to prove to you that you did not imagine all of the previous six months.

“I’m just asking for one thing. Tell me that you love me. Please just say it once,” you beg him. “You never said it once and I was once okay with that because I thought you needed time. But now I need to hear it at least once. Please. Because I fucking do even though you gave me a million reasons not to.”

The immediate silence that follows after is almost too painful for you to bear. Mat just stares at you rigidly, not moving at all or reacting to what you said as if you had just not laid out your feelings bare.

You are waiting in vain as he takes a deep breath and you just hear a whisper of words that you had desperately hoped not to hear until the very end.

“I’m sorry.”

As if someone just popped all the air out of a balloon, you remove yourself from him. There is no anger or despair left in you anymore, just sadness and resentment.

“Yeah, me too. Sorry for wasting my time with you.”

With that, you just turn around and leave without thinking twice. Like at the time when you had left his vehicle after a terrible date, you calmly put your shoes on and grab your jacket because a small part of you just cannot believe that all of this is happening. Because everything always felt real to you.

But he never follows you. Never did. Not even when it matters.

At this moment, you know it is time to let him go. 

[mattymartin]

↳ MAT BARZAL AT A WEDDING | 8.9.26

[barzysbaby]

This was really a summer of love for him with all of the weddings

[mattymartin]

↳ MAT BARZAL AT A WEDDING | 8.9.26

[mattymartin]

↳ MAT BARZAL IN BC | 8.7.26

[pucksandpaddock]

Can we get a Mattew Barzel Fic Please

My favourite kind of ordinary - MB13

Mattew Barzel x girlfriend reader Word Count: 1176 Summary: Late night drives with Mat are never planned. They always start with a text, end with far too many snacks, and somehow become your favourite part of the week. Genre: Fluff, Romance, Established Relationship

Masterlist

♡------------------------♡-------------------------♡

The first thing you noticed about Mat’s late night drives was that they were never actually planned.

They always started with a simple text.

Matty: You awake?

Usually around a time when any normal person would already be asleep.

​

Tonight was no different.

Your phone lit up on your bedside table around midnight.

You stared at the screen for a moment before another text came through.

Matty: Don’t ignore me.

You smiled despite yourself.

You: That’s a very demanding way to ask someone if they’re awake.

The reply came almost instantly.

Matty: So you are awake.

You rolled your eyes.

You: Unfortunately.

A few seconds passed.

Then.

Matty: Put your shoes on.

You sat up slightly.

You: That is not a normal sentence.

Matty: I’m outside.

You stared at the text, then at the time, then at the text again.

You: Matthew.

Matty: Please.

And that was the problem.

Matthew Barzal was very good at many things.

Hockey, making you laugh, and getting you to agree to things you absolutely should have said no to.

Especially when he used the word please.

​

Ten minutes later, you were climbing into his car, still wrapped in the hoodie you’d stolen from him weeks ago.

He looked over immediately. “You stole another one.”

You looked down at yourself innocently. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

He raised an eyebrow. “That is literally my hoodie.”

“You have no proof."

He laughed quietly, shaking his head as he pulled away from the curb.

“You know, most people ask before they take things.”

“You know, most people don’t leave their hoodies around me if they want them back.”

“That sounds like a me problem.”

“It is.”

He glanced at you, a small smile appearing on his face.

And that was the thing about him.

Everyone saw the hockey player, the skill, the speed, and the confidence.

But you got this version, the one who showed up after midnight just because he wanted to drive around, the one who always smiled when he saw you wearing his clothes, and the one who never seemed in a rush to say goodbye.

“So,” you said, settling back into the passenger seat. “Where exactly are we going?”

He shrugged. “Nowhere.”

You looked at him.

“Mat.”

“What?”

“You picked me up at midnight, and you don’t have a destination?”

“That’s the point.”

You narrowed your eyes. “That sounds suspicious.”

“It’s not suspicious.”

“It’s a little suspicious.”

He laughed. “It’s just a drive.”

“A random drive?”

“A late night drive.”

“You realise that doesn’t make it less suspicious?”

He smiled. “You came anyway.”

You opened your mouth to argue, then closed it, because unfortunately he was right.

​

The city looked different at night, the streets quieter, the lights blurred against the windows, and everything felt slower.

Like the entire world had gone to sleep and you were the only two people still awake.

Music played softly through the speakers.

You didn’t even realise how much time had passed until he reached over and took your hand, his fingers slipping between yours like it was the most natural thing in the world.

You looked down at your hands. “You’re driving with one hand.”

“I do that all the time.”

“That doesn’t make it better.”

“It’s fine.”

“Matty.”

He laughed. “You sound like my mom.”

“That should concern you.”

“It does.”

You smiled, squeezing his hand slightly.

The conversation drifted easily.

That was your favourite thing about nights like this.

There was no pressure.

Just the two of you talking about anything and everything.

​

Eventually, he glanced over. “You’re thinking too loudly.”

You frowned. “What does that even mean?”

“I can tell.”

“You can tell I’m thinking?”

“Yes.”

“That’s terrifying.”

He smiled. “You always get quiet when you’re thinking.”

You looked out the window for a moment. “You know, sometimes I forget you actually pay attention.”

His smile softened slightly. “I always pay attention.”

The answer was simple, but somehow, it meant everything.

​

A few minutes later, he pulled into a gas station.

You looked at him. “Seriously?”

“What?”

“We drove around for forty minutes just to end up here?”

He looked offended. “Gas stations have good snacks.”

“They really don’t.”

“They do.”

“You are about to prove my point.”

He ignored you, getting out of the car as you followed him inside.

And, unsurprisingly, he immediately grabbed more things than either of you needed.

You watched him put another bag of sweets into the basket.

“Matthew.”

“What?”

“We are two people.”

“I know.”

“Then why do we have enough snacks for six?”

He looked down at the basket, then shrugged. “You never know.”

You laughed. “You say that like we’re preparing for a storm.”

“We might get hungry.”

“We are getting ice cream.”

“And?”

“And you bought crisps, chocolate, cookies, and two different drinks.”

He nodded seriously. “Options.”

“You’re ridiculous.”

“And you love me.”

You smiled. “Unfortunately.”

He grinned. “Good.”

Back in the car, you sat in the parking lot eating ice cream straight from the tubs, because apparently neither of you had the energy to wait until you got home.

He looked over at you.

“What?”

“You’re judging me.”

“I’m not.”

“You are.”

He smiled. “You have ice cream on your face.”

You immediately wiped your cheek. “Where?”

He laughed. “The other side.”

You narrowed your eyes. “You could have just told me.”

“I wanted to see what you’d do.”

“That’s mean.”

“It was funny.”

You shook your head, but you were smiling.

​

Eventually, the conversation slowed as the music played quietly.

The city continued moving outside the window, and for a while neither of you said anything.

You leaned back against the seat, looking over at him. “You know what I like about this.”

He glanced over. “What?”

“This.”

He smiled slightly. “That’s very specific.”

You laughed. “I mean… this. Just driving around. Getting snacks. Doing nothing.”

His expression softened. “Yeah.”

“I like that we don’t have to do anything special.”

A moment passed, then he nodded. “I think that’s my favourite part too.”

You looked at him. “Really?”

“Yeah.”

His fingers found yours again. “Because with hockey, everything is always something.” You listened quietly. “Games. Training. Travel. Expectations.” He looked down at your hands. “But this is just us.”

Your heart softened. “Just us.”

He smiled. “Exactly.”

Eventually, he drove you back home, but neither of you moved when he parked outside your apartment.

You both just sat there.

The engine was still running, and the music played quietly in the background.

You looked over at him. “We should probably go inside.”

“Probably.”

Neither of you moved, though.

You laughed softly. “You’re terrible at saying goodbye.”

Matthew smiled. “Only with you.”

Your smile grew. “Same time next week?”

He looked at you like the answer was obvious. “Obviously.”

And somehow, you knew there would be.

Because maybe the best moments weren’t always the big ones.

Maybe they were the ones where nothing happened.

Just you.

Him.

And a late night drive with enough snacks to feed six people.

♡------------------------♡-------------------------♡

Authors note: hi anon, hope you like this idea I had for him, also first Mat fic

[mattymartin]

↳ ANTHONY BEAUVILLIER & MAT BARZAL | BEAU’S WEDDING | 7.17.26

[sweetestsideofhell]

Men Like You

Mat Barzal x childhood friend!Reader

WC: 7k

Summary: You have known Mat since your childhood. To you, he was just Mat, the boy from your neighbourhood who is your friend and sometimes bought you candy from the corner shop and also happens to be very good at hockey. But you also know Mat Barzal, the forward for the New York Islanders and you have convinced yourself that you would never date someone like him. But what if these two sides melt together and you realise that there might be more between you two?

Notes: strong language, alcohol, mentions of hook ups and making out, Mat is a bit of an ass, female reader

Very loosely based on Gracie Abrams' song Men Like You. No rambling from me except as a European, it physically hurt me to write the term soccer. As always, feedback is appreciated and I don't know him or the mentioned characters and this is not an accurate description of anyone's characteristics.

You barely remember a time where Mat was not in your life.

Both of you grew up together in the same neighbourhood although you knew his sister Liana first as you played soccer in the same team.

After every practice it became normal that either your or Liana’s parents picked you up and stayed at each other’s houses to hang out for a while until you ate dinner together. Naturally, you became close and until today you refer to Liana as your bonus sister.

In theory, this would make Mat your bonus brother, but to you, this term does not quite sound right. Whenever you visited the Barzals, Mat was not far away, but as he is a bit older than you, which is a lot in your teens, you did not interact much at first as he was also away often and you had nothing in common.

That’s what you thought until he learned that you are a huge hockey fan. Your father, a diehard Canucks fan who practically follows every game, has dragged you to some games at Rogers Arena when possible and the theme song of Hockey Night in Canada is a familiar tune in your ears.

It started with talking about recent NHL results at dinner and ended with watching his junior games when the schedule allowed it. Usually, you would cheer for him together with his family and when he played away from home, he told you all about it when he returned home while eating ice cream as a dessert.

Even when he moved to Seattle as a teenager, you still talked from time to time, though much less than you used to. But as soon as he returned home for the summer break, the comfortable rhythm of spending time together with his sister at his childhood house, came back quickly as if he had never left.

Of course, you did notice the increased attention he received over the years.

Wherever Mat went, he unintentionally brought all the spotlight on him. The local neighbourhood knew that he is the kid that has a good shot at being drafted and at school, he was popular and known for being a heartthrob.

To you, he was always just Mat, your friend who hates it when his sandwiches are horizontally cut and also happens to be good at playing hockey.

—

Eventually, he was drafted by the New York Islanders, which you had of course followed over the TV and you had texted him excitedly as you knew how hard he worked for that.

Congrats Mat ur insane!! XO The Big Apple it is!!

I can’t believe it! You and Liana need to visit one day.

Since that moment, following the NHL felt different.

