Batfam Stuff

She/her pronouns AO3: im_on_the_highway_to_hell_for_my_sins Londoner

[screamting]

AU where the Justice League forms like usual, except Batman maintained his “totally a myth” status and has in fact been active for years before the JL forms. He’s very cautious about trusting them, but still joins, and the others sort of accepts that as long as they trust that Batman has a really hard time with trust, it will all work out in its own weird way

Then, one day, in the middle of a JL mission, the League gets in a tight spot. Out of nowhere, this blue and black blur swoops in and saves everyone’s ass. Maybe breaking some shackles that were proving very difficult, maybe disarm a bomb that the League was just a hair’s breadth too slow to reach without help, but whatever happens, the shadowy figure pauses just long enough to say, “Hey, Batman, you know you there are these things called cellphones now and you can just call sometimes, it doesn’t have to be this dramatic?” and bounds away after shouting ‘let’s do brunch! Bring your new friends!’

Batman is mortified.

No one lets it go.

The entire rest of the mission, the whole League is asking so many questions. Who was that? Do you know him? How do you know him? What’s going on? I didn’t know there was a vigilante in this area?? They don’t let up until he talks.

“That was Nightwing.” Batman is mumbling. The JL forces him to bring them to the Brunch. Brunch happens to be in a run-down apartment on the edge of a bad neighborhood, at five in the morning, in costume. Nightwing introduces himself as Batman’s lovechild with justice.

“I did not realize Batman had a child,” Martian Manhunter says, calmly enough that no one’s sure if he’s accidentally plucking a really loud thought out of the air or if he’s trying to make a joke.

Nightwing stares for a moment falling over laughing. He doesn’t get up. Batman starts trying to apply anti-Joker venom but Nightwing just kicks him and laughs until he cries. He keeps trying to wipe his eyes and his mask keeps getting in the way, so he asks everyone to leave so he can please get a hold of himself

He is still laughing when they leave. Everyone is confused. Batman is furious.  Nightwing manages to breathe long enough to say, “We’re just so glad you’re socializing now, Batman.”

Superman turns to look at Batman very slowly. “…’we’?”

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[batfam-shenannigans]

When they all get upstairs, Alfred would totally have made dinner for everyone so they sit at this massive dining table which somehow fits everyone and they begin to talk.

The Leaguers are shocked, to put it lightly. Batman has an entire army of caped child vigilantes at his beck and call and despite their eerily similar appearances, they claim to be, for the most part, completely unrelated.

Then Alfred brings out the meals but before anyone can say anything, Barbara and Kate arrive and, finally! Some people who aren’t Bats because they have red hair(they only accept that Spoiler is a Bat because she’s dating Red Robin). Then it is revealed who they are and flash vibrates through his seat in his confusion at the rapidly expanding ranks of the BatFam.

Then Alfred produces two more plates and Green Arrow asks how he knew to cater for this many. The Bats exchange looks and Spoiler says, with the most serious face they’ve seen her in, that they don’t question the powers of Agent A.

And the Leaguers are placated because, finally they have met the entire Batfam. Then Ace and Titus come bounding in through the door and Superman is spluttering in defeat. Robin tuts and comments that they should meet Batcow. Flash actually faints.

So they all talk over food. And Wonder Woman is pleasantly surprised at how Red Hood seemingly idolises her, and Nightwing charms everyone all over again because his superpower is to make friends. Robin simply calls them all idiots, heathens and harlots but calms when he is hugged by Nightwing and Titus puts his head on Robin’s lap. And yeah, Red Robin’s coffee addiction is completely terrifying, and Black Bat has the uncanny ability to look at someone and see right through their masks but it’s obvious that they all care deeply for each other. So what if Oracle knows all the secrets of their deepest secrets, and Red Hood constantly makes extremely bad jokes about his death?

By the end of the night, the Leaguers were finding that they liked the many kids of Batman, formally adopted or not. They say their goodbyes but are interrupted by interrupted by Nightwing laughing at their confused faces.

“Oh, you don’t need to say goodbye. It’s take you kids to work day next week.” Not noticing the blood draining from their faces, he happily continued on. “After we’ve been to Batman’s day job for a few hours, we’ll see you all at the watchtower with all your kids.” He grinned happily.

Still in horrified shock, the Leaguers were ushered towards the Zeta tubes. As the last one to exit the batcave, Green Arrow turned around at the last moment, only to see Red Hood and Nightwing roll in a whiteboard with the words ‘Destroying the Justice League’ in it. When he ended up in the watchtower moments later, the others brushing off their worries for next week, the others didn’t believe him. Oh how they regretted that decision.