Battery News

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Joy Li

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I mean… Business!’!’!🕶✨ 80’s Sharp Commercial.

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<i>YOU ARE A VALUED CITIZEN. THERE IS NO NEED FOR DISTRESS.</i>

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C O N S U M E

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[battery-news]

Citizens Break Threat Identification Records Once Again!

Thank you for your responsible citizenship, Battery City! We all know the value of doing our civic duty, and your efforts have helped keep our streets safe! We've had a record year so far for civilian threat identifications - less than two months in, and you've alerted us to an outstanding 87 potential terrorists! Remember: dangerous individuals almost always show signs of their intent, and it's up to you to help our brave draculoids prevent them from harming themselves or others.

File a report immediately if you observe anyone acting erratically, disobeying the law, avoiding medication, or being in possession of illegal weapons or other personal items. Additional early warning signs may include having a positive view of killjoys, violent or reckless behavior, rebelling against social norms, attempting to homeschool children, or displaying fear or concern regarding company oversight or security forces. Fear of the law is evidence that you've broken it!

Keep up the good work, Battery City! Every report you submit puts a smile on the face of one of our officers, here to keep you safe and happy!

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Have a BETTER day.

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TeleVideo: Bringing the Ghost out of the Machines since 1983

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Good Morning Citizens of Battery City! 

Gear up for another delightful morning at Battery City! The Parks and Recreation Department of Battery City is immensely happy to announce the opening of a new park in the suburban quadrant of Battery City! We have long received requests for the installation. We’d like to thank not only our leaders who made this feat possible, but also the citizens of Battery City who withstood the hassle that construction caused. 

Announcement: there have been reports of Battery City Citizens going missing. Make sure you know where everyone in your immediate family is and observe the curfew. If reports continue, city officals may be forced to conduct regular censuses.

Have A Better Day!