You were no longer children sitting at the couch together and talking shop about what went wrong in that power play or cheering for Team Canada together - now there was an actual possibility that Mat could play against all the players you used to admire in front of the TV.

Ultimately, it happened and he made this NHL debut. Shortly after, his first NHL goal against none other than Lundqvist from the Rangers followed and suddenly, the whole league was talking about him.

During this year, you noticed that contact became much less frequent. You saw him on TV, in the news and on social media, but the usual texts were more often left on read, almost as if he became untouchable over night.

You never held it against him because you knew everything went back to normal when he returned to Coquitlam. Every summer you would see him again and he would be grateful to not have to act as Mat Barzal, the hockey player, and instead, could do a Lord of the Rings movie marathon after dinner or eat donuts at Tim Hortons with you.

—

Everything changed when you graduated a few years later and applied for universities.

While Liana was firm on staying in Canada, your heart yearned for NYU. Ever since you visited the campus once during that one time you watched an Islander game in Long Island, you immediately fell in love with the vibrance and surroundings.

Soon, the admission to study accounting at NYU came in and you remember feeling the same excitement you had when Mat was drafted, which made you realise that you were about to move closer to Mat and might spend more time together with him.

Liana had noticed the same and did not shy away to ask you about it.

“Did you decide for NYU because of my brother?”

“Of course not,” you vehemently denied. “I mean, it might have crossed my mind once or twice, but you know how much I loved it there when we visited.”

She had just knowingly nodded her head and you had not thought about it further.

When you told Mat the news while sitting at his parent’s patio, he visibly lightened up.

“We can finally meet up again, just like in old times!”

You just chuckled in response. “Mat, you live in Long Island and I will be living in a dorm at NYU. That is still a respectable distance.”

“Well, no, you are going to live at mine, of course,” he answered without hesitation. “My apartment is big enough anyway, you could easily move in the guest room. We can even get you one of these height adjustable desks so you won’t die of back pain during finals.”

You quickly blinked and looked at him in disbelief. But his expression did not move at all, meaning he was totally serious with his offer. He said it in such a casual manner - as if it was the most normal thing in the world to offer a friend to live with him in his apartment, which probably cost more rent than whatever you will earn in the future.

“Mat, how do you imagine that this is going to work? I would have to commute all the time and I can’t even afford a fraction of the rent you are paying right now.”

Mat just playfully rolls his eyes. “Duh, you are not going to pay anything, of course. Mom would kill me if I asked you for anything. I can afford it, you’re like one of my best friends.”

For some reason, hearing the word best friend from his mouth left you with a tingling sensation in your body. Sure, you also consider Mat as one of your closest friends, but does every close friend get the opportunity to move in with their friend who earns millions for playing hockey?

“I even pick you up from uni as often as I can,” Mat promised as he interpreted your silence as a rejection.

“Don’t be silly.” You snickered. “You don’t want to drive all the way to NYU after an exhausting day.” But your smile voice revealed your true feelings. “But the idea of being your roommate might not be too bad, at least I will know someone already. Though I’m already having nightmares about the commuting time.”

“Is that a yes?”

You just happily nodded and Mat went in for a hug, which you cheerfully accepted. All these years you have spent every summer waiting for him to come home and now you are going to see him almost every day of your week even though his offer was way too generous and you would never be able to pay him back for this. But this is just the Mat you knew - the one who despite the fame, never forgets where he comes from and still deeply cares about his loved ones.

—

Living with Mat was even better than you thought it would be.

Staying true to his words, he had bought and built you the height-adjustable desk at IKEA and just let you decorate the space however you want to. You even had to physically prevent him from buying the whole store as he was about to put everything in his cart that you mustered longer than a few minutes. Eventually, you did end up with a bigger wardrobe and an additional bookshelf, which he of course also refused to let you pay.

There were still a few weeks until your orientation week started, so Mat did his best to show you around the city in his limited time and you got to learn his favourite coffee and food spots. Once again, you asked yourself how you got so lucky to have such an amazing friend like him.

Not only that but he even kept his promise of picking you up as much as he could. Despite the New York traffic, he always asked you when you were finished and you often responded that you might still spend some time at the library or with your learning group, but nonetheless, he always waited for you, even if it meant waiting until midnight.

The other times you commuted from Long Island to NYU three times a week, which definitely cost you a lot of time, nerves and money, but as soon as you came home to Mat, it all felt worth it. The evenings you spent together always remained the best - the ones you either made dinner together or the person who was home first did it first and afterwards you did the same movie marathons that you had done as kids.

In the meantime, the season had started again and you finally were able to attend some of his games, just like you did when you were kids.

Mat had made sure that you were sitting in the family and friends suite, which led to you meeting the other WAGs of his teammates. They immediately gave you a warm welcome and you quickly integrated with them as if you had been here since forever.

”So you’re the famous friend,” Sydney Martin had told you at your first meeting with a smirking expression.

Nervously, you played around with your fingers, unsure how to react. “What do you mean?”

The other WAGs just laughed in a heartfelt manner, which just made you even more insecure.

”Honey, Mat talks about you all the time. He always tells stories of his summers and how much time he spends with you. When he told us that you were gonna move in with him, he literally could not shut up about it,” Sydney immediately cleared up and you just sighed in relief as if you were not sure what exactly he had told them about his life in Coquitlam.

“He’s literally obsessed with you. Please tell me you are at least fucking,” another girlfriend added in a slightly teasing tone and you somehow feel the heat in your cheeks coming up.

”I don’t date men like him. They’re one of a kind,” you talked back with a provoking grin and their laughter just increased.

—-

You did not lie when you said you didn’t want to date men like him, which means hockey players, and unfortunately, Mat’s behaviour had shown you exactly why.

As someone who grew up in Canada, you knew about the toxic culture that revolves around dating an athlete, especially those who might make it into the higher leagues. You have heard countless awful stories from your friends about their hockey boyfriends in high school cheating on them and how terrible they had treated them.

And as much as you liked Mat and as much as he treated you well, his history with women seemed to have changed ever since he moved away.

Obviously, you had not expected him to stay single forever and you definitely understood why he would enjoy his twenties and have some fun.

It was not even the fact that you sometimes came home late and you could hear high-pitched screams from his bedroom because that’s what noise cancelling headphones are for. Or the fact that you had breakfast in the morning and saw someone sneaking around who would freeze at your sight, which you just would just answer with a short don’t worry, I’m just the roommate and then offer them coffee and breakfast to not make it awkward - no this didn’t bother you at all.

It was bothering you because it also impacted your social life.

Since Mat played a huge role in your life, it was basically impossible to not mention him whenever you met new people at university. Even though you mostly kept it vague and avoided mentioning that he’s the star player for the Islanders, people were still immediately charmed when he picked you up and they managed to have some small talk with him.

It was truly a vicious cycle because every time this happened, you could already predict how it eventually would end. First, they asked you if he is available, which you obviously answer with a yes, but be careful he is not known for doing serious relationships. Somehow they still asked him for his number the next time he came (because you simply refused to play matchmaker for his liaisons) and then it was not a surprise anymore if you saw them in any shape at your shared home.

Sometimes they even managed to be invited to a game of his, in which you somehow became the person to awkwardly introduce them to the other wives and girlfriends who are also aware of Mat’s tantrums, but still greeted the new girl in a friendly manner despite not being sure how long she would be around. This was also the only time you did not wear his jersey because you didn’t want to seem like the cliché female friend who sabotaged relationships.

Most of the time however, it would end with crying voice messages from them, asking you how he could be so cruel and just end it like that. As the empathetic person you are, you just sighed and stopped yourself from saying I told you so and tried to comfort them as best as you could. Yet most of these connections fell into oblivion as they could not bear your friendship with Mat, which you could not even be mad about.

It left you to wonder whether this friendship will be your downfall because somehow your life is constantly defined by him. Obviously, you scolded him for his behaviour a lot, communicating that he couldn’t treat people like this, which he defended with they know it’s not serious. And yet, you could never be too mad at him because you knew of his heart of gold when he cared about someone and to you, he was still behaving like the boy from Coquitlam who bought you candy from the corner shop.

—-

There was just this one weird incident that left you wondering if you really knew him.

One day, when you celebrated his birthday a bit too hard, his best friend Anthony and you had to drag him home together as he was way too muscular for you to carry him upstairs alone, especially since you were a bit drunk yourself.

Despite the vocal objections, you managed to get him to his bed and you promised Tito that you would be able to take care of him as he had asked you if you were comfortable enough to do that alone.

”Believe me, I’ve seen worse.” You gave Tito a feigned painful grin, which he answered with a heartfelt giggle. Immediately, the times where you managed to catch a glimpse of his toned back and ass when he once again thought that clothes or towels were optional when leaving the bathroom, making you flustered at the memory.

”Let me know if he’s being a pain in the ass again. Sorry for ending your party early as well, but he insisted that you would leave together because that’s what you two always do.”

You just assuredly shook your head and smile internally at the last part. “Don’t worry, thanks for helping me.”

You heard the click of the closing door and now looked at the now passed out figure of Mat. He looked so peaceful in such a position, similarly when he had fallen asleep on the couch after a long day, which always made you put a blanket over him. It reminded you of the early days where you used to have movie marathons at the Barzals. Usually, it was you who fell asleep first and Mat had picked you up without thinking twice and carried you upstairs to Liana’s room.

You let out a small laugh at the memory, which apparently woke up Mat as let out a small groan.

“What are you laughing about? Come here!” He slurred and you sat down beside him at the corner of his bed.

“Birthday boy, you might have gone a bit overboard with the shots,” you snickered at the sight of him as he tried to rub the tiredness out of his eyes.

With a direct glance at him, you pointed at his clothes. “Come on, you need to get out of your clothes. Or else, you might regret it in the morning.”

”Nah,” he simply told you and you just rolled at his attitude.

”Don’t be annoying. Otherwise, I have to do that.”

You had barely finished the sentence and immediately held your hand in front of your mouth, just realising the double entendre behind it. For some reason, heat built up in your cheek area and you just hoped he would not notice.

But even in the dark, you saw his smug grin that you could not classify. Was he mocking you or did he secretly enjoy what you said?

”I would like to see you try, sweetheart.” Suddenly his voice had acquired a rasp that you had never heard before and the nickname made your mind go crazy.

What the fuck was happening right now?

With no forewarning, Mat had gotten ahold of your waist and suddenly you found yourself lying beside him, caged in his arms. You let out a quiet shriek as you could now stare deeply into his clear eyes.

For a while, you just lied there frozen and all you felt was his hot breath that smelled like the cheap vodka from the bar in your face. His hands comfortably laid on your back and the way you could feel his hand imprints through the thin material of your spaghetti top made your mind go crazy. 

You could always leave, but why did your mind tell you to come closer?

”Mat, what are you doing?” You finally whispered, not daring to even move an inch.

”Can you please kiss me?”

