Life Hack: Don’t Diss Lil Durk
I wrote this and pitched it to a place but then they decided not to publish it because they realized that it was not good for their personal healths to be associated with this listsicle.
The purpose of a life hack is to increase the quality of life. Because [Redacted] cares about our readers, we present to you this life hack: Don’t Diss Lil Durk. This is perhaps the ultimate life hack because it will help you stay alive. After being dissed by Lil Durk, Mr. Lime in the Coconut, Tyga, was utterly aghast and, unwisely decided to respond. Always the opportunist, The Game decided to gasp at relevancy and help Tyga out by hopping on the “ChiRaq Remix,” while very clearly letting the world know that he has zero idea who Lil Durk is. (Editor’s Note: Lil Durk may very well be Dirk Nowitzki in an elaborate Mrs. Doubtfire scheme.)
With the beef currently only existing in audio form, we can almost guarantee that someone is going to be shot. In fact, we’d go so far as to say that everyone may be getting shot. We are not saying that Lil Durk or his cohorts are going to shoot anyone. That would be irresponsible to our own lives to suggest that because as far as I know they have never done anything illegal, but… accidents happen. Coincidences occur. People get shot for no reason, whether rhyme is involved or not. We’ve put together a list of people who will probably accidentally be shot in the coming weeks. Let this be a lesson to you all.
T-Raww is definitely going to get shot. You can’t diss Lil Durk and not end up in a freak accident where you fall on some bullets. To be honest, we aren’t sure what would possess Tyga to do this. He was on an MTV show called Bustas and Lil Durk was not. Also, the fact that he didn’t call his diss “ChiRaq City” proves he is way over his head here. On “Believe Me,” Drake raps “YMCMB we’re waiting for anyone to try us.” The ad lib after that line is Drake faintly saying “Except Lil Durk.” Godspeed Tyga.
The Game decided he needed to hop on a song and diss an upstanding, law-abiding citizen like Lil Durk while saying he’s cool with other Chicago artists. Bold strategy, but one that ultimate seals his fate of definitely getting shot. The Game has his own beef to worry about with 40 Glocc parading The Game’s children and baby mama all over Instagram and being wild disrespectful. One beef at a time, Jayceon. You spread yourself too thin, and you can’t effectively shoot people because you have to worry about other people shooting you that aren’t the people who you are trying to shoot.
 The Girl Who Says “Hell Nah” At The End of “ChiRaq to LA”
Whether she was unaware of what her sound byte would be used for, coerced or a willing participant, it is irrelevant. Her voice is on this song. Without a doubt, she is getting shot. RIP The Girl Who Says “Hell Nah” At The End of “ChiRaq to LA.”
40 Glocc is the reason The Game was feeling so aggro in the first place. He is the instigator to The Game’s insertion into this beef. Because of this, he is getting shot for sure.
 Inventors of SoundCloud
They created a platform/site that allowed Tyga and The Game to host their Lil Durk song on. They greased the wheels. Their tangential connection does not absolve them from being shot. This is a lesson to all you web entrepreneurs. Sometimes you create a real cool product that won’t get you shot and sometimes you create a real cool product that gets you shot. Try your best to create a real cool product that won’t get you shot. This axiom was my biggest takeaway from my MBA program.
 The 340,700 People Who Listened To “ChiRaq to LA” on Soundcloud
The inventors of SoundCloud foolishly include play count metrics for every song. All a potential shooter would have to do is FOI the IP addresses of everyone who listened and get their addresses with minimal effort. If you were one of these people, your best bet is to smash your computer and move to Mongolia. That won’t put you in the clear, but it will give you an extra two years of not being shot, as it will be tougher to track you down while having to ride on the back of oxen. An incognito window is not digital Teflon.
Travie McCoy is Tyga’s cousin, and the reason he exists in the music industry. Travie McCoy is our generation’s Hitler’s father.
Sucks they had to be connected to Travie McCoy. Enjoy being shot.
Any kid that hits a game-winning three during a pick-up basketball game or robs a kickball homerun by leaping over the fence or makes an unbelievable flag capture to save a touchdown is getting shot. If there is one thing that people who shoot people do not possess it is discernment. Gym Class Heroes and gym class heroes are the same people in their book. Nerds, you have nothing to worry about. Jocks, congratulations on getting clapped up.
He has made more than one song with Travie McCoy. I have no qualms about him being on the receiving end of an accurate #GRRATATA. His bullet wounds are well-deserved; I pray he catches a literal grenade.
For publishing this article, we fully expect, and embrace, being shot. Not only will it give our publication more credibility, but we all need new computers anyways, so if anything, the people who shoot us— that are definitely not either Lil Durk or his people— are doing us a favor.
I have to assume that OTF have Google Alerts for their names and their enemies’ names. I’m risking my own life writing this article because it increases my chances that Lil Durk learns that I exist. That, my friends, is problematic. I am risking my life to save the masses. I am the Millennial Ghandi.
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