echo, on tiramisu: but, to answer your question, i ate a tiramisu with brandy ice cream when i was a teenager. the store that sold it discontinued it, so i became obsessed with that flavor. one time, i went to a restaurant and they gave me a small tiramisu for dessert, the flavor was exact, even the with the same alcohol. so it became my comfort dessert i eat when i'm sad. it's my favorite. i'd always watch the flash and cry while eating a cup of tiramisu. it's the only thing that has coffee that i can tolerate.
it’s been awhile since i’ve done this properly.. like you know, writing to you.. from my notes, heh. i have a total of sixteen notes that are related to you and that’s nice. i like it. my small collection of letters to echo, sent and unsent one. the unsent ones are too... unreadable. most of them were when i was tipsy and some were when i woke up at 4 am and my eyes were barely open.
anyways, you’re probably going to be really busy like yesterday so i thought.. why not just not bother you today! plus, i’ll be at the pool and beach the whole day today so i won’t be able to use my phone much today and so.. this small letter of strength!
you’ll be able to go through today without any complications, i just know it! and because.. you always do anyways, heh. don’t forget to eat and drink plain old mineral water, okay? stay hydrated. a hydrated body is a happy body. that’s what i always think.
i seem to have made you upset. do forgive me, my brain wasn’t fully functioning and i wasn’t truly awake at the time. but that shouldn’t be excuses. i shouldn’t be making those excuses for my lack of intelligence.
tu me manques. that’s ‘i miss you’ in french. i miss you. especially when you were still awake and replying to everyone else but me. but that was because i was too much of a coward to reach out to you. i had a gut feeling you didn’t want to talk to me so, i didn’t try.
did you know? i thought about you today. it felt like the sun was shining on my skin even when it’s pretty gloomy today, yeah, it’s starting to rain. i thought about your words and how warm they make me feel, like how every time you called me an idiot, it made me feel warm inside. i daydreamed about doing things together. innocent things. like laying in meadows while the stars were out. or driving at midnight, just cruising the highway while talking about everything to nothing, with my hand in yours and my heart at my throat. i thought about how falling asleep next to you was the purest form of love i’ve ever felt and how i wouldn’t mind doing it again. just thoughts of you clouding my head while i try to focus on the music notes and write scores but in the end, i ended up writing your name in this small cursive lettering with a heart at the end. imagine, three hours of thinking, just for that outcome.
writing to you like this right now feels like kissing you. that’s why i write. because i feel like kissing you all day. even if my writings are lame and unorganized. i have more words but i rather let them lay silently in my journals for when i need to pull them out again. for when i do feel like expressing how much i want to kiss you. funnily enough, recently, my journal has only been about you. it used to hold random thoughts. fleeting memories. heart fluttering moments from imaginations and daydreams of faceless people. but now, it’s all you. brimming with my emotions for you. just you.
i wrote this in order to get my head straight, so i can focus on the things i’m meant to be doing. but i’ve said too much. way more than my last letter— would i consider this a letter? perhaps, a love letter. i hope you wake up to this and don’t feel upset anymore. especially not upset with me.
too much love at the moment, your dumbyeol.
p.s: i was going to dedicate this song to you for the mixlr but i was too shy.
11:11 → pipsqueak, for whenever i get sad, i just want you to know it’s because it’s my fault. i think too much and i feel too much and my heart does hurt but it’s all worth it if i get to talk to you. i’ll climb mountains just to talk to you. no matter the conditions. it’s just a little ache, i’m a tough boy, i can handle anything. trust me. please. don’t ever leave me. it’ll hurt way more if you did. and i’m sorry for getting my feelings involved, what can i say, i have a weak heart. i’ll truly log out after this, i think we both need the space, huh. sorry for being too.. attached. anyways, take care of yourself when i’m away and get the rest you need. don’t forget to eat well and continue being the silly baby i know. i’ll see you soon. lots of love, your dumbyeol.