This must be some sick and twisted joke.

You couldn’t believe your ears and as if he could read your mind, he repeated himself, this time in a much stronger tone.

”Please kiss me. I need to taste you at least once in my life.”

Finally, you came to your senses again and realised the ridiculousness of all of this.

”Mat, stop it. You are drunk. You don’t know what you are talking about.”

You gave him no time to react as you quickly slipped out of his embrace and ran out of his room and locked yourself in the bathroom.

With your heart still racing as if you had run a marathon, you splashed some water in your face and sat down on the cold tiles, leaning against the bathtub with your knees against your face.

Never ever in your year-long friendship did you experience such an intense moment with him. And the worst part was that you had felt the spark and almost given in. But it was just unfair towards him, he was drunk out of his mind and not in the position to form a clear thought. Even worse, you had promised yourself that you would never date men like him because you had seen the way he broke someone’s heart. But why did he still look at you like you were the most precious thing in the world?

After that night, you pretended as if nothing happened and never talked about it again. You took it as a sign that he either did not remember it or he realised that he was just talking nonsense.

—

Some time had passed by and you had finally graduated and found a nice entry-level job in Brooklyn. Obviously, your parents, Mat and Liana all came to your graduation and you did the same for Liana.

When your parents asked you when you wanted to move out, now that you were earning your own money, you had just shrugged your shoulders.

“We’re extremely grateful that you did all this for our daughter,” your mother told Mat while you were at the restaurant celebrating your degree. “But you can’t possibly continue paying all her expenses and not getting anything in return.”

“Mom, I already offered him a thousand times to pay rent and food,” you annoyingly rolled your eyes and Mat laughed in agreement.

“I seriously don’t mind. I can easily afford it and she pays it back in keeping this apartment alive when I’m gone and making the world's best Chicken Alfredo pasta.”

Later, when your parents had returned to their hotel and Liana and you had made it comfortable in your room, almost ready to sleep, she confronted you again.

“Are you and my brother like a thing? Don’t lie.”

You just awkwardly avoided her demanding stare and vehemently shook your head.

“No, he’s still on the market as far as I’m aware? I don't know Liana, we don’t really talk about stuff like this.”

“Then why does he look at you like you hung the moon?”

Your mouth twitched at her choice of words. “You are imagining things. Mat just likes my company the same way he did when we were kids. He just likes the feeling of having something familiar nearby.”

“Did something else happen between you two?” Liana continued to ask, clearly not believing a word you said.

“I’m not sure what you are implying, but there was never anything else but friendship. The same one that we have.” You huffed in an annoyed tone and turned out the lights as a sign to put an end to this discussion.

While you conveniently left out what had happened on his birthday, you did not lie about the friendship part. You still did the same things you did when you were at university though you did notice that hook ups significantly decreased ever since that situation at his birthday. He no longer messed with friends you made, which you were extremely thankful for. You still went to his games, he still picked you up from work sometimes. You still watched movies in the evening together or tried out new food spots you had seen in Instagram reels. Except that maybe now, you started to overthink interactions more and wondered if they had a bigger meaning than you thought.

But the truth is also that you had become so attached to him that you also did not want to move out because you were scared what this would mean. Almost as if you were leaving something behind that you would not get back if you left his apartment forever.

—

Another birthday of his came up and once again, you celebrated at the club.

Unfortunately, Liana could not make it as she had moved to London after her graduation, but promised to visit soon.

You found yourself sitting lost in thought at the bar, nipping at the Caipirinha as you realised that setting and time were the exact same when Mat had asked you to kiss him.

It was not the first time where you had reflected on this situation and you always came to the conclusion that made you wonder if things could be different if you had kissed him in this moment. Obviously, you still thought that you handled it in the correct way because there was always the possibility that it would have ruined everything between you and the mere thought of losing him already made you panic.

However, sometimes you could just not let go of the possibility that you could be much more than that and ever since that night, you started to believe that Mat might not be like the men you disliked so much.

“What are you doing here all alone?”

You looked up and it was Holly Horvat who sat down beside you. Over the years, some of the Islanders WAGs have become one of your closest friends, which also had something to do with the fact that you knew that they would definitely not use you to get closer to Mat.

“Why are you not out partying with your man? You’re looking hot and it’s his birthday!”

“Holly, will you finally quit it? He is not my man.”

“Yeah, not officially. But we all know that you are untouchable. Bo always tells me about the deadly looks Mat gives to the teammates who even consider getting closer to you. This man claims you!” Holly snickered.

“Well, he already knows that I don’t date hockey players, but sure whatever.” You just shrugged your shoulders and took another sip from your drink and suddenly, the bitterness of your drink transferred to your own feelings. “He might claim me as his, but he sure as hell isn’t mine.”

Your sight moves to the left in which you could observe Mat sitting in the private lounge, making out with some girl he probably just met. It’s normal, you say to yourself. It is his birthday, of course, he was here to have fun. He isn’t yours and he was free to do whatever he wanted to.

Discreetly, Holly followed your gaze and as she spotted the same, she just spat out a contemptuous men out of her mouth.

“Oh Mat is truly stupid, but you already know that. Babe, believe me when I say that I can see from this distance that he does not even rudimentarily look at her the same way he does at you,” She assured you and you just let out a bitter laugh.

“I don’t care. He can do whatever he wants.”

Slightly annoyed by your moping, Holly held her head in her hands and shook her head. “You two are so dense and blind, it is unbelievable! You are so green with envy and there is absolutely no reason to. Go over to them and claim him, he will follow you anywhere.”

But you just determinedly emptied your drink and grabbed your jacket from the chair. “I’m kinda tired from all of this. I’m going home.”

Carefully, you wrapped your arms around her. “I’ll see you next time. Tell the others bye from me, okay?”

Holly barely had the time to protest as you strolled away quicker than Mat did when he won fastest skater competition at All-Stars.

But Holly did know that she had one simple job and she knew you were gonna thank her at your wedding for this so she quickly walked over to Mat and pointed at the crowd of people in which you had disappeared.

—

The fresh air of the New York City night hit you immediately as you decided to walk a bit away from the club until you were going to order your Uber.

However, you did not come far as you suddenly heard someone calling your name and you could decipher this voice in every crowd, in every room as it always screamed familiarity to you.

“Where the fuck are you going?”

You turned around to none other than Mat who apparently had run up the stairs in order to catch up to you as he slightly sounded out of breath.

“Just tired. I’m going home,” you answered in a curt manner. ”You go back in, it’s your birthday after all. Go have fun like you always do”

For some reason, the way you talked to him angered so much that he changed his tone to the same irritating tone when you changed a song in the middle of a song he liked on your shared Spotify playlist.

“We always promised to each other that we would go home together. And now, of all days, you are leaving me on my birthday?”

You just huffed in response. “Well, you had plenty of fun without me. Figured I could go home and mentally prepare myself to offer breakfast to your birthday present the next morning.” This time, you did not even try to hide the mocking undertone.

Mat’s whole face frowned at your accusation. “What the hell is that supposed to mean? Why are you suddenly acting like this?” He took a step forward to reach out for you, but you immediately shied away, slapping his hand away from you.

Suddenly, the words just flowed out of your mouth. “It means that I’m sick and tired of you trying to act as if everything revolves around you. Mister star from the Islanders who gets everything he wants. Even if it means that I have to pretend that I’m okay with you destroying my acquaintances because you could not help yourself and break their hearts. Or comforting your liaisons why you are suddenly ending it because that’s apparently what men like you do.”

“I never asked you to do that. You could just do the same as I did and I wouldn’t care, alright? Did you expect me to just mope around after you rejected me? I asked you to kiss me and you ran away. What is it that you want from me now?”

You just laugh in disbelief. “Mathew, did you seriously believe I’m like one of your hook ups? Yeah, I rejected you because you were drunk and I refuse to be your disposable toy. I did it because our friendship means so much more to me even though I really wanted to kiss you back. I really wanted to convince myself that you are not the person that you always were when you broke my friend’s hearts. I wanted to believe I mean much more to you.”

His angered expression abruptly changed to a dumbfounded, but you had enough. You knew whatever he was going to say right now would make you cry.

Finally, you turned away and walked away as fast as you could, tears already dwelling in your eyes.

You heard him calling out your name, but you didn’t even bother to turn around and instead, made clear that he should not even dare to follow you.

“Go to fucking hell, Mathew!”

—

After that, you knew you weren’t ready to go home yet and just walked through New York City without a plan where to.

You knew you were being reckless right now as someone could just take advantage of your disoriented and tipsy state, but you were too upset to care.

Ultimately, you found a bench to sit in one of many parks in New York and finally, let out all the tears that had built up from your confrontation with Mat.

While going through all of it in your head again, you realised that you might have not acted in the most graceful manner either. Perhaps you did slutshame a bit too much and maybe you should have not let your jealousy get ahead of you and make you confess your true feelings amidst a fight.

But you just couldn’t bear his two-faced personality anymore, especially after he said that did not care about who you slept with, essentially confirming that he truly just wanted to sleep with you, a fact that made your heart break all over again.

You looked at your phone and as you looked at the clock while ignoring the countless messages from the others at the party, asking where you went, you realised that the only person who might understand you is in a completely different timezone and probably sleeping in on her free day.

Nonetheless, you dialed Liana’s number because you knew you could always count on her and you would always do the same for her.

You heard the beep tones that indicated that they tried to connect you to the other end for a long time, almost giving up, but then heard a dozy voice coming through.

“Hello? Geez, do you even know what time it is here? Aren’t you supposed to celebrate my brother’s birthday right now?”

You didn’t find the voice to answer back as another sob broke through you and Liana immediately clocked what happened and suddenly sounded wide awake.

“What did he do?!”

While barely catching a breath and barely being able to not cry again after every sentence, you told her everything from the beginning. From the time at university to now and how over all these years, the lines began to blur. Then that one incident on his previous birthday that had changed everything between you even though you didn’t know it back then. Obviously, you essentially confirmed that she was right when she had asked you about her brother. Eventually, you told her what happened just a few hours ago and that was when you sobbed without being able to stop.

Liana, of course, tried to comfort you and told you it was okay to feel hurt while at the same time cussing out her brother for acting like such an asshole all the time.

Eventually, you heard her taking a deep breath.

“You know, these hockey players - they all share the same braincell, I swear to god.”

The blunt wording made you laugh for the first time that night and you thought of the times when you two were at the ice rink, watching Mat’s junior games and loudly judging the way hockey players acted.

“But you know,” she continued. “My brother might be an idiot and act like a bitch, but he is also an idiot that is in love with you and too stupid to say something.”

“W-what?” You stammered, unsure if it was your drunk mind playing dumb games with you or if you had heard right. “Mat’s in love with me?”

“Yes, he is. He already was back then. When we were at his games together. And you are too, you idiot,” she said in an almost unbothered tone as if it was a well-known fact. “He used to store your favourite popsicle flavour in another freezer drawer so that nobody else could eat them. That’s when I knew.”

