thinking about how wizard!satoru lets the guilt of being an impostor eat him alive.
wizard!satoru who comes home after a war that lasted longer than most kingdoms, wearing a face that doesnāt feel like his.
wizard!satoru who stops at your door and almost turns around, the guilt and disgust clawing up his throat like vomit at the thought of your face and how you might smile.
wizard!satoru who forgets you can hear him coming from down the street, who still startles when the door opens before he can knock.
wizard!satoru who nods when you say āyouāre back,ā because his voice hasnāt worked properly since the war ended, too brittle from the years of shouting commands and crying deaths.
wizard!satoru who lets you touch his face, even though it feels like youāre reaching for someone else. your hands an unfamiliar softeness he hasn't felt in a lifetime, a certain kind of tenderness that he knows doesn't belong to him.
wizard!satoru who remembers watching you greet a man with the same face, the same way, centuries ago, and thinking there was no one in the world like you.
wizard!satoru who follows you into the house like a ghost slipping into someone elseās life. who doesnāt correct you when you talk about the war, when you say you missed him dearly while he was away.
"you're thinner," you murmur. he bites his tongue trying not to flinch away from borrowed warmth. "it must have been hard on you."
wizard!satoru who thinks hard is too small a word for a battlefield that swallowed his best friend whole.
wizard!satoru who hesitates at the bedroom door, his mind screaming at him to turn around and leave. there is a world that doesn't belong to him past those doors, a world meant for a man that had his face and his body but not his soul.
he feels like an intruder. he is an intruder in this place he has to call home. there's a routine not meant for him. an entire room filled with memories he hadn't had the heart to make his.
his body almost refuses when you pat the space beside you on the bed. "come here."
wizard!satoru who sits beside you anyway because heās been alone for too long.
wizard!satoru who stiffens when you lean against him like nothing has changed and hears you whisper, "donāt go anywhere for a while. just stay."
wizard!satoru who promises he will, even though staying has never been something heās good at. it doesn't really matter when you fall asleep against his shoulder, trust coming to you as easily as breathing.
wizard!satoru who stays awake in the dark, counting each rise and fall of your chest in between prayers. it's the proper way to go, he believes. to ask for penance, to repent for the sins he still carries to your bed.
wizard!satoru who tightens his grip on your hand when it slips into his, afraid youāll disappear if he lets go.
wizard!satoru who whispers into the dark, too quietly for you to hear, "just for a while.ā and decides heāll keep the truth to himself. at least until the nightmares stop, at least until he learns how to say the words without breaking you and himself.
shapeshifter!satoru who wears a familiar face, sleeps in a familiar bed, and pretends this life is his.
very first time posting a jjk something!! how did i do?
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