5:05 a.m: pipsqueak, i didn’t want to ruin our * happening at the dms and i was lazy to make a group or whatever so i asked seul to pass this to you. don’t miss me too much while i’m away today, but i know i already miss you lots. i mean, i can literally see you on the tl right now and i’m pouting cause all i want to do is talk to you at the moment. but, alas, i can’t. it’s okay, i’ll be back tomorrow, or so i think. take good care of yourself for me and hope you’re having the best time catching up to my tc. eat well and rest lots. don’t forget to eat strawberries and have fun without me. i miss you.
i owe you a better letter, one where only you get to read it.
i’m on the plane already, probably a few thousand feet above ground. or whatever. even though we saw each other a few hours ago, i still can’t help but miss you a lot. as if i haven’t seen you in decades, centuries, etc. my heart is just so used to you already, it can’t handle the distance anymore. i miss you when you’re asleep. i miss you when i’m asleep. i miss you.
to think, i’ve been on planes for about three times in a time span of two months and i still forget to bring a pen, to you know, fill out the forms for immigration and stuff. but you know what i never forget? my love for you. i think about how much i love you constantly. like, my heart beats faster every time you linger through my mind. my heart feels like it’s bursting with ecstasy. and whenever i upset you, it doesn’t break, because it knows better. instead, my palms ache. i’ve told you this before, i think, a few letters ago. instead of feeling like my heart is crushed into two, my palms ache and sometimes the aches travel to my neck and chest. it’s weird, but i think my heart is stronger than to break like that. i’m sure it only breaks when something is unfixable, or something. i’m blabbering, sorry.
i stare at the bathroom sign and laugh for a bit since i can’t help but remember how you wanted to have airplane bathroom sex. i’m clearly very not opposed to the idea. i get shy, sure, but hey, what’s life without a bit of adrenaline, right? we’ll have to do that some day. yeah, if anything, i want to do a lot of things with you one day. sad how you landed such an under-experienced boyfriend who gets shy easily. but i like you. i love you. and i trust you. so, whatever you want to do, it’s an okay to me. except for... scat, i guess.
i fell asleep just now, two hours of sleep. that should be sufficient, right? the only thing i missed was lunch. meh, i didn’t feel like eating anyways. airplane food suck, i hate it. there’s like... zero flavor. it’s so bland, what the hell. so, if you know i’m on an airplane, it automatically means i’m not eating on that flight. but don’t worry! i usually bring along bread with me, so i’ll be eating that instead.
hey, since i slept for a moment, it means we slept at the same time! did you dream of me? i didn’t dream of you, why did this sound insulting? i wish i had. instead, i dreamt of being in a library, it was so quiet and calm. my peace on earth would be somewhere quiet, but ever since i met you, it would be somewhere quiet w i t h you. anyways, the library was big and i had all my favorite books right in front of me. i loved it. the dream is pretty much a blur at this point. i wish you were there. and if you were there, who knows what we would have done. get kicked out of the library probably.
that reminds me, the flight is boring. i’ve watched every single interesting movie and show and the music section doesn’t have exo so what’s the point! i know i have my phone but... it’s not the same somehow. at boring times like this, i wonder about how it’ll feel like if i was talking to you. like on the plane, you know. maybe if we were flying off for our honeymoon. we’d probably be too loud and annoy the other passengers. on usual occasions, i would have probably apologized and stop talking and perhaps go to sleep. but with you, i think i wouldn’t give a shit and continue admiring your face and listen to the sweet music that is your voice. oh, that would be heaven. you are my heaven. in a sinful way. now that i think about, you know the moment the lights just dim for a time to let the passengers sleep? and you know how first class has crazy ass space where they can lie down and it’s just really spacious. it’s that dim and i can imagine us in the same seat and you’re riding me and my hands are just all over you and our lips are coated with each other’s saliva and having trouble keeping our sounds down but there’s that faint skin slapping sounds and holy fuck, i’m hard.
now this wouldn’t be a love letter without me actually proclaiming my love for you, so here it goes. i love you. i love you like the stars who accompany the moon, or like the sun who radiates its energy to the moon. my heart belongs to you. it’s as much as a part of you as it is a part of me. you make me thankful that the world goes round and i have this wonderful, precious, fireworks kind of person in my arms. i know i have my flaws. these flaws make me a bad person and hell, i’m trying to be better. i want to be better. for myself and for you. i’ll make mistakes often along this relationship of ours, because i’m stupid and clueless half the time and i’m so bad at relationships since i’ve only had flings and perhaps one other relationship but that didn’t last long. i want this one to last long. because oh my god, i’m so in love with you. so so so so in love. i’m going to marry you one day.
this is turning longer than i intended to so i’ll probably stop here. i hope you’re sleeping well and i hope those seasonal migraines could stop messing with my baby’s head.
love, flying dumbyeol. (sorry, i was playing dumbo in the background and thought ahah! flying dumbo sounds like flying dumbyeol, which i am, currently doing. flying.)
p.s: i owe you a date and sex, which you are definitely getting.