“B-but he had a girlfriend at high school back then! Why did he never say something?”

Liana just sighed in despair, indicating that she could not believe that you were still not getting it. “I thought we already concluded that hockey players only share one brain cell. Obviously, he is stupid and didn’t realise it yet. Then that one night when you almost kissed. You ran away and he thought you didn’t like him like that.

When you walked away at the club today, he probably realised that you wouldn’t stay with him forever if you truly didn’t want to. Because you were always there and everything was comfortable.”

She cleared her throat again before she concluded her explanation process. “Mat loves you and no one else. Always have been. Our parents know, yours do and everyone at New York Islanders probably knows, including the canteen lady and equipment manager.”

Finally, you were able to put on a small smile as the realisation finally kicked in. Mat is in love with you and so are you.

“Okay, you are onto something. I really am in love with him.”

You heard a relieved outcry from the other side of the phone. “Fucking finally. I thought I had to lock you in the basement to make you confess. You two are so annoying.”

You laughed at her dramatic demeanour in a heartfelt manner, but she didn’t seem to be too amused.

“Stop laughing and finally tell him. I will now go back to sleep and I swear to god, if I don’t get a message from you when I wake up that does not hardlaunch your relationship, I will take the next flight to New York and hunt you down.”

“Okay okay, I will do as you say. Sorry again for interrupting your beauty sleep. Thank you again and love you.” You both bidded your farewells and as you ended the call, you knew there was only one place where you should be right now.

—

The sun was about to rise when you finally arrived at your apartment and turned the key in the lock.

As soon as you entered, you saw Mat sitting on the couch - the one where you usually lie and watch movies together - who seemed to be in a tense state right now.

At your sight, he froze, unsure how to react as he slowly mustered your figure, standing at the entry to the living room.

“Hi,” you simply said in a soft tone, which he returned.

“Hi. I wasn’t sure if you were going to come home.”

“Me neither.” You laughed nervously. “Can we talk?”

Mat nodded in agreement and you sat down beside him, still maintaining a respectful distance. On your way home, you had prepared what you wanted to say at least a thousand times, but now that the situation was actually happening, you realised that nothing could have prepared you for this moment.

For a moment, you just sat there together and tried to think of what to say.

Eventually, Mat broke the ice and started to talk.

“Did you mean what you said before?”

You let out a short laugh. “Depends which part?”

He returned the gesture and nodded in understanding. “Preferably, the one where you said you wanted to kiss me on that night of my birthday, but didn’t.”

Nervously, you put your hands on your thighs, unable to form a coherent thought. Now there was no point of return. You just had to tell him how you feel.

“Of course. Mat, I think I always loved you. I just didn’t know until that night. That night, I wanted you so much, but then I just thought about how you acted with my friends and it messed with my head. I thought it was just drunk you talking the same shit you told them and I panicked.”

You prepared yourself for the eventual rejection that you still feared even though Liana assured you a million times that it will not. But you could not just erase the last few years and his past behaviour out of your mind - for that, there was just too much history between you two.

But it never came as Mat slowly moved closer to you, now only sitting inches away from you and directly looking into your mascara smeared eyes.

You almost forgot to breathe because how could he still look so good at 5 AM in the morning, with his floppy hair and eyes of an angel. How could you not fall for him?

“I always loved you too. I just needed so much time to realise and I’m sorry for being an idiot to you. You were just always there and I just took that for granted when in reality, you had to tolerate and deal with my stupid jock behaviour.”

Carefully, you closed the distance between you two so that your knees were finally touching. Without hesitation, you wrapped your hand around his, which he immediately squeezed as if he would hold onto his dear life. You leaned your head against his broad shoulder and as you sunk into it, you asked yourself if all of this was real.

“I love you now and loved you then. And I promise you that I won’t run away from you anymore.”

For the first time, you truly believed what he told you as his firm fingers stroked your hand as if it was the most valuable thing in the world while looking at you as if you were the only person in the world.

It was your sign to finally be bold and do what you should have done much earlier as you took your other hand and put it around his neck to move him near you. With full conviction, you pressed your lips against his as you melted into his as if they had always belonged there.

Eventually, he cupped your cheek and initiated another one and you could just feel the love and devotion in it. Right now, your stomach was full of butterflies and you just knew he was feeling it too.

All these years, you had danced around your feelings, comfortably stayed in the grey zone without even thinking of breaking out, but now you had finally found yourself at the right place and right time. And there was no place where you would rather be right now.

As you shared another few deep kisses, you found yourself on his lap, comfortably making yourself home there, until you chuckled to yourself.

“You know what? I’m glad I didn’t kiss you that one night.”

Mat raised his eyebrows in question. “Why’s that?”

“Because now I can be 100% sure that this is real and you are aware of it too.” Once again, you touched his warm cheek and pressed another quick peck on his lips, just to make sure again that all of this was happening.

“Best birthday present ever.” He winked at you and suddenly pushed you on the couch and attacked you with more kisses, which you happily accepted.

It might have taken a while to realise, but in the end it had always been you. And you had no plans to ever change that.

[mattymartin]

↳ MAT BARZAL IN BC | 8.3.26

[barzalss]

babe 🩵

[barzysbaby]

Oh my pretty boy 🥰

[langdonfranks]

maybe i already do.

(insp.)

[tosotd-nhl]

you’ve got me nervous to speak

mat barzal x reader

wc: 1.6k. (quick one).

The bodies of strangers pressed together was just another reminder of why he never came to these places.

There had to be a very convincing reason as to why to go out in order to get Mat remotely interested.

Winning against the Rangers was one of those situations that had him weighing out his options. A night, like the one in front of him, where he could either go home to silence or celebrate with a few of the guys.

He knew there were a few days between that game and the upcoming ones, so when the guys basically called him a grandpa for never going out, he told them he'd go.

Now, he stood near a corner of the packed club half interested in the conversation he found himself stuck in.

Only a few people recognized him, which at least made him feel normal, but when they noticed they never left it alone. Like the girl in the red dress talking to him as if he was her best friend.

When his eyes scanned the room in hopes he'd find one of his teammates to get him out of this situation, they landed on a girl who seemed impossibly far away.

You lived for moments like these.

Out with your girls with no worries in the world.

You found yourself at this same club, or other local ones, way too often. You tell people it was because the bartenders knew your drink order and name by heart, and while that is true, you really just liked the attention.

Clubs have become a dating scene.

You've never gone for that reason, but every time you seem to get roped into it. There were always guys, and girls, approaching you like you were their next victim. They'd slowly walk up, ask your name, buy you a drink, and try to swoon you over with details about their personal life.

Playing into it was just what you were good at. You didn't care about their job or their pet dog. You liked pretending to care. Along with that, you found some sort of satisfaction in admitting you weren't interested after the fact they spilled their whole life story to you.

Often, people thought you were just joking. You were approachable and welcoming, so how could you seem so interested but not actually be?

That's what Mat saw.

A girl in a short, black dress standing at the bar with her hand over her drink and smiling at the guy in front of her.

There was something about just seeing you that intimidated him. It was like he knew the smiles were fake and the flirtatious touches were just an act.

While feeling intimidated, he was also intrigued.

Not only did you act as a perfect escape from the agonizing conversation currently happening, you also seemed like a fun puzzle to try and solve.

Your conversation at the moment was between the random guy who approached you and your favorite bartender. It seemed that you were completely in your element leading this stranger on while joking with the bartender and slightly moving with the music.

Mat dismissed himself from his current conversation. He couldn't even remember the fan's name. Taking steps forward was a struggle. It was a game of pushing and shoving. One step he'd be walking straight towards you and the next he'd be shoved walking the opposite direction.

It must have been fate.

At least that's what he thought when he finally reached you and the guy who was once by your side was walking away with a disappointed look.

"Did I really not get the message across clear enough?" Mat heard your voice, exactly the one he imagined would come from your mouth, as you leaned against the bar, swirling your straw around your drink with your eyes locked on the bartender.

"Babe, you never do." The woman behind the counter shakes her head and slowly redirects her attention to Mat.

He's now standing as far from you as he could: about 5 inches.

"Uh, just a Coors." He cleared his throat and raised his voice loud enough for her to hear. He didn't even want the drink. Just an opportunity to talk to the woman next to him.

Your eyes peer over to the new stranger next to you, and to say you were impressed was an understatement. Not at his drink order. You were impressed by everything about him. The way his shirt hugged his toned arms, the way his hair was perfectly ruffled, and the way he towered at least six inches above you.

The second you looked away, Mat did the same. Subtly, he looked you up and down, noticing everything he could at just a few inches away.

Yet he couldn't find any words that wanted to come out of his mouth.

Your body still swayed to the beat of whatever song was playing, causing Mat to notice how you'd subconsciously inch closer at every move.

Within seconds, your friends approached you, forcing Mat away from you. He didn't say anything, just peaked up through their heads to look at you once more.

Your smile softens and your hand relaxes around your glass.

He notices everything.

He can hear you telling your girlfriends about one of the guys you talked to and the one you danced with and the one that bought you a drink. Every time you bring up the next, they all laugh.

Mentally, he noted not to buy you a drink or dance with you.

In fact, at this rate he wasn't going to even talk to you.

Seeing you up close made him shy off. He was nervous.

When he took a sip of his beer, the one he didn't want, he laughed. Mathew Barzal being nervous? He was the one the guys teased about being a ladies man. How could he be nervous with a stranger?

Not only was he nervous, but he was also slightly offended you had said nothing when the opportunity was right there.

You had no clue who he was.

There was something about him that seemed familiar. When you glanced at him, now talking to a guy who appeared beside him, you recognized the face but nothing else.

You were sort of convinced you've probably seen his face on pinterest somewhere.

He had that look.

The next second you blink, your friends are telling you they're going back to their booth and they're gone. You were a split second from following them until you lock eyes with the stranger once again.

His friend was right next to him, literally speaking to him, but his eyes were glued to you.

While you felt done with men for the night, he seemed interesting.

So your next moves were exactly what you thought: fuck it!

"Cat got your tongue?" Your head tilts to the side and you swirl your straw in your drink once again. The dim lighting casted a shadow on his face, causing every feature on his face to look incredibly sharp.

"Excuse me?" His eyebrows shoot up slightly as if he was caught doing something he shouldn't be.

"Are you gonna keep looking at me or are you going to say something?" You clarify and glance over at your bartender friend.

Mat noticed the exchange. A knowing look of he was about to be next on the chopping block.

"Made me nervous." He shrugged, acting as if this whole situation wasn't making his heart beat out of his chest.

"Nervous?" You almost seemed at awe with your eyebrows stitched together and your mouth pulled in a small smile.

"Mhm," Mat nodded his head, deciding the only way to play this off was to be honest, but mask it with some confidence. "I saw you with that guy. Looked pissed when he walked."

