Portman House Roommates Headcanons
- WHAT A SQUAD it’s honestly just a fancy one room apartment full of functionality and snacks
- It’s cluttered and aesthetic at the same time
- The walls are maroon and all the curtains, pillows, throw blankets, and wall tapestries (they’re those people) are all in shades of gold
- It’s FULL of emotionally connected Knick Knacks and thousand of photographs
- They have a cozy couch and big baskets of blankets and cushions
- Designated Family Sleepover Room
- Just a drawer of pancake and cookie mix and baking pans that Emma just cooks with her hands
- Emma buys a record player for the aesthetic but they never use it they listen to music all the times on their phones
- They don’t fight like ever but when they do everything is super tense and everyone is worried but then two hours later they’re acting completely normal again
- Emma spends like an hour and a half getting ready, doing a full skin care routine, moisturizing, and getting in cute pajamas at night and then takes like an hour to fall asleep and Bronwyn collapses on her bed in what she wore that day and immediately falls asleep
- That being said Emma sleeps like a ROCK and Bronwyn is a super light sleeper like Claire makes a sound of distress three rooms over and she is AWAKE
- Definitely have their own coffee machine
- Jacob went from having a single room to basically a forced triple
- He’s never had siblings and Millard and Hugh have basically only had siblings for 60 years and it’s…. somewhat functional
- Millard: Do you think flowers know they’re being cut?
Hugh *completely unaffected*: probably not go to bed
- Hugh and Millard have bunk beds
- Dark green walls and a Completely Unnecessary white brick accent wall
- A LOT OF GLOW IN THE DARK STARS AND PLANETS EVERYWHERE (from both Jacob and Millard)
- Windowsills full of succulents and plants (Hugh is a sad boy)
- Sad teenage boy cuddles
- It’s Jacob’s old room so there’s like shitty maps of real places and like…. Hogwarts everywhere
- “Jacob what the FUCK is this”
“$300 beats headphones pls be careful”
“ T H R E E H U N D R E D???????? DOLLARS???????”
- Binge watching John Mulaney until 3 AM
- Ricky climbs through Jacob’s window at some point and it’s unclear over who is more startled between Hugh and Millard and the green hair scary boi that just broke into their room vs Ricky and the boy who definitely isn’t Jacob and the disembodied screaming voice that hopefully isn’t Jacob
- Hugh is suffering because neither Millard or Jacob knows how to SLEEP
- Mrs. P is pretty sure Millard is dating one of them but can’t do anything without showing her suspicions
- It’s a mess at first tbh no one knows how this happened like they’re friends of course but not the type of friends that can functionally live together
- You know those episodes of TV shows where they literally split the room in half with tape? They do that. It works for like a week.
- Horace is surprisingly messy and Enoch is shockingly neat.
“I work with CORPSES Jacob you learn to clean up after yourself”
“I have not slept is 3 days and you want me to CLEAN”
- It’s honestly good for them tbh they are forced to talk and work things out
- They steal Jacob’s mini fridge and have a secret microwave so they can make popcorn and ramen
- “Wanna watch Sweeney Todd again?”
- They paint it light gray-blue and have fairy lights everywhere because Horace doesn’t like waking up from nightmares in all dark and Enoch thinks they look cool
- They have black out curtains because Enoch is a darkness gremlin and Horace WILL wake up if there is natural light and not be able to go back to bed
- Lots of shelves full of both body parts and rolls of fabric and thread
- Horace’s half has carpet but they had to rip the carpet out and put tarps up for Enoch’s tiny corpse and clay factory because Mrs. Portman lost her shit
- Horace gets the whole closet like they didn’t even discuss it they just had a mutual understanding
- Horace has an expansive scented candle and air freshener collection because “YOUR HALF OF THE ROOM CAN SMELL LIKE A MOURGE ENOCH BUT I REFUSE”
- They swap clothes one day for no reason but the lols and both look really cute??? They are confused??? And slightly disgusted????
- “Horace when I was your age…”
- Enoch is shit at helping Horace with nightmares and Horace is shit at helping Enoch with whatever is going on with him it’s really not g r e a t
- Pink and purple walls with a bunch of extra glow in the dark stars from Millard and Jacob
- Those homemade cotton cloud lights
- Posters EVERYWHERE like those dumb cheesy posters from magazines little kids put up because it makes them feel older
- Separate dressers with big sparkly OLIVE and CLAIRE name plates above them
- Designated tea party table with real China tea cups and a tea pot
- Big ol’ gum ball machine
- Most functional roomie situation lbr
- The beds have those gauzy princess canopies you hang from the ceiling over them
- They honestly spend 50% of their time having “sleepovers” in everyone else’s rooms
- They watch Disney movies until late into the night (9 pm)
- Many impromptu dance parties and tea parties that everyone MUST attend
- Massive stuffed animal pile in the corner
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