"That guy was asking me about how many kids I want in the future." You scoff and glance for him in the crowd. He was nowhere to be seen.

"How many do you want?"

"Two."

After answering his question, you suddenly feel bamboozled. Just minutes ago you had to turn a stranger away because he seemingly was interested in having children with you.

"How'd you do that?" A laugh left your lips and you placed your drink down on the bar, sliding it back to the employees to signal you were done.

"Do what?" Mat smirked and did the same with his beer, now turning his full body to yours.

"You know what."

"Got over my nerves." He shrugged. Something about him and shrugging made you furious. How could a guy come up to you and say he was nervous to approach you, but then talk with the most attractive confidence you've seen?

"You weren't nervous." You deny. "Also, isn't it a little creepy you've been watching me since that conversation?"

"I just noticed it. You."

"In this big crowd of people?"

"Yeah." He nodded, sliding his fingers through his hair. "And to set the record straight, I was nervous."

"About what?" Another laugh escapes your lips at his words.

"Who knows? Coming over here and being rejected like those fools." His hand waves to the crowd of people.

"I can't reject you if I don't even know your name." Licking your lips, you cross your arms against your chest

"Well, I'm not givin' it if this will end with me walking away like a loser."

"It won't."

"Yeah?"

"You'd be gone by now if I wasn't enjoying your company." You smile with a teasing tone.

"it's Mat."

"Well, Mat, you have no reason to be nervous."

[sweetestsideofhell]

I'm Scared I'll Never Sleep Again

Mat Barzal x singer!Reader

WC: 6.5k

Summary: Your relationship with Mat had been rocky the past few weeks. After another fight over the phone, you tell him to not come to watch your set at the 5 Seconds of Summer concert. When you don’t come home afterwards and Mat sees the pictures of you and Calum Hood together, he is afraid of losing you for the first time.

Notes: angst, strong language, use of Y/N, female reader, incorrect dates of events (plays sometime before Anders Lee was traded)

If you had told me before that hockey would be the reason to come out of my 7 year writing retirement, I wouldn't have believed you lmfao. Either way, I am currently very feral for both of these men and this is the result of this. Feedback is always appreciated and let's see where this goes. Also English is not my first language haha.

You hate arguing with Mat.

Usually, you two have no trouble resolving your conflicts quickly, but this time it is different. Both of you have been apart longer than you spent time together as you have been on tour with 5 Seconds of Summer as their support act, which made it impossible to find a common time slot as he has been playing hockey all over North America as well.

Whenever you find time between the grueling schedule and constant moving to the next city to think about it, you feel the pang in your chest that misses him. You miss the sound of the coffee machine in the morning when he has an early skate and the gentle kiss on your forehead afterwards combined with the soft see you later when he is about to leave and you are still in bed, half asleep. You miss coming home from the studio and seeing him freshly showered with his damp hair in the kitchen, already preparing dinner so you have more time to talk about your day and have a quiet evening together. You miss seeing him strumming a random melody you have taught him on guitar in the living room while you are humming along.

Now your relationship mainly happens over late facetime calls in different timezones and quick texts with pictures of places you have visited. Sure, you are used to his hectic schedule in which he sometimes is away for a longer period, but they happen with the knowledge that afterwards, he would come home to you and make up for all the lost time.

This time, it is different. For the first time, it is you who is on the road, with a time schedule that makes it impossible to meet up. And you notice that neither of you has been handling it well. You notice it in the occasional thinking of you texts that are accidentally left on read as the day has been tiring or the scheduled face time call that is cancelled because one of you has been falling asleep over the phone. You notice it in the calls in which both of you sound tense because the team has been on the losing streak and you having stage freight with no one to talk to, which eventually leads to an argument in which you accuse each other of hurtful things.

Most of the time, you make up quickly, realising that this is a stupid thing to argue about and that everything will be okay soon because New York will be the last date and while he is away, he promised to catch the very first plane home in order to see your performance.

But of course everything turns out differently than you thought.

It is the evening before your performance in New York and you finally manage to have another phone call with Mat in your shared home. It has all started well - you tell him how excited you are to finally sleep in your own bed and how much you are looking forward to be in his arms again. He tells you about his day and how he almost overslept again if Bo Horvat had not frantically ringed his phone multiple times, which makes you laugh because you know how hard it is to wake Mat from his deep sleep. But you also notice that his answers have been rather short, almost as if you had to force it out. After every answer, you hear a reluctance in his voice - as if something heavy lies on his lips and is not able to escape. 

“Baby…,” you cautiously interrupt him. “You’ve been quiet so far. What’s wrong?”

Mat knows that denying is useless because you pick up conversation clues like a hawk. It is a topic that has been on his mind for months now and was too afraid to speak out loud. He knows that sooner or later this has to be addressed, which makes it even harder to speak out loud.

“In the future… this will happen again, right?” Mat mutters reluctantly.

You do not like the tone at all. “What do you mean? Like me touring?”

“Yeah… like you will be away for months again. And then, we will be apart again. Not see each other. Probably argue a lot.” He elaborates further. “How do you believe this is gonna work out?”

“You mean like… us?” Your face goes pale as you realise what he has been implying and  the worst scenarios start playing in your head.

“Look, I know how important all of this is for your career and you deserve all of this. But over the months, I just realised how much I miss you having here. When I come home and see that your stuff is gone and the bed is empty - I’m not sure how to handle this another time. I don’t wanna spend all of our time over the phone and wait until we are having an argument again when all I want is to hold you.”

Your initial reaction is to scream. To cry and beg him to stop talking like this. But in the end, he has just voiced what you have been feeling as well. And yet you cannot help, but feel upset by his actions. Because why is he having such a crucial talk over the phone?

“So do you want to break up?” You whisper with a shaky voice, almost breathless.

“No, of course not!” Mat immediately assures you while you feel like you are about to have a breakdown. “I just need to know how we are going to fix this. Because I am tired of the constant arguing and missing you.”

“Well, maybe you know now how I feel all the time.” Suddenly, your sadness turns into bitterness. “Do you think I don’t miss you all the time you leave me in New York when you are miles away playing hockey in god knows where?!”

“You are being unfair. It is my job and you know it is different. I don’t disappear for months and let our relationship live over the phone.”

You let out a scornful snort. “So I am not doing my job or what? Like are you actually saying that it is my fault that we cannot see each other when I’m gone?”

“That is not what I mean and you know that! You are being unreasonable right now,” Mat tries to reason, but you immediately interrupt him again.

“No, I think I understood, Mathew. Why do I have to comply with you in order to make it work?” You sniff over the speaker, desperately trying to steady your voice while talking. “Is it because you earn millions while I am stuck at my waitress job that barely pays my bills because music doesn’t pay a penny?” 

You hear him talking, but your mind completely blocks any noise out. You have just spoken out what always has been in the room and an insecurity of yours. It is true that you are basically chasing a career whose success is based on a lot of luck and what ifs. Hence why you have sacrificed a lot of your time and money in it, which Mat has always supported you in. Although he has offered to support you financially all the time, saying that he does not mind, earns enough for two and would rather have you doing something you are passionate about, your pride has always told you that you can make it without your rich boyfriend. For you, it just does not feel right to rely on other people.

And now that you finally have got the chance to make a big step in your career, by doing support gigs in arenas for a well known band, you feel like he does not respect your career in the same way you support his crazy hockey schedule.

“Hello…?” His unsure voice brings you back to reality. “Please talk to me, baby.”

You remain silent at first, but then speak up again.

“Don’t come to my show tomorrow.”

---

You hang up without thinking twice and turn your phone off. Finally, you let the tears fall freely and sob into your pillow for the rest of the night.

Mat barely remembers what he did after the phone call. Once again, you have argued over the phone about the same topics, but this time, it feels different. His heart aches when he replays your broken voice in his head when you said that he should not come and see your show. He did not mean to make you feel lesser than he is or downplay your music career. Hell, he loves seeing the spark in your eyes whenever you come home and tell him about the newest song you are working on. He also sees the hard work you put in every gig you play, which has made you probably see every single New Yorkian district. And despite all the trouble you have encountered - from drunk sleazy men in a bar harassing you afterwards to problems with your equipment - you never stopped seeing the positives in everything.

“As long as I was able to share my music to new people, I am happy.”

Mat always tries to support you in any way he can - be it sitting in the furthest corner of the bar and admiring you from afar, nipping a water with a cap on so the attention stays on you or sharing your social media posts - he wants nothing more than having you succeed.

And yet he has hurt you in the worst way possible. He can blame the stress of the season and the distance all he wants, nothing justifies the way he has treated you. But his regret has only fallen on deaf ears as his messages to you remain unread and every attempt to call ends with your mailbox.

“Are you okay, man?”

Mat was so lost in thought that he did not even notice that he is the last one sitting in the locker room until Anders Lee directly speaks to him.

“You look way too upset to have won the last game of this away trip,” he remarks.

Mat just shrugs his shoulders. “Didn’t do much for it, I guess.”

Even though he had tried so hard to not let your conflict impact his play, Mat had noticed that mentally, his head had not been really at the game and he hates how bad he was at hiding that. But it was nothing new of course, his inconsistent performances have been going on ever since you started going on tour and started arguing way more. Yet he has now realised that nothing of this is your fault and he too could have done things differently. Now you just need to hear it from him, but this seems impossible ever since you ghosted him.

“Stress with Y/N again? This has been going on for a while, right?” Anders just bluntly tells him, which Mat answers with a defeated sigh.

He should have known that nothing escapes his captain’s eyes and that he probably had looked for the right moment to talk about it weeks prior. After all, it is job to make sure that every player is giving their all, which Mat definitely hasn't done in a while.

So he does not even fight it and vaguely states the facts and about the major breakdown that happened over the phone. Anders just nods occasionally as a sign of listening, but always remains a neutral expression, never showing any signs of judgement.. Everything that has built up for months now just spills from Mat’s mouth and every time he mentions how much of an asshole he was to you.

Mat expects Anders to give him a lecture to not let his off–ice antics impact his play, but to his surprise, he just asks him a single question.

“So why are you still here?” 

“What do you mean?” Mat states with a surprised tone.

“All that talk about you being sorry for being a dumb idiot - why are you here telling me this and not her?” Anders explains to him frankly as if it is the easiest thing in the world.

“Because she is clearly signaling to me to leave her alone. The last thing she told me is to not come to her show and I wanna respect her space.”

“Bullshit,” Anders exclaims, which makes Mat slightly jerk on his seat. “She was obviously hurt and not thinking rationally. She is not answering because what is she supposed to do with half-assed apologies. Obviously, she wants to hear in front of you that she has your full support.” He looks at his watch and then moves his eyes to Mat again. “If you hurry up, you can still get that plane to New York and make it.”

Mat realises that Anders gives him no room to argue and suddenly, everything he said makes sense to him. He needs to see you and tell you everything.

“Okay,” Mat says slowly while grabbing for his bag. “Thank you, captain.”

“Thank me when it’s done.”

---

You had woken up with the worst headache in your life.

When you eventually sneaked off to your bathroom and saw your puffy eyes that were red from all the crying, you already had a bad feeling for the rest of the day. It was supposed to be a great conclusion of the biggest shows you have ever played, with Mat in attendance. Instead, he had told you that your career was worthless in comparison to yours and all your fault that your relationship is in shambles.

You have noticed the countless messages and calls from Mat, but you know that if you had reacted to any of them, you would have done things worse and continued to argue, which you absolutely do not have the energy right now. After all, you want to associate this whole tour with positive memories, which so far, has been a blast to you.

Touring with 5 Seconds of Summer is the best thing that has happened to you. Every night you feel the joy of performing and sometimes you still need to pinch yourself and realise that you are really performing in front of arena crowds. Sometimes it still does not feel real, but then you look at your social media profiles and get messages from their fans that tell you how much they enjoyed your performance. For the first time in your life, people are not messaging you for being someone’s girlfriend, but to you as an artist.

This thought is the only thing that keeps you going through that day as you stand on the stage soundchecking.

Your manager Kelly had immediately noticed that you had been crying the whole night despite using your best concealer to hide your swollen eyes. Luckily, she had noticed that you would rather not talk about it and instead, just told you about the schedule and the times you are supposed to be ready.

You make it through soundcheck with no issues and try to calm your nerves by taking a small walk outside the venue. Eventually, you stop at the backyard of the venue and find a hidden place to sit down.

Usually, you would now send Mat a picture of you or your surroundings and tell him how much you miss him or talk about the things that have happened on tour. Instead, all the feelings you think you had suppressed for the day, start to come up again and you feel a sharp pang in your heart.

Mindlessly, you scroll through your phone and catch yourself hovering over Mat’s contact name, but then leave the app before a call could start. Because what if everything becomes worse and you will have a full breakdown?

“Mind if I have a smoke here?” A familiar deep voice with an Australian twang in it asks you.

You look up from your phone and see Calum Hood, the bassist of 5 Seconds of Summer, standing in front of you. He is dressed in a comfortable grey hoodie with a washed out jeans that has probably seen better days. You are aware that he is a smoker, yet he is probably the last person you have expected to see.

“Nah, all good,” you answer, so he takes a seat opposite of you. Attentively, your eyes follow his hands to his pockets from which he takes out his blue Pall Mall package and red lighter. Ultimately, you see him lighting his cigarette and notice the smoke leaving his mouth, which however does not reach you as he gracefully moves his head away from you while puffing.

“You look like you could need one too.”

Taken back by his offer, you just glance at him in confusion, but he just holds out his package in front of you.

“Or not a smoker? Just thought so because you were watching me so mindfully.”

You blush a bit and nervously laugh. You definitely did not expect him to notice.

“Actually… I would maybe take a few puffs of yours instead if that’s okay? I don’t think I can manage a full one.”

Calum just answers with a slight chuckle and gives you his cigarette, which you accept gracefully. You take a medium long puff, just to test the waters, and blow it out while swallowing down your cough. You have always been more of a social smoker, but have stopped over the years as Mat’s sensitive nose is able to pick up every smell from you and has complained about it. In addition to that, he, as a professional athlete, obviously has given you countless scoldings about how nicotine impacts your health, which is hard to argue against.

“I did not see you at the hotel breakfast today.” Calum suddenly starts a conversation after exchanging the burning cigarette for a while. “Are you a local?”

You give him a thin smile. “Long Island actually,” you reply, which he acknowledges with a nod.

“I never saw you at hotel breakfast on the previous dates,” you mention to him.

“Oh yeah, I usually don’t eat breakfast. I just walked by for a morning run and sometimes saw you.”

“Why didn’t you say hello?”

“You were on your phone all the time. Whatever you did, it always looked intense.”

You frown at the memory. Calum had probably observed you texting Mat and you shiver when you think about the countless mornings you had sat in front of bad hotel coffee and bland porridge and had tried to have a normal conversation with your boyfriend. A lot of times, it ended with half-hearted bye love yous or small talk that left you unsatisfied. Nevertheless, the first thing in the morning you always wanted to do was talking with Mat no matter what.

Frustrated by the memory, you take the last puff and defiantly, stomp on the cigarette butt. Without wanting to, Calum had reawakened the frustration you have tried to forget the whole morning. How could Mat accuse you of not doing enough when all you had spent all your free time thinking of him?!

Calum notices the sudden moodswing. “All good?” He cautiously asks.

Helplessly, you shrug with your shoulders. “I don’t even know. Just relationship stuff, I guess.”

“You got someone at home?”

Surprised by his interest, you muster him cautiously. “Why do you care?” The tone is sharper than you intended to.

However, Calum’s expression does not even show a sign of reluctance. Instead, he just gives you a knowing smile. “It looks like it’s bothering you a lot and maybe you need some advice from someone who knows a thing or two about touring and relationships.”

Your face softens and immediately regrets the snappy reaction. Calum could have just ignored you when he had approached you and left you in your sulky state. Instead, he had noticed that you were missing in a room full of people and is now offering to listen to you. It was not the norm for the main act to interact with their openers at all and yet he had gone out of his way to get to know you. Maybe the feeling of caring is exactly what you have been missing in recent times.

“Sorry… I shouldn’t have reacted like that,” you apologise. “It’s just complicated.”

So you give him a rough outline of what has happened the past few months, but conveniently leave out that your boyfriend is a professional hockey player in the NHL just in case he is able to make a connection that you are a WAG, which you do not wanna be associated with all the time.

But Calum never makes the connection nor asks what Mat’s profession is that makes him travel so much.

“Touring is no joke. Especially if you aren’t used to it. The only thing that helps is constant communication,” he says after you have finished with your rant. “I feel like your frustration has built over the last months so that your last call was just the very last straw.”

“I know I should have mentioned much earlier that there is something wrong with us. But this does not give him the right to belittle me. It just hurts to think that he sees my musical career like this.”

“Based on what you have told me about him, I don’t think he does. Like you said, you have both probably said things that you didn’t really mean. The only way to know is to talk it out.”

There is still some doubt written over your face. “I still don’t feel like talking to him right now.”

Calum just gives you a cheerful smile. “Doesn’t have to be right now. Maybe you will see things differently after the show.”

Eventually, he looks at his phone and shows you the time.

“Come on, I think it’s time to go back. We’ve got a show to play.”

Finally, you manage to show a real smile for the first time on this day. And while you follow him back to the venue, your shoulders feel at least a bit lighter in comparison to before and you realise that talking it out and having someone listening to you may have been exactly what you needed. Although nothing is solved yet, you no longer feel unable to play your very last set on this tour.

---

Anders is right and Mat manages to catch the flight that makes him land in New York just in time.

From there, it is an extremely tight schedule that barely gives him time to properly arrive at home. So he orders an Uber, bribes the driver with a generous tip if he somehow manages to get through the crazy traffic as fast as possible.

In the meantime, Mat checks his phone and to his disappointment, there is still not a single message from you. He does understand your behaviour, but he also knows that he has to take things in his own hands if he wants to fix them.

Eventually, he comes home and unsurprisingly, the apartment is quiet. Only your opened suitcase in the living room and a glass of water indicates that recently, someone has been here.

When he walks in the bedroom and sees the unmade bed, he smiles because it is just so you. He knows that you never bother to do it because you think it does not make sense if you are going to lie in it later anyway. He always disagrees and ends up doing it despite being annoyed by it.

Now it gives him a familiar feeling that he had craved so much the last months and he notices again how much he had missed you.

Then his eyes spot the nightstand full of used tissues and his heart sinks.

It just reminds him how much his actions have hurt you and he wants nothing more than making it up to you. Because you are the most important person to him and he simply cannot afford to lose you.

Determinedly, he grabs his car keys and makes his way to Madison Square Garden.

---

Ever since you had that talk with Calum, your mood has been much better.

Before you are supposed to go on stage, you had the opportunity to properly meet the other members of the band. Sure, you sometimes pass each other by at the venue, but usually, their schedule is so packed that only a short greet and small talk is possible. 

This time, both of your managers decide that for the end of the tour, doing some TikToks together will boost both of your engagements and therefore, you find yourself lip synching to some trendy sounds while enjoying some pre-drinks together.

You find yourself laughing along to some stupid joke Ashton has just said and for the first time this day, you forget about Mat and enjoy the fun sides of touring.

”Go rock the stage! Home crowds are always special.”

Maybe it is the beer that makes your heart race a bit, but you still smile cheerfully when you hear Calum’s remark in the background while you get yourself ready to step on stage.

Finally, you make your way to the stage with your tour bassist and drummer and have the time of your life. And Calum is right, there is definitely something special in the air when you play your guitar solos in an arena in which you have seen countless legendary artists perform and dreamt about playing yourself. While these fans are not yours per se and the arena is still half empty, you still feel elated by people just simply listening to songs that you have been creating in your tiny studio for years.

After your set you run into Kelly again and give her a bonecrushing hug. Full of adrenaline, you thank everyone in your team for the whole time and express your disappointment that all of this is over now. Because in all these months, they have become like family to you and who knows when you are going to see them again.

Kelly just laughs and reminds you that technically, this is not over yet because 5 Seconds of Summer has offered you to be part of some of their tour sketches and join them on stage while they perform their song “Everyone’s a Star” and you laugh and agree, because this is going to be fun.

And you were right because the moment you see yourself on screen and everyone cheers you on, you feel a burst of happiness going through your body and dance like nobody is watching while the band performs in front of a sold out arena.

During their song, you interact with every member for a bit. You cheer on Luke while he gives his typical mid song speech in which he prompts the audience to jump. Then you see Michael and Ashton shredding their instruments and decide to dance around them for a bit while singing along. At last, you see Calum and he gives you a genuine smile, which reminds you of your encounter with him - a complete contrast to earlier.

You laugh even harder when he points at the pint of beer in your hand, challenging you to let him drink some of it while he plays the bass. You just shake your head with a huge grin, but eventually comply with his request and get closer to him.

The fans scream even louder when they realise what is going to happen. You see everyone focusing their camera on you two as you bring the cup near his mouth and angle it in a drinking position.

But as expected, distracted by the loud music and all the flashy lights, your coordination is a bit off and Calum chokes, not expecting the liquor to flow down this fast. You shriek slightly when some of the beer lands on your hand, but immediately let out a heartfelt giggle, which Calum returns in the same manner.

This is just the best time of your life.

When you get off the stage, you enjoy the rest of the show backstage, not bothering to check your phone once. Instead, you mourn the end of the tour, the closer you get to the ending of the concert. Because why do you suddenly feel reluctant to go home when this is all you wanted during the tour?

Eventually, you hear the boys return from the stage from your backstage room, still full of adrenaline and talking all at once. You hear them celebrating and popping bottles, but not make your presence felt as you still debate going home.

Because you know that Mat should be home by now, even if he did not catch your set. But you still feel not ready to face him and discuss whatever your relationship is right now. Because for you it is clear - you want to keep doing this. You want to eventually tour yourself and relive this feeling again. Of course, you love him, but how much is your love worth if he believes it is not going to work out like this?

”Hey Y/N?”

Your string of thoughts get interrupted by no other than Calum who stands at the frame of your door. He is still wearing his on stage outfit, which is all sweaty from the performance and his hair standing messily in every direction.

”Wanna join us at the bar and celebrate the end of the tour? Everyone’s invited.”

You pretend to think about it for a short moment, but then nod eagerly.

”Sure, what’s the address?”

---

Mat has stopped counting the amount of times he has checked the time.

It is past 3 AM and even with New York traffic, you should have been home a long time ago.

He has tried calling you several times, because his countless messages to you still remain on delivered and no social media activity aside from a promotional tiktok that apparently was recorded and posted by your manager before you went on stage can be found.

Mindlessly, he stares at the last message he had sent to you.

You are incredible. Please let me apologise again. Waiting for you at home. Love you so much.

It has a video attached of you performing at the show. The one he barely made in time and had to rush to an arena that usually does not welcome him at all. The one he had to stand in the back with a cap that hides his face as best as possible so that the chances of being recognised shrunk. The one he had finally realised what performing and music means to you.

He has texted all of your friends that he knows of - some who have attended the show as well, but they told him that you haven’t texted them back since your performance, unaware that you have been arguing.

Not even his best friend Anthony who is in Washington and Mat has updated him about the current situation can calm him down because he firmly believes that you just need some space. He advises him to get some sleep.

But Mat is afraid. Afraid that you have decided to leave him and is about to move on with someone who understands you. How is he able to close his eyes without being secure enough that you are still his?

The bed, which he still has not touched since you left, feels even colder than it did the last few months.

While checking your social media profile, he has gone through your tags and noticed the increasing amount of pictures. Usually, they were from some amateur photographers who have seen you perform in a bar or photos from your family and friends, but this time, it is different.

Aside from the concert videos, some fan accounts of the band you had supported had posted you and Mat had noticed that there was one specific member who seems to be in every shot with you.

At first, Mat has seen the blurry pictures of you and him smoking a cigarette in a backyard. While your faces are not clearly visible, the figures and clothes can be unmistakenly identified as yours. The way you are sitting besides each other seems normal and with a respectful distance, yet the actions of sharing a cigarette seems strangely intimate.

He did the mistake of reading the comments.

lol are they hooking up?

nah she has a bf - Mat Barzal, plays hockey for the New York Islanders

Calum’s a cheater himself so why would that stop him 🤷‍♀️

guys calm down they are literally just having a smoke break

The second post he has seen is a video of you on stage with him together. Of course, fans had captured you trying to make him drink beer and from their point of views, it looks like you have known each other for ages.

The comments on this one are all in support of you.

OMG I SHIP

i feel like i’m interrupting something

the way she isn’t even mad that he spat beer on her and just laughs with him

the chemistry!!!

Usually, Mat would feel secure enough with your relationship. You have mentioned the band members sometimes and told him that you were friendly with them. But never ever did you tell him that you are actually hanging out with them let alone being friends. Could it really be that you had hidden something from you? Are you really this cruel to him?

The last photo is actually the worst one and rings all the alarm bells in him.

It is clearly taken after the show as the burning lanterns indicate a dark night. You were walking out with a group of people, including the band members and some other people - some he can identify as part of your team. But he notices that you were walking beside Calum and even stepping in the same car.

5 Seconds of Summer, Y/N and the crew leaving the venue after their show in New York

Just where did you go?

The apartment that he has decorated with you and usually radiates safety and comfort to him suddenly feels foreign and empty and Mat does not know how to handle all of his feelings.

Until today, he has never ever believed that you would cheat on him, but with all the signs and evidence indicating the possibility, his brain is playing the worst case scenarios in his head. And it is all because Mat was being stupid over the phone.

Suddenly he hears a faint click of a key by the front door, which instinctively makes Mat wince. Without hesitation, he runs to the corridor, but immediately pauses when he sees what is in front of him.

It is you, you alone, and you stand there like a statue as you realise who you can see in front of you.

At first, you both stand still, as you process your rollercoaster of emotions. It is shock, disbelief, anxiety and relief that lingers in the room. You blink a few times, realising that after all these months, your six feet still-boyfriend is standing in your shared apartment and has been waiting for you to come home.

All of a sudden, the emotions overwhelm you all at once and you run into his arms without thinking twice.

At first, Mat is caught off guard and only hesitantly accepts the embrace as a few minutes before, he was not even sure if you were coming home to him at all. But then he hears your quiet sniffs and he realises you are all he ever wants and immediately presses you closer to him. Your breath smells like alcohol and your perfume is mixed with the nicotine smell he hates so much, but at this moment, he does not care. All he thinks about is having you back after he thought he had lost you forever.

“Mat, I’m so sorry,” you stammer, audibly taken back by the situation. “There was no fucking signal in the backstage area. I didn’t see your texts until I was at this bar after the show. I didn’t know you were there even though I told you not to. The whole time I thought you didn’t care.” I thought we were over, I was afraid that  -”

“Shh baby, it’s okay,” Mat interrupts you gently while comfortingly rubbing your back. “You are here, this is all that matters right now. I thought you weren’t coming home. I thought I fucked up so badly so that you wouldn’t come back to me.

Cautiously, you release yourself from his hug, which makes him see your tearstrained face and smudged mascara. Without hesitation, he moves his thumb over your face as he cannot bear seeing your broken expression that he is mainly responsible for. He holds your hands in both as if he is afraid that you are going to walk away if he does not hold you in any way.

“But why did you think I was going to leave you?”

Mat tells you all about the pictures and videos that have been going around and how he made up the worst scenarios in his head. The more he goes on, the more your pupils widen in disbelief and you feel your hands clinging even more into his as if you want to assure him that you are really with him.

“When I saw you go into a car with him, I really thought you weren’t coming back to me,” Mat admits and you just determinedly shake your head as a response.

“There was never anything going on between me and Calum. On the contrary - he actually advised me to talk to you and when we were at the bar, all I could think about was going home to you. He told me to stop running away and go back to where I belong.”

Decisively, you grab him by the collar of his shirt and bring him down to you so that your eyes meet on the same level. “I only want you and I cannot imagine my life without you.”

You firmly press your lips against his as if you want to put weight behind your words and proof that there is no one else you would ever choose before him. Mat kisses back without hesitation and keeps holding your face like his life depends on it, not even thinking about letting you go once.

“I’m sorry I ever doubted you. I should have trusted you. I should have supported you more. You’re really it for me. Please don’t go.”

Never in your life have you ever heard his voice in such a whimpery and vulnerable manner. For the first time since you had left for your adventure, you believe every word he says. And when he later carries you to bed and you cuddle against his warm chest, which he answers with tenderly tugging your hair out of your face and making you feel like the most precious thing in the world, you just know that everything is going to work out.

[spectersgf]

— the cons of enforcer era 𓏲 ࣪₊♡𓂃

pairing: mat barzal × reader

summary: having a hot hockey boyfriend is all fun and games until you're watching him taking constant hits on a tv screen

wordcount: 1.3k

a/n: i just found so much stuff in my google docs and in the spirit of my anti-anxiety writing challenge, i'm going to post it all ! if you've sent in a request, i will be getting to it, i just haven't had much writing time. i haven't read this really, not since i wrote it LOL but it seemed kinda cutie so whatever (i do remember exactly which game this was after though which is so funny to me)

(if you want to be tagged in future fics or if you have any requests, let me know! for my other fics, here's my masterlist!)

for hours your leg has been bouncing, hands close to shaking, waiting in desperate anticipation for your boyfriend to come home. hockey is an aggressive and physical sport, you know that, but it doesn’t stop the worry that festers in your heart when you see something happen to him. 

you can usually contain your worry for mat, not letting it grow too much throughout the game when you can see that he’s okay, but today was different. he’s been missing morning skates and finally had a chance to rest over the holidays. you’d looked after him, practically played nurse for him, and immediately after his break he’d been tripped. 

you watch his frustration, watch him trip and fall throughout the game and it does nothing to ease your tension. you couldn’t help but worry about mat. even your confession of feelings for him centred around being worried for his physical wellbeing on a night when he’d come back bleeding. it gets to a stage where you can’t watch the game properly anymore, and every time your eyes would flick up to the screen he’d be on his ass again, someone having bodychecked him to the ground or into the boards. 

you’d been texting liana when you saw him go down the tunnel a touch early at the end of the second, and you couldn’t help but send a text to him as well, though you knew he wouldn’t answer between periods. some of your worry was relieved when you saw him come out again for the third, but you were close to biting off all your nails throughout the third period. 

you’d hoped he’d answer after the game ended but the only barzal in your notifications was liana, and she hadn’t heard from mat either. instead, all you could do was sit in front of the door and wait for him to come home. a win was great, of course it was, but you couldn’t focus on the win when you’d just spent almost 3 hours watching your boyfriend get bullied on the ice. 

finally, finally, he walked through the door with the biggest smile on his tired face. the sight almost made you burst into tears and mat, attentive as he was, noticed immediately. he dropped his bag at the door and was by your side within seconds, his hands braced on your thighs as you searched and scanned for injuries. 

“hey,” he murmured, eyes locked on the worry in your expression. “hey, what’s going on? what happened?”

the pure concern in his voice made you crumble, your head falling forward into his chest as your body heaved with tears. his hands found your hair on instinct, knowing exactly what you needed for comfort in that moment. he didn’t speak, didn’t push you for information. he just let you cry into his compression shirt until it was soaked through, sticking to his skin even more. murmured sweet nothings into your ear, shushed you to calm you down, ran his fingers through your hair and massaged your scalp. 

“i was so scared,” you finally whispered against his shoulder. your body slumped with your words and before he replied, before you knew what was happening, mat had you picked up and settled in his lap, your legs straddling his in his joggers. your hands come out to cup his face, searching for any cuts or bruises, anything. but he looked physically fine. 

“why were you scared, baby?” his voice is so gentle, it coaxes more tears out of you. his eyes glow as he looks up at you and he’s so soft that it hurts your heart. 

“you kept taking hit after hit,” you sniffle, voice cracking. “and you looked super frustrated and i didn’t know if you were bleeding or if anything happened and then you went down the tunnel early at the end of the second and i didn’t know if you were okay or—“ when mat noticed your words getting frantic and breathing getting faster, he pulled your head into his chest, cutting your words off and trying to regulate your anxiety.

“shhh, baby, i’m okay. i’m all good. i only went down early because i was frustrated and patty didn’t need me for the last few seconds. i’m all good.” his voice always soothed you, always brought you comfort, and today was no exception. he sounded safe and secure, there was no lie in his tone. he was okay and he was home and he wasn’t injured like last season. 

with your head still buried in his shoulder, you snake one hand into his hair, running your fingers through the damp locks. mat responds by stroking his hand up and down your back, soothing you like you were fragile in his arms. 

“i was so scared,” your murmur vibrates against his skin where you moved your head to his neck. “it’s so irrational but i just worry so much and then you didn’t answer my texts or liana’s or your mom’s and i was so worried. they’re used to it but i never will be, mat, i’ll always worry.”

he pulled your head up from his neck to cup your cheeks and look you straight in the eye when he spoke his next words. 

“y/n. i will always, always come home to you. there is no force that can stop me from coming home to you. i didn’t answer anyone because my phone was off and i was frustrated, but not because of you. never because of you. i was thinking of you the whole game and the whole way home. i have two priorities on games days, and it’s winning and coming home to you. always coming home to you.”

his words were so earnest and so sincere that they only brought more tears to your eyes. 

“hockey comes second to you. you are my number one, always. there will be a time when i’m not playing hockey anymore, but there will never be a time when you aren’t in my life. i love you. and that’s forever.”

you couldn’t help but kiss him. a kiss that conveyed all your love and care and worry. every single emotion you felt tonight was poured into this one kiss. it wasn’t sultry or seductive. it was raw emotion. longing, and yearned, and love in its purest form. 

“i love you. i’m glad you’re okay. i’ll always worry but i also always know you’ll come home to me. never ever stop coming home to me.” your words are hushed against his lips, a private vow between the two of you and nobody else but the four walls of your apartment. he didn’t reply, only stroking your cheekbone with his thumb, but that one action told you everything you needed to know. 

“bedtime?” he asked, still holding you upright in his arms. you shake your head in response, smiling now for the first time since he walked through the door. 

“i stress-made pasta during the second intermission when you wouldn’t respond to my texts.”

this pulls a smile from him, too, and in his renewed playful state he playfully bites your cheek. 

“that’s why you’re my favourite girlfriend in the world,” he tells you, as he picks you up and carries you into the kitchen. you smack his shoulder in response, the playfulness in your anger exposed by the melodic laugh you let out. 

“you’re such a dick. i’m your only girlfriend, barzy.”

“made you laugh, though, eh? my second favourite sound in the world.” his words are punctuated with a flirty pump of his brows, indicating his intent so perfectly. this time when you smack him in the chest, he catches your hand and lifts it to his mouth, kissing the pulsepoint on the inside of your wrist. his favourite spot on his favourite girl.

[drewsbuzzcut]

In Your Eyes, I See Forever

Mat Barzal x model!fem!reader

A visceral in doses blurb

Warnings: none that I can think of

Takes place: July 27th, 2026

“Daddy let you have too much cake, huh? You’re so hyper, Nolie bear,” you coo to the rambunctious 1-year-old as he jumps in his crib, only clad in a diaper.

Elated squeals and babbles bounce off the walls of the nursery, but it doesn’t bother you. Taking in the sound, you file it away in a pile of memories you can look back on one day.

The smile on your face fades a bit at the reminder that you officially have a baby who is one. He’s growing too fast before your own eyes, and you hate it but love it all the same. Today has been a prime example of that bittersweet feeling. It was nice to see Nolan’s life being celebrated by your closest friends and family, but you cannot deny it broke your heart to know that he’s no longer an infant.

“There’s no such thing as too much cake on a birthday,” Mat objects, looking up from where his attention was previously. Your husband is seated on the floor, back against the dresser with a notebook in his lap.

“Says the guy with an insatiable sweet tooth,” you retort, cocking a brow at him.

“What’re you writing anyways? You’ve been at it since before Nols was done with his bath,” you continue, bringing your baby back into your arms in hopes that rocking him will settle him.

“A little tradition I want to start. It’s a letter to Nolan. It’s basically a run down of his first year of life- of my feelings and experiences we’ve shared as a new family. It’s nothing major, just something I wanted to do. Hopefully one day I’ll be writing these for our other kids,” Mat mumbles, looking down timidly. Now, there’s no doubting Mat’s devotion to his family, but he still gets shy about certain things.

“Mathew,” you say softly, a soft pout curving your lips. The sentiment behind your husband’s newest project has tears forming in the corners of your eyes. Is there a word to describe how falling in love with him is never ending? How you got so lucky, is still a mystery to you.

“It’s not a big deal, really,” he tries downplaying it, but you can see the need for assurance swimming in his hazel eyes.

Something wretched pulls at your heart, thinking about Mat and how he feels this token of love is meaningless.

“Baby, it’s a big deal. This is your way of showing our baby just how much he means to you,” you sigh, stopping the rocking movements in favor of rubbing your child’s back as his eyes start fluttering shut.

“Can you read it to me?”

The hockey player tenses, but his rigid frame loosens when he reminds himself that it’s just you, his wife.

With a soft nod, he clears his throat and says, “Dear, Nolan, today is your first birthday. As I watch your mommy get you ready for bed, I’m also thinking about all the special moments that have made up your first year of life.” A tear beads on Mat’s lash line, one blink away from spilling over.

With a shaky breath, you take a seat next to him, and card your fingers through his hair. A whisper of “I love you,” is muttered against his cheek, followed by a nudge from your nose.

“From the minute you were born to the day we brought you home, I was nothing short of a worried mess. Through the seemingly endless nights of feedings and diaper changes, you’ve taught me a lot about patience. You’ve also allowed me to witness just how strong and wonderful your mommy is. She’s the love of my life,” he exhales, eyes locking on yours. The beat of your heart soars and heat blooms in your cheeks.

“Fast forward to months later, watching you grow has been an overwhelming feat, but it was also amazing. The excitement I felt when your teeth started coming out-despite hating the pain it caused you-or when you finally started forming words, or when you started crawling and eventually started walking. All of it has been an epic highlight of my life. I’d also like to mention the smile I know was on your face when you first tasted cotton candy ice cream. No matter how much your mom denies it, I know it was there.”

You couldn’t help but roll your eyes at that last sentence, but nonetheless giggle at how happy it made your man.

“I cannot describe how proud I am to be your father. You’re everything I didn’t know I needed. I cannot wait to experience everything else our life has to offer. I don’t care if they’re disagreements, miscommunication, or simply the good moments. Just know that my love for you is unconditional,” Mat closes, eyes falling shut as tears continuously ripple down his cheeks.

Being able to see your partner be this overcome with emotion is something you’ll never take for granted. The fact that he’s comfortable in expressing his truest form of love means the world to you.

“You’re the best daddy ever, Mathew,” you speak through a cry that sits at the base of your throat.

“I try my hardest,” he admits, laying his forehead against your shoulder. Soft lips press into the bare skin of your arm, soothing Mat.

A soft sigh escapes your lips as your own tears follow. Warmth looms around your little huddle on the floor, filling you up with a lifetime’s worth of happiness.

“He’s so lucky to have you,” you whisper, passing your sweet boy into his father’s arms.

The little boy immediately settles into the large arms that wrap around him, making Mat’s entire body sag in what you know is relief. Not relief that he stayed asleep, but relief in knowing that the child is his and he’ll always be able to love him.

a/n: Just a little something to celebrate Nolan’s first birthday! Hope y’all enjoy. Let me know if you have requests!!

[thewintersoldierdisaster]

I’m just imagining Squeaks encouraging Mat to be hot and fight more, and he’s out here in Chicago taking it to heart for his girl 🫶

xo 🦢 (he’s so hot I need to bite him)

(no okay he really is so biteable???) (enforcer mat is my favorite mat 🥵)

“these nobody assholes keep running into him,” you scowl, angrily shaking out a t-shirt and folding it into a neat square. “they’re going to hurt him and it’s not going to impact those talentless hacks, but schaefs is special and he’s just a kid!”

“scotty’s stepping up,” mat replies, gathering an armful of his clothes from the closet. “we’re all going to make sure nothing happens to the kid”

you frown at your husband, watching him fold his clothes and settle them in his suitcase. “i think i should be allowed out there to hit people with the zamboni when they even think about hitting him,” you huff, rolling up a pair of sweatpants

mat laughs at you, a grin stretching his face. “you’re cute when you go all mama bear. do you get like this when i’m on the ice?”

“no,” you deadpan. “i just love when giant, inconsequential idiots ram you into the boards. of course i freak out when you get hit! what kind of stupid question is that?”

“sorry, baby,” mat keeps grinning, skirting around the bed to kiss your cheek and palm your ass in a move that he’s basically patented. “i’ll make sure we both stay upright and unhurt”

“you can’t promise that,” you grumble, leaning back against mat’s chest. “but you have to make sure schaefs isn’t hurt. i couldn’t stand seeing him injured and missing time.”

you’re always worried about mat getting hurt on the ice, but the addition of matthew schaefer to your household and your lives just makes that worry even more amplified. he’s just a kid and he’s already dealt with a season ending injury and more. you just want him to be able to enjoy his first nhl season, happy and healthy

“i’ll step up,” mat promises you, kissing the back of your neck. “anyone touches schaef, i’ll make them regret it”

mat’s voice is deep and rumbly and you press your thighs together, turned on. after your finish packing, you’re definitely jumping his bones

the kids (talia and schaef) are in the basement, the 18 year old being a real angel and playing with talia’s new toys from christmas to keep her distracted and entertained. he’s such a good kid.

“good,” you murmur. “talia and i would both be upset if he got hurt. and,” you giggle lightly, mat’s fingers trailing up your spine, “you’re really hot when you fight. so, it’s a win win”

“yeah?” mat lets his teeth scrape over your shoulder, making you shiver. “do i get rewarded for every fight im in?”

you hum. “extra rewards for the fights you win, too”

“i like that deal,” mat turns your chin so he can kiss you soundly on the lips, your body melting into him and a whine working its way out of your throat when he pulls away. “gotta finish packing and then we can have some fun”

“family friendly,” you huff, breathlessly. “schaefs promised talia we would all watch frozen together before you guys leave”

mat groans slightly - frozen has been on a a major rotation in the house, thanks to the martin girls introducing talia to the disney princesses - but shakes it off and grimaces. “it’s fine, it’s cool. any way to spend time with my girls before a week away”

they’re playing at home tomorrow - the 27th - and then will be away in columbus and chicago until the 30th. back just in time for new year’s eve.

you reach for a sweatshirt and nestle it on top of the clothes you’ve already packed, catching mat’s eye.

“hey,” his eyebrows draw together, “is that my stuff? i’m already packing a bag?”

you grin widely, unashamed, “it’s schaefs’ bag. he likes your style for some reason so i figured i’d pack some of your stuff for him to borrow”

mat rolls his eyes at you and you giggle when he mutters something about little brothers

you resist the urge to remind him that he was once the team’s little brother too. you know mat doesn’t mean it and he’ll protect matt on and off the ice

the fight in chicago three days later proves you right, even if mat does give you a heart attack while you